BF ex wife's influence over him

[candy]

and annabelle, sorry, but you are onyl seeing thigns as a divorced wife....hard for you to be neutral! i have PLENTY of female friends who are divorced, their ex's are great men who pay child support as my BF has from DAY ONE, but they have the every other week-end deal...and their fine with it, never make excessive demands of their ex's. that is why there are divorce lawyers and agreements to make sure one side is not unfairly taken advantage of. and let me repeat, HIS EX HAD NOTHIGN SPECIAL TO DO THAT WEEKEND . nor did my BF want to see his kids particualry that week-end. his ex just goes very by the book, its your turn so you take the kids....which is fine if she wants to be a hard ass,, but it was not his turn, he does not see them every week-end, and if he wanted to he should have put that in the orignial divorce agreemeent, and he doesn't want to.. she's not a horrible mother, his kids aren't in a bad place when they are with her..shes just controlling and sad. and couples who are togherer or women who have their kids every week-end, try babysitters! my parents used them....

[Kwo-ne'-she]

I have been there and done that, being married to a man who's ex used to call us on Friday night (not our weekend) and DEMAND he come get the kids. Usually because she had made plans. On the one hand, it could get frustrating, as we might have made plans ourselves, not expecting the kids to be there.

 

HOWEVER, when you become involved, or marry, a man with children, that is part of the deal. (if he is a decent guy and not a jerk who deserted his children) Being a parent, even a noncustodial one, is a 24/7 job. You never know when something will come up, and you have to be there for your child. What if, God forbid, the mother became incapacitated or died? Your bf would likely be facing full custody....is that something you are prepared to deal with? If it isn't, as others have said, maybe it would be better if you end the R now, and find someone without kids.

 

I married at 17, became a stepmom to a 3 and 5 yr old. It can be a rewarding expirence if you are in the right mindset for that. If not, it can be pure hell for you and your partner. Not to mention the kids who would feel the resentment.

 

If it is bothering you this much, think how much harder it could become if he suddenly found himself with full custody. Are you willing to stand by your man and love his kids as your own?

[candy]

boy, a step mom to 2 at a7! wow..i actually have thought about if soemthing happened to the mom..i don't know what I woudl do, that is a big issue for me. i am not planning on having children of my own, so kids aren't a big priority for me. at my age (late 30's) hard to find someone w/out kids or someone who doesn't want them. so the fact that i found someone i love and loves me and doesnt want more kids is half the battle..i just try to take things one day at a time and I must say his ex hasn't been a big thorn in our sides, she has her own life. that being said, then why isn't HE allowed one??

[annabelle75]

and annabelle, sorry, but you are onyl seeing thigns as a divorced wife....hard for you to be neutral! i have PLENTY of female friends who are divorced, their ex's are great men who pay child support as my BF has from DAY ONE, but they have the every other week-end deal...and their fine with it, never make excessive demands of their ex's. that is why there are divorce lawyers and agreements to make sure one side is not unfairly taken advantage of. and let me repeat, HIS EX HAD NOTHIGN SPECIAL TO DO THAT WEEKEND . nor did my BF want to see his kids particualry that week-end. his ex just goes very by the book, its your turn so you take the kids....which is fine if she wants to be a hard ass,, but it was not his turn, he does not see them every week-end, and if he wanted to he should have put that in the orignial divorce agreemeent, and he doesn't want to.. she's not a horrible mother, his kids aren't in a bad place when they are with her..shes just controlling and sad. and couples who are togherer or women who have their kids every week-end, try babysitters! my parents used them....

 

First off, no that isn't my only point of view. As a single mom I have also dated plenty of single fathers and have no problem with their children being their first priority. If it measn we don't get all the "alone time" I would like then thats just too bad. That's one of the pitfalls of being a parent.

 

If you go back and read what you have psoted can't you see how it sounds? You say things like "not his turn" and "being taken advantge of". Sorry but once you have kids you are a parent all day/every day no matter what. You really don't get it. You can't see past what you want to see what is right for him and his children.

 

The bottom line is that he doesn't see this as a problem. Therefore the situation is not going to change. No matter how often you complain about it here and try to get people to agree with you, it won't change. So ..... as countless people have told you here before, if you can't handle it, you need to leave.

