I'm getting too old for this $&*#!!!

[Moose]

A little history......the 19 year old had a piece of junk car he was using. Mrs. Moose and I deemed it unsafe and got him a lil' pick em up truck. We handed the piece of junk over to the 17 year old to practice driving a stick to get his license......he's a little behind in that department.

 

So anyway......the deal was he isn't to drive it unless I'm home and with him, (he has his learner's permit). Soooo.....I got home from the cemetery last night and find my son's car in the driveway with the hood up, water everywhere, and the front driver's side quarter panel crushed in.

 

I walked into the house and found Mrs. Moose in her usual spot in front of the TV. I asked her what happened......she didn't have a clue.....

 

I asked where the 17 year old was......she didn't have a clue......

 

So....I told her....not ask, TOLD her to go look in the driveway......she flipped a wig needless to say.....

 

We found the 17 year old hiding in his room.....and proceeded to question him as to why the car had been wrecked. He blamed it on the neighbor kid, said that the neighbor kid had been driving it......lol

 

Anyway.....I took his word for it and left it at that, took the keys and told him he's not driving for a month now. Gave him the lecture on not letting other people drive his car, that he went totally against the rules......so on and so on.....That didn't seem to bother him.

 

I went about my business, was doing some welding on one of the stock trailers when the neighbor kid's Dad pulls in. "How's your son and his friend doing?" he asked......I said.....um okay I suppose......

 

"Well, I was a little concerned because his friend was bleeding pretty good....I know he needed stiches in his lip for sure....."

 

I"M FLOORED! I'm like, "WHAT????"!!!!!!

 

"Oh yeah", he says, "He held a wet towel on it the whole time I pulled the car out of the creek with my tractor......."

 

(oh this is getting GOOD now.......) I'm thinking......

 

I asked him what happened........He stood there like a deer in headlights....."Ohhhhh......you don't know do you?" he said....."your boy and his friend where chasing my kid on his dirt bike.....they lost control and flew off the bridge into the creek"......(about a 6 foot drop)...."I had to get the tractor and a couple booms to get it out"......

 

We finish our conversation, I apologize to him for my son's actions, then proceeded to confront the boy about it. I walked back into the house, ask him to join me and his mother in the living room.

 

I simply asked him, "This is your last chance to tell me what happened with the car."

 

He didn't say a word. Usually he'd be defending himself at this point, but instead, it was silent. His mom is rolling her eyes......"Well????"

 

He never confessed. So I told him that I just spoke with the neighbor and got the whole story, so I repeated it for Mrs. Moose to hear.

 

Well....she flipped another wig.......

 

After she was done with her schpeel.....I told him that for the rest of the summer, he will not be using his laptop, I'm taking his phone out of his room, (satellite as well), and he's not using the pool either......

 

That did it. He went into a raging rampage! He gets up, starts yelling at me, and shouting how unfair I am....yada yada.....telling me that I've done worse when I was his age......well....it got physical.....

 

First, I put him back in his seat with a shove. He tried getting back up, but was met with an equally forceful shove to set him back down. I explained to him that when I was his age, I wasn't even living at home, but if I had been, and I put someone's life in danger, I would be a bloody pulp from the beatings my step-dad would've given me.

 

Instead, I chose to take away what's valuable to him, and that he had better settle down, and treat me with respect or he'll get the beating as well. He managed to knock me off balance and tried to leave the house at that point.

 

Well, I wasn't having it, so I grabbed him by the shirt tail and it ripped completely off with ease. So I put him in an arm lock and drug him back on the deck.

 

The boy is healthy......let me tell ya......even after his heart surgery, he hasn't shown any weakness whatsoever.

 

I told him that he wasn't going to just walk away from me without my permission. I wasn't finished with him, and he needs to stay put until I am. He fought, and fought.....trying to trip me, trying, "moves" to get away.....finally I put a, "sleeper" on him and laid him on the ground.

 

When he came to, I told him he could leave and walk off his anger.......

 

Mrs. Moose says I was pretty harsh banning him from all of his luxuries for the entire summer......I told her that putting someone's life in danger is a serious offense......and I'm standing by my decision.....

 

Sooooo what do you guys think? Was I too harsh? Do you think I was too phsyical with the boy? Ever catch your teen in a lie? What did you do? What would you have done in my situation?

 

One thing I know for certain.....I'm too old for this anymore!!!!

