lino Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Lights, you still haven't said where you live exactly? Also the website still won't allow me to use private massaging, could you maybe ask me what you wanted to ask me in this topic?
Trimmer Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Therefore, as I explained to Trimmer, I use something closer to the "pretty much anywhere" approach you mentioned above instead. That's fine, and there's nothing inherently wrong with that - I told you myself about making fleeting, positive eye contact with an interesting woman in the grocery store the other day... BUT, it is important to realize that a very high proportion of women in the "pretty much anywhere" environment are just wanting to go about their business, and not only are they not expecting any kind of social approaches, a very high proportion of them will find such an approach unwelcome. This does not excuse a rude response on their part, but neither does your apparent frustration excuse you from a social obligation to be sensitive to the fact that you will generally be approaching someone who does not welcome your approach. UNLESS, that is, you work hard on increasing your sensitivity and your ability to read and react to body language. This gets back to the eye contact/smile thing. That's an opening. Absent some kind of opening like that, with a random woman in the "pretty much anywhere" environment, you can assume you are working an uphill task, at best, and if you are flat out missing or ignoring body language signs that say "leave me alone", (I wonder back to rude-shirt-woman in the gym...) you can expect a negative reaction. Personal space and body language instincts provide us with methods of communication as well as social boundaries, and while we can be consciously aware of them and use them to our advantage, our immediate reactions to them are often subconscious; if you intrude on someone's boundaries, it is not surprising that they may react defensively - sometimes in a knee-jerk, instinctive fashion. Again, your frustration at how life has treated you, the situation you are "forced" into, or your lack of willing prospects does not give you an excuse for ignoring those signs. These are common social graces you will need to succeed socially, and when you break that boundary, people get agitated and defensive, and will respond instinctively.
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