pantheralum93 Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 Hi, I am new to this forum but have been reading a lot of good posts in there that have been very helpful. Here's my situation. Me and my girlfriend of 5 months broke up almost a month ago now. We started dating in January and things at first were fantastic despite there being some distance between us. We got together about once a week and in February and March we spent two wonderful weekends together...on the same weekend of eachother's birthday's. I fell in love with with her after our first weekend trip together. She expressed that she loved me too shortly thereafter. At the time of our first date she was living with her sister but this did not affect our relationship at all. I was supporttive of her situation even though she desperately wanted to get her own place so she could have some privacy. I encouraged her to be patient and good things will come. She had also expressed a desire to get a new job as her current job just wasn't presenting her the opportunities she had hoped for. Well anyway, in early April she and her daughter (18) moved into a 2 bedroom apartment. I probably should mention that her daughter found out she was pregnant right around Valentine's day. So, i can understand her wanting to get a place with her daughter and was very supportive of that as well. I had met the daughter in late March and felt it was the right thing for them to do. Now I probably should admit that I am not the best communicator and I struggle particularly in relationships with talking on the phone in particular. My guard defintely went up at times in our relationship not because of anything that was happening but just because I was afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing if you get my drift. Anyway, I went away for about a week in early April to visit my parents and when I came back i went up to see her and her new place. Things again seemed to be great I was really excited for her and her daughter. Anyway, we spent the next weekend or two together. Weekends tended to be the time we would spend together because I was off and she might be working but it worked out ok. Anyway there was 2-3 weeks between late April and early May where we didn't see eachtoher or talk much on the phone due to me having some things going on and her working. She started a new job in early May. I then went up to see her in mid May and on Memorial Day weekend. They were just overnight visits as she was working on Saturday Sunday type thing. Both times we again seemed to get along well but she got upset with me because apparently I had been making some comments about her work schedule that apparently were bothering her. I had no idea that this was having an affect on her and frankly I only said things like "gee seems like your working a lot and I won't get to see you much" I tried to talk with her and tell her that i was sorry and that we need to be able to talk about things when things are bothering her. She cried and said that this is her life right now and that she doesn't want to be with someone who doesn't support that. I told her that I did and that anything I said was said out of love for her. Looking back I probably could have handled things differently. Anyway, after memorial day weekend we talked a few times on the phone albeit briefly and exchanged text messages. Again I am not the best communicator on the phone and I don't think I ever really told her that and acknowledged that i wanted to work on it. Anyway in the beginning of June she replies to a text message telling me "I think I need to take a break". Long story short we talk on two occasions and she expresses her frustration with me on a couple of levels, seems distant, but receptive. Tells me I can call her and that she is not telling me to "Get Lost have a nice life..I just feel like we need to take a step back". During our second conversation though she mentions the fact that my not meeting her family and friends has bothered her. I told her that I'm sorry and that she is right and I should make an effort to meet them type thing. So she puts me on the spot to meet her family over the coming weekend. I tell her that yes absolutely I want to meet her family and that I really want to make the relationship work. Meanwhile I explain that I will only do so if she is commited to moving forward with the relationship. She claims she is not at one hundred percent type thing and is not going to pretend that she is. I said ok. Over the next day or two I try to confirm that she wants me to come up to meet her family via voicemail and text. She replies back that she feels bad about putting me on the spot to meet her family. I reply back that I really want to and that I'm trying really hard to make this work. She said again she wasn't at 100 percent type thing. So I reply back "well you know how to get a hold of me type thing. Next day she sends me a text message saying it's over and cites "that she has been feeling our personalities are just too different lately and that it's not going to work". I am sensing she didn't like my personality or something. I have been in NC ever since (except that I sent her two brief text messages early on). I respect her decision if that is what it is. I realize I made some mistakes in our relationship and that my communication at times was poor, but I was/am willing to work on that. Anyway, I have really been wanting to write her a letter and express to her how sorry I am for the mistakes I made but I'm worried it could go in vain and that I should just keep the NC thing going. My question is do you think she'll ever come back to me? I'm trying my best to move on, but I really do love and care for her. Do I call her and tell her this or just leave her alone...respect her wishes type thing. Sorry for the long post.
tinke Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 panther it seems that you had communicated quite clearly that you were interested in her, as well as the relationship. i have heard that sometimes people fall in love quickly (i have not), and i always wonder if it is infatuation...are they filling a void, even if temporary? don't know, i have never grown to LOVE anyone very quickly. do you feel things moved too quickly? try to understand that she has other situations on hand at the present. i feel it is good that you are honoring her decision and not contacting her, i know how tough that must be. my opinion is that i do not see what harm the letter (mailed, of course) would do. she can choose to respond or ignore it, but you must let her decide. at least she will know your feelings, and you will have the chance to reach out, or find closure. hang in there...brighter days are ahead!!!
Author pantheralum93 Posted July 5, 2007 Author Posted July 5, 2007 Thank, Tinke. Yes, looking back I do feel that things maybe did move a little fast. Maybe her saying initially that she felt we need to take a step back was her way of saying that. The fact that she wanted me to meet her friends and family early on in the relationship was a bit of a concern to me, but not a total red flag situation. I was actually quite touched, but felt we should not rush things. I agree that there is no harm in sending the letter. Ultimately it is her decision and I do not want to beg for her to come back as that is not healthy.
tinke Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 from your post, i take it you fell in love with her after 2months? maybe sooner? even with distance? as for the letter, yes, it would be unhealthy to keep attempting some contact after the letter. if she where to return, it must be her decision, she has to WANT the relationship equally. i know this time is difficult..you will find clarity. please try to focus on you now, learn who you are, enjoy being you alone for awhile. take care of yourself.
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