[sb129]

Oh Moose, I have the biggest sense of deja vu!

My brother is 27 now, but when he was 16, he and a friend crashed the friends mothers car. i think my brother was driving at the time. It was totally wrecked,- neither of them were hurt.

 

But as you can imagine both sets of parents flipped out, and my dad had to split the cost of the repairs with the other kids parents.

 

They were being idiots, stupid and irresponsible- not a good combination when you are in control of a vehicle.

 

Sometimes I wonder why the driving age is so young!

 

Not sure what advice i am offering you, just letting you know that you aren't alone.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

OMG, I'm sorry for laughing so hard half way through but I swear its the first time I've laughed in weeks. The end of your post brought me back to reality though.

 

Moose, it isn't that your punishment is undeserved or too harsh, its that it is unproductive. It continues to feed on the negative emotions, and he's a teen and his perspective (which sould be considered if you want to remediate as well as punish) is that nobody understands. There could be depression and acting out for other reasons that might even soley exist in his perception. His complete willingness to outright disobey in your face and to challenge you speaks loads. WE all need a coping mechanism, if you take away the mundane he will continue to seek it in other things even though he knows they are bad. I know that you have dealt with issues of substance abuse in your family, so maybe you can understand selfdistructive coping mechanisms.

 

I would not ask him to live with no escapes, TV and computer and phone, you are ripping out his life line. I would not allow him to get his liscense for another 6 months, take away his keys and find a damn HARD project for him to complete which includes alot of effort. THEN you are punishing, encouraging physical outlet for stress, and setting him up to accomplish something rather than to expend his energies trying to figure out how to get back at you.

[luvmy2ns]

IWWH, good answer.

 

Besides, Moose, if you take EVERYTHING away and he screws up again, then what are you going to do? lol

[Moose]

find a damn HARD project for him to complete which includes alot of effort

I'm already right in line with this.......I started a list last night and so far I have 15 projects.......lol....thanks!

[Ladyjane14]

I grew up in an area of the country where it wasn't all that unusual for a boy to jump up and take a swing at 'the old man'. Sometimes it's necessary I suppose to let one know he's not quite as grown up as he thinks he is.

 

I agree with IWWH though... I think when it comes to an incident like that, it means you probably don't have said boy's proper attention, not in a way that's conducive to respectful communication anyway. The key phrase in IWWH's post, at least for me... was "negative emotions".

 

Punishment is punishment... that's why they call it that, but maybe there's a way for the boy to take away a more positive lesson from this whole experience. I think you might do better by making the "punishment fit the crime" a little closer. He could fix the car or pay for it to be fixed, take another session of driver's ed, volunteer down at the hospital (where he can see what becomes of foolish drivers), or any number of things that are related to the specifics of what he did.

[EnigmaXOXO]

“Sleeper Hold” ... as in he blacked out (???)

 

According to the numerous councilors we employed to help us better manage our Bipolar teen, (& police officers that needed to be called when her physically violent rages got out of control) ... “You’re not allowed to restrain them physically, hold them down, or inflict bodily injury.” It’s not necessarily against the law to “spank” your child ... but you better not leave a mark. And unless your own life was in danger, knocking your kid out might very well be considered “abuse” should child protective services catch wind. IF that’s what you meant by “when he finally came to.”

 

Which often leaves you no recourse other than practical discipline via removing privileges.

 

Believe me, I understand how easy it is to ground your kid for the rest of their life when you begin to hand out punishment while in a fit of rage. The problem with that, is that you’re often unable to stick to those terms, yourself. And FOLLOW THOUGH is the most important structure you can give your child.

 

Our councilor’s advice: “Don’t set the punishment in the heat of the moment. Give yourself a day to calm down and think more rationally. Talk with you wife and “together” come up with an alternative you BOTH agree on and can stand behind together as a united front. Make it reasonable. The punishment should fit the crime. To do otherwise, leaves you and your parenting partner at odds with each other instead of your teen’s behavior.

 

Good cop versus bad cop equals screwed up kid and unhappy marriage. You’ve got to work hard at rewriting some of the dysfunctional parenting cycles you learned from your own folks. Isn’t easy, but absolutely doable.

 

And if you still find it too difficult to cope, you can always seek some professional advice like we did. Every little bit helps.

 

PS ... try to get a grip on that ol’ temper, Moose.

