guitar71 Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 if a guy was very much falling for you - and you received a romantic secret admirer note.... what would you want his next step to be?
Lostgurl Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 if a guy was very much falling for you - and you received a romantic secret admirer note.... what would you want his next step to be? I'm not too sure i would appreciate having a secret admirer at all..... It would have to depend on the contents of the note I guess Can u give us more details dude?
curiousnycgirl Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 Does she have any idea you have fallen for her? Meaning will she be able to guess it was you? If so - send her flowers with a note asking her to meet you at a specific restaurant for dinner at a specific time. If not you'll have to identify yourself first - otherwise it could be really awkward to meet her for dinner and have her be totally suprised it was you.
Yamaha Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 if a guy was very much falling for you - and you received a romantic secret admirer note.... what would you want his next step to be? They're going to see you as creepy and you have no spine. I am a guy but you need to stop with the secrets and get it out in the open. She will respect you much more even if she doesn't feel the same way.
Yamaha Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 I see you are married so my advice is withdrawn. Work on your marriage and keep your new love interest a secret.
LN99 Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 One tip: Don't give this girl a note unless you plan on revealing yourself to her. I had a guy who didn't give me a note, but IMed me randomly a few yrs back. He told me that he would always see me at work and thought I was beautiful etc. I was flattered and I asked him to let me know who he was. He said he was intimidated by me. (I kinda found that funny, because I certainly don't see myself as intimidating.) Anyways, I told him to approach me and that I promised to be nice, even if I wasn't into him that way. Then I told him I would keep it on the downlow (which I did.) The sucky part was that I never heard from him again and he NEVER approached me. So, I never found out who it was. Let me tell you, That was VERY fustrating. To this day, I don't know who it was.... So, if you do decide to do the secret admiror thing, keep in mind, its kinda cute at first. But if you don't reveal yourself, don't even bother. Honestly, the best way to go about it is to just approach her afterwards. If she's the kind of girl you want to be with, she will be very nice about it, even if she isn't into you that way. At least you would know right? Good Luck and keep us updated!
LN99 Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 I see you are married so my advice is withdrawn. Work on your marriage and keep your new love interest a secret. Oh great....another one of THOSE..
lonelybird Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 Adulterer will not enter kingdom of heaven. Turn back from sinful ways. PS. if you are married
Yamaha Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 Oh great....another one of THOSE.. Yes. Another one......
Storyrider Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 unless you plan on revealing yourself.. Well, that would get a reaction for sure, married or not.
Author guitar71 Posted July 6, 2007 Author Posted July 6, 2007 thanks for the advice so far - my marriage is becoming very cold and i'm not sure my wife loves me anymore. i would not cheat on her. i would need to end the marriage and move on before anything happened. i do want the girl to eventually know it is me. the note was what i would describe as a "prelude" kind of poem - indicating that there could be a possible serious connection - we work together - so i think she may be able to figure it out at some point i'm a mess - because the it feels like my wife is just pushing me farther and farther away. this new girl feels like a lifeline -
Author guitar71 Posted July 6, 2007 Author Posted July 6, 2007 i work with the girl, so i'm trying to understand if she does like me. she sends me e-mails that seem flirty (loves some funny thing I said), notices details that no one else catches, and we always seem to laugh and have great chemistry talking to each other. when i look in her eyes, she looks back deeply - and i feel like i'm melting. she could just be friendly - but maybe not. i hope that in our open conversations that she'll understand that i wrote the note without me having to explicitly say it - i hope that we naturally become closer without having to force it. it's hard for me to tell if these feelings are real - or just a reaction to being my wife distancing herself from me for so many years - and finding a girl who is sweet and warm and someone i could easily fall for
norajane Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 If you care about this girl, do something about ending your marriage NOW. Don't suck her into an affair when you haven't even addressed the issue with your wife. The girl will suffer - read the Other Woman/Other Man forum and see what you're setting her up for if you approach her before you get a divorce. As for anonymous love notes, I received one of those at work years ago - a very long letter full of all these feelings. Scared the crap out of me to know some guy was watching me. I told everybody I worked with about it and told them to keep an eye out for creepy stalker guys. I was miserable and hated going in to work, refused to stay late, and never went anywhere alone. Do not do this to her.
McFadden Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 I don't think you should start an affiar while your married and ect, but to answer the question I would not like to get a note from a secret admirer. I don't like stuff like that. It would irritate me, even if I liked the person a little bit I might not like them after that. But some girls do, I am weird.
jcster Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 It's hard for me to tell if these feelings are real - or just a reaction to being my wife distancing herself from me for so many years - and finding a girl who is sweet and warm and someone i could easily fall for I don't know if you've ever gone through a divorce - but I have. You can't trust ANYTHING you feel about ANYONE until you come back to some sort of equilibrium. Making an overture to this girl, while your marriage falls apart and your reality becomes more unhinged every day is a BAD IDEA. If you want out of the marriage - then get out. If you don't want to get out - then get in. But don't pull an innocent person into that train wreck - it's cruel.
