Treadstone Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 I was invited to an out of town wedding with a friend over the weekend. At the wedding, I saw this gorgeous girl but didn't get around for any introductions. However, she showed up again at the reception later in the evening and this time I introduced myself and asked her for a dance. She said that she was heading to the washroom and that maybe she will dance with me later. We ended up on the dance floor later and it became instantly apparent that we had chemistry. The dance was electrical and we attracted a lot of attention from the audience including her parents and 2 sisters who were also present. Heavens handed us a reward when the music changed into a slow jam and the DJ asked the dance partners to kiss. She reached out and I met her half way for a deep passionate kiss. The night ended in my hotel room where we had a magical sex over and over again. I drove her home later and we had a great conversation on the way. I could tell her interest were really high. We both agreed to meet up for a bbq at the bride & groom's the next day. She shows up at the bbq looking all quite and saying little. Could sense something was up. We didn't really say much to each other. After the bbq, some of us decided to head downtown for the Canada day's fireworks. I asked her if she wanted to come but she said that she will hook up later so we split. She txt me later to find out where we were. She then drove over. Fireworks was canceled so we walked along the waterfront. She indicated to me that she was having a hard time comprehending what took place between us the previous night because she doesn't do that kind of thing. She said she's a good girl and usually like to get to know a person before she gives herself up. She also said that what happened the previous night was not her so she doesn't want me to think that the same thing was going to happen tonight. I said that I do not judge people based on limited information so I'm not going to judge her on that. She indicated that she's not saying that she doesn't want to talk to me again because that will be completely out of her character. We agreed to explore to determine if there is something to discover between us. We talked for a while about her job, dreams to buy a mobile home, her family and mine etc. It seemed to me everything appeared normal from then onwards. A couple of hours later she decided to head home because she was feeling really tired. I was leaving town the following day so I asked her if she wanted to meet up before I split. She said to call her in the morning so maybe we can do breakfast. I walked her to her car gave her a hug and a light kiss on the lips. Following morning, I txt her and ask if she still wanna do b'fast. No response. Was getting hungry a couple of hours later so I called and left a message but she didn't call back. I just went ahead with my plans for the day and right before I left town late afternoon, I txt her to say that I'm leaving and wanna say goodbye and that it will be a shame if we don't stay in touch. Still no response. I got back home yesterday and haven't heard from her today either. Should I forget about her and treat it as a one night stand or wait for a while and give her a call? I can't seem to shake her off my head so far. I need some advice on this from everybody especially a female opinion. What could be going through her head? Why did she ignore me completely before I left? Is that a message for me to forget about her?
Author Treadstone Posted July 3, 2007 Author Posted July 3, 2007 By the way, we are both in our mid-twenties if that matters.
jcster Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 Well, if it was a magical as you have indicated - she's probably in shock. She's also probably in shock over her behavior as well. She might get home, digest it for a few days and decide not to run and hide - but you probably won't hear from her again unless you give her a call. I would suggest waiting a good week to 10 days and then try calling her again. If she doesn't respond, then at least you had the wedding.
doiask42much Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 Well, how far apart do you guys live? Maybe she didn't see the point of a LDR. I know I wouldn't. Did you inquire about her relationship status? She may not be single, and she may be feeling guilty about what she did. Or she may just feel guilty for "moral" reasons. Is she religious or otherwise conservative? Strange that she would have sex with you over and over again, if so. Was she drunk? How well do your mutual friends know her? Maybe you could talk to them to try and figure out what her deal is, find out more about her situation, find out more about what she's like. It sounds like she pretty much wants to put it behind her, based on her lack of replies, but you sound like you want to figure out what's up. Can't say I blame you.