[Kwo-ne'-she]

boy, a step mom to 2 at a7! wow..i actually have thought about if soemthing happened to the mom..i don't know what I woudl do, that is a big issue for me. i am not planning on having children of my own, so kids aren't a big priority for me. at my age (late 30's) hard to find someone w/out kids or someone who doesn't want them. so the fact that i found someone i love and loves me and doesnt want more kids is half the battle..i just try to take things one day at a time and I must say his ex hasn't been a big thorn in our sides, she has her own life. that being said, then why isn't HE allowed one??

 

I kind of see where you are coming from....when you say men either have kids or want them. At 36, divorced, I sort of thought any man I met would at the very least, have OLDER children. I raised my step sons and my own. I thought/hoped I was past that. Life doesn't work out as we plan. My bf now has a 20 yr old, 18 yr old, (both out of the house), but is raising a 15 and 10 yr old, he has full custody. So, it seems I am back to the issue of a man with youngish kids to raise. I love him, and have grown to love them. It's worth it to me. Maybe it wouldn't be for you. Only you can answer that.

 

As for, "why isn't HE allowed a life?" Well, because he has kids that he apparently loves and refuses to turn his back on. Not having children of your own, that is hard for you to understand, the connection, love and sense of responsibility one feels for their flesh and blood. And it's not something that goes away.

 

My "baby" is 20, but called the other night, upset, and I rushed to his side. It's what parents do.

[annabelle75]

boy, a step mom to 2 at a7! wow..i actually have thought about if soemthing happened to the mom..i don't know what I woudl do, that is a big issue for me. i am not planning on having children of my own, so kids aren't a big priority for me. at my age (late 30's) hard to find someone w/out kids or someone who doesn't want them. so the fact that i found someone i love and loves me and doesnt want more kids is half the battle..i just try to take things one day at a time and I must say his ex hasn't been a big thorn in our sides, she has her own life. that being said, then why isn't HE allowed one??

 

Go back and read what you just sadi and maybe you'll understand why people here don't give you much sympathy. Doesn't the EX have primary custody? Doesn't she spend more time taking care of his kids than he does? Some how you perceive her as having a life but if your bf has to have his kids on a non-court appointed weekend he is being unfairly taken advantage of and being robbed of "the life" you feel he deserves"? Can you see how that makes no sense at all?

[candy]

actually, he DOES see it as a problem--he wasn't thrilled, believe me. but for some reason he is powerless to say no to her. that is the real problem. his kids come first, great, i get it, my elderly parent comes first for me. that being said, I make time for my dad and time for my B/F and quite frankly my dad has no one else if I'm not around, while my B/F's kids have a mom and step dad and are just fine and well taken care of. so telling his ex "its not my week-end with the kids", show her the calender, maybe she was mistaken, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt, and just needed to be corrected. and when we were with his kids last Sat. and they called their mom they asked her what she was doing and she was sitting around the house..puhleeze! i am far from a task master, far from not being understanding. but if my BF wants his kids every week-end or full custody then he needs to take that up with his ex and his lawyer..otehrwise, make time for your GF, i don't care if its on the week-ends or weeknights or whatever. i am easy to be with, i just ask for my fair share. if no one can get that then i suppose this isn't the site for me....

[nicki]

Candy, I KNOW exactly how you feel! I am divorced, with children, and have dated a guy who couldn't say no to his ex....It's very frustrating. It's not really about the kids at all, is it? It's that he won't stand up to his ex.

 

Add the fact that you don't get to spend a lot of time with him, and you understandably feel like a low priority to him. He DOES need to make you come before his ex, or he doesn't need to be in a relationship. As for his kids, I think you do know that they come first, and that you just want a bit of alone time with him.

 

The guy I dated had an ex who would constantly decide that "it wasn't her weekend." Of course, he couldn't do the same, not even for a business trip. It was defintely a power trip on the ex's part. Same as your boyfriend's ex.

 

Don't you think that the ex is trying to undermine your couple time? I'll bet she does. That's why you can't let her know that it bothers you. Be very excited to have time with the children. Make it fun for them. Tell your boyfriend that you are "thrilled" to spend time with them. (And I'm sure you are, too.)

 

Doing this will drive the ex crazy. The last thing she wants is her kids adoring you! Perhaps she will start honoring her weekend time with them. Either way, you win. Getting close to the kids does need to be a priority for you.

