kismat Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 i went away for the weekend with a couple of friends and stayed at the place of a new friend, a coworker, that i recently met... my bf is always a little concerned when i go away on any kind of trip without him, he says he trusts me, but sometimes gets a little jealous at the thought of other guys trying to flirt with me... in the end he knows he's the one i want... well.. while i was away, my female coworker came onto me, and kissed me while we had both been drinking too much... i kissed her back at first, and i don't really know why.. and the second it clicked i pulled away, and told her i was not interested!!! she said (in a drunken state) that she's attracted to me... but I really was not interested, and have never had that kind of experience before, i don't know why i kissed back if even for a few seconds.. obviously the alcohol was a huge factor.. but now i feel really guilty... i don't want to tell my bf about it bc i don't want to admit that i kissed back... but i keep still feeling wrong to be hiding this and am not sure what to do... should i tell him? do you think he will be upset?? Would it be wrong if i didn't admit that i kissed back and only told him that she kissed me? may seem like silly questions.. but i don't want him to worry about me going away.. and i want him to know he can trust me...
Raspberry Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 Don't tell him and forget it ever happened. Telling him will cause more problems. Not telling him won't cause any problems. He could potentially break up with you over this, or there will be a loooonngggg period of you being scrutinized and having to call him every 5 minutes, account for your every action, etc. etc. etc. to make up for your "cheating." He will really milk this one event for all it's worth to make you feel like trash and him like a victim. Do you really want to endure that crap?
high_boost Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 forget about it as long as you know it wont ever come up again. that means you cant tell any of your friends either.
Author kismat Posted July 5, 2007 Author Posted July 5, 2007 thanks for the replies... i really did not want to have to tell him, so appreciate the advice!!
JamesM Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 You are a woman and you were kissed by a woman...and his fear is of you flirting with other men? Many men would find you kissing another woman no big deal. Well, actually it might be a turn-on. But either way, the fact remains...in your mind, you think you cheated on him. If you can forget it without any ill effect, then don't tell him. But if this is going to be in your mind...and remain as an "if he knew, he would leave me" issue, then for the sake of your longevity with him, you would need to tell. Truthfully, if my wife was turned on by a woman, this would not be a big concern for me. (Of course, it might explain some things, too.)
JulieJ Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 I agree, there is no need to tell him. He probably wouldn't get upset about it, but then there is the off chance that he could blow it out of proportion. What happened poses no threat to your relationship and doesn't reflect at all how you feel about him.
Cobra_X30 Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 I have to disagree with everyone else on this. You want to be trusted but you are not acting in a trustworthy manner. What if a guy had kissed you? Basically you put yourself in a poor situation once, what are you going to do to make sure this doesnt happen again?? Obviously your guy sees something that makes him nervous about you. You can lie and omit all you want, but in the end you cant run from yourself. I would say he deserves to make an honest determination about wether he wants to be with you or not. Otherwise your just wasting each others time.
Author kismat Posted July 5, 2007 Author Posted July 5, 2007 I have to disagree with everyone else on this. You want to be trusted but you are not acting in a trustworthy manner. What if a guy had kissed you? Basically you put yourself in a poor situation once, what are you going to do to make sure this doesnt happen again?? Obviously your guy sees something that makes him nervous about you. You can lie and omit all you want, but in the end you cant run from yourself. I would say he deserves to make an honest determination about wether he wants to be with you or not. Otherwise your just wasting each others time. well i know if it had been a guy i would not have let it happen.. the reason my bf gets uncomfortable is b/c he knows that i get hit on a lot.. but i'm always respectful to my bf, and never tempted or anything, b/c i am sure of my feelings for him... so i can honestly say if it was a guy i would not have done anything! I think bc it was another woman, and i was caught off guard, and maybe just curious at first when she kissed me...i reacted... . i think the curiousity coupled with alcohol made me kiss back, but i really was not attracted or interested in anything like that which is why i pulled away. On some levels i want to tell my bf b/c i feel like that would be the honest and trustworthy thing to do.. but i really don't know how he'd react... sometimes i think he wouldn't care, but then there's the uncertainty of maybe it really bothering him and me ruining things in the relationship for no reason....
Cobra_X30 Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 The desicion is yours. There may not be a "right" thing to do, but when you do make a choice make it for the right reasons. Do you think he is going to dump you if he finds out? Do you want to be with someone who would dump you over this? Do you think he would respect you more for telling him? Do you feel he is 100% honest with you about things that happen to him? How important to you is honesty in your relationship? Just some things to think about.
Author kismat Posted July 6, 2007 Author Posted July 6, 2007 The desicion is yours. There may not be a "right" thing to do, but when you do make a choice make it for the right reasons. Do you think he is going to dump you if he finds out? Do you want to be with someone who would dump you over this? Do you think he would respect you more for telling him? Do you feel he is 100% honest with you about things that happen to him? How important to you is honesty in your relationship? Just some things to think about. i really appreciate the feedback, so thanks!! Honesty is really important to me.. and so far i think him and i have been pretty open with each other.. and i guess telling these types of things makes us open up to each other even more and be even more honest. I don't think he'd break up with me over it.. i guess its just that i'm embarrassed that i kissed back, and ashamed by the entire situation b/c i really do feel guilty, that i should not have kissed back at all.... also he's a pretty traditional guy, and i am afraid that he'd be annoyed, but mostly weirded out by the situation... i don't know, i do want to be honest though ( i guess i am just thinking out loud)... i don't want to disappoint him... and i feel that although he wouldn't leave me over this, he'd be disappointed
StartingOver07 Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 How will it benefit him if you tell him? If this is not something that will ever happen again, then there is no need to bring it up. Just be very, very certain that this was a one-off deal that will never repeat, regardless of the gender of the person making advances. If there is a chance that you will do this again, then you need to not only tell your bf, but bow out of your r/s with him.
Hitman10000 Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Yeah next time don't drink with your coworkers or get really drunk with friends. Weird stuff happens during and after.
jcster Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 You have to ask yourself - do you want to be honest with him in order to make you feel better (absolved)? Do you think telling him about it will make him feel better, or help your relationship in any way? The general rule of thumb, as I've always heard it, in situations like this (a slip-up or compromising situation, that you have NO intention of repeating) is to keep it to yourself.
electric_sheep Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Oh man, you seem so sweet and innocent and I just want to give you a big hug! Forget about it!
Author kismat Posted July 11, 2007 Author Posted July 11, 2007 Oh man, you seem so sweet and innocent and I just want to give you a big hug! Forget about it! hahhahah cute... thanks
Recommended Posts