skeletonindacloset Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 I've been mourning the end of a relationship with a woman whom I still love very much and can't seem to let go of. She had a boyfriend while we were seeing each other and she claimed she was gonna leave him but then she became pregnant and said she was gonna stick with him instead. That's the short end of it. I've never felt bad for being in love with her but I've always felt like a horrible person for being a player in the role of infidelity. I never thought I'd be that guy. Well anyways, all these years later I still hurt and can't seem to move on. I would absolutely love to find something to help me not feel so crazy and like such a waste but it seems that the only women that want to spend time with me are married. I don't know why this is but I have four women at work making advances towards me and it's all extremely difficult to deal with, and the wife of a close friend who just got back from serving overseas always refers to me as "lover" and makes jokes about some affair while he was away. It never happened and everyone gets a roaring laugh over it but because I was in that situation with someone else I'm extremely overly sensitive about it and I wanna scream but I don't want to air my dirty laundry so I keep up with the jokes and laugh along with everyone else. I'm a firm believer in karma and am of the belief that these past few years of personal craziness have been the price that I've had to pay for being an attempted homewrecker. So I guess I wonder if this is a continuation of bad karma coming back to me and if so, when will I find peace? I've been thinking about maybe checking myself in for a little while because I've been having rather negative thoughts these past few years and they've only gotten worse. I guess I don't feel like I can handle this. I'm not exactly sure what I expect by posting this. I guess I just wanted to tell someone or something what was on my mind. Thank you for your time.
JackJack Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 it seems that the only women that want to spend time with me are married. I don't know why this is but I have four women at work making advances towards me and it's all extremely difficult to deal with. So...no single women at all has ever approached you or been interested in you? Just married women? Have you ever thought about going out, and seeing if you can mingle with single people? Do you not know of any single women you might like or be interested in?
jmargel Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 Unfortunetly you are not alone with the married women syndrom. I have been there, and went out/had sex with one while I was single. She 'fell in love' with me, but when I didn't recipoicate the feelings she went off the deep end and checked herself into a hospital for awhile. I had no clue the extremes that she was feeling. She was in an abusive relationship and at that time I didn't know the extent of what she was enduring. Alot of these women either feel unloved or want the challenge. In any event they are not in a good position within' life and themselves to be able to commit to a relationship with you. Unfortunetly for myself I also had a one-night stand with a woman that later told me she was married as well (I was also single at the time) and even now while I am married I noticed alot of other married women (both of my wife's friends and not) come onto me. I think they make it more of a game than anything. Actually after I got married I noticed women seem to be drawn to me more, only because perhaps they noticed that I must be worth something since someone married me. lol In any event, if you feel suicidal perhaps there are other issues that you are feeling that you need to get out, however see a doctor immediately if you feel this way. If you are not suicidal then talking on here and a individual counselor would help. Not all women are evil, alot of good hearted, single women are out there. IMO married women who are seeking outside the relationship are not being fair to the OM or their husbands. And even if you get one of these women to be with you it's only a matter of time before they do the same to you. They have issues within' themselves and should not project onto you. There is nothing wrong with admiring a married woman or being friendly with them, however you know the boundaries and more importantly they do as well. You need to stop beating yourself up over what has happened, there is no one out to get you. The most important part about your situation is that you learned from it. We make mistakes, we are human. Sometimes we get overwhelmed by the infactuation of the opposite sex and things we do we later regret. That doesn't make you a bad person.
Woggle Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 I have had married women come on to me as well but I never took them up on their offer. If you ask me men who mess around with married women are traders to their own gender. There is a man in the picture that thinks his wife loves while in reality she is screwing every other guy in sight and you are benefiting from that. If you ask me it is blood pussy gotten off the pain of another.
amerikajin Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 So...no single women at all has ever approached you or been interested in you? Just married women? Married women and women who are involved will often end up paying a lot more attention to a single guy than a single woman. I've experienced this myself - more than once. I've never had a full-on affair but damn there were one or two times when I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted to take them up on their offers. My theory is, married woman end up feeling neglected and start seeking validation. It's easier for a married woman to get validation from someone who is single because if the guy's got a woman, she has to be careful about not pissing off the girlfriend. She also knows that a single guy is probably going to be flattered by the attention and more willing to take her up on advances. Affairs often start out as a coping mechanism to deal with bruised egos. The spouse has a bruised ego or senses a lack of fulfillment, so she seeks out something outside the relationship. Often, they end up with people who have their own ego issues, such as "nice guys" who can't get laid any other way and are more than willing to give them the attention they want. Not always that way, but it is a lot of times. Of course sometimes it's about nothing more than selfishness and id. But most of the time, it's ego.