 

BUT, do tell your boyfriend that you also need alone time together, too. Can you two schedule more dates for during the week? He needs to do that to show that he is trying, too.

 

Discuss the fact that you notice he doesn't stand up to his ex. Don't make it about the kids. Make it about him treating her like an ex wife and keeping things fair. I'll bet that you just want him to stop being a doormat to someone who treats him like crap. No one wants to be with a guy who is like that.

 

Anyone with a brain knows that the kids come first, and that a woman will always have to deal with an ex wife concerning the children's well-being. This situation is not about that.

 

It's about a guy having the time and energy to devote to a girlfriend, and making her a priority over the EX, not the kids. And a guy needs to stand up to the ex and let her know that his new woman is his priority, not the ex. He needs to show that his girlfriend's feelings come before the ex-wife's.

 

I'll never forget the time my boyfriend's ex wife dropped his kids off on a night he and I had together. We were supposed to go to a party that night. I was furious at her because I knew she knew she what she was doing. She simply told him that she had a chance to go out and was going to go.

 

But, I also understood that the real victims were the children. I didn't want to do anything to make them feel unwelcome. I wanted them to feel welcome anytime, so I made that night very fun for them. Later, I asked my boyfriend to take me out to dinner another night for some alone time.

 

Funny thing is, the kids started WANTING to come over and see me. It drove the ex crazy! And I grew to love those kids so very much.

[nicki]

I'll add another example. Once my boyfriend and I were to attend a function with his children. This was two years after his separation, so plenty of time had elapsed where I didn't attend functions so I could be sensitive to his childrens' feelings about the separation..

 

But, his ex wife angrily demanded that I not be there. She said that is wasn't good for the children's emotional health (which was a load of crap). In fact, she thought that SHE should attend instead of me.

 

He actually told me that I couldn't go. And I broke up with him, because he put the ex wife's feelings first. She didn't want me to be his public girlfriend. It hurt her and she demanded that I not go. BUT, the fact was that he had a girlfriend and should be public about it. He should have told her to go mind her own business and then taken me. But he wimped out.

 

Now, this was a family event on his side of the family, not a school or event for the children where their parents would normally attend. (I never went to any event like that because I wanted the kids to have both their parents there without any added drama from me.)

 

So, I didn't attend this event where I clearly should have been by his side. Later, we had a long talk about he let his ex wife manipulate and control him. And how it was more about him not saying no when he should. I told him that she would continue to disrespect him for as long as he let her.

 

I got back together with him. And he learned better how to discern issues with the children from issues with his ex.

 

Thought this might help. It can be very confusing, when actually it should be very simple! good luck.

[InLimbo2]

Fair? He gets to see his kids 4 days a month - and it's unfair to YOU if he sees them more? Um - what do you think married people who have kids do for adult time? private time? social time? His ex has his children 26 days a month! Don't you think she needs adult time? private time? social time?

 

 

kymberann, thansk for understanding. this has nothign to do with previous problems with the BF. i do spend time with him and his kids, as a matter of fact we spent all day Sat. together last week-end, had a blast....this is about his ex being manipulative and using the kids to make him feel guilty for not living there, when the divorce was her idea! ahd she moved away, not him..he does his best. and this has nothign to do with her having plans that week-end, i could get that, we've swithced week-ends beofre when we had important plans. what this is is FAIRNESS, of him taking turns seeing his kids every other week-end as per the divorce agreement, and we all spend time togehter, but we need 'adult time" which is precious to me, just being with him, having intimate relations, seeing other couples, etc. etc. those of you who think i'm being a bitch for wanting my fair time with my BF, sorry you don't get it....there must be boundaries in ALL aspects of life or all is lost...and kmyberann, hope things work out for you too!

[InLimbo2]

-you act like i expect his kids to sit in the streets if he doesnt take his kids.-

 

no - they have TWO parents - he's not the babysitter, he's their father.

 

- i mean, 4 out of 5 last week-ends my BF had his kids, but that's ok, right?

 

I had my oldest every weekend - and every day - from June 2002 until she moved out in late 2006. I've had my youngest every weekend - and every day - from January 2005 until now - and will until he's 18 (4.5 more years). His ex has their children 20 week days a month - plus 2 weekends. And that's ok right? Because that doesn't interfere in your social life - only hers.

