Pulled back in just to be thrown right back out

[Shana555]

I called him late last week to give my sympathies for a really sick close family member, and to see how he was doing. I am going through the same thing, but with a parent. He had left a few voicemails so I knew he was taking it hard.

 

He went from tears about that... to tears about me. He was Mr., ‘I changed, and I want to be with you more then anything in the world!!! <INSERT PROMISES HERE> Let me prove it!!!’

 

Three days go by and I barely hear two words from him.. We finally talk on Sunday and says he hasn’t called because he has been really busy out on his bike at the beach, to some party, blah blah blah... Yah, he’s really changed and is doing a great job of proving whatever... Right

 

I gave him a call today to see how he was doing and after two rings he kills the call and forwards me to voicemail.

 

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr, I’m so angry for allowing myself to break down even the smallest possible bit. I was doing so great until this!!! I guess he knows I’m vulnerable right now so he took advantage of that? Or was confused? I have no idea, but same old bull... We didn’t even get back together, but just hearing him say all those nice things... and then he pulls this... The old breakup feelings just came flooding back in...

 

And this proves ex’s never change, no matter how much time or the promises they make. NC forever

[ClearFocus]

I can relate to that.. nothing worse than been drawn in, then having all ur hard work undone in an instant!

Its a power struggle and the ex always wants to come out on top! To have the upper hand. To use ur feelings as a cushion to lean on when they aint feeling to good but i soon as they pick themselves up, its like u dont even exist.

I try and see every promise as empty now!

[Shana555]

I didn’t even think of that... That he was just using me as a cushion to lean on, but it totally makes sense!!! I found out that his family member that was very sick is out of the ICU and is better, so I guess he doesn’t need my comfort anymore and that’s must be the reason why he is suddenly treating me like this?

 

Makes me mad. Last week, he asked me to go out with his friends on their bikes today to watch the fireworks and everything tonight, but I know that’s not happening. I called him this morning, but no answer. Surprise!!! – yah ... Sent him a text after saying: Happy 4th, hope all is well. Take care. – It’s almost 8 hours later now and no response. Surprise again!!!

 

That’s it for any effort from me. God, after reading threads on here all day I see that many ex’s get the sudden urge that they MUST see you and that they want to work things out because they realize they can’t live without you, yadda yadda...

 

But then they suddenly disappear for no reason and with no explanation.

 

I’ve been on the phone trying to make plans for tonight with others, but not much luck since its so last minute right now. I’m so mad at myself right now.

 

I can predict what’s coming next. When he doesn’t hear from me for a while, he will start calling and texting a lot. When I don’t respond, he will start the: I guess you don’t want to talk, are you ok, I’m sorry, can I make it up to you, please please please call me, I just want to hear your voice... Blah blah blah.

 

I was with him for 5 years. I remember my relationship before him with M which lasted 2 years, and when we split I thought I would never ever get over him. But I did. 7 months later I met a great guy, my new ex, and I was so happy and ready for a new relationship. I was totally over my ex, M. He (M) actually came back and begged to give us another try, but I said no without even a second thought and had to hold back laughing.

 

I guess it was easier to get over him because he left me alone after the break like a dumper should, but was still caring... So I was able to go through all the grieving phases and was totally happy. So when he did come back, it didn’t faze me and didn’t even consider it. I still thought he was sweet and so good looking, but I no longer had that attraction for him. Not a bit.

 

I just want that kind of strength and feeling now. I just want to be over him and not have to worry about how I’m going to feel or react when he comes back, again. I’ve given him way too many chances and I know that it will never work out between us. Him coming back used to feel good before and was welcomed, but not anymore. I can never get through all those grieving phases because he always breaks me before I get to the happy/content/over him phase and it puts me back to day 1.

 

How do you get over a LTR when the dumper won’t let go and keeps coming back? It breaks down a little of my healing progress every time he contacts even if I don’t listen to or look at his messages.

I’ve told him soooo many times before to let me go, that I just want to move on, but he always comes back even stronger with all those kind words and promises and somehow breaks me down just enough.

 

I’m doing everything I should, keeping busy with friends/hobbies that I love, etc. But does anyone have suggestions how to cope and not be affected when they do come crawling back like a sad puppy dog??? ...

 

-when my ignoring him - or telling him it's over and I want to move on, don't contact me... only makes him try harder?

