HeartBrokenInPL Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 Well, its been over a month now since my best friend/ex left me. I'm 23 and she's 21 and we've known each other for 7 years. I've actually been in love with her for around 6 years of that time and lived through 2 of her relationships before I had my chance. We were each other's first sexual relationship and she was my first true love. I was with her for 3 and half years as bf/gf. It was a long distance relationship where we met every other weekend and kept constant contact. However, about 4 months prior to the break up... scheduling/schooling/surgery/depression and other problems took its toll in the relationship. Partly my fault...with my shyness/not being able to show my love for her.... but also her fault, too. Anyways, out of the blue during a normal conversation she said she was suffering in the relationship and that she thought its best to end it. She was happy and relieved that she broke up with me. I was shocked and over the next 2 weeks I've driven down to see her... talks, walks, ice cream, etc. During all this time after the break up... I noticed her always text messaging or playing with the phone. She was sending messages to a new "friend". A week after the break up, she left away messages of "I love you" to the new guy. Her mother is very close to me... and I was treated from day 1 with respect. I view her as my 2nd mother away from home. She really wants that things would work out between her daughter and myself.... but its not something neither one of us can do. Its all up to my ex. I was shocked in the sudden break up... and how she was able to jump into a new one so soon. It really hurt me... as its not only my gf... but best friend all in one package that abandoned me. After leaving... I went into NC. A week later I get an email saying due to the no contact from me, she's afraid to write to me. She asked how my exams went( I failed due to not being able to concentrate because of her...even during the exams I thought of her) and how she's starting her new job. I never replied to that email as it would be breaking NC. Last time I had a direct conversation was June 12. June 14th was my birthday and she sent me a text message asking me to let her know when I have free time. I wrote back that I'm busy, having a bad day and that I won't have time. Later I get a message from her saying "fine, I just wanted 2 minutes of your time. In that case, happy birthday!". Since then... no contact until 2 weeks ago. I called her home, wanting to talk to her mother. Had things to do before leaving the country and her mom was helping me with them. My Ex answered the phone... and I said hello, is your mother home?. When she said no.. I said thank you and hung up. Later on, I met her mother and had a talk with her. Left my car keys with her as I was leaving. On the way out, I stopped to put on my shoes when I saw the EX in her room lying on the bed with a laptop on. I said bye and waved to her. She said and did the same. I left and that was the last time I saw/said anything to her. It still hurts... I'm trying to meet new people... but I'm so hurt and pissed over the whole thing. We never had a fight were someone said we're breaking up. Never had an argument... which she said was not normal in a relationship. Now I am mad about the fact that it appears she moved on and completely forgot about me. At a time where I was going through hell and a string of bad luck.... she puts the last nail in the coffin by breaking up with me and not contacting me. I am showing myself online as a happy guy, I deleted her off my buddy list... but don't think she deleted mine. I don't want to read what she has to say about the new guy. It tears me apart when I did. I wish I had a 2nd chance... but as each day goes by... I find it harder for me to see how I could be with someone who can abandon me like that. I seriously lost a chunk of my sole to her.... and lost trust in women. The pain is simply unbearable.
child_of_isis Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 Best friends don't abandon you. Trust me, I learned this the hard way.
funkybassplayer Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 Best friends don't abandon you. Trust me, I learned this the hard way. This is so true i leant the hard way too, by putting trust into the words of my ex that she wanted to remain in contact and i could see the kids, well a week later a new guy, then for me its see ya later.............Rubbish words from selfish people that keep you while they look else where for a new toy to play with. Were at fault for trusting them.
Author HeartBrokenInPL Posted July 2, 2007 Author Posted July 2, 2007 Guys... today I find myself more angry than before. I don't know what to do. I have an urge to break NC and let her know how angry i am with her. I feel as though I have been cheated by her. Perhaps not physically... but for sure emotionally. I have proof and even a picture of the friend and her kissing. Obtained in a not so nice way. I feel very bad about it... and feel as though I want to let her know how badly she screwed up and how I feel its totaly over... how I can't regain her trust anymore. I need advice. Should I let her know how I feel and the proof of what she did to me and totally forget about her? Should I keep my mouth shut? I feel if i keep it shut and try to move on... she will have it easier and think it was a mutual agreement. I want her to feel bad for what she did. I feel like i want to give back all those pictures she gave me.... all these things that had "us" in it. I feel like I was lied to... and I feel as if I regret having known her and regret doing everything with her. advice... help?