 

-if he cannot perhaps it is time to move on. i hope none of you haters ever find yourself in a similar situation, i would love to see your perception change....good luck to you all! i'm done with this site....-

 

Been on both sides of it - single mom - and dating single dads - and every single time - no matter what - the kids come first. That's part of being a parent, and the kids birthright when you create them.

[InLimbo2]

-that is why there are divorce lawyers and agreements to make sure one side is not unfairly taken advantage of.-

 

You are right - they are there to be sure one side is not taken advantage of - the non-custodial parent - it puts in writing - with the force of law the MINIMUM that the non-custodial parent gets to see their children as it was a huge problem that the custodial parent would deny visits. No judge would ever look at an agreement of every other weekend and forbid extra visitation because it wasn't in the agreement. It's in there as a MINIMUM.

[candy]

I really am done with this site as I am sick of everyone's negativity and cocksuredness....but I just wanted to touch on 2 people's comments;

 

(1) InLimbo2, just to make it clear, my BF doesnt just spend 4 days a month with his kids....he sees them EVERY FRIDAY, come rain or shine, driving an hour each way to pick them up from school and take them home that night. In 3 years of dating we've gone out 1 Friday just the 2 of us.....and when he has them fro the week-end, he picks them up friday and drops them off at school Monday, or if its a holiday week-end that the ex conveniently always doesn't ever ever have them for, it's Tuesday. Plus she moved an hour away, not him, or else he'd see them more but how much can the man drive? He sees them more than any divorced dad I know, my divorced female frinds would KILL for an arrangmeent like that.

 

(2) Thanks thanks thanks Nicki for understanding and your terrific examples! YOur BF and his ex sounded a little worse than mine, tho, I don't think he woudl keep me from parties or such, I woudl like to at some point go to a school thing of his kids, but really don't want to run into his ex at this point as I'm afraid of something I might say...

I neevr thought his ex cared about us, as she is in a relationship , lives and has a child with a new guy, she wanted the divorce, so tho she knows about us by now i'm sure she sort of didnt mind if my BF needed to switch week-ends occasionally for work or what-not. But it DOES seem to me she's trying to undermine us, for whatever reasons....whenever she does soemthing nice like letting him switch week-ends it seems she makes him pay later on. I do try to be nice in front of his kids, they seem to like me and I wouldnt be surprised if they would prefer to live with us rather than the craziness at their mom's house. She should be happy he has a nice GF like me for her kids sake.

I would love to see him more during the week,but he has so many things with work and others, its very very hard, which is what makes our week-ends together so precious to me, and I would hope him. But I iwlll keep plugging away, he knows how I feel now and hopefully things will change a little, some boiundaries woudl be nice, or else it realyl may be time to move on. Good luck to you, too, Nicki!!

[candy]

Just re-reading what you said, Nicki, you are SO RIGHT about it being her power trip--I think this was a test to see if he stands up for himself and when he didn't she knew she 'won" and will keep trying it again. all he had to do was show her a calender and say it wasnt' his week-end and that would have been that. I will try to get closer to his kids, tho, for his sake, their sake, and to stick it to his ex a little!!

[annabelle75]

I really am done with this site as I am sick of everyone's negativity and cocksuredness....but I just wanted to touch on 2 people's comments;

 

(1) InLimbo2, just to make it clear, my BF doesnt just spend 4 days a month with his kids....he sees them EVERY FRIDAY, come rain or shine, driving an hour each way to pick them up from school and take them home that night. In 3 years of dating we've gone out 1 Friday just the 2 of us.....and when he has them fro the week-end, he picks them up friday and drops them off at school Monday, or if its a holiday week-end that the ex conveniently always doesn't ever ever have them for, it's Tuesday. Plus she moved an hour away, not him, or else he'd see them more but how much can the man drive? He sees them more than any divorced dad I know, my divorced female frinds would KILL for an arrangmeent like that.

 

WOW ! Every Friday? You should have said that sooner. We had no idea how put upon you were.

 

And ..... good bye.

[Lezbean]

Oh brother ~~rolls eyes~~~

 

We have my FH boys every Thursday and FRIDAY and every other weekend.

 

I look forward to our family Friday nights. We always have a good time.

 

Candy, you are the most immature, selfish grownup I have ever seen. Get over yourself.

 

It's what you make of it and it looks like you like to make everyone miserable.

 

BYE!