[Art_Critic]

Do you think I was too phsyical with the boy?

 

I don't really think you were too harsh in your punishment... maybe not the best time to dish it out though..

Maybe after a few hours later on in the evening would've been better..

that was how my Dad always dealt punishment.. Later.. he would let you think about what you did then you would talk about and he would punsish us..

 

Now.. the physical part ???.. oh hell yes you were way over the line..

 

On top of the fact that it was less than a month ago that he had heart surgery you also made him black out.. WTF ?

You crossed the line..

You need to apologize to your son

[Topper]

If there are medical bills he should pay for them. Also even if the car is next to worthless it has some value. He should also pay for any repairs if it is worth repairing and or the value of the car if it is not worth repairing.

Next i would give him a chance to earn some privileges. If he does one of you task and does it well without whining B&tching or complaining let him have the use of the pool fora weekend. or the computer. Another chore well done earns another privilege.

I hope he used stands that your anger is because he and his friend could have been killed or crippled for life. I hope this turns into one of those lessons that last a life time. Cars are great a lot of fun and they can also kill you when your being stupid.

Good luck Moose.

[Moose]

Thanks LJ!

 

Fixing the car is already number 1 on the list.

 

Hauling the neighbors hay is number 7 to repay him for pulling the car out of the creek.

 

Volunteering at the hospital is one I haven't though of yet......good one though, it shall be added!

“You’re not allowed to restrain them physically, hold them down, or inflict bodily injury.”

Social Services and I have been 'round that block SEVERAL times......the result is always the same.......he's my kid, if I want/need to restrain him, I'm going to. Trust me when I say I know when it's warranted, and when it's not......

 

I'll never allow society to tell me how to discipline my kids. I'm the one ultimately responsible for how they turn out. Now, if society wants to take on THAT responsibility, then they can have it. We all know that'll never happen.....

[Moose]

On top of the fact that it was less than a month ago that he had heart surgery you also made him black out.. WTF ?

Chill out AC......he's as healthy as a horse, and we have the tests to prove it.....give me a little credit here......his heart rate was a helluva lot better after his, "nap"......

[IfWishesWereHorses]

On top of the fact that it was less than a month ago that he had heart surgery you also made him black out.. WTF ?

 

Moose,

 

Is he on any medications for this??

[Moose]

AC, I meant to also say that I won't be apologizing to him. We are the best of friends now......I believe I earned some respect back from him. He knows that he's screwed up majorly.

 

I will take your advice on waiting to dish out punishments out of the heat of the moment though....thanks....

 

And I deserved what you said, I asked for your opinion.....

[Moose]

On top of the fact that it was less than a month ago that he had heart surgery you also made him black out.. WTF ?

 

Moose,

 

Is he on any medications for this??

Nope. None at all. All of his tests were normal less than a week after the albration.

[Art_Critic]

And I deserved what you said, I asked for your opinion.....

 

Ah moose.. I have always felt I could tell you my thoughts no holds barred..

I'm not judging.. never judging as I'm not in your shoes..

 

That few hours that we had to wait for my dad to hand out the punishment was excruciating.. probably more effective than the punishment itself..

[johan]

I think there was no need to get physical like that. You can be just as effective as a parent without the need to physically dominate your kid. Maybe you got your way, but you didn't get his respect. The only way he's going to feel good about himself in the future is to somehow one-up you. Or to start getting into fights with other kids and try to dominate them like you did him.

 

I'm sure I've just wasted an entire paragraph of typing, but that's what I think.

[Trimmer]

he's my kid, if I want/need to restrain him, I'm going to. Trust me when I say I know when it's warranted, and when it's not......

 

I have to agree with Johan. Moose, I've got to give it to you straight, and I probably won't change your mind, but using the word "restrain" is a bit of an understatement here. First, I'll assume you were doing a correct "sleeper" hold, working against the carotid arteries along the sides of the neck, and not a "choke hold", which works against airflow in the windpipe. You probably already know that this works by restricting the flow of blood to the brain (maybe you have training...), and yes, it's relatively safe, especially when compared to choke holds, but there can be complications if you hit the right (or wrong...) spots. Google <bradycardia sleeper hold>. It may be rare, but boy, wouldn't it suck to kill your kid? Another understatement to match "restrain."

