riobikini Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 Re-contacting your ex is the subject. And I'm concentrating focus on those doing the contacting after you've moved the hell onward, chalked up that mistake to having learned better, folded the crappy memory away (put it in it's grave), and found a good deal of happiness and sanity generating in your life again. So who do they think they are that they can just casually drop a line, make a phone call, or contact you in that Mr/Miss Sunshine tone that kinda makes you wonder if they've undergone one of those Enquirer Magazine UFO mind probe encounters where the aliens have completely erased the part of their memory where you told them it was "Over!" -and *not to contact* you ever again? I think that about this time in the heat of summer -when the passion and giddiness of those springtime romances fizzle out (or blow up)- these pathetic people start thinking back and going down the list of past girlfriends or dates they've had and start comparing them to the one freshly in a state of demise. And generally speaking, I think they're looking for those on the list with certain vulnerabilities that make them more "attainable", let's say -like how deeply involved they (you, not them!) were emotionally and how difficult it may have been to recover from the relationship or affair. And they want to see if they can stir that all up again -for no other reason except to soothe their current loneliness -or start some idiotic, immature drama up, all over again to feed their appetite for excitement and egoflattery. (That's all it is/all they're about.) Just in case you're wondering -I got one of these random, pathetic e-mails the other day. He had no idea how far I had moved on in my life; he had no idea how ridiculous he appeared to me in his effort, nor how transparent he was. By the sound of the e-mail he had wasted no time after me, in climbing aboard his usual merry-go-round of one romantic relationship after another, and seemed even more delusional than when I'd known him, judging by some of the scattered statements he chose to write. It was so obvious -he was living this great big lie with his life! And seeing that made me wonder -for all kinds of folks like him- what kind of jolt, what kind of depth would you have to plumb- to shake them enough to wake them up? And after a few moments I just decided that I had never been appointed the job of figuring that one out. And deleted the e-mail. (Smile) -Rio
a4a Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 You should have just told him you are not interested in his life. The deletion only makes him wonder if you got his email.... shoud he email you again....... blah blah blah. Why not just say what you feel to the person you feel it about: I really don't care what is new in your life, no bad nor good feelings toward you. But I could do without having you contact me- as I prefer to spend my energy on things that are current and meaningful in my life. I have no desire to rekindle a friendship or exchange information with you. Please cease further contact with me. I simply am not interested in sharing my time or life with you. You will get a reply BTW, they cannot help themselves.... but at least the message is loud and clear to 'please, just go away'. After the initial reply they should leave you alone..... gives them closure of sorts that they need I suppose? People are so self centered to think that X's want to hear from them. They need to realize that we are actually laughing at and mocking them when they do this. Funny in a sadistic kinda way.
child_of_isis Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 Who cares if they ever wake up? As long as I did. Waking them up is not on my list of things to be doing. Let them live in their fog. They like it there.
Author riobikini Posted July 2, 2007 Author Posted July 2, 2007 re: a4a: " You will get a reply BTW, they cannot help themselves.... but at least the message is loud and clear to 'please, just go away'. After the initial reply they should leave you alone..... gives them closure of sorts that they need I suppose?" I agree that telling them in very plain words, (babytalk, actually) that you *do not* desire to hear from them, is necessary. But I did that two years ago with this particular person. I truly believe that these types of messed-up people really believe they have some kind of special, secret powerful mind control over you that God only blessed *them* with -and that instantaneously puts you (or anyone they choose) at their mercy -and that the world stops just for them, or that the roomful of people just naturally hushes to hear what they have to say. And they never think rules apply to them -thus, they never think you really mean "No!" when you say "No!". They think your e-mails stating, "Never, ever e-mail me again!!!" are just silly, heated ramblings of a woman who is still in love with them. They think that your statement, "I don't care if you burn in hell -just leave me alone!" is just a statement from an obviously, upset-but-still-emotionally-involved female. They think " Look -I am in a meaningful relationship with someone whom I love, so stop contacting me!" means that you have fallen in love with someone who reminds you of them (not even close!) They really believe that -the more you tell them to just disappear- you are probably still hiding feelings for them. They are *delusional*! And no one can fix that -at least, not me. -Rio
marlena Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 They are *delusional*! And narcissists I might add. Rio, just one question. Would you have been able to blow him away like that if you were not in a good phase of your life (which I am so glad that you are)? What if you were lonely and miserable and desperate - no, there's nothing wrong with desperate- we have all felt this way at some point in our lives - would you not have reconsidered?