[InLimbo2]

well WOW - let's see 2 saturdays and 2 sundays is 4 days. add in 1/2 day Friday and 1/2 day Monday 2 weekends a month - even tho they aren't really half days if he picks them up after work and drops them at school - but we'll run with it - so that's another 2 days - we're up to 6 days a month. Add in Fridays that aren't his weekend - that's another 1/2 day x 2 - so we're up to 7 days a month. WOW -you are sooo deprived girl - he has 23 days a month to devote to himself and you - and his children get a whole 7? damn, that's a whole week - the spoiled little brats! (sarcasm font off)

 

I haven't had a Friday off all to myself since 2002!

 

We aren't 'cocksure' (marked by excessive confidence) - we've walked the walk - we're single parents - and have dated single parents - we know what we are talking about.

 

 

 

 

I really am done with this site as I am sick of everyone's negativity and cocksuredness....but I just wanted to touch on 2 people's comments;

 

(1) InLimbo2, just to make it clear, my BF doesnt just spend 4 days a month with his kids....he sees them EVERY FRIDAY, come rain or shine, driving an hour each way to pick them up from school and take them home that night. In 3 years of dating we've gone out 1 Friday just the 2 of us.....and when he has them fro the week-end, he picks them up friday and drops them off at school Monday, or if its a holiday week-end that the ex conveniently always doesn't ever ever have them for, it's Tuesday. Plus she moved an hour away, not him, or else he'd see them more but how much can the man drive? He sees them more than any divorced dad I know, my divorced female frinds would KILL for an arrangmeent like that.

 

(2) Thanks thanks thanks Nicki for understanding and your terrific examples! YOur BF and his ex sounded a little worse than mine, tho, I don't think he woudl keep me from parties or such, I woudl like to at some point go to a school thing of his kids, but really don't want to run into his ex at this point as I'm afraid of something I might say...

I neevr thought his ex cared about us, as she is in a relationship , lives and has a child with a new guy, she wanted the divorce, so tho she knows about us by now i'm sure she sort of didnt mind if my BF needed to switch week-ends occasionally for work or what-not. But it DOES seem to me she's trying to undermine us, for whatever reasons....whenever she does soemthing nice like letting him switch week-ends it seems she makes him pay later on. I do try to be nice in front of his kids, they seem to like me and I wouldnt be surprised if they would prefer to live with us rather than the craziness at their mom's house. She should be happy he has a nice GF like me for her kids sake.

I would love to see him more during the week,but he has so many things with work and others, its very very hard, which is what makes our week-ends together so precious to me, and I would hope him. But I iwlll keep plugging away, he knows how I feel now and hopefully things will change a little, some boiundaries woudl be nice, or else it realyl may be time to move on. Good luck to you, too, Nicki!!

[InLimbo2]

-I will try to get closer to his kids, tho, for his sake, their sake, and to stick it to his ex a little!!-

 

This is exactly why you need to leave this man - and particularly his children - alone. This is sick and twisted. How about you want to get closer to them because they are his flesh and blood and that makes them part of your lives as a couple? How about you want to get closer to them because they are such awesome and cool little people? How about you want to get closer to them because you might be able to bring something unique and special and extra to their lives? That's what good, mature, mentally stable, emotionally healthy step-parents (and quasi steps) do.

[reservoirdog1]

I'm going to limit my comments to one area, and not comment on Candy.

 

I don't think you're being totally unreasonable -- it sounds to me like your BF needs to stand up to his ex. She's basically using him as her dumping ground, her infallible backup when she can't (read: DOESN'T WANT TO) look after the kids, for whatever reason. That has to stop.

 

I'm a divorced father of two, and I love my kids dearly. I have them 2-3 days per week, every week. Regardless of what I may think of XW as a person, we seem to have worked out a pretty good arrangement with respect to the kids. If something comes up, she asks me if I can have the kids. If I can accommodate that, I do. But it's not automatic, and it doesn't mean I drop everything. They're children, they're not china dolls. Spending time with a sitter the occasional night isn't going to harm them. Fortunately I've never yet had reason to worry that the sitter was somebody dangerous or otherwise undesireable.

 

It's about boundaries. Early on in our split, when we were working out our custody schedule, XW asked if I'd come to her place one night per week (in addition to the times I had them with me) so that she could go to meetings and things like that. I said no -- I'm their father, not their babysitter. I told her I'd be happy to have them with me an extra day a week, which would thus give her the extra evening she wanted. She didn't want that so it never happened.

