Misfit4life Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 HELP! Ok... I had a 6 month affair when I was separated from my wife. It was a very special relationship and I admit that I said things and did things that made her fall in love with me... in return...I ended up sharing feelings with her too. I talked about divorcing my wife which has always been in the back of my mind and during our 10 year marraige we've discussed it 3-4 times. My wife loves me to the end of the world. I am the love of her life. After returning from our separation with my wife, I found out that my OW had been calling my house and talking to my wife pretending she was someone else. She told my wife to look for some red panties that she had given me and my wife found them. She was devistated. I have since cut off ALL communication with this OW and she has continued to create problems for me. She also send photos and pictures of her giving me oral sex. (I know... I'm stupid for taking the photos) regardless... my wife has let it all go and has accepted that I got in over my head and was manipulated by this woman. My question is... I was convinced that this OW loved me and would NEVER do anything to harm or betray me. Why would she do this? Why would she think that she could force my hand in getting a divorce and think that I would still want to be with her. The truth is.... Even if I had gotten a divorce... I would have never been with this woman. I was planning on letting time heal all wounds. Does this OW really love me? and this is how she is letting me go... or does this OW really hate me and this is how she is trying to ruin my life as pay back for not giving her the "Fairy tale ending"...? I'm so confused. Someone please explain to me how someone who I trusted and provided for with everything...could do what they did to me and terrorize my wife like she did. I just don't get it. I've decided that I will NEVER make contact with the OW again. Ever.... Now that she is threatening me to go public and make a problem with my work...I'm trying to determine if it's a bluff to make me contact her...or if it should be a legitimate concern. My wife has told me that no matter what....she will protect me. I love my wife...and God forgive me for what I've done. My wife is the most special woman in the world and I am blessed to have her on my side. Please give me your thoughts..... Misfit4life...
Curmudgeon Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 HELP! Please give me your thoughts..... You're on your own, Bud. It's strictly between you and your wife.
Lizzie60 Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 HELP! Ok... I had a 6 month affair when I was separated from my wife. It was a very special relationship and I admit that I said things and did things that made her fall in love with me... in return...I ended up sharing feelings with her too. I talked about divorcing my wife which has always been in the back of my mind and during our 10 year marraige we've discussed it 3-4 times. My wife loves me to the end of the world. I am the love of her life. After returning from our separation with my wife, I found out that my OW had been calling my house and talking to my wife pretending she was someone else. She told my wife to look for some red panties that she had given me and my wife found them. She was devistated. I have since cut off ALL communication with this OW and she has continued to create problems for me. She also send photos and pictures of her giving me oral sex. (I know... I'm stupid for taking the photos) regardless... my wife has let it all go and has accepted that I got in over my head and was manipulated by this woman. My question is... I was convinced that this OW loved me and would NEVER do anything to harm or betray me. Why would she do this? Why would she think that she could force my hand in getting a divorce and think that I would still want to be with her. The truth is.... Even if I had gotten a divorce... I would have never been with this woman. I was planning on letting time heal all wounds. Does this OW really love me? and this is how she is letting me go... or does this OW really hate me and this is how she is trying to ruin my life as pay back for not giving her the "Fairy tale ending"...? I'm so confused. Someone please explain to me how someone who I trusted and provided for with everything...could do what they did to me and terrorize my wife like she did. I just don't get it. I've decided that I will NEVER make contact with the OW again. Ever.... Now that she is threatening me to go public and make a problem with my work...I'm trying to determine if it's a bluff to make me contact her...or if it should be a legitimate concern. My wife has told me that no matter what....she will protect me. I love my wife...and God forgive me for what I've done. My wife is the most special woman in the world and I am blessed to have her on my side. Please give me your thoughts..... Misfit4life... First off.... I don't think you were "manipulated' by the OW... you put yourself in that situation.. she didn't force you into it... she also didn't force you to take those pictures... etc... I think you were the 'manipulator' to some degree... you said: I said things and did things that made her fall in love with me so you mislead her...and now you're paying for that. Why would she do this? Because she probably thought (from what you told her) that she could have a life with you...but now she's pissed at you because you're back with your wife. The truth is.... Even if I had gotten a divorce... I would have never been with this woman. See...you mislead this woman... but you never told her she had no future with you... you said you shared some feelings for her... I'm afraid it's 'payback'... time for you. threatening me to go public and make a problem with my work...I'm trying to determine if it's a bluff to make me contact her...or if it should be a legitimate concern. This could be a bluff but from what I read, she's quite able to do pretty much anything... Oh well... I just hope you got your lesson.... don't make OW fall in love with you when you know damn well you're not that into her.... period... you got what you deserve..sorry but that's my opinion. My wife has told me that no matter what....she will protect me. I love my wife...and God forgive me for what I've done. My wife is the most special woman in the world and I am blessed to have her on my side. Oh puhhlleeze... spare us... 'she will protect me' ....