[Shana555]

Well I just found out why he has been ignoring and not returning my calls. On my way home tonight I drove by this girl’s house. I had this awful gut feeling and had to follow it. He was seeing this girl for a bit after we split, but assured me it was completely over, he never loved her, that he couldn’t stand her immature spoiled bratty needy behavior, and never wanted to talk to or see her again.

 

Well I’m sure you know what I’m going to say next. His truck was parked right out front. And that was around 2am so obviously he wasn’t just there to stop in to say hi because all the lights were off and he has to be up at 4am for work.

 

And after all those things he said to me not ever a week ago.

 

Him trying so hard to get me back with me last week and saying all those wonderful promises and things got to me.

 

Then a few days later, he stops calling and won’t return my calls. I figured he was doing his guy thing like usual and that I would hear from him soon. But now I know the real reason why. It hurts so much because he sounded so sincere and even had tears in his eyes when we were talking!!! Why is he doing this to me?!

 

God this hurts and I know it shouldn’t, but it does. I was trying to prepare myself for when he came back again trying to get me back, but it just hurts because of all those sweet things he said trying to win me back and then just days later I find him over screwing his old girl. I didn't think he would ever be that low!!! Again, why is he doing this?!!! Hasn't he hurt me enough?!!! If he would have just left me alone to move on like I asked, I would not be in this situation right now totally heartbroken once again.

 

I left a note on his truck so he would know I saw that he was there, saying: I hope you are happy because you have lost me forever. Don’t even think about contacting me ever again!

 

I wonder if he will try and contact me after reading my note I left... I sincerly hope not

 

Any support would be REALLY appreciated because I’m in tears right now and don’t know why. How can somebody be so rotten?!?! :’(

[kimba]

Oh god, I don't think you should have left the note. Is she on a main road or something? or is it going to look like you were checking up on him?

 

Sounds like he just wants to know you are available but will never follow through.

 

It does come through on your posts that you are a really nice decent person. he sounds like he has neither of these two qualities.

 

The other girl sounds like a ho, and sounds like he's just using her anyway if she is like what he says.

 

I'm glad for you that you found out about this, because it might make you put real distance between you and him. Really get rid of him now. Just make the decision and hang up on him if he calls ( i know thats hard but u can do it!)

[azianpride143]

Cmon just get over it and move on. Deep down inside you have always had feelings for this person. You have never let go. You have this small shred of hope that one day you will get back together again. Well it happened. You allowed this person to come back into your life again. Now you know it's never going to work out.

 

My advice is stop acting like a kid and grow up. This person is obviously not worth it. Why waste your time and energy? All this negativity your putting yourself through one more time. Is it worth it? You know the answer. Stop hitting your head with a rock.

 

NC. Change your number. Re-locate. Do what you have to do to move on. You deserve someone better. There's plenty of fish in the sea.

[Walk]

Seems like the absolute worst thing an ex can do to a person is give them hope. Even a glimmer ends up shredding common sense.

 

You know logically that he isn't serious about a relationship with you. Since he's "single" then chances are he's doubting his desirablity by women.

 

If a guy wants to boost his ego, to know he's wanted and desired, then who does he call? Not his guy friends, they'll laugh at him. So he calls ex girlfriends, and girls who have shown interest in the past. Hoping desperately that just one of them will fill that void he's feeling. Once that's filled, he'll be gone til he needs another fix.

 

We aren't talking about a stable, mature man here. This is a little boy who is only thinking about himself. Not how his words or actions will hurt others.

 

You can't control his behavior... only thing you can do is take steps to limit his avenues of contact. Get a new phone number, block his emails, change the things you can change that will make it difficult for him to contact you. Not only will it lessen the re-opening of old wounds, but it'll help you feel like you're taking control of the situation... pulling the control out of his hands. The less control over the situation that you give him, the better you'll be able to get over him.

 

You'll do fine. You're just going to have to be the responsible adult in this situation. If he can't respect your wish to be left alone, then you need to enforce it in any way possible. Do that for yourself. I know its hard, and I know it sucks... but unless you want to keep going through the same pain over and over, then you have to start changing things so he can't drop back into your life again.

 

And don't worry.. Things will get easier. Just keep reminding yourself of that and you'll get through this in no time. ((**Hug**))