How different people think

[PWSX3]

As some of you know I started a new job over a month ago & I'm starting to get to know some of the people. I don't know if it is because of what type of job it is or what but most people there are divorced and most of them are around the same age as I am, in there 40's.

 

One guy is separated & his W lives in a different state & it's almost been a year he said since the separation but he isn't in any hurry to file or anything. He said he doesn't plan on getting hooked up again so what is the hurry....His W doesn't seem to care either since she hasn't done anything about it either.

 

There is a girl that works just across from a big garage door from us & she comes over & helps when she is slow & we get a long really well. When we were setting up the warehouse anytime we needed to pair up into teams to work we would try & work together.

She has been divorced for 2 years & we have talked about it & her story is; after raising two boys she decided it was time for her to live her life. Sounds like they had there typical problems & she admits she wasn't perfect, but she just got tired of working on the relationship by herself. She said; she felt like her H was just comfortable in there relationship & wasn't welling to work on things or make them better & that wasn't good enough for her anymore.

She isn't the type of person I would be attracted to, but she really seems like a nice person & I wonder why if her H loved her at one time why he wouldn't put the effort out to keep her?

 

My friend that I have done a couple things with outside of work has been divorced now for just a while & already has a girlfriend that is like 15 years younger then he is. He said everytime they got in fights she would tell him; lets just get a divorce & so he finally had enough & said o.k. Sounds like Mr. Reality might be giving her a little visit because he said she keeps trying to contact him but he doesn't want nothing to do with her even though they have two kids & he has to because of the kids.

 

One gal has been divorced & she said they get along better now then they ever did when they were married. She still goes to his place to visit because he has custody of there 3 daughters, if she needs a place to crash for the night she will go there, etc. etc. but she likes how it is because he can't tell her what to do. (even though it sounds like he is the more responsible one)

 

Because of my situation & trying to get back together with the W it just kind of makes me think.

Sometimes two people are married & both parties are good people but they just don't seem like they want to work on the relationship anymore.

 

I also see that maybe both spouses are good people but unless both are welling to work on the relationship then it will never work. Even though my W was the one that moved out I feel like I'm the one giving her another chance because of what I feel I have learned & I'm still trying to figure out if she learned anything or if it was just easier for her to move back & not have to deal with Mr. Reality?

 

Just like on LS there are some very good people that are welling to work on there relationship, have learned a lot about what they need to do & could make there marriage better then it was, but there spouse aren't welling to give it another try. As Gunny says it; they have manned or womaned up & took responsibilty for there part.

 

I wonder if part of it might be because things are so much easier now then they used to be. You have fast food, buy things overnight, get answers quick because of emails, faxes, internet, etc. that people just get bored??

 

Or could it be as we get older we get more set in our ways & don't like change? I hear it so often; this is how I've done it all my life so why should I change it now?

One guy was listening to oldies music & I just said something about it being the oldies & he replied; yep that is the music I listen, the good stuff then said something about being old himself.

 

They don't want to put the time & effort it takes to live or by married to the opposite sex? We all know men & woman are different in how we think, how we do things so it does take work to live together & get along.

 

It is also interesting to me how different people deal with the situation, some take responsibility for there part, some start drinking, some just find another person & go on with life as nothing has happened, others say they will never do that again & get back into the same type of situation with someone else.

 

I know going thru this in my own life it has made me see things differently. I don't think I am as scared to do new things, I'm not afraid of the unknown as I was before so for me I feel it was a good thing even though so far it hasn't ended in a divorce.

 

Just had some thoughts going thru my head that I wanted to share, maybe others have had similar thoughts as well that they would like to share.

 

I know I look at things a LOT different now, I don't just say no anymore when it comes to trying something new. I look at things a lot different as well. I still have my opinions but I'm not as fast to just blurt them out like I used to do. I'm welling to listen to what others have to say; maybe I can learn something new. It doesn't always have to be my way anymore.

[ilmw]

Pw,

 

A lot of what you said, is based on how much you have learned and grown. To even have a second though on this subject; to me means you were touched by a personal experience.

 

So many people steer away from this subject. I for one do not. I somehow have become the mini consoler at work.. and outside of work. Some listen to what I have to say... and some do not. One fella was complaining about his marriage...etc. I had a chat with him...explained a little about what had happened with my marriage. I explained.. being seperated...getting divorced may sound like a good idea.. "but it is not".. I mentioned some books I have read.. he sat there and listened for awhile.. he then asked "what do you think I should do." I told him....date your spouse. Make her feel special. That night we all (work related) were going out for some drinks.. and some food. He invited his wife..(not normally what he does at these things).. They then left early.. from the Bar/Grill ... and went out to dinner together somewhere else. Last I heard.. well.. I have heard no more complaints.

 

Now this made me think. If I only had someone like me...someone going through this.. who could have given me some insight into what I was doing wrong.. someone I could have listened to??

 

There are others... who.. will not listen..(I don't preach) I just mention things. They are fixated ... in there blind belief they know what they are doing. Kinda like I was, before my life... went spiralling down.. into the living hell of separation/divorce.

 

Some people are changed for the better when this kind of thing happens to them... some don't change. Many on LS... have learned and adapted from this life altering experience. So many others will not... and will continue to bumble through life... expecting it to get better.. with no effort to make it better. Its like the old saying "if you want to change things in your life, change things in your life"

 

ilmw

[sumdude]

It is interesting isn't it? Since my separation and impending divorce I've been mentioning it to people, folks I just met. Suddenly I realized just how many divorcees there are out there. Mostly I talk to men and hear such similar stories. His W wants him out or she moves out. They separate ... after some time she may try to get back but by then the H feels happier without her ... the damage is done so to speak on n' on.

 

My woman freind at work.. she listened to me for a couple months with my situation and tried to help me out a bit. Later I find that her marriage is on the rocks. I trgave what advice I could. To stick it out and think about things differently. Maybe consider that the way she was communicating her unhappines may not have been getting through. At the moment it kooks like they may be doing a lot better which makes me feel good. I learned so much hearing her side of things and it put some of my ex-marriage in perspective. She was someone willing to not give up to easily.... I quality I admire. I can also see how someone with a different agenda could have done something very differently in talking with her.. being vulnerable and unhappy.

 

At this stage I don't really know what I want as far as relationships... all I can do is deal with the present...

[azianpride143]

I think most of the problems goes like this. One party keeps trying and trying and then throws in the towel. The other party gets sucked back into the relationship. Get's a reality check. Realizes what he/she is about to lose and decides to work on it. But then the other party has already given up and doesn't even want to try. Or found someone else to fill the void. Thus the divorce/separation.

 

I see the same cycle over and over again.