 

I also don't take shyt from her. I was fairly pussywhipped during the marriage, which (long story short) ended because she was a serial cheat. I immediately stopped being pussywhipped; in fact, I was pissed at her for a couple of years after we split due to her cheating. I had to LEARN to not take shyt from her, which helped my self-esteem immeasurably. If she gives me shyt, I give it right back. Fortunately it doesn't happen often. Your BF needs to learn to do the same. There's a big difference between having constructive discussions about the children's well-being, and him simply taking whatever shyt she dishes out without responding. He needs to grow a pair.

[InLimbo2]

Always good to hear what another person in the trenches has to say

 

Your situations aren't 'on point' - meaning exactly alike in facts - but let's run with it.

 

You sound like you have close to joint physical custody. This guy only has his kids limited time. And it sounds like he wants the extra time with his kids, because the only one complaining about it is his gf. Now - is he not saying no because he's a wimp or whipped? or because the ex is a total b*tch? Or because he misses his kids and gladly takes the extra time? We'll never know - we only hear the ticked off gf's story. Most of the non-custodial fathers I know crave extra time with their kids - regardless of the circumstances of how they get it. Maybe he's willing to put up with the alleged 'power shift' and the peace with the custodial mother if he's trading it for more time with the kids. Evidently he's not overly bothered by it or he'd change it, only Candy is bent about it.

 

Let me ask you this hypothetical. You and your ex have a system worked out - and it's working - for you, for her, for the kids. No matter what that agreement is - maybe it's that you have 'first right of refusal' if she can't take care of the kids, maybe she does 'dump' them on you, but you do it for your own reasons. And then you meet a girl and get involved. And then the girl tells you that you having the kids that much isn't workin for her, that it cuts into HER time with you, and tells you that you need to not take the kids so much. Don't take anything into consideration except that a woman you are dating - not living with - not married to - is trying to dictate the level of involvement you have in your children's lives. If you give in to her dictating how and when you parent, isn't she the one with the power and isn't she p*ssywhipping you in her own way?

 

 

I'm going to limit my comments to one area, and not comment on Candy.

 

I don't think you're being totally unreasonable -- it sounds to me like your BF needs to stand up to his ex. She's basically using him as her dumping ground, her infallible backup when she can't (read: DOESN'T WANT TO) look after the kids, for whatever reason. That has to stop.

 

I'm a divorced father of two, and I love my kids dearly. I have them 2-3 days per week, every week. Regardless of what I may think of XW as a person, we seem to have worked out a pretty good arrangement with respect to the kids. If something comes up, she asks me if I can have the kids. If I can accommodate that, I do. But it's not automatic, and it doesn't mean I drop everything. They're children, they're not china dolls. Spending time with a sitter the occasional night isn't going to harm them. Fortunately I've never yet had reason to worry that the sitter was somebody dangerous or otherwise undesireable.

 

It's about boundaries. Early on in our split, when we were working out our custody schedule, XW asked if I'd come to her place one night per week (in addition to the times I had them with me) so that she could go to meetings and things like that. I said no -- I'm their father, not their babysitter. I told her I'd be happy to have them with me an extra day a week, which would thus give her the extra evening she wanted. She didn't want that so it never happened.

 

I also don't take shyt from her. I was fairly pussywhipped during the marriage, which (long story short) ended because she was a serial cheat. I immediately stopped being pussywhipped; in fact, I was pissed at her for a couple of years after we split due to her cheating. I had to LEARN to not take shyt from her, which helped my self-esteem immeasurably. If she gives me shyt, I give it right back. Fortunately it doesn't happen often. Your BF needs to learn to do the same. There's a big difference between having constructive discussions about the children's well-being, and him simply taking whatever shyt she dishes out without responding. He needs to grow a pair.

