how do i breathe

[howdoibreathe]

I am new to this site. I joined because well I was hoping that someone was out there with a situation similar to mine or with some authentic advice. I have been married for almost six years now and we have an 18 month old daughter. We have had some difficult times but we have managed to stay together - well sort of. A few years ago I met a guy (lets call him Ed) that I worked with who I was crazy attracted to. Well a friend of ours set us up and one thing led to another. I thought it was going to end there, but it has kept on going for almost three years. He is engaged to be married to his girlfriend of 10 years. I allowed myself to fall in love with this man, and its consumed so much of my energy that I need to let go I just don't know how. A few months ago I started seeing a friend of mine and one thing led to another and we slept together. Afterwards, I felt horrible and I told Ed about this other guy. He couldnt believe it and he and I stopped sleeping together and he became very distant. I felt that I engaged in another relationship to get over him, instead of focusing on my marriage. The whole thing blew up in my face. He was finally able to get past it, but to this day he has not allowed me to forget what I did. I knew that as long as I continued working with him that I wasn't going to be able to let go of my feelings for him. I found another job and I resigned and moved to my new job. All day long, everyday all I do is think of him. Not to mention that since he found out that I was going to leave he told me that he has feelings for me. I waited three years for him to tell me that and he comes out with it now? why bother? he has told me that he loves me and he also tells me here and there you know i have love for you. what is that? you can't love someone and have love for them as well, those are two complete different emotions!!! he has completely thrown me off and I feel like I have tried everything to let him go and my feelings for him are just growing stronger and stronger by the day! I also became more and more distant from my husband. he doesnt really mention his relationship with his girlfriend. i dont know if thats a good or bad sign. someone told me they think he loves me but he knows im not going to walk away from my family, that is why he really never came clean about the way he felt. It doesnt really matter because the truth is that I am not going to leave my husband for him or any other man, but I don't know how to let my lover go. What should I do?

[dbtmarley]

I think I am about to throw up. You have a little trifecta going don't you? I really feel so so bad for your boyfriend... You know, the second one. The one after your husband, or would that be during? You have an 18th month old? And a job? Good grief.. where do you find the time? Do you sleep in the same house as your husband?

 

I have nothing to add to the great advice you've been already given.

 

This has Court TV written all over it.

[Lizzie60]

I waited three years for him to tell me that and he comes out with it now? why bother?

 

Yes but you were married, what do you expect....he probably knew you wouldn't leave your husband... why would he bother?

 

I feel like I have tried everything to let him go and my feelings for him are just growing stronger and stronger by the day!

 

I'm sorry but I didn't get the feeling you have tried everything to let him go...

 

he doesnt really mention his relationship with his girlfriend. i dont know if thats a good or bad sign.

 

Why would he talk about his gf... it's not a sign of anything...do you talk about your husband?

 

someone told me they think he loves me but he knows im not going to walk away from my family, that is why he really never came clean about the way he felt.

 

Can you blame him?

 

It doesnt really matter because the truth is that I am not going to leave my husband for him or any other man, but I don't know how to let my lover go. What should I do?

 

Simple.... stop seeing him... stop talking to him... concentrate on your daughter and your H.

 

I get the feeling your head is telling you to let him go but your heart just won't listen... I'm afraid you got to solve this one by yourself.

[howdoibreathe]

why would he bother when I was with one foot out of the door? It's not like he's in a relationship too. Why doesn't he talk about how he's going to leave his girlfriend? He asked me if I loved my husband and I said yes it's just a different love that I had when we first got married. I don't want to know if he loves his girlfriend and I wouldn't dream of asking him about it either. My "boyfriend" and I never expected this to keep going. Especially, after he found out about the other guy in my life he was ready to write me off. Why didn't he? It would have been his clean break!

[Seen_It_All]

Well a friend of ours set us up and one thing led to another.

LOL...a friend 'set you both up?' How quaint, you had a 'middle man.'

 

A few months ago I started seeing a friend of mine and one thing led to another and we slept together.

