McFadden Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 That is true. I think his behavior and overreacting are the issue more than anything.
norajane Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 Did I say you owed him a full explanation? Not at all. Just be straight up, simple and to the point. I'm meeting some friends and associates during the week, and on the weekend I'm busy with work and an event I'm attending Vague and simple. I don't really see how that's better than what SG did say to him. How does it make him feel like she's not playing games if she offers that explanation? I don't get it. I do, however, believe that what she said was wayyyyyy better because she 1) expressed excitement at getting together and 2) offered two alternate dates. All he had to do was pick one of those dates and arrange a time/place. HIS response, on the other hand, seemed wayyyyy out of line with hers. Just to reccap: Michael: So, would you like to get together for happy hour? Star: Sure, that would be great! But this week is bad for me. How about sometime next week? Monday or Thursday, perhaps? Michael: Well, if I thought you were going to be this difficult, I wouldn't have asked.In the past, I've told friends that I was "too busy" to attend their parties. In reality, I just didn't feel like going because I didn't know anybody. I didn't want to admit that to them, so I just said I was "too busy." Well guess what? I didn't get invited to their parties again. I'm sure if I had just explained my predicament, they would have been a little more understanding and given me the benefit of the doubt. I'm sorry, but this is an ENTIRELY different situation. Here, you LIED to your friends about why you weren't going to their parties. You weren't actually busy. Are you saying that if you had offered an explanation about what you were busy doing (more lies), your friends would have invited you to other parties in the future? Had you offered the real explanation, it would have made a huge difference. These people were your friends, so presumably, they would have tried to make you more comfortable at the party.
daphne Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 Anyways, its amazing to see how people attack you when you don't agree with them. As I recall reading, you insulted jcster because jcster disagreed with you. I actually believe your argument has merit, although it's a bit extremist. Regardless, your style of argument isn't particularly taking teh high road either.
Herzen Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 It's a long string of bad luck, which will play itself out. As for baby Michael, the guy should grow some balls and act like a man instead of a petulant child. He's one big whine. Imagine that you two did the deed, and you were candid in your appraisal of the event. He'd probably throw one huge tantrum. If you hook up with this loser, you'll be changing his diapers for years.
VinaAmez Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 Am I doing something to bring this on, or am I just having a string of bad luck with some odd guys? I'll say this, if this is a pattern with you and every guy you date, it's you.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 3, 2007 Author Posted July 3, 2007 I'll say this, if this is a pattern with you and every guy you date, it's you. This is a pattern in guys who ask me out for a date upon which I am unavailable. I never end up "dating" them because of this sort of reaction. I'm not going to break previous plans or offer up a detailed explanation. If that's going to cause the demise of my romantic future, so be it. In addition, that's like saying if you're always getting cheated on you deserve it. Whatever.
Touche Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 This is a pattern in guys who ask me out for a date upon which I am unavailable. I never end up "dating" them because of this sort of reaction. I'm not going to break previous plans or offer up a detailed explanation. If that's going to cause the demise of my romantic future, so be it. In addition, that's like saying if you're always getting cheated on you deserve it. Whatever. I kind of see what Vina is saying though. No, the person doesn't deserve to be cheated on but if the person keeps ending up with men who cheat on her then it IS on her to an extent. It means she keeps picking the same type of losers. I think in your case, maybe that's what Vina is saying. But I don't know. All I know is that was an extremely rude reply from him and no gentleman would reply that way. I agree with you. I wouldn't even bother with someone like that.
Leadnfllw Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 I'm a guy but here's my take on the reason this is happening a lot. Here's the scenario, guy is 'nice' his entire life and doesn't seem to be getting many dates. Guy then figures he must assert his authority and prove immediately that he won't be walked over by women to gain respect. Guy then resorts to acting this way. Plus it doesn't help that there is an entire community of guys preaching this stuff saying this is the right way to get women(act like a dick and she'll like you) I'll be honest and say I've fallen for this type of stuff, like completely 'calling a woman on her bull****' because I thought she was playing games. Unfortunately sometimes it's NOT the case and you come off like an *******. Here's another thing, it completely ****s you up when you're in a relationship because you're constantly looking for reasons for the girl to slip up so you can 'call her on her BS.' It's a bad situation and never allows you to actually RELAX and just enjoy being with each other. At times it's required to put your foot down, but if you're just waiting for her to slip up that's no way to go through dating.
McFadden Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 This is a pattern in guys who ask me out for a date upon which I am unavailable. I never end up "dating" them because of this sort of reaction. I'm not going to break previous plans or offer up a detailed explanation. If that's going to cause the demise of my romantic future, so be it. In addition, that's like saying if you're always getting cheated on you deserve it. Whatever. It must be bad luck. I have never had a guy react that way if I try to postpone something. I have almost the opposite problem. Sometimes I don't want to hang out with someone but I don't want to break that to them, so I keep telling them I'm busy or I don't feel like going out without offering a futrue date and they endlessly keep trying to make plans. So guys: I think the rule should be that if she tries to postpone one or two times, go along with it and don't make a big deal. If she tries to postpone more than 10 times take a hint, its not going anywhere. Jk, lol..but kind of true.
johan Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 Some guys consider it such an insult to be jerked around or rejected by women, and it makes them feel so out of control, that they will overcompensate later on with others. I think that's just a symptom of a fragile ego and a lack of self-knowledge. Women often do a similar thing. It's not unusual to start hearing about how confident, powerful, and assertive a woman is, from her own mouth, only minutes after starting to talk to her for the first time. It's certainly not something I ask about, but I end up hearing about it anyway. I feel like I'm being notified of just what kind of person she wishes she could be, and she'd be happy if I would just believe it. Confident people don't overcompensate. In fact, a truly confident person doesn't worry a whole lot about how others might jerk them around. For one thing, it's not that big a deal, and for another if it happens it's not that hard to move on.
johan Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 And, by the way, it should be clear that my post was the definitive response, so no further analysis will be needed by anyone else here. Carry on.
VinaAmez Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 This is a pattern in guys who ask me out for a date upon which I am unavailable. I never end up "dating" them because of this sort of reaction. I'm not going to break previous plans or offer up a detailed explanation. If that's going to cause the demise of my romantic future, so be it. Please tell me you don't tell them you can't, give them other dates without explanation and leave it at that. In addition, that's like saying if you're always getting cheated on you deserve it. Whatever. Was typing this smart a** response necessary?
Yamaha Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 If a women gives you an alternative time for the date then she is interested in getting to know you. If she leaves you hanging then you just move on. He is looking to reject you before you reject him. He is childish and immature so you are well rid of him.
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