Trialbyfire Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 I'm not certain I agree with this synopsis as a generalization. Specifically, it's probably true. I get contacted by exes all the time and have no problems having friendly chats with them (except the ex-h, that is). Once again, they are exes for reasons of incompatibility, not that they're bad people.
Author riobikini Posted July 3, 2007 Author Posted July 3, 2007 re: Marlena: "... narcissists I might add. Rio, just one question. Would you have been able to blow him away like that if you were not in a good phase of your life (which I am so glad that you are)? What if you were lonely and miserable and desperate - no, there's nothing wrong with desperate- we have all felt this way at some point in our lives - would you not have reconsidered?" Narcissist -yes! in a big way! But, Marlena -never have I been so lonely -or miserable- or desperate that I would go back to that kind of sour milk! Once I learn it's (they're) spoiled -I steer clear! (Smile) And TBF -certainly, I make no attempt to generalize *all* ex's (different strokes for different folks.) Some ex's may not necessarily be "bad" -just a bad combination for you. -Rio
Author riobikini Posted July 4, 2007 Author Posted July 4, 2007 re: luvmy2ns: " Turns out he didn't really contact me because of wanting information. He contacted me because he realized what a stupid mistake he made in letting me go. ..... The more we talked about things going on in his life, the more pathetic he became in my mind! I had moved on and found a wonderful man, and he's still in his rut with the same woman he was so unhappy with when we first met." I think this is the case with alot of these people: they get just close enough to a decent human being to see what they *could have*, if only they'd put a little effort into straightening up their life by changing some very bad behavior/patterns. Between relationships is probably the closest they ever come to realizing how stupid their life has become -but those moments are too uncomfortable for them so they don't stay uninvolved for long. They are too caught up by the excitement of the merry-go-round of starting up new relationships -deeply addicted to them, I'd say. It's how they live; it's how they feel *alive*; and I think it's something (the pattern) they truly believe they can't live without. I think it is very possibly the "high" of the next new "relationship" that they feed off of -and the next, and the next, and on and on. But it's the "coming down" part -when they are just winding down emotionally from the last "exciting" person, kind of between the shutdown and the startup of the next big fling- that they begin roving back over their past affairs and relationships, relying on their conveniently erased memory of how those turned out (a skill adapted from living this kind of very screwed-up lifestyle), and start dialing numbers, and sending perky, "harmless", or "friendly/concerned-about-you" e-mails out of the blue. They're seeking something out of *you* (temporarily, that is) to feed off of until they can find what their strange appetite is really looking for: a completely fresh and new, so-called (in their mind) relationship to dive into. They never last -and I'll bet if you asked each person who's ever dated them or been involved with them romantically in any way -they'd tell you there was something about them and the "relationship" that never felt quite right. (It always seems to feel pre-planned, mechanical, theatrical, in a sense -that's because they've made the moves, said the words -been there/done that- a million times before. And they know exactly what should come next!) And this accounts for their perceived "smoothness" that you can easily fall for (until it wears off and you figure it out.) (Smile) These people are bloodsuckers for emotional "food" -the excitement of something/someone different or just new to them -be it a face, a background, a lifestyle, etc. -just something to feed their ongoing sickness. I think most of them need professional help. But they'd never admit it. They're too sophisticated and cool for that. (Smile.) -Rio And just so you know: I think these types of folks are what make up most of the membership on *dating sites*-it's a veritable feeding buffet for them. And it's a great means to hone the skills of their illness.
marlena Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 They never last -and I'll bet if you asked each person who's ever dated them or been involved with them romantically in any way -they'd tell you there was something about them and the "relationship" that never felt quite right. (It always seems to feel pre-planned, mechanical, theatrical, in a sense -that's because they've made the moves, said the words -been there/done that- a million times before. And they know exactly what should come next!) And this accounts for their perceived "smoothness" that you can easily fall for (until it wears off and you figure it out.) Rio, how lamentably true!!!! Yes, they've got the tecnique down pat - and everything seems so contrived - and you wonder in the beginning: Can this be true? Nah, it's too good to be true! But you go along - after all they're mesmerizing in their skills - until the day comes when the mask starts to peel off - slowly at first - and you are provided with a glimpse of the twisted features beneath - and then more of the mask peels off and their perverted selves are totally revealed - and the bile rises in your throat and you hate yourself for being sucked in by this poor excuse of an actor! BUT at the same time you feel a sense of immense release - liberating in fact- that you did get to see through the mask and into their -yes-sick psyche!! Eventually you chalk it up to experience - are even grateful for it- for you think - next time I'll be able to single out these sickos right form the start!! Or hopefully you will - for yes, they are SMOOTH operators!! Smiling more, Rio!!
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