EnigmaXOXO Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 I don't know about most parents, but tell you what....you tell me what, or how you would've dealt with this situation. Called the cops. Believe me, they’re scarier than parents! Would have been a good opportunity to file an accident report and possibly have him charged with a misdemeanor, if he were driving without a license. If you want your kid to learn what consequence they may face in the “real world” than sometimes it’s better to let them experience it just as they would in “the real world.” A few court ordered community hours would do him some good. Between my daughter and my ex husband, half the pine trees planted around here and community buildings painted are a tribute to their handiwork. ...You know what they say about “idol hands and minds.”
Art_Critic Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 If you want your kid to learn what consequence they may face in the “real world” than sometimes it’s better to let them experience it just as they would in “the real world.” that is so correct.. I remember as a young teen ( I think 15\16) that a couple of friends of mine and I had idol hands and decided to start shooting smoke bombs at homes with a wrist rocket.. Needless to say we set the front of a house on fire and burnt the front porch off and burned all the landscaping around it till it was dead.. We were hundreds of feet away when the owner of the house saw his house on fire and realized what happened and instead of putting the fire out he decided to run after and catch the 3 of us. The cops were called and although no charges were filed ( times were different back then ).. but we had to pay to have the damage fixed to the porch and then we had to fix the landscaping.. First going to buy the plants and trees and then digging all the old ones out and replanting all the new.. It was quite a big ordeal and my Dad handled it real well and made us responsible for our own handiwork.. Till this day I look back on that as a very productive learning experience and also consider it good parenting .. Man was I a handfull
2sunny Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 i agree that this reaction from you was too extreme. i opt for discipline with my kids as talking through things and allowing them to understand that they should be disappointed with themselves as much as i am. physical altercations are never productive - in my opinion. i do think - because of my fair and consistent methods with them that they tend NOT to hide things from me - but rather to come to me ahead of time and say "mom - this is what we are considering - can we talk about it?" it seems to work well for them - they are 27, 18 and 16 year old boys...
johan Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 Moose, I think you need to consider your own insecurities here. This is a chance to understand how your relationship with your family really works. Those who have read your history know that you've struggled to maintain your status in your household. Getting respect from your wife and from your kids has been a theme in many of your posts. You aren't going to get their respect by losing control (you DID lose control by allowing the situation turn into that) and resorting to physical "restraint" or whatever you want to call it. Sure they are boys. But physically challenging each other within a family should be completely off the table. It's a sign of dysfunction, and as the family leader, you're the one who should be stepping forward to address it. Not perpetuate it.
a4a Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 Well you are passing on your parenting skills to your son. I hope he doesn't go overboard accidently on one of your grand kids. I recall my H talking about his father - he was hit once by him when he mouthed off. He said that was not the most terrible thing for him to experience, it only happened one time. No big deal. First and last time they ever got into a physical scuffle, involved a single slap across the face. The worst was when his father looked him in the eye and simply said "I am disappointed in you" and walked away. From that day on my H said he was a model son. You need to find a way to get him to want to please you and be productive. Make it his idea to be responsible and caring. Forcing it won't do it. It might work for a couple of weeks or months, but it won't hold up in the long run. Fear does not get you respect. Respect gets you respect.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 I agree with alot of the posters that the physical release of your anger toward your son was extreme. I'm happy to hear you are working out a suitable punishment with your son. Please do not forget to tell him how glad you are that he's alright, and how hurt you and your whole family and circle of friends would be if something more serious had happened to him or his friend. This type of fear instilled into a young person will get them to think twice next time they are in a similar situation. I'm surprised that nothing was said regarding his license. Where I come from this kid would have lost his learner's and would have had to wait at least two more years before being allowed to obtain it again...providing the accident was reported, which would have been the right thing to do, either by you or the neighbor who's child was injured.
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