l_lee88 Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 Inlove with him, is it wrong? Hi, I would really appreciate the advice, Im so lost right now, Im a 19 year old female who is deeply in love with her cousin (who is 23 years old) and has been for many years. We were brought up together as kids and our families are very close. I had always had a crush on him as a child but as I grew older my feelings grew stronger, and I’m finding it difficult to keep it a secret now. I have tried so hard to get him out of my head but im am not getting anywhere, I compare everyone to him, which isn’t going to be good for me in future relationships, if I am unable to commit fully. Recently I met his new girlfriend, and tried my best to make her feel welcome and made an effort to talk to her, as much as I felt like crying, I was devastated when I found out. When me and my cousin were left to talk to each other alone, we got into a discussion about cousins having an intimate relationship, and he said that he thought it was acceptable, and he would have a relationship with his cousin, he only has 3 female cousins. At first I was delighted that he didn’t see a problem with cousin relationships, then I thought that if he didn’t think it was a big deal, he would have asked me out already if he had any feelings for me. We talked about his relationship with his girlfriend, and he said that, they were not serious, and she was more interested in him than he was in her, However our family are under the impression that it is serious. Why is he telling me different? The following week I went to a fortune teller and she brought my cousin up without me mentioning him, she told me that he had feelings for me aswell and I would get an opportunity to be with him, if I stopped backing away. Sometimes I catch him, at the corner of my eye staring at me (my fortune teller said, “he smiles with his eyes“), and whenever we have a family function he is always spends his time with me. Even when his girlfriend was with him, he still left her to be with me. I dont know what to do. I could tell him and risk our relationship as it is, or i could leave it and risk never knowing if he feels the same? truth is, im terrified. Thank you Laura x
PeterJames Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 I saw a bunch of views, but no replies.. This can be a tough one. I wouldn't start off by using the word love, first of all. 'Love' can make or break things. 'Like', on the other hand, can be a bit less harmful. Let him know that you're developing feelings for him, and want to know how he feels. PeterJames
dropdeadlegs Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 I tried to access your link to another site but was "forbidden." I live in the US and it is generally frowned upon to have a sexual relationship with one's first cousin and is banned in about half of the 50 states. According to Wikipedia, it is not banned anywhere in Europe and is/was somewhat common in royal lines. You know better than I how socially acceptable it is in Scotland. Do you think your families would be supportive or disapprove? I have a third cousin that very plainly fancied me when we were younger, and although I almost never see him due to distance, my parents have said that he always asks about me when they see him. As for revealing your feelings to your cousin, I really don't know what to say. I suppose it isn't much different from doing so with any long time family friend you grew up with. There are risks of being uncomfortable around one another in the future, or you find out he has long had the same feelings about you. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I don't place much stock in fortune tellers in general, but I do think some people have a sixth sense or have honed some kind of paranormal skills. It was interesting that she brought this up. Maybe she has the gift. I'm sorry I haven't been much help.
Author l_lee88 Posted July 6, 2007 Author Posted July 6, 2007 Its perfectly normal to have a relationship with your cousin over here, i know many people can be very judgmental and ignorant, but if u love someone should it really matter what other people think?? My friends who i trust with this secret have told me, that i should take the risk if i think hes worth it, and i definetley do think he is, but its easier said than done. My family may be shocked at first but i think that they would support us 100% if we did get together, as they're really supportive. Also my uncle married his cousin and went on to have healthy children, its isn't as risky to have children as people think. He's a decent guy so a don't think he would be nasty about it. its only one incident that ive posted about there are soo many that make me think he could like me back. As for the fortune teller, i walked in the door and her exact words were, " whats the big problem, ive done readings for many of couples that are cousins," i was totally schocked, she mentioned many things that no one knew about. she even told me about his girlfriend and how she will cause some trouble, and so far she has. thanks for the replies laura x
dropdeadlegs Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Laura, With everything you've posted I think I would go for it. I won't leave this life wondering "what if...?" myself, so I cannot encourage you to do so. I'm glad your family would be supportive, even if surprised at first. I don't think reproduction among first cousins is very risky either. Unless there is a dominant gene for a serious illness or birth defect, I haven't seen much evidence that the risk is much higher than with any other person as most do not undergo genetic testing before conceiving anyway. You read stories (unfortunately) of fathers and daughters that bear completely normal babies. I hope you will post the outcome if you do proceed to reveal your feelings. I am interested to see if the fortune teller is spot on in her predictions. there are many fakes, but as I stated before, I do believe that a few select people are for real and have a gift. Good luck to, my dear!
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