My, you're quite the social butterfly. Make sure to put the local STD clinic's phone number in your speed dial.

 

Afterwards, I felt horrible and I told Ed about this other guy. He couldnt believe it and he and I stopped sleeping together and he became very distant.

LOL - nothing like a lying cheater getting back a taste of his own low life behavior. Awww, what'sa matter? His little ego got hurt because you banged someone else? Big deal. I guess there's supposed to be some kind of honor code amongst cheaters, is that it? Or is he just afraid of getting an STD?

 

He was finally able to get past it, but to this day he has not allowed me to forget what I did.

Who gives a rat's a*ss WHAT this jerk thinks or feels? It's not like he's a man of integrity and character and his feelings actually MEAN something. They don't.

 

Not to mention that since he found out that I was going to leave he told me that he has feelings for me. I waited three years for him to tell me that and he comes out with it now?

LOL..I think we all know where these so-called 'feelings' reside. Somewhere right below his navel. And like MOST lying cheaters, words they spew are CHEAP and MEANINGLESS. Now that you've "cheated" on him, he can say whatever he WANTS but doesn't have to back it up because he's STILL riding on that "you done me wrong!" bullsh*t. He'll ALWAYS use that as an excuse to NOT have to expend an OUNCE of effort on your behalf. And trust me, he WON'T. I'd be willing to bet my Aunt Tilly's one remaining kidney on that.

 

 

...he has told me that he loves me and he also tells me here and there you know i have love for you.

Big deal. I have 'love' for lots of people. Doesn't mean I'm committed to them.

 

...he has completely thrown me off and I feel like I have tried everything to let him go and my feelings for him are just growing stronger and stronger by the day!

Leave the guy alone. He's got a WEDDING to plan with that poor victim of a girlfriend of his.

 

I also became more and more distant from my husband.

LOL, well I would guess so - you're so busy banging anyone who'll have you that I would imagine your H is probably your LAST concern.

 

someone told me they think he loves me but he knows im not going to walk away from my family, that is why he really never came clean about the way he felt.

Are you in Junior High? That's what stupid girls tell each other to placate one another. Jesus, grow up.

 

It doesnt really matter because the truth is that I am not going to leave my husband for him or any other man, but I don't know how to let my lover go. What should I do?

Well here's a thought - why don't you slam your LEGS shut and quite making a fool of yourself and your poor cuckold of a husband? That's just for starters.

[child_of_isis]

lol...I caught the "friend" part.

 

The new definition of friend:

Someone who sets a married woman up with a committed man.

[circeinvidiosa]

Wow ... maybe I posted to the wrong board? Some of these replies sound pretty cutting.

 

Here's mine:

 

1) You don't sound very happy in your marriage. You've been cheating on your husband with two different men .... and somehow you did this while juggling a toddler and a job as well as a marriage, so you must really be unhappy in your marriage! If I were you I'd rethink the part about how you are never going to leave your husband. You are locking a door on yourself that will probably help you to continue the pattern of cheating, cheating, cheating. That is not fair to your husband and it's definitely not fair to you.

 

2) You did the right thing by leaving the job where you and your lover worked together. You removed yourself from the temptation. That took a lot of courage -- good for you! Get ready -- you're going to feel miserable for a while. There is no cure -- just time and more time.

 

3) I wouldn't believe his protestations of love for you -- either "I love you" or "I have love for you" (whatever that means!). As someone said before, these feelings originate below the waist. Why didn't he say the L word before? Because he never had to lie to you before to keep you around for sex. People are supposed to use those words when they mean them, not because they are useful --either to end a marriage or to keep someone hanging around. If he meant them he would have said them to you long ago, whether you were leaving your husband or not. He is a low life. You never had a relationship with him that had any meaning for him. Don't deceive yourself.

 

 

 

You deserve better than half a man here and half a man there .... you should go looking for one WHOLE man who can give you what you want, so you don't have to go grocery shopping for sex in one place and a husband in another. You sound young and obviously men find you attractive or you wouldn't have all these opportunities. Why don't you take a look at your situation now and make some changes while you still can?