 

Even more to the point, though, I think it's a misnomer to call it "restraining" when what you are doing is forcibly blocking the flow of blood to a person's brain until it ceases functioning correctly. Pretty much every system in the body is related to ensuring the survival of the brain, effected by the flow of oxygenated blood through the carotids. Apart from the potential (maybe small) medical complications, the message you sent is: Here is the path to death. I am going to open the gate and force you part way down that path, and then by the grace of my self-control, I will allow you to return, but don't forget to "respect" me, because I could take your very life away.

 

Is that any less violent - any less of a physical "violation" - than punching someone?

[Moose]

I think there was no need to get physical like that.

And I do too. My son should've already known what kind of response he would receive be showing his dis-respect to his parents.

You can be just as effective as a parent without the need to physically dominate your kid.

Personally, I don't "feel" the need to dominate anyone. BUT, I do want my kid(s) to be individuals able to function without being defiant to those who deserve respect. AND, very receptive to what would happen to them in the real world if they don't do so.

Maybe you got your way, but you didn't get his respect.

I truly hope you're wrong.

The only way he's going to feel good about himself in the future is to somehow one-up you.

I truly hope you're right.

[Moose]

Is that any less violent - any less of a physical "violation" - than punching someone?

I'm wrestling with that question right now. But to be honest with you, punching someone into a mound of swelling bloody flesh is what my step-dad would've done. I still love him, (step dad) because I understand NOW what demons he was/is battling with.

 

As you tell, I didn't really have a role model, "father" so to speak.....so I learned to defend myself from a professional.

 

Putting my taller, heavier, and stronger son to the deck without knocking him upside the head with a 2X4 was a good call in my book.

 

I'm getting good feedback though Trimmer, and that's what I wanted. The majority so far has been, "let the teen go, and 'lax on numbin' the mind"....

 

I know that idle hands and minds are evil......so that ain't happenin.....

[love necessity]

I have to agree with Johan. Moose, I've got to give it to you straight, and I probably won't change your mind, but using the word "restrain" is a bit of an understatement here. First, I'll assume you were doing a correct "sleeper" hold, working against the carotid arteries along the sides of the neck, and not a "choke hold", which works against airflow in the windpipe. You probably already know that this works by restricting the flow of blood to the brain (maybe you have training...), and yes, it's relatively safe, especially when compared to choke holds, but there can be complications if you hit the right (or wrong...) spots. Google <bradycardia sleeper hold>. It may be rare, but boy, wouldn't it suck to kill your kid? Another understatement to match "restrain."

 

Even more to the point, though, I think it's a misnomer to call it "restraining" when what you are doing is forcibly blocking the flow of blood to a person's brain until it ceases functioning correctly. Pretty much every system in the body is related to ensuring the survival of the brain, effected by the flow of oxygenated blood through the carotids. Apart from the potential (maybe small) medical complications, the message you sent is: Here is the path to death. I am going to open the gate and force you part way down that path, and then by the grace of my self-control, I will allow you to return, but don't forget to "respect" me, because I could take your very life away.

 

Is that any less violent - any less of a physical "violation" - than punching someone?

 

I agree with you Trim.

 

He's lucky he didn't cause his son permanent brain damage. Causing hypoxia, is no way to punish a child. It is far from discipline, and it is far from the right way.

 

Your son still had fresh wounds from the surgery, too! You really didn't have to do all that.

 

I understand everyone has his/her own way of dealing with their kids, but physical or even emotional abuse is not the route to go. In the end your kids will just resent you. Blaming you for everything that they do wrong, just like 20 years later and you are still blaming your step-dad for your some of your issues.

 

You say that you know what if felt like to be beat by your step-dad, well, why haven't you learned from that yet. Your son is 17 now, it's just too late to blame that on your step-dad, and if you truly do, then you should seriously seek professional help to let go of the built up anger.

 

Using physical abuse is only showing your children that it's ok to phys hurt someone. Your son is 17 now, if you had to "restrain" him just to call him out on his wrong, then I suggest you get some help for the sack of your relationship with your son.

 

I hope you liked my advice. I'm not out to try and offend anyone.

[Moose]

He's lucky he didn't cause his son permanent brain damage.

There's literally no chance of that happening with that manuever.

Causing hypoxia, is no way to punish a child.

I wasn't punishing him, I was re-gaining control to avoid damage to himself, and anyone else in his path....

It is far from discipline, and it is far from the right way.

