Jasmine8719 Posted July 11, 2007 Posted July 11, 2007 Im really sorry...but blamming your self and saying that your life is over doesnt help....Get a job move out get your own life and dont look back...he's obviously not worth your time of day...you staying with him is telling him that its okay and its not...leave...if your really worried about having children adopt or there other ways...your life isn't over be a strong women and you'll make it! -Jasmine
Melissa277 Posted July 11, 2007 Posted July 11, 2007 Yes, it is ABSOLUTELY necessary that the WS take responsibility for the problems and take steps to fix the issues that led to the A. No, it makes no sense to stay with a WS who acts and talks like everything is okay and that they don't have to do anything to change. My H knows that he needs to reassure me. He knows that I still doubt and question. He said that his pain should not take precedence over mine. I reminded him that his pain was what caused his behavior that led to mine in the first place, therefore, by addressing and dealing with his pain we were getting at the root of the issue. Only by communicating fully and completely with each other can we create a healthy relationship and begin to rebuild our marriage. You know Lynna, the light bulb just when on when I read your post. I think this is my problem. Even though H has accepted responsibility for A, he still refuses to acknowledge or even discuss that there were ever any problems in our marriage. He insists that I can and should trust him and that he will never do it again. He apparently doesn't feel the need to reassure me either, because he doesn't. He doesn't want to talk about A at all ... to him it's like it was just an unfortunate blip on our "marriage screen." He says we don't need counseling because it was just a "God kill me please f*cking mistake." He doesn't think anything needs "fixing" and is just going along like nothing happened. He is ... but I'm not. I think that's why I haven't been able to forgive him. But enough about me and my messed up life. I sincerely hope your situation works out for you. You sound optimistic. I'll keep my fingers crossed that H stays true to his promises to you and that you stick to your guns and make sure he does! Hugs, Melissa
IfWishesWereHorses Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 He insists that I can and should trust him and that he will never do it again. I was asked for almost 2 years (4 years actually) to believe lies. When I finally confronted him in a lie that I had proof of and stated... I know this.... but you asked me to believe your lies... so that's what you want for me and from me... to believe your lies... that's what you're asking of me? You need me to be your doormat and accept and believe you lies even though YOU know and you know I know different?? That's what YOU need from me... he blanced... how exactly does one admit they are that ****ed up???? During the time we were in MC... he sat there and pretended everything was fine with him (he made the appointment). He ofcourse was still seeing his "mistake". His only request was that I trust him. This was MY experience anyway. Now again, he wants me to trust him, but I DON'T. Can't imagine ever TRUSTING him. I like my self too much. Just gotta find a way out of this infernal hell hole.
Melissa277 Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 He insists that I can and should trust him and that he will never do it again. I was asked for almost 2 years (4 years actually) to believe lies. When I finally confronted him in a lie that I had proof of and stated... I know this.... but you asked me to believe your lies... so that's what you want for me and from me... to believe your lies... that's what you're asking of me? You need me to be your doormat and accept and believe you lies even though YOU know and you know I know different?? That's what YOU need from me... he blanced... how exactly does one admit they are that ****ed up???? During the time we were in MC... he sat there and pretended everything was fine with him (he made the appointment). He ofcourse was still seeing his "mistake". His only request was that I trust him. This was MY experience anyway. Now again, he wants me to trust him, but I DON'T. Can't imagine ever TRUSTING him. I like my self too much. Just gotta find a way out of this infernal hell hole. Geez, thanks wishes. I really needed to hear that. I don't know how exactly one admits that they are f*cked up. But I do know this ... right now I wouldn't believe him if I was standing in a foot of water and he told me my feet were wet. And what gets me is if I question anything he does or says, HE gets mad. WTF? Tonight he agreed to go to MC, but asked what we needed counseling for? Um, hello???? Anybody home??? At all???? I know this infernal hell hole is getting really, really, hot and I'm starting to sweat. Melissa
child_of_isis Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 This is pretty much where I have been the last couple of years. That's why I can't allow him to come back. He'll suck me back in with his lies and the cycle will start all over again. Hang tough Ladies!! When you get away from the lies, your head becomes much clearer. But I do know this ... right now I wouldn't believe him if I was standing in a foot of water and he told me my feet were wet. And what gets me is if I question anything he does or says, HE gets mad. WTF?
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