Rain4 Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 Okay, so I think I'm being a big chicken. I was working last week and just happened to briefly work with a guy, who comes really close to my type. The only problem is that we work in different departments, and there's a great chance that I'll probably never work with him again. That plus, I went instantaneously mute the first time I saw him. (I have a bad habit of forgetting to smile, make eye contact, or do anything to attract attention when I'm around a cute guy. I think mentally I end up trying to hide instead of just saying hi.) Anyway, now I'm pissed with myself because I would really have liked to talk to him. I could email him, but that seems impersonal and stupid (because I don't even know if he's single.) In reality, I suspect I should consider him as one of those guys that got away - because I don't see much possibility for even investigating friend potential. I'd appreciate a bit of feedback on this one. At present, I'm leaning toward saying nothing. I'd rather ignore any lingering mental questions than risk coming off as some sort of desperate chick who'll do anything to snag a man. (sigh) Does that make me too independent? a big chicken? or perhaps a little bit of both?
Butterflying Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 I just read your other post about giving up on dating. I'm soo amazed at how much you and I have in common. Seriously, it's almost scary. Minus a few details, I could swear that you and I are the same person. The way we handle situations... Anyway, I used to think of myself as shy. Until I realized that I only "act" shy in certain situations. Shyness is a defensive trait I learned early during childhood. Some really bad things happend to me that caused this development. In order to achieve success in a relationhip, shyness has to be overcome. I may be waaay off base here..but I'm going to guess that the men you're attracted to are not shy. They are attractive and outspoken. Guess what, despite all the Cinderella type fairy tales where the shy girl got the prince, nobody is attracted to shy people. We all want someone who is happy, loving, fun, and confident. Correction, there are some people who are attracted to shy people. Those are the people who are controlling, abusive, and insecure. Think about it, shy people are a lot of work. They don't talk much They never make the first move. They don't have many friends. It's difficult to get to know them. Most of the time, a shy person is defensive, insecure, and untrusting. I've been watching this lady friend of mine who is very flirtatous. She gets every man she comes in contact with. I watch her because I've noticed that all the men she gets are exactly the type of men I want. But those men NEVER want me. The always choose her. Obviously, to get those men, I should be more like her. So I take notes from her. It's not about being someone you're not. It's about building your self confidence enough to the point where you can at least speak to the person you're intrested in. Simply say "hello" and smile. Then make eye contact with him. If he doesn't return your enthusiasm, HE'S NOT INTO YOU. Don't be discouraged. Just move on. Another cool thing I've learned from watching this lady friend of mine is rejection. She simply laughs it off. It happens to her rarely. But she flirts so much that for every rejection, she gets over 50 offers from men. In this way, flirting is like sales and marketing. In order for you and I to have the type of relationships we want with men, we have to think of ourselves as a product. The first step is to know ourselves inside and outside. Then we have to market ourselves by flirting. Eventually, someone will buy us. And we won't have to sell ourselves short :-)
Author Rain4 Posted July 6, 2007 Author Posted July 6, 2007 (1_^) Cute... and point taken. I will do my best not to freeze next time. I think you're right about the points you make. I hadn't thought about it that way, but then again, if what I'm used to doing were working, I'd probably be married by now. Thanks for the pointers, ~Rain~
LN99 Posted July 7, 2007 Posted July 7, 2007 Eh, don't feel bad. I freeze too around guys I notice and think are super hot. Next time though, you need to just try to relax and at the very least, SMILE. If he is interested, he will let you know. But, you have to let him know your approachable.
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