shadowplay Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 This seems to be very much true, doesn't it? I even read an article recently about research that was done on the subject. It turns out that having "magical thinking", as well as having an unrealistic view of yourself, translates into happiness and well being. Another study of people diagnosed with depression showed that they in fact had a more realistic impression of themselves, and life in general, than non-depressed people. Could you provide a link to this study?
Lizzie60 Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 What does a person like me do? Do what I did... never get married... When and who do you marry? And, if you do decide to get married, how can you recapture some of that initial craziness? It can't be recapture... passion (lust) doesn't last.. it is eventually replaced by a strong friendship... but most men crave the lust even when it's gone...that's why they cheat. Or should you even try? Everyone has such high expectations for marriage. For me to attain the level of intense romanticism that one usually associates with marriage, I would have to marry within the first year of a relationship. Even then what happen on the 2nd, 3rd, 4th year, sometimes lust is gone after a year... I just wonder how much stuff we don't tell each other? How many little secrets, fears and doubts, we keep to ourselves? It's normal to have fears like that, men or women... we do share our secrets, but some dark secrets just can't be shared. LOL
jcster Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 I did a search for it, and came up with nothing. It was in the papers about a month ago.
Author electric_sheep Posted July 18, 2007 Author Posted July 18, 2007 Could you provide a link to this study? You know, I can't find the original article, but it wasn't that old, leading me to believe some new studies must have been done. This wikipedia article contains the gist of the idea though: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depressive_realism Here's something else, but it's not the article I'm looking for: http://www.apa.org/monitor/apr05/realism.html
shadowplay Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 ^thanks! An excerpt from The Ballad of the Sad Cafe by Carson McCullers (one of my favorite writers) seems slightly relevant to this entry: First of all, love is a joint experience between two persons - but the fact that it is a joint experience does not mean that it is a similar experience to the two people involvd. There are the lover and the beloved, but these two come from different countries. Often the beloved is only a stimulus for all the stored-up love which has lain quiet within the lover for a long time hitherto. And somehow every lover knows this. He feels in his soul that his love is a solitary thing. He comes to know a new, strange loneliness and it is this knowledge which makes him suffer. So there is only one thing for the lover to do. He must house his love within himself as best he can; he must create for himself a whole new inward world—a world intense and strange, complete in himself… …Now, the beloved can also be of any description… The beloved may be treacherous, greasy-headed, and given to evil habits. Yes, and the lover may see this as clearly as anyone else—but that does not affect the evolution of his love one whit. A most mediocre person can be the object of a love which is wild, extravagant, and beautiful as the poison lilies of the swamp. A good man may be the stimulus for a love both violent and debased, or a jabbering madman may bring about in the soul of someone a tender and simple idyll. Therefore, the value and quality of any love is determined solely by the lover himself. It is for this reason that most of us would rather love than be loved. Almost everyone wants to be the lover. And the curt truth is that, in a deep secret way, the state of being beloved is intolerable to many. The beloved fears and hates the lover, and with the best of reasons. For the lover is forever trying to strip bare his beloved. The lover craves any possible relation with the beloved, even if this experience can cause him only pain.
shadowplay Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 I want make a point about the whole depressive realism thing. There's a subtle contradiction that it implies. It's known that depressed people tend to be less successful in all aspects of their lives than happy people as a result of their depression. Typically they're convinced they can't accomplish anything so they don't even bother trying. If depressed people were more accurate in this judgment than happy people, then happy people wouldn't be any more successful. Perhaps happy people just overshoot a bit to numb the pain of failure. After all, it's a numbers game and those who are desensitized to pain and keep trying will succeed more. All people are emotionally sensitive to failure, so happy people delude themselves to numb the pain of failing.
Author electric_sheep Posted July 18, 2007 Author Posted July 18, 2007 An excerpt from The Ballad of the Sad Cafe by Carson McCullers (one of my favorite writers) seems slightly relevant to this entry: That's exceptionally beautiful.
shadowplay Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 ^Glad you enjoyed it. I highly recommend her novels if you're not familiar with her work. Btw, I take it from your handle you're a Philip K. Dick fan? Good taste.
jcster Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Reading Philip K. Dick makes me want to jump of a bridge...other than that, he's a wonderful writer. After all, it's a numbers game and those who are desensitized to pain and keep trying will succeed more. All people are emotionally sensitive to failure, so happy people delude themselves to numb the pain of failing.I think you're onto something there. My personal take on it is that the "unrealistic happy person" has redefined failure. What we (the unhappy realists) see as falling short, they see as mission complete. It's a great trait to have, unless you're president.
ellastar Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 i believe this is exactly what my recent ex went through. i should add, i went through this too, but i also knew it would pass in a day or two, that i should remind myself of why i was with this guy in the first place. he, unfortunately, and he confessed this to his mother (who gave me some insight into why he broke up with me), had these doubts for far too long. he admitted he tried to fix them in his own mind, but it did not work and he realized he no longer loved me. sadly, he let it go on too long and when he told me what was going through his head it was already too late. a week later he broke it off. how did i respond? since i knew he had the same doubts the same time last year, yet he asked for space (2 weeks later he came back) and then 4 months later asked me to move in with him, i didn't get worried. i felt he had committed to me by showing me with this act - we had been living together for nearly 9 months (I'm still in the apt. - I finally move out this Saturday - yeah!) and with his words and actions, he led me to believe we wanted the same things, that we were on the same path towards our future together, i chose not to worry. I too had had such doubts, but I knew they would pass. For him, they did not and he ended it 8 weeks ago. so while these doubts and worries are normal, don't let them get the best of you. if they're not gone within a few days or a week, then you need to talk to your partner about it. mine had his for months & i never got a chance to react. he just ended it and has even today, not yet told me why, it was a gut feeling, something he could not put into words and this is the reason he expects me to accept.
alrightstill Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 Ye olde saying of "Ignorance is bliss" I think...
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