Author Treadstone Posted July 4, 2007 Author Posted July 4, 2007 I really do appreciate your responses, thank you. I think she's rather surprised or shocked that she gave herself to me so easily. She specifically said the next day that usually she likes to get to know a person well before she gives herself up. She's not religious, neither was she drunk. After the reception we all stood outside together with her family, chatted and laugh for a while. She actually asked her family to take the lead and that she will catch a ride with me back home later. They all agreed without the slightest hesitation. I'm sure they will have objected somehow if they thought she was drunk. After that we went out for coffee and sat for a while before we went upstairs to the hotel room. I did not specifically inquire if she's in a relationship but from her conversations she struck me as someone who is single. Everything seemed perfect after the sex right until the following morning. And if it helps, she was actually quite dominant during the action too. What freaks me out was that after she had expressed her feelings about everything, we proceeded to begin to get to know more about ourselves. We had a good conversation and some laughter so I thought everything will be fine.
doiask42much Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 What were the feelings she expressed about everything? I've known various people who have acted like they were single when they weren't. That doesn't really mean a lot. Some even went to far as to say, "Well, you didn't ask." And even if you did ask, who knows if she's telling the truth? I don't mean to be cynical, but people who say they "don't usually do this" are kind of a cliche. What are they going to say? "I do this all the time"? The fact that she was on top for most of it, and sober, hardly speaks of her being a shrinking violet. You have to have some level of comfort with your sexuality and your body to do that with a relative stranger, the kind of comfort that comes from familiarity, i.e., having done it before. If you had never ridden a bike, you wouldn't just jump on and start pedaling like Lance Armstrong. Something is rotten in Denmark.
doiask42much Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 I guess the point is not about assessing her relative purity, but more her interest in continuing with you. From what you've said, there isn't any...yet. I tend to think that people are keen on people for the first few days following separation, and then after that, out of sight out of mind, especially when there is no communication for her to keep you in mind. This isn't looking good. But I guess you're more wanting to know why she pulled away with no explanation? I could be wrong, but it seems to me more like she's hiding something. If it were just conflicting emotions over the ease with which she did what she did, why couldn't she communicate that to you, even via email or text? I guess I need to hear what feelings she expressed right after you two did the deed.
daphne Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 I'm pretty cynical but I think this girl's just being honest. She's freaked out that she was capable of sleeping with someone she didn't know, just based on pure chemistry. I know that I told the guy I'm seeing now that had we had sex after seeing each other a lot over a week, I would have freaked out and probably not continued seeing him. I dont' know that she's hiding anything. It's always possible but it's more likely she's ashamed and doesn't know how you can start off on the right foot when you've already put the cart before the horse. I don't know if you two live in teh same town, but if you don't that may have a lot to do with it as well. Like the other poster, I'd say give it a week or two and contact her. Sometimes space can alleviate someone's fears and remind them of what they liked about you in the first place. If you still hear nothing, move on.
Author Treadstone Posted July 4, 2007 Author Posted July 4, 2007 Well, after sleeping together everything seemed normal on the ride to her house. We talked about our interest (we are both avid soccer players). She said "wow, I'm liking you more and more". We talked a lot about soccer in general. When I sensed something is wrong and asked her about it the next evening, she genuinely seemed very freaked. She couldn't understand how I managed to sweep her off her feet so quickly. She went on and on about how fast things happened and how she could be so comfortable with me that night. And i agree with her. Things were spontaneous. One minute we were dancing and a little while later it was almost as if we've known each other for years. That was the level of comfort and I felt it too. It was unbelievable. I think I agree with daphne that she may be genuinely freaked out about the events. I may be wrong but instinctively I doubt she's hiding anything. Being a man, I tried to rationalize things by saying to her that I understand she feels bombed out because she didn't get to know me first but then we can do things on the reverse by trying to get to know each other more. She agreed and said that she's not saying that she doesn't want to talk to me again because that will be completely out of character for her giving what happened between us. I don't even care if she's in a relationship with someone else so she doesn't want to pursue anything. We could even be friends. I'm just not comfortable with the idea that I could connect with a person so fast and never have to speak or hear from them ever again. So i think I'll wait for about a week and then give her a call. I wouldn't even know what to say then. Oh by the way, we live about 4 hours drive apart.