Author Misfit4life Posted July 3, 2007 Author Posted July 3, 2007 So you think I have nothing to worry about? Do you think the OW is doing this because she loves me or hates me? I can never talk to her again...so I'm looking to other people to give me their opinion based on experience. I need to know.. All I know is that I would NEVER do what she has done to anyone.. love or hate.
Tomcat33 Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 Let me get this straight, you love your wife and you are so very thankful and feel blessed that she forgave you yet you are concerned with whether this this OW really loves you? I don't understand why that is relevant, can you please explain why that concerns you now? I am very curious to know that to understand your question better.
norajane Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 My question is... I was convinced that this OW loved me and would NEVER do anything to harm or betray me. Why would she do this?You answered this in your thread title... Heav'n has no rage like love to hatred turn'd Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd. As convinced as you were that she loved you and would never do anything to harm or betray you, SHE also was convinced that you loved her and would never do anything to harm or betray her. She believed you when you talked of divorce, and she believed you loved her and wanted to be with her and would be with her after your divorce. And then you went back to your wife. So she feels betrayed. And while different women react differently in this situation, this lady simply will not ...go gentle into that good night. Instead, she has chosen to Rage, rage against the dying of the light
GreenEyedLady Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 My thoughts...Hmmmm...You cheated on your W and were content to have her not find out so your little fling would go undetected... I don't see why you're confused...people have emotions and when someone gets theirs stomped on, they react sometimes irrationally... My bet is she wants revenge and to hurt you as much as you hurt her... I wonder why you think she manipulated you-and not the other way around...you say that you said and did things to make her fall in love with you...Isn't that manipulation? I can't tell so much as you're sorry you cheated, or you're just sorry you got caught...but your W deserves better and I hope you spend the rest of your life making it up to her...
Lizzie60 Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 she's doing that because now she hates you. She probably knows that it's over, she won't get you back...so she has nothing to lose in trying to destroy you... really... No she's bitter and very angry at you... this is not love anymore...it's vengeance with a capital V... and sometimes payback is brutal...trust me on that one.
Author Misfit4life Posted July 3, 2007 Author Posted July 3, 2007 I apologize if I came off the wrong way.... I realize I'm getting what I deserved... and I have learned my lesson. My wife "protecting me" I simply meant that she would not escalate the situation that would put me in trouble at my work. Again.. I don't mean to come off the wrong way. I'm new here and am simply looking for any opinions or advice. Good or bad. Thank you for your comments. Misfit4life..
GreenEyedLady Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 All I know is that I would NEVER do what she has done to anyone.. love or hate. But you could break your marriage vows and sleep with someone else? That's so LESS worse than what she did...
Lizzie60 Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 Let me get this straight, you love your wife and you are so very thankful and feel blessed that she forgave you yet you are concerned with whether this this OW really loves you? I don't understand why that is relevant, can you please explain why that concerns you now? I am very curious to know that to understand your question better. I was going to ask him the same question... Strange isn't it that he is soooo concerned STILL about her love for him... hummm.. weird weird weird.