PinkAngelStar Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 if a guy was very much falling for you - and you received a romantic secret admirer note.... what would you want his next step to be? As others have said your married. Have you got a children? I feel you should deal with the situation at home before taking a step with another person! How old is she?
Chinook Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 i work with the girl, so i'm trying to understand if she does like me. she sends me e-mails that seem flirty (loves some funny thing I said), notices details that no one else catches, and we always seem to laugh and have great chemistry talking to each other. when i look in her eyes, she looks back deeply - and i feel like i'm melting. she could just be friendly - but maybe not. i hope that in our open conversations that she'll understand that i wrote the note without me having to explicitly say it - i hope that we naturally become closer without having to force it. it's hard for me to tell if these feelings are real - or just a reaction to being my wife distancing herself from me for so many years - and finding a girl who is sweet and warm and someone i could easily fall for Okay. I'm gonna be harsh with you here. Step back. Take a look at the real situation. Not the fantasy that you have the beginnings of in your head. This girl is an innocent bystander and your feelings are reaching for her because she seems to be a viable alternative to a cold, distant wife. That is as pure and as simple as it is...because if there were no problems at home, you would not be looking any place else. What I want you to do is think about why your wife is cold and distant. How is it that someone you loved enough to get married, has reached that point with you and you with her...? Think about whether the problems you have with her (and she with you) are solvable. Bear in mind, it doesn't matter who is to blame - what matters is who is going to commit to making things right. Where you have to start is at the beginning and the beginning is working out whether you BOTH want to still be there at all. Once that is solved, then you can move on. You're doing yourself, the girl and your wife no favours by chasing a situation when the first situation is not resolved. If you know inside you that you don't want to stay married, then do something about it. If that's the case though, I would also give yourself some time before getting involved with anyone else. Just because you walk away from something does not mean it doesn't hurt and there is a grieving process for you too. It is best not to inflict that on someone new. That's what just happened to me. I spent 8 months of my life building a new relationship with a guy who had just recently left his wife and child. He never really dealt with it and I bore the brunt...basically I was the rebound. As painful as that is to realise, it's true and what's more painful was I asked him at the start did he need time and he said no... even if you don't think you need time... take some anyhow. Don't hurt other people in the process of moving on. If my guy had taken some time out, he would have realised that he wasn't ready for a new relationship and most of all he would have not treated me so badly because he was still in the frame of mind of treating me like his ex wife (he'd be defensive and controlling without me having to do anything). It hurts when you are picked up and thrown down, your life is torn to pieces and your heart broken... simply because someone didn't really think about what they were doing. Right now, your emotions and feelings are all over the place. DO NOT trust them a jot. Please. Someone will get hurt.
StayClose Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 I understand your situation, I'm in a similar one right now. My wife is very stressed out and this manifests as yelling at me, interpreting any disagreement with her point of view as me saying she's stupid, and complete loss of sex drive (her: no sex drive; me: more internet porn). Meanwhile, there's at least one single woman at work who smiles at me, seems to appreciate my contributions to the work projects we collaborate on, and engages the type if intelligent conversaion about current events and social issues that has always turned me on but my wife is too emotionally sensitive to engage in right now. I don't want to cheat, but when I get a look or comment that can be interpreted as "I wish he were single," it makes my day. OTOH, when I'm at home my wife often blames me for everything wrong in her life, even through 80 percent of what's wrong is a result of her own decisions and ways of dealing with things. But here's the rub: If the women at work are really as classy as you think they they are, they are NOT going to have relationships with married men. Maybe they do find you attractive, but mature people ACT on feelings of someone being attractive only when it is appropriate. The only thing that works in the short term is to work on your marraige and redisccover the things that brought you together int he first place. That's what I'm working on and trying to get my wife to do.
Author guitar71 Posted July 9, 2007 Author Posted July 9, 2007 wow - thank you for all the feedback....it helps a lot see everyone's perspective. i have not gone through a divorce (just a hard breakup in college) and I'm not really wanting to. not interested in starting an affair - i would not do that. what's hard is to know what to do. Stay with someone who is ice cold, or move on and hope for something new....
jcster Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 what's hard is to know what to do. Stay with someone who is ice cold, or move on and hope for something new.... You need to decide that for yourself. But you are jumping the gun (to say the least) to start this "secret admirer" stuff with someone else while your personal life is this messed up. You are only fixating on this new person in order to escape the mess that you're dealing with right now. Either fix it or get out - but please....the secret admirer (especially with the "poem") is creepy as all get out! Just fix your own stuff first and then move on...up front and in person.
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