Travis L Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 Written to my ex though she will never see it...4 year Relationship,broken up for 2 weeks, NC for 38 hours...my 1st post... Sorry for the rambling but I had to get it out to avoid calling her... I WISH I had found this website before I called... Ugh! I was doing so well and then I thought maybe she would like to see me. I was wrong! DON'T MAKE CONTACT! It put me back to day 1! --------------------------------- I wake up and quickly sit up in bed... are you here? Nope... Oh I miss you... My dad stopped over today. I finally told him that the relationship is over...one week before I was going to propose to you. God, I wish I hadn't called you yesterday... You sounded so cold and distant. I just wanted to see if you would like to come over and hang out with me for a little bit...you said you wanted to be "friends" when you broke up with me... I thought that calling wouldn't put me back to day 1...but it did. You telling me to wait a few weeks before hanging out...I wish I never called. How can we live together for 4 years, be best friends, and now you make excuses to not see me... I'm glad I told you to call me when you were ready but I wish you were ready now. All of this pretending to be OK with just being friends... All of this pretending that it doesn't kill me inside. Telling you I hurt wouldn't change a thing and you would only want to wait longer to be friends as you think I am not over you. It kills me as I have to go by your work everyday to get to mine. I have to consciously think about not looking for your car as it would only bring me back to the nights when I would stop in and eat dinner with you when you got out. I wonder if you are inside flirting with someone else. I know it doesn't matter as you are free to do what you want. Do you think about me? Do you feel me hug you and kiss you every night before you go to bed? Have you replaced me? God, I wish I never called you... I sit at work thinking about you... I look at the same moon we would look at so frequently together... All the dreams we had... All the hurt inside me... You were right to break up with me...but we could have worked it all out. I could have been more understanding... I could have been more respectful of your need to have space. I could have made us happy... I still remember your work schedule. An hour before you get out I think, will this be the night? I checked my cell phone to make sure it was on. Will you call and ask to see me? Will you come running into my arms crying and telling me how sorry you are that you left? It's now a half hour before you are to get out...will you do it? I checked my phone again to make sure it isn't on vibrate and I have a signal. Will tonight be the night? Will tonight be the night that we start our lives together? Will tonight be the night that you finally realize that we could be completely happy together? Will tonight be the night that we feel the comfort and warmth of knowing that our future spouse is in our life and we no longer have to look? God, I wish i never called... It's now time for you to be getting out of work... Will you call? God, it would be so wonderful to hear your special ring tone... A sign that there is happiness soon to follow. I so wish that I could feel your skin one more time...your beautiful smile...your crazy hair style when you wake up in the morning... It's been a half hour since you got out of work...maybe you just wanted to go to your house and then call before you go to bed? Maybe you don't want to call because you are afraid of hurting me again... Don't you know that you are hurting me by not calling? Look at what you are doing to us by not calling...Oh, there is no us...there is no we....there is only me, alone in "our" relationship. Maybe I should call you....no....I can't... you hurt me so much by being so cold to me yesterday. I cannot call... I cannot start over again... I'm going to sleep now... You never called... Maybe you will call tomorrow... God, I wish I never called you...
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