Kelso Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 Hey everyone - There is a little over 8 months since my ex and I broke up. We didn't date all that long - just for about 5 months. The breakup was mutual - but she initiated it. I felt good about the breakup - but as a little time went by I felt worse and worse. The breakup was kind of a mutual agreement. I still cared a lot about her and she told me that she cared a lot about me too. I have no reason to believe other than that's true. Things just weren't working. I lived with my parents and she lived with her constantly jelous sister. We had very little privacy. If we wanted to watch a movie - we had to do that with her sister at the other side of the couch most of the time. The time we spent without her was wonderful. Her sister could get really pissed off when we wanted to spend the night together. This resulting in us not being able to spend a lot of nights together, even though we wanted to. The sex consisted mainly of quickies - and sex after partying and the morning after partying while her sister was asleep. Well - I don't want to blame the ending of our relationship entirely on her sister. I was a little bit needy and inexperienced. I did a lot of mistakes that I can easily fix though. My ex has this friend who had become a very good friend of mine, especially the weeks after the breakup. She told me that my ex wasn't a huge relationship person and she couldn't remember her in a relationship before that lasted more than few weeks. I was her record of five months She also told me that she gets bored with most of the guys she meets. Last weekend this ex of mine suddenly came back into my life. I just met her while partying and we went to a club together (with her sister too - off course). We were holding hands - she waited for me outside when I went to the toilet - she introduced me to all her friends that I hadn't met before. We had a long talk this evening - for about 1-1,5 hours. Didn't discuss "us" or our relationship at all. It was just a friendly talk of "what have you been up to for the past 8 months". I ended the evening by asking her if she wanted to have lunch anytime this week. She asked me then..."Lunch? You and Me? Let's do that!" And the plan is to call her tonight and ask her if she wants to meet me tomorrow. What I want to ask you is - am I setting myself up for further disappointment. I haven't been thinking about us back together since January or something. But I felt some little spark when we met on Saturday (holding hands etc.). Won't her sister just be jelous and annoying all over again. Won't she get bored again - like she gets bored with other guys. I do want her back now - once I see a slightest chance that it can happen. But am I walking the wrong path here? Please give me some advice on what you think. You can see some other post regarding our "meeting again" in the "second chances" forum. Sincerely yours, Kelso
sb129 Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 I think you know the answer! You might be setting yourself up for disappointment, but you might not, although IMO, if you saw your ex GF out clubbing and she DID want to get back with you, why bother waiting for a lunch date? Why not just go for it there and then? Clubbing usually involves alcohol and/or other substances that can make us feel happy and uninhibited, and I certainly have been guilty of making overblown plans when I have had a few drinks..... I don't want to sound mean or harsh, but you should prepare yourself for her "just wanting to be friends"...
Author Kelso Posted July 4, 2007 Author Posted July 4, 2007 Thanks for your reply - I've been preparing for the "Lets be friends" line. Actually - I'm expecting the worst but off course hoping the best. I met her when I was on my way home on Saturday. It was aronund 5:30 in the morning and we were both getting sober again. I asked her if she could throw an afterparty - like we did so often when we were dating - but she said she was too tired. That was around 7 in the morning and she actually had been yawning for the past 1,5 hour. I'm actually quite relieved that I didn't go home with her - because the morning after would feel like hell. I also knew she is going to the camping trip on the weekend. I had planned to go there too (actually it's a little festival and I went last year). So I decided to wait with the move. Asked her for the lunch and she said yes without a hesitation. Would rather want to make the move at the festival. Its just gonna be around 200 people and I knew she is going with her sister, her friend and her friends gay friend. And I don't believe she knows anybody around there as it is a camping trip organized by one of the faculties in my college. I see it as an excellent opportunity for me to take her somewhere and be alone. I just want to heat her a little bit up with the lunch before ... if I can I have changed a lot since our breakup - and I want to show that to her. But I need time to do that. Getting nervous...
Author Kelso Posted July 6, 2007 Author Posted July 6, 2007 Really need some pep talk here right now We went out for a lunch yesterday and it was just lovely. We laughed and smiled a lot and generally had a nice time. It lasted for about 1H15M - which must be a sign that she liked meeting me - because we both only have 1 hour for lunch. My boss wasn't all that happy when I got back We haven't planned another meeting. There is this camping trip she's going on this weekend ... and I had planned to go there too - but I've got invited to a birthday party so I wasn't 100% sure I would go. Well - I'm definitely going but I didn't want to seem to excited. I just need some encouragement here ... how should I play my game this weekend when I will be around her a lot. Any inputs will help me to relax
Beachgrl486 Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Well I am a believer in 2nd chances but I would be very careful. Keep your guard up. Just curious...have you ever told her how you feel? About her sister any of the stuff you just said? Or are you afraid it would just push her away? I think you need to be honest with her...she sounds like the type of girl who would respect that...if she can walk all over you then she will. You need to put your foot down and stand up for yourself. Tell her this is how I feel...I dont want to get hurt again....and all that stuff. You deserve to be happy to and in a relationship its got to be equal. Nobody should ever have the upper hand. It seems like she made all the calls. When you hang out with her or whatever remember what happened the first time...dont just assume its going to be different bc honestly chances are they wont be...just dont build your expectations up bc you don't want to get let down. Be confident and dont set yourself up to get hurt...good luck!
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