Tomcat33 Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 First off.... I don't think you were "manipulated' by the OW... you put yourself in that situation.. she didn't force you into it... she also didn't force you to take those pictures... etc... I think you were the 'manipulator' to some degree... you said: I said things and did things that made her fall in love with me so you mislead her...and now you're paying for that. Why would she do this? Because she probably thought (from what you told her) that she could have a life with you...but now she's pissed at you because you're back with your wife. The truth is.... Even if I had gotten a divorce... I would have never been with this woman. See...you mislead this woman... but you never told her she had no future with you... you said you shared some feelings for her... I'm afraid it's 'payback'... time for you. threatening me to go public and make a problem with my work...I'm trying to determine if it's a bluff to make me contact her...or if it should be a legitimate concern. This could be a bluff but from what I read, she's quite able to do pretty much anything... Oh well... I just hope you got your lesson.... don't make OW fall in love with you when you know damn well you're not that into her.... period... you got what you deserve..sorry but that's my opinion. My wife has told me that no matter what....she will protect me. I love my wife...and God forgive me for what I've done. My wife is the most special woman in the world and I am blessed to have her on my side. Oh puhhlleeze... spare us... 'she will protect me' .... And I agree with ALL of this Lizzie you were DEAD on!! Especially on pointing out who manipulated whom. Let's face it Misfit, you did say you reeled her in knowing full well you did not want anything serious why did you do that to her? And more importantly why ARE you so concerned with if she loves you if your W is such a saint and things are so special between the two why were you even contemplating a D. Why did you even have the affair? sorry too many questions.....
Author Misfit4life Posted July 3, 2007 Author Posted July 3, 2007 I realize I did some of the manipulating but I assure you, I never told her that I would divorce my wife for her directly. I stated that I need to see her (OW) outside of the place we were together and that I needed to truly date her as a single man. I told her many times that I need to "fix" my situation at home before I could do anything about our possible future. It's a complicated situation because although I love my wife... I was not IN LOVE with her. My wife is beautiful...but I struggle with my attraction to her sexually. The OW although not beautiful had a very strong sex appeal to me. I posted on this site..because I have no were else to turn for advice. I know I sound like a loser..but please believe my sincerity in that I was really confused and I am a God fearing Christian. The reason I wanted to know about if the OW was motivated by love or hate...is because I thought I knew that person but for her to do what she has done by torturing my wife seemed unrational. She has to take some responsibility in knowing that I was married and that I was honest about it to her at all times. I did not use the OW.... meaning that the relationship was not all one way. She comes from a very poverty stricken country and I am very well off. I provided for her and cared for her... and I guess I let my emotions get the better part of me. Again.. I'm here to communicate good or bad. Misfit4life
Lizzie60 Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 if I refer to some movies, this does look like 'Fatal Attraction' and this other one 'Life is like a box of chocolates...you never know what you're gonna get'... you got yourself a 'prix coco' (weirdo) my dear... LOL Not much you can do now... just pray (since you're a Fearing Christian) that she will leave you alone and move on.
Lizzie60 Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 Do you have a bunny? Sorry I couldn't resist (from the movie 'Fatal Attraction')
GreenEyedLady Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 I am seriously scratching my head at what you've said... Maybe you should re-read your posts...Because you're contradicting yourself... And you're a god fearing christian? If I were you, I'd keep that to myself...You're not helping the cause... The OW is motivated by HURT!!! HELLO, it's pretty clear to see!!! And you thought you could buy her silence? Not cool...You shouldn't have underestimated her...You're pissed because YOU HURT YOUR W...and you have to kiss her butt so she won't take your well-off butt to the cleaners...
Tomcat33 Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 Well it sounds like your OW also thought she knew you and she trusted that what you told her about your marriage terminating was true, when she found out that this wasn't she turned on you. It sounds like she really did care about you but the rejection made her retalliate. Can you blame her? you admit yourself that you lead her on...so how is a person supposed to act? Maybe in your fantasy she is supposed to understand that you were feeding her half truths that you had no intentions of leaving your W because you are a married man and married men don't leave their W? Why should she, you got involved with her because you thought she would do nothing to hurt you correct? well maybe she felt the same way. When you proved yourself wrong and broke her turst she lashed back. Just a thought. Still not sure why you even care if she loved you or not, you didn't and don't so what difference does knowing that she does love you really make?