Again, I didn't knock him out to discipline him, I brought him under control, the discipline is still in the works, and will be for months.....

Your son still had fresh wounds from the surgery, too!

He had a cardiac ablation......look it up.....he's completely healed and as awnry as ever.....

I understand everyone has his/her own way of dealing with their kids, but physical or even emotional abuse is not the route to go.

I totally agree. I also believe that when neccessary, you have to put your kids back into their place to remind them of who is in charge. I will not allow them to stomp around in my house, slam my doors, break my windows, call their mother names, and out right disrespect me.

 

Furthermore, I will not stand for them getting into my face, acting like they have the ability to, in his words, "knock my dick in the dirt", then turn around and walk away.

 

I don't know about most parents, but tell you what....you tell me what, or how you would've dealt with this situation. All you've done thus far is twist my, "restraint" into "punishment"......

[dbtmarley]

Putting your son in a sleeper hold and causing him to black out was a bit over the top. Why? A kid in my high school died from being put in a sleeper hold..

 

That is the part I have an issue with, but hey he's your son.

 

 

I do wonder what choice you had other than to get physical. I mean he did buck up against you and I do agree you needed to show him that will not be allowed! If you showed an ounce of weakness or just allowed him to do it no telling what it would have evolved into, either then or in the future. I agree you needed to show him he was not about to whip dad! You just kind of went over board with the sleeper hold, Mr Benoit!!

 

 

I did stuff like this when I was your son's age. My father, a Marine, did pretty much what you did.. For the most part he was OK.. but when I screwed up big like your son did, we would go at it. Before I was 19 he always got the upper hand.. He even choked me once til I blacked out and I never forgot it. We would be "friends" between this and that.. just like you and your boy, but I harbored anger and it festered. I ended up kicking his ass when I was 19, sadly it was almost liberating. I regret it to this day...

 

You know I feared his voice so much more than anything physical he ever did. All that caused me was a temper and anger issue that took me years to resolve.

 

I am not judging you.. but I will tell you getting physical with him won't be the total solution to this. May I ask, what did your wife think when you made him pass out?

[Moose]

I am not judging you.. but I will tell you getting physical with him won't be the total solution to this.

I agree. We've been talking about it, and he understands why I had to do what I did. We've been working together on expressing our frustration(s) differently. And we're putting a plan together on how he can make up for what he did, and how I can better manage him using HIS suggestions.

May I ask, what did your wife think when you made him pass out?

She didn't say anything about it. She knew I was in full control. When he woke up, he walked it off, came back home and they talked for a while. Later on that night he apologized to me. I asked her if she thought I went overboard, she said that he had it coming.....

[love necessity]

:)

There's literally no chance of that happening with that manuever.

 

Ah, but your wrong, because there is still that chance of that happening. Anytime you are depriving oxygen from the brain, there is the chance to cause permanent brain damage, or kill someone all together.

 

I was re-gaining control to avoid damage to himself, and anyone else in his path....Again, I didn't knock him out to discipline him, I brought him under control, the discipline is still in the works, and will be for months.....

 

Those may have been your intentions, I'm not saying they weren't, however, your behavior was irrational. Thank god your son came to it, because what may have been control at the time could have "killed" him, too!

 

 

He had a cardiac ablation......look it up.....he's completely healed and as awnry as ever.....I totally agree. I also believe that when neccessary, you have to put your kids back into their place to remind them of who is in charge. I will not allow them to stomp around in my house, slam my doors, break my windows, call their mother names, and out right disrespect me.

 

I looked it up, and your right, it is an easy procedure, but you can't disregard that fact that your son had a heart problem. I looked up how people get heart arrhythmias and many factors that can cause it are unhealthy diets, smoking, stress, and people who already have heart disorders.

 

Stress, can cause heart arrhythmia and I did read that heart arrhythmia can reoccur again. I think that you and your son need to work different ways to discipline him, for the sake of his health. When I say this, I mean, cut out all the hostility and yelling and running around like a chicken with your head cut off.

 

Instead of getting hot blood, take a day to calm down, then talk about it with your son.

 

I agree with you that you won't let your kids stomp around your house disrespecting you, I wouldn't either. However, your son is 17 now, and should have enough respect for you by now. I'm not saying that he doesn't have any, but maybe you made some wrong parenting choices as he was being brought up? I don't know, but I think that by now, you should have some kind of understanding with your kids.