daphne Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 Well, after sleeping together everything seemed normal on the ride to her house. Women are expert in smoothing things over and pretending nothing's wrong. But once your'e out of sight, they start thinking about things and that's when they make their decisions. We're people pleasers. The guy I'm dating now started off by sweeping me off my feet and I can tell you, it's been hard to get to a normal place. I've gotten skittish a couple of times because he was really in too much of a hurry. Now that he's slowed down, he's gone the opposite extreme so we haven't really found balance yet. I would suggest that next time you not get carried away by teh moment, as difficult as it may seem. The possibility of something working out of a perceived instant connection is pretty slim for a lot of different reasons. Mainly because you'll be projecting your fantasies onto each other and will be incredibly disappointed when you find out the person is different. The 4 hour drive may be a deal breaker. Not sure. Good luck though. Don't call her again yet.
Raspberry Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 What were the feelings she expressed about everything? I've known various people who have acted like they were single when they weren't. That doesn't really mean a lot. Some even went to far as to say, "Well, you didn't ask." And even if you did ask, who knows if she's telling the truth? I don't mean to be cynical, but people who say they "don't usually do this" are kind of a cliche. What are they going to say? "I do this all the time"? The fact that she was on top for most of it, and sober, hardly speaks of her being a shrinking violet. You have to have some level of comfort with your sexuality and your body to do that with a relative stranger, the kind of comfort that comes from familiarity, i.e., having done it before. If you had never ridden a bike, you wouldn't just jump on and start pedaling like Lance Armstrong. Something is rotten in Denmark. Please don't take advice from this poster. Having sex isn't rocket science. It doesn't take a lot of practice to be good at it. She was obviously not a virgin. It is possible to not have sex for a year or longer and still be very good and dominant in the sack.
Author Treadstone Posted July 5, 2007 Author Posted July 5, 2007 Funny thing is my friends think I'm nuts for dwelling on this so much, after all I've already had sex with her so i should forget about her and move on to the next woman. Regardless, I can't seem to shake her off my head that easily. Just the thought that she's so freaked out to the extent that she's scared and afraid to even stay in touch with me is what drives me nuts. Things would've been much easier, I think, if she had even said any of a million things like she has a b/f or that she isn't interested in a relationship or she meant that night to be a one night stand. Could she perhaps be thinking that I'll never trust her in the future hence the need to stay away from me? If that's the case then will it be better to attempt to continue in the future to re-assure her that I'll not judge her character based on what happened between us? Even if she thinks we will have a problem with dating because of our history then what will be wrong with a normal friendship? Aaaaah, its just the bloody unknown that is preventing me from getting closure. I don't give much of a damn what her intentions are - I just need to know it.
Hitman10000 Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 It's a one night stand dude, if the girl wanted to continue it onwards to a relationship, she should be the one trying to contact you or try to see you again. I got a feeling that this relationship might be heading no where serious.
I love hot men. Posted July 8, 2007 Posted July 8, 2007 It's a one night stand dude, if the girl wanted to continue it onwards to a relationship, she should be the one trying to contact you or try to see you again. I got a feeling that this relationship might be heading no where serious. why should she be the one to try to try to move forward? That's the guy's job, and he's tried that.
Author Treadstone Posted July 8, 2007 Author Posted July 8, 2007 The mystery has been unraveled. I spoke to her today and she told me that she's preparing for her wedding. She said she's getting married in October to this person that she has been with on and off for 4 yrs. Its true what they say - never assume anything. I assumed she was single but as it turn out I was wrong. Anyhow, I told her that if she's interested then we could be friends on facebook. She gave me her last name and so I added her. Don't know if she will add me later but it doesn't matter. Looks like it was definitely meant to be a one night stand. My only quest was to find out what went wrong and now i have.
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