Author Misfit4life Posted July 3, 2007 Author Posted July 3, 2007 Wow....you guys are a tough crowd.. Did I post in the wrong forum? No I don't have a bunny... thank God. I guess I will leave it alone. It really doesn't matter if I know whether she loved me or not....your right. Isn't it possible to love someone so much that you would never do anything to hurt them?... does that kind of love exist? Isn't that what my wife has for me? Even me... I would never do anything like the OW did for some one I cared about and especially for someone I truly loved. Thanks for the responses.. sometime it's good to hear that I screwed up.
norajane Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 Isn't it possible to love someone so much that you would never do anything to hurt them?... does that kind of love exist? Isn't that what my wife has for me? Even me... I would never do anything like the OW did for some one I cared about and especially for someone I truly loved. Thanks for the responses.. sometime it's good to hear that I screwed up. I guess you don't consider what you did to your wife as cheating since you were separated at the time? Some people would consider that a big betrayal, although not necessarily vindictive, so some would say you did something just as bad to a woman you cared about...food for thought. Perhaps this OW didn't love you as much as you think she did. Or perhaps the passion she felt for you has now turned to passionate loathing for you. That's what happens with passion - the fire can scorch as well as fuel great sex.
Tomcat33 Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 Wow....you guys are a tough crowd.. Did I post in the wrong forum? No I don't have a bunny... thank God. I guess I will leave it alone. It really doesn't matter if I know whether she loved me or not....your right. Isn't it possible to love someone so much that you would never do anything to hurt them?... does that kind of love exist? Isn't that what my wife has for me? Even me... I would never do anything like the OW did for some one I cared about and especially for someone I truly loved. Thanks for the responses.. sometime it's good to hear that I screwed up. Sorry we come across tough but we are trying to understand your logic. If you would never do anything to hurt someone you cared about and are wondering if this OW really cared for you given what she did to you, ie. her show of no love, is it safe to assume given your logic that you don't really care that much about your W or the OW? you did deceive both and that IS a show of lack of love, according to you. I just find it really interesting the ruler you use to meassuer other's actions. Do you realise just how much you hurt this OW, let alone your W? I don't know why your W chooses to protect you the she does, but my gues is that is the very reason your lack a sexual spark for her....you can do the math. Sexual spark sometimes has very little to do with the body and more to do with chemistry. Maybe your W is just "too good"or too nice, and that's why you don't feel a spark for her.....
GreenEyedLady Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 Did I post in the wrong forum? Isn't it possible to love someone so much that you would never do anything to hurt them?... does that kind of love exist? Isn't that what my wife has for me? Thanks for the responses.. sometime it's good to hear that I screwed up. You posted in the OW FORUM...so you're hearing from OW or XOW...so we have an idea what she feels like or how WE would feel... And why do you expect so much from OW? You HURT her...and you don't even have that kind of love for your WIFE...you don't seem to hold yourself to the same high standards... Personally, I'd move on...she seems to want to hurt you right back... You already knew you screwed up...you just didn't get the responses you were looking for...try the infidelity forum...
lonelybird Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 I know I sound like a loser..but please believe my sincerity in that I was really confused and I am a God fearing Christian. but you didn't fear God in the middle of affair?
Trialbyfire Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 No, he'd get hammered worse in the infidelity forum... Guy takes an OW on the side while still married. Dumps OW, who gets pissed off and then takes revenge. Wife stays with guy. Wife is nuts. Umm...it ain't rocket science...
SetMeFree Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 My wife loves me to the end of the world. I am the love of her life. My wife has told me that no matter what....she will protect me. I love my wife...and God forgive me for what I've done. My wife is the most special woman in the world and I am blessed to have her on my side. Still looking for friendly advice? Hmmm...maybe not, but I'll put in my two cents anyway. I have a question for you...do you really and truly love your wife like you said? Or are you more in love with the idea of how much your wife apparently seems to love and worship you? I vote for that one. It sounds like you are back together with your wife again...if so, I really hope that you two are in MC. You're not going to be able to sustain your marriage in a healthy way if you don't fix the root problems within the marriage. Have you really learned your lesson like you said or will you cheat again when the going gets tough?
child_of_isis Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 karma krash! aka being thrown under the karma bus. Enjoy the ride. I'm so confused. Someone please explain to me how someone who I trusted and provided for with everything...could do what they did to me
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