ahah2322 Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 my bf and i had a huge argument prior to his departure to malaysia for a debate tournament. he left this morning. i knew he was pretty stoked about the 10day trip with his debate team and i wanted to show some support by offering to go see him off at the airport. in addition, i've already prepared a care package filled with delectable japanese nibbles and hellokittycandies- to surprise him. he can also share them with his team mates. i just thought it would be pretty cool and cute to do this for him since he would be away for ten days. in essence, i wanted him to have a delightful experience and thought that he would feel loved. it did cross my mind that his departure would be pretty messy due to lack of coordination, last minute screw-ups, etcetera. i was quite fine with just talking to him for 5 mins or so to pass him the package. since it was his debate trip (i knew his coach...), i feared that my presence may be a little inappropriate and so i asked him about it. i expected to hear a straightforward answer. ''yes, it would be pretty cool if you came and i really appreciate it'' or ''i don't think its going to be appropriate but i appreciate your effort anyway''. i would be fine with both replies. what he said really threw me off tangent and left me indignant and furious. he said ''if you want to come, come. and if you do not want to, im quite fine. it really doesn't matter to me''. ''it really doesn't matter to me''???? upon hearing that i got a little mad. i let him know that i was going the mile for him willingly and the least he could do was to appreciate the effort. i got upset for a bit and we started arguing a little. he said that he did not want me to wake up so early for this in the morning; did not want to trouble me or cause me any inconvenience (this i understood) and that he did not want me to make a fuss in front everyone (WHATTTT!!!). In all veracity, im quite hurt by this remark and i did not know how he came to that conclusion. in further elaboration, he said that he felt like i was behaving too nice and that he feels that i have 'ulterior motives'; suspicious of him, et cetera and that he did nto trust me to be civilised in front of everyone. that was the dealbreaker for me. i happen to consider myself civilised. in addition, i am very confident and secure (sure i have girly fits, as do all girls) individual. i have always been quite self centered/girly (see previous posts; and i am not an evil girl who gets back et cetera, just a little frivolous and princessyish) and i am changing. i thought this simple and hassle/drama-free would be pretty cool for him and his friends... but i didnt expect such a reaction i am extremely hurt by what he said. i slammed the phone down (my bad, i know but his words were pretty caustic). he called me repeatedly but i did not answer his calls. following which, he sent me two text message. The first : I had no intention to make you unhappy but that is how i feel. i don't feel right. we've got to work this out some way or another. The second (10mins later): With that said, i would really like you to be there. I'm just new to the idea of you doing things for me. good night... I replied a little while later and i guess he was asleep by then (he had to wake up pretty early in the morning and i feel so bad to have put him through this; though i don't think its my fault... quite contradictory. i would have wanted him to have a good night rest thats all) I said: for portraying your girlfriend in such a nauseating and horrific light, you don't deserve anything anymore. bad way to end this.. but i truly felt unappreciated. my good intentions misconstrued and seen as 'evil' and after 2.5yrs, i expected more from him. it hurts and disappoints more than anything to have him see me in such a light... i am hurt but i don't feel that i should tolerate such actions. i woke up really early and took a train down (i was so confused). i got there and i realised that doing so would be an insult to myself so i went back home. gosh im so stupid. i know for a fact that im a pretty illogical person and im hoping for LSers to respond to this thread. people tend to only see their side of the story and i don't want to be self-absorbed/ narcissistic. maybe someone can understand his side of the story? did i do the right thing? how should i reconciliate this situation? thank you so much. love, debbiegirl
PinkAngelStar Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 After reading your previous post on wanting him to be more romantic, you also stated he said you didn't do much for him, so maybe it has been a bit of a shock that you've started now and the first thing he thinks of is what is in it for her? You also said that he's taught you to be less self obsessed, were you? I think some time apart will do you some good, maybe make you both realise you either love each other, and what underlying problems are. I think you need to sit down and have a chat about what's going on and not argue about it. See where that takes you?
Author ahah2322 Posted July 3, 2007 Author Posted July 3, 2007 he will be back next wednesday. he wouldn't be able to contact me till then so everything seems to be suspending in mid-air. im quite worried about us but i truly hope he's having a great time. i'd wanted to show my support... but it all turned out so wrong... im just really confused about this whole situation and any advice is good advice... debbiegirl
PinkAngelStar Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 Must be horrible waiting and not knowing what's going on, I find that's worse. I think you both will of had time to think once he gets back, either way you should get closure or to continue and realise each others mistakes. There's not much else you can do in the meantime until he returns, perhaps cook a meal for you both so you can sit down and talk about your differences.
Author ahah2322 Posted July 3, 2007 Author Posted July 3, 2007 thank you for your responses pinkstar he called me a while ago (he just bought 50bucks worth of calling card) and we talked for abit- he managed to get a short break from the coach. he also apologised for not being able to purchase the calling card and call me on the day he arrived. he asked if i was still suffering from babyfits/ still mad at him. gosh i always hate how he seems to make light of every situation. i was still unhappy about him being disrespectful... and said an apology was in order. he then apologised but i still don't feel that he meant it; he just wanted to pacify me. well, he said he is going to call me every now and then and tuck me into bed everynight. i hate how he always seem to undermine me/doesn't take me seriously.. sometimes i feel that its only logical that i am unhappy about certain things... but after communicating with him, i always feel that i threw an unneccessary tantrum. he always end up pacifying me. i think there's something wrong with me. maybe its my character? i don't know. is he a manipulative person?
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