JackJack Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 Married women and women who are involved will often end up paying a lot more attention to a single guy than a single woman. I've experienced this myself - more than once. I've never had a full-on affair but damn there were one or two times when I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted to take them up on their offers. My theory is, married woman end up feeling neglected and start seeking validation. It's easier for a married woman to get validation from someone who is single because if the guy's got a woman, she has to be careful about not pissing off the girlfriend. She also knows that a single guy is probably going to be flattered by the attention and more willing to take her up on advances. Affairs often start out as a coping mechanism to deal with bruised egos. The spouse has a bruised ego or senses a lack of fulfillment, so she seeks out something outside the relationship. Often, they end up with people who have their own ego issues, such as "nice guys" who can't get laid any other way and are more than willing to give them the attention they want. Not always that way, but it is a lot of times. Of course sometimes it's about nothing more than selfishness and id. But most of the time, it's ego. hmmm...well I understand, but when I was single I didn't have married women hitting on me, Maybe I was doing something wrong. Or maybe it was a good thing.
PandorasBox Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 Just out of curiosty, these four women at your work who are making advances towards you, how are you handeling that? What do you say to them when they make comments to you?
Ladyjane14 Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 I've been thinking about maybe checking myself in for a little while because I've been having rather negative thoughts these past few years and they've only gotten worse. I guess I don't feel like I can handle this. Talk this over with your medical doctor. S/he will point you in the right direction. This "karma" business is probably just a manifestation of some underlying depression or anxiety, much like the other negative thoughts. Sometimes married women do seem 'flirty', and some actually are. It's an ego boost to be noticed by a single guy, afterall. But in alot of cases, the information can be easily misinterpreted. I've seen quite a number of married women take on an almost 'den-mother' type role regarding a young, single guy... seeing him as somebody who needs to be included in the group or to have his self-esteem boosted... since he doesn't have a woman of his own to look out for him. It could be that some of these women have noticed that you're struggling and they're just trying to make you feel better.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 But in alot of cases, the information can be easily misinterpreted. I've seen quite a number of married women take on an almost 'den-mother' type role regarding a young, single guy... seeing him as somebody who needs to be included in the group or to have his self-esteem boosted... since he doesn't have a woman of his own to look out for him. It could be that some of these women have noticed that you're struggling and they're just trying to make you feel better. This is insightful, I've been the den mother as the only married woman in a group of singles both men and women. Not a flirting relationship at all, so the ego boost in that respect doesn't even exist. But as a wife and a mom and a daughter ect... helping out and nurturing does fill me up. One of the single "nice" guys in the group ALWAYS has taken women around him for this very reason. Single women don't have the desire to nurture boo boos the way a den mom might.
Kislette Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 I think the reason married women are more likely to hit on you is because they don't have the same fear of rejection that single women have. In most cases, they aren't actually looking for a relationship. If they are looking for a relationship and you refuse their advances, they can think it's because they're married and not because you're not interested in them per se.
Author skeletonindacloset Posted July 3, 2007 Author Posted July 3, 2007 Thank you for all of your input everyone. I really do appreciate everything that everyone's had to say. I do have a tendency to believe that we'd all feel better about ourselves if people showered us with attention so it makes sense that a married woman or man would want to believe they've still "got it" after they're married. But man is it ever tough when you don't know what it is when it's happening and ya fall head first in love! None of my past relationships that have ended have ever caused me to feel so bitter towards the opposite sex as this one has. The relationships since then have all been careless throw away experiences that I hardly even remember and I just walk away feeling I like I just treated someone that was very nice to me like total crap. I knew this chick for 8 months before we started seeing each other. We only saw each other for two months solid and then on and off for about a year so, all tolled, we didn't spend too much time together romantically and yet now over three years later it's still the biggest focus in my adult life. I've avoided bars, quit bands, moved 1,000 miles away, and been on this crazy "create a new life for myself" path and three years into it I don't feel like I've come any further than I was when she told me we couldn't be together. I don't know why after three @#%$ing years I still hang out in the loud shower so my roommates can't hear me cry, no woman feels worth it to even look at, and I continually feel like I'm becoming a progressively worse and worse human being.
Kislette Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 This may not actually be about your ex. It sounds to me like you might be suffering from depression. I suggest you talk to your doctor about it. Even if it's not depression, counseling should help you be able to move on.
jmargel Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 We often romanticize our past with ex's, etc.. and let our imagination run wild in regards to them. You need to refocus your thoughts to more positive things. When you live in the past you can't move on with your life. There is no guarantee that the next woman you start a relationship won't hurt you but that is the thing about love. The reason why love hurts so much when it's over with is the same reason why it feels so good when we fall into it. I would highly suggest a counselor so you can get the guidence you need to help move on from this. I was in a depression/suicidal for about a year after my ex-fiancee left and from someone who has been through it, trust me when I say you will be happy again in life and find someone that is more compatible for you.
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