kittensmittens Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 I've been with my now ex bf for 4 years. I found out he had been lying to me about several things. I confronted him about it and when it appeared he wouldn't discuss it I left town to let things cool off. I had every right to leave him (as in break up) then, and still I didn't. So then a week and a half later I get an email from him saying he will pay for a truck to move my things and that he has already started packing my things. This was devastating enough because when I confronted him I didn't even feel like doing it. I didn't want to leave I wanted to just find out why. I even considered not going into it, but I felt I wasn't being fully respected so I carried out the confrontation anyway. When I left town, I truly and honsetly felt nothing but warm loving thoughts for him. I wasn't even angry. I just kept up faith that he would come around and discuss things maturely. Things had been going immensely better, so I thought this was the most likely scenario. Instead he emails me with a breakup. That was 2 days ago. Tonight, I just found out from his myspace page that he slept with our neighbor to seal the deal, basically, and after bragging about that he trashed me to all of his friends. I am so hurt. I never talked about him the way he talked about me....not even after breaking up and certainly not publicly. He is the only person I have dated. He is the only person I have ever slept with. We have broken up 3 times before, and even then I didn't sleep with anyone when the opportunity came up. My heart belonged to him. I never trashed him to my friends either. I always told them the objective story when I would discuss problems we were having. He seemed so sincere, so respectful, so genuine. I only started seeing that he was manipulative, self-righteous, and somewhat narcissistic until very recently. I realized how much he twists things and denies responsibility. Even then, I tried to overlook it. Now I just feel like I didn't even mean as much as I thought I meant to him all along. I was just someone to keep him from being lonely. I feel completely deceived. If I met him all over again, I still wouldn't see it coming. His humbleness is his best act. I still love him. I miss him terribly. And I hate myself for it. I hate myself for leaving. I hate myself for all the mistakes I made. I hate myself for hating myself. I still feel like the person who deserved to be dumped all along....the way he made me out to his friends. But I'm not. I wasn't perfect, but I gave it all I could. I did the best I knew how. I'm not a villain. I'm so heartbroken. I don't want anyone else. I don't know how to be with anyone else. I've always felt that I truly lucked out in finding him. He is, in many ways a wonderful person, and that's what makes this painfully difficult. That's what fills me with regret. He had so many qualities I can't imagine ever finding again, altogether, in another person and I can't imagine living without them. Has anyone felt like this? That you would never find anyone who could compare (let alone better)? Has anyone felt like this and found someone that made them question what they were ever doing with the other person in the first place? I can't imagine finding anyone like that. I'm so heartbroken. I have to move on and I just don't know how....
ClearFocus Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 I truly understand the feeling you are going thru. I have been there and I am currently goin thru it as well. To answer one of your questions.. Yes, I have felt this way AND then managed to find someone who was 1000000x better in every way. It is possible and highly likely that you will find someone who u can be just as, if not MORE in love with. Right now the focus should be on you.. and only you. Take your ex of the pedestal and realise that you deserve to be treated better, to be loved with the same amount of love as u love with. For him to make public what he done and brag about it is dispicable and an act of a very callous person. You deserve more, you deserve respect. It is natural to still have all the loving feelings and to miss someone, give yourself time to grieve the loss but ultimately realise this IS for the best and everything happens for a reason. You will love and be loved again by someone who truly respects you and cares for you. Good luck wiv your 'Bouncebackability'
Trialbyfire Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 kittenmoon, you have to understand that the man you fell in love with doesn't exist. The real man is someone who played a role for you. Try to keep the two separate and it might help you get over him. It's what I had to do to help get over my cheating ex-husband. This is the double-vision you might have read about on LS.
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