child_of_isis Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 Maybe not. Maybe they are at fault for being selfish and disregarding the feelings of others. Our fault lies in allowing them to treat us this way over and over and over. Were at fault for trusting them.
funkybassplayer Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 What i mean by that is that they dont even know what thier doing to us with the emotional stress that we get put under, i thought in my case was it me but then i remembered a text her x hubby sent to her, as long as t gets what t wants, nothing else matters......to me that said it all, he had the same, so i think its my fault for letting her treat me how she did, although i never submited to all her demands and wishes because i felt that i was not the most important person to her. Heartbroken, i think if you yell at her, will she even care? and it will after you put down that phone make you feel crap. Trust me there will be times when the time will be right, but when your full of anger and emotion, its not the way. Getting back at her wont help you one little bit. (in my veiw)
Author HeartBrokenInPL Posted July 3, 2007 Author Posted July 3, 2007 Hi Funky... I ended up writing a pretty long email. I was very calm and stated facts in a neat way. I felt very good after writing it. However, I did not send it. Its saved in my drafts. I sent it to my friend (female) who read it and gave me suggestions (what not to say, etc). I trust her since she's an older more experienced female. She corrected some grammatical error as Polish is not my 1st language. I feel less anger now than I did earlier in the day. I am looking at my ex in a different way. I realize just because of her... I should not ruin friendship with everyone else thats related to her. Her mom has helped me and was a person who would listen to me much better than my ex did. I can have normal down-to-earth conversations with her and get good advice. I think its not fair for me to not talk to her ever again because of the Ex. If the ex has erased me out of her life and is not talking to me... thats her problem. I will still visit and talk to whoever I want. After thinking about the whole issue a little more in depth... I'm begining to accept (as hard as it seems)... that she is not mine nor whatever she does has anything to do with me. I forgot the feeling of being single again... and I need to learn to love myself once again. That is something I am working on. Over this summer... I've got some goals and some changes I've never had the opportunity to do. Getting new eyeglass frames that will make me look a bit different than usual. New hair style/color. A bunch of new clothing items... eventhough I was never a big shopper before. I'm changing myself over this summer so I can feel better. Looking better, makes one more confident.... being confident and happy is something that will attract attention from the ladies and also perhaps make my ex regret her decision. I don't feel like I would get back with her any time soon if she were to "give me that chance". The only way is by having her prove her worthyness. Saying that she screwed up is not enough for me at this point. I deserve better... but I do miss the friendship and the "love" that I remembered getting from her. Now that I think of it... I wonder if this "love" was just a facade. Thank you all for being there with me... funny how people who are strangers to me online are more willing to listen to my thoughts/problems than the person I gave so much to. I hope to help others one day just like some of you who gave me good suggestions to get me to think straight... or atleast semi-straight ;-)
funkybassplayer Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 Althoug im far better now, i do still miss the ex, but not as much, the emotions i have are way less intense, and i dont feel that i want to get upset all the time, but i have the very odd downer now and again. At the end of the day, my ex wasnt a bad person, but we were not ment to be, and maybe this chap shes with now will be better for her. Its when you can say to yourself that you're doing things and dont give a **** about weather the ex knows about it or not, thats when you know your getting better. Mate she wont come back and say sorry, dont even think that way, shes moved on, and now you have to start to do that for you. If i were you i would'nt send the letter, as it wont do anything. You have to be the better person, and rise above all the crap she put you through otherwise it will bring you back to rock bottom again. If you send it and you feel better than cool, but is it gonna make things better? she knows in her heart what she has done and in time may regreat it. We may never see or hear this, but they might. Your going through guilt, anger , hurt , sadness, all the normal stuff that we all went through, but the hard part is keeping the emotions contained, and not ketting all of them out on the ex as they happen. You will get better faster. After 9 weeks, im feeling way better, and its because i know that my ex was not right for me and shes moved on to someone else. I done want to be a grovling fool, and if her or the kids at some point want to say hi, then thats ok, but i think i wont hear or see them again. When you can say that, and not get upset, i think im on the way to getting better. One call, one email, and i could be right back to square 1! i WOULD SOONER HAVE HER THINK OF ME IN A RESPECTFUL WAY, RATHER THAN AN EMOTIONAL WRECK. I was at first, and she did see it, but i got my act together, and left her to it. and i havent bothered her in one month (half the time been apart) and intend to stay that way.
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