EnigmasMuse Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 I had to do it. I had to for my own sanity, but yet I feel bad for doing so, but feel it was also the best choice. I had to let go of a friendship that had become toxic. The whole thing drained me. We were friends for years, but you know, the whole time I knew her, she was always in a bad situation it seemed. She was pretty negative about most things. I tried to be her friend, I tired to always be there for her if I could. I would listen to her, and offer advice if she asked, or was just there for her to vent to. Over the years it seemed no matter how much she complained to me about things and her life, I never saw her try to change anything, meaning herself. She knew she should change her ways and that she couldn't change those around her, but she could herself. She was the type who would talk about it but wouldn't do it. She couldn't stand her husband, he was an ass to her, he was mentally and verbally abusive to her, is alot of what I would hear, her kids got on her nerves, her in laws were horrible people etc you name it, and it was a bother to her that all these people in her life had these problems and wouldn't get help, and she felt that everyone else was her problem. I'm not saying they didn't have issues of their own, and needed some help to maybe, but I think the thing with her is she always blamed others for her life, how she felt, what mood she may have been in that day and so on. She would call me with the latest gossip on so and so, but had been quick over the years to tell me she didn't talk bad about others, like family and friends behind their back. Well, that was a lie she did, made me wonder what kinds of things she had said about me over the years. She thrived on negative things, and seemed to be stuck in the victim role. I do feel bad for her. I hate that her life isn't the way she wanted it to be. Like I said I didn't mind being there for her, but after 14 years, of hearing the same stuff, watching the same things take place, it got old. I realized she was bringing me down. I feel her negativity influnced my life more that I knew, and I couldn't have that. I was turning into somone I didn't like. I thought more of myself than to remain in a situation such as that. I don't mean thought more of myself as in arrogant, but thought more of my well being and sanity. I had thought about just backing off some, and not severing ties altogether, but knew that wouldn't work and that somehow I would get sucked back into her world if I didn't make a clean complete break from it. The bad part is, over the past few weeks, I'm hearing from good sources, how she is now saying, I think I'm better than her, and that I was never really her friend blah blah. It makes me feel bad and I guess thats what she wanted, but I know thats not so, and she does to. So if it makes her feel better to talk, then I'll let her. I have also heard how all of a sudden after 14 years of her life being hell, her situation seems to have turned around and is better than it ever was. I'm not saying its not possible, but wow, all those years of her life being in turmoil and now it got better quickly. I wish her the best then. Has anyone else been in a situation, with a family member or friend and had to let them go because it wasn't healthy? Sorry, I rattled on. I know my choice was good, but I do find I miss her at times. I think today is one of those days.
Curmudgeon Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 Has anyone else been in a situation, with a family member or friend and had to let them go because it wasn't healthy? Sorry, I rattled on. I know my choice was good, but I do find I miss her at times. I think today is one of those days. I was married to her for 25 years. The relationshiop became toxic. Time to let go. I don't miss her one bit. No regrets!
Author EnigmasMuse Posted July 3, 2007 Author Posted July 3, 2007 I was married to her for 25 years. The relationshiop became toxic. Time to let go. I don't miss her one bit. No regrets! That's great C that you let that situation go. And you don't miss her, but see that's something I'm not sure I understand with myself. Even though I'm glad of my choice, I still find I miss talking to her sometimes. Kind of like an alcoholic, who even though they gave it up and quit, they still miss it kind of thing. I dunno.
JackJack Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 Has anyone else been in a situation, with a family member or friend and had to let them go because it wasn't healthy? Yes, I sure have. However, it was a buddy of mine who cut me out of his life. So this is the flip side I suppose. It was over a misunderstanding...... I said something that he took the wrong way.... It wasn't meant to be the way he took it at all. Maybe he was just extra sensitive like that, I have no clue...... What bothered me the most was, he never even bothered to find out if what I said was what I really meant. I called, sent an email, and text, trying to explain it to him and that I was sorry he took what I said the wrong way...... He never acknowledged me trying to be in touch with him period. I had people tell me, I didn't need him if he was going to act like that, and that he obviously wasn't much of a friend either, if he didn't even bother to find out or at aleast listen to my explanation...... But you see for him, it was all about being right. If he thinks he knows 100 percent what he heard and what was meant by it, then that's fine. He is only deceiving himself, because by him doing what he did, he actually done me a favor by not being my buddy anymore, because I didn't need anymore of that kind of attitude from him.
Trialbyfire Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 Not with family but yes, I've severed ties to friends and an ex-husband who were solely takers. Life's too short to allow someone to drain you dry.
PandorasBox Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 I imagine its not uncommon for someone to miss someone else that shared a part of their life with them, even though alot of what your friend shared was negative things. It was still a form of a bond you all shared together. I think you're missing her but not the situation. Sometimes severing ties with someone can be a blessing in disguise, even though it may hurt for awhile.
Hitman10000 Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 About women gossip. You know, I've always thought it was a "normal" okay thing for girls to do. But when they start talking trash about people vs talking about their adventures is two different things. One will poison your mind, the other one adds information. If you're gonna talk crap about people do so in brief and humorous ways, get a life too ladies or gentlemen who do this.
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