[candy]

my last post on this site--

to reservoirdog1--thanks, as a divorced dad, seeing things a little clearly. my BF was like you, very whipped in his marriage, he even says so. he does need a to develop a pair at times, you are right. its not that he doesnt want the extra time with his kids, i'm all for that, but she's the one who chose to live far away from him, he always picks them up and drops them off while his car is falling apart from the wear and tear. he also works long hours to pay for her precious child support and works for himslef as a podiatrist so he can't drop everything on a random tuesday night and drive 1 and a half hours out of his way to see them/. and for sure, when his ex doesnt feel like taking care of them cause she doesnt feel like it he can't drop his life for her. if his kids said 'dad we miss you can we come over" great that woudl be sweet..but its not them, its her wanting her free time with her new man and baby with him. men can't have anyone dictating things for them, not an ex wife, not a GF , not a boss....shows some guts! !he needs boundaries and i am glad to see men like you standing up to your ex, it gives me hope!! and how right are you a babysitter occasionally won't kill them!

 

to the divorced women bitching to me wahwahwah you all wanted custody so you could get your money and no one forced the kids on you, so if you don't get to go out as much as you'd like thats the breaks.you can't have child support AND endless freedom! try a baby-sitter sometime...

[InLimbo2]

so much for your LAST "this is my last post"

 

hate to tell ya, but I never wanted full custody, and child support had nothing to do with getting full custody. we had 50/50 custody for 5 years and it worked very well. well - until he got a gf (now wife) that was a lot like you - things hadda be her way - he paid too much child support -he had the kids too much- he wasn't in control - he didn't 'have a set' etc etc. The end result? the court - not me - the court officers - decided he'd gotten so bad they cut off all contact between him and the oldest - and then the court supported when the youngest refused to go back to his house. The court issued an order that he is not allowed to have the kids at his home or around his wife (cuz she's a nutcase that didn't have their best interests at heart) and he was following her lead. THat was in 2002. End result? he lost both his kids because he chose his then gf over his kids. Wasn't me that said that - was a state appointed custody evaluator that looked him in the eye and said that. I have my kids full time not because I 'wanted my child support' - but because I gave birth to them and love them.

 

today they are almost 19 and almost 14. The almost 19yo has little to do with him - she sees him on her terms -and never at his home. The almost 14 lives with me full time, and occasionally tries seeing him - but he acts like a jerk and then our boy cuts him out again. With the blessing of his psychologist.

 

Soo - contrary to your stereotype, not all ex-wives are satan only interested in themselves and child support. Tho you sure seem to fit the stereotype of the pushy demanding second wife wannabe.

 

 

my last post on this site--

to reservoirdog1--thanks, as a divorced dad, seeing things a little clearly. my BF was like you, very whipped in his marriage, he even says so. he does need a to develop a pair at times, you are right. its not that he doesnt want the extra time with his kids, i'm all for that, but she's the one who chose to live far away from him, he always picks them up and drops them off while his car is falling apart from the wear and tear. he also works long hours to pay for her precious child support and works for himslef as a podiatrist so he can't drop everything on a random tuesday night and drive 1 and a half hours out of his way to see them/. and for sure, when his ex doesnt feel like taking care of them cause she doesnt feel like it he can't drop his life for her. if his kids said 'dad we miss you can we come over" great that woudl be sweet..but its not them, its her wanting her free time with her new man and baby with him. men can't have anyone dictating things for them, not an ex wife, not a GF , not a boss....shows some guts! !he needs boundaries and i am glad to see men like you standing up to your ex, it gives me hope!! and how right are you a babysitter occasionally won't kill them!

 

to the divorced women bitching to me wahwahwah you all wanted custody so you could get your money and no one forced the kids on you, so if you don't get to go out as much as you'd like thats the breaks.you can't have child support AND endless freedom! try a baby-sitter sometime...

[Ruby]

Candy you are vile!

 

I feel sorry for anyone remotely involved with you!

[annabelle75]

to the divorced women bitching to me wahwahwah you all wanted custody so you could get your money and no one forced the kids on you, so if you don't get to go out as much as you'd like thats the breaks.you can't have child support AND endless freedom! try a baby-sitter sometime...

 

How many times are you going to make your last post?

 

And ..... once again you just don't get it. Its all about the time and the money for you. I'd bet if we got to talk to your bf he wouldn't think driving a "whole hour" to be with his kids was that big of a deal. In fact I suspect he doesn't really mind it becasue he sounds like a good dad. And I am sure the only reason he might express displeasure when he is asked to have them for an extra weekend is because he knows how you will react. I'm sure he has no problem spending more times with his kids.

 

Sorry to ruin your stereotype but I do not recieve child support. I have 50/50 custody of my daughter. We switch off every week on Sunday. You really have no idea what you are talking about. Its about the kids, not you.