 

Oh, by the way. What your son did was totally wrong. I'm going to give you two common ways people go about this situation and how the two ways work.

 

Parent A & Child A

Would get all hysterical, because they feel betrayed by their child A. They would go into a rage and start arguing with their child A. The child A responds, by not listening and starts yelling and because his parent A shows that it's ok. Parent A really has not control, because child A doesn't respect the fact that Parent A is yelling and acting harsh. Next thing you know both parent A & child A are hurt from physical and emotional altercation. Both parent and child feel as though the other hates them. (Not the right way to go)..Oh, by the way, the cycle repeats itself. You proved that, please don't deny it.

 

or

 

Parent B & Child B

Would get upset, but calmly confront Child B. Child B would understand, because child B respects how Parent B handled the situation. Now, Parent B does have control. Next, Parent B gives child discipline. There really wasn't much to say, because we've cut out all that yelling and rage, which in return, keeps the atmosphere pleasant.

 

Ok, so now you have child A and child B as adults.

 

In the working world Child B is more assertive with his or her wants. He nows how to handle situations in calm quiet manners.

 

Child B, doesn't know how to handle situations. Because child B is going to think the only way to solve a problem is by using aggressive behavior.

 

 

But, hitting a child or teenage, is not going to teach them how to think about what they did.

[love necessity]

:)

There's literally no chance of that happening with that manuever.

 

Ah, but your wrong, because there is still that chance of that happening. Anytime you are depriving oxygen from the brain, there is the chance to cause permanent brain damage, or kill someone all together.

 

I was re-gaining control to avoid damage to himself, and anyone else in his path....Again, I didn't knock him out to discipline him, I brought him under control, the discipline is still in the works, and will be for months.....

 

Those may have been your intentions, I'm not saying they weren't, however, your behavior was irrational. Thank god your son came to it, because what may have been control at the time could have "killed" him, too!

 

 

He had a cardiac ablation......look it up.....he's completely healed and as awnry as ever.....I totally agree. I also believe that when neccessary, you have to put your kids back into their place to remind them of who is in charge. I will not allow them to stomp around in my house, slam my doors, break my windows, call their mother names, and out right disrespect me.

 

I looked it up, and your right, it is an easy procedure, but you can't disregard that fact that your son had a heart problem. I looked up how people get heart arrhythmias and many factors that can cause it are unhealthy diets, smoking, stress, and people who already have heart disorders.

 

Stress, can cause heart arrhythmia and I did read that heart arrhythmia can reoccur again. I think that you and your son need to work different ways to discipline him, for the sake of his health. When I say this, I mean, cut out all the hostility and yelling and running around like a chicken with your head cut off.

 

Instead of getting hot blood, take a day to calm down, then talk about it with your son.

 

I agree with you that you won't let your kids stomp around your house disrespecting you, I wouldn't either. However, your son is 17 now, and should have enough respect for you by now. I'm not saying that he doesn't have any, but maybe you made some wrong parenting choices as he was being brought up? I don't know, but I think that by now, you should have some kind of understanding with your kids.

 

Oh, by the way. What your son did was totally wrong. I'm going to give you two common ways people go about this situation and how the two ways work.

 

Parent A & Child A

Would get all hysterical, because they feel betrayed by their child A. They would go into a rage and start arguing with their child A. The child A responds, by not listening and starts yelling and because his parent A shows that it's ok. Parent A really has not control, because child A doesn't respect the fact that Parent A is yelling and acting harsh. Next thing you know both parent A & child A are hurt from physical and emotional altercation. Both parent and child feel as though the other hates them. (Not the right way to go)..Oh, by the way, the cycle repeats itself. You proved that, please don't deny it.

 

or

 

Parent B & Child B

Would get upset, but calmly confront Child B. Child B would understand, because child B respects how Parent B handled the situation. Now, Parent B does have control. Next, Parent B gives child discipline. There really wasn't much to say, because we've cut out all that yelling and rage, which in return, keeps the atmosphere pleasant.

 

Ok, so now you have child A and child B as adults.

 

In the working world Child B is more assertive with his or her wants. He nows how to handle situations in calm quiet manners.

 

Child B, doesn't know how to handle situations. Because child B is going to think the only way to solve a problem is by using aggressive behavior.

 

 

But, hitting a child or teenage, is not going to teach them how to think about what they did.