Meaplus3 Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 I have heard so many OP's about the age that a MM has a midlife crisis and was wondering what you all think that age is? 40, 45, 50? And why? If they love the W, kind of bored yet seek OW. Is it that they really want the sex with a young woman? Or is it that they truley are seeking a person that they desire in many way's to grow old with? Feedback please. AP:)
FavoriteHeadache Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 I have heard so many OP's about the age that a MM has a midlife crisis and was wondering what you all think that age is? 40, 45, 50? And why? If they love the W, kind of bored yet seek OW. Is it that they really want the sex with a young woman? Or is it that they truley are seeking a person that they desire in many way's to grow old with? Feedback please. AP:) The age is probably between 40 and 50. I'm not sure most 'seek' OW, it just happens. My OW was 9 years older than my wife. Age had nothing to do with anything and neither did sex. It was a friendship that became more. It was neither that I had a desire for another to have sex with or someone else to grow old with. I bet there are tons of different reasons that people get involved with OW and OM.
9Lives Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 There are many different reasons mm get involved with ow. It is not always for sex....alot of times that just goes with the territory as time goes on. In my case, he THOUGHT he really wanted to leave, put the house on the market, sent me to Real estate school,, and did a couple other things but ....in the end...he is still living at home. I just walked away after 2 1/2 years. Never wanted to be involved this long. Now I'm hurt and missing him. Only God know what he is doing right now. I dont want to talk to him because I think I will be even more hurt. I just have to suffer. And I am.
Freedom Now Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 My xMM told me that what he wanted at 20 (when he married his wife) is not what he wants a 40 (when he met me). It makes sense to me because I feel the same way. People grow and change. But the right thing to do is LEAVE first, then go out and find what you are looking for. IMHO, of course.
Lizzie60 Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 I have heard so many OP's about the age that a MM has a midlife crisis and was wondering what you all think that age is? 40, 45, 50? And why? If they love the W, kind of bored yet seek OW. Is it that they really want the sex with a young woman? Or is it that they truley are seeking a person that they desire in many way's to grow old with? Feedback please. AP:) MM has a midlife crisis and was wondering what you all think that age is? Not sure... maybe from 40 to 55, not sure if it's midlife crisis... or just boredom from the relationship... after 15-20 years and kids are older... And why? I've heard it's because they want to know if they are still 'doable' or still desirable... I guess... not sure again. I don't think these affirmations have ever been proven, it's all hypothetical IMO. Is it that they really want the sex with a young woman? I would say that sex is no. 1 reason for cheating... with a young woman..I disagree... I am older than all my MMs, my oldest is 8 years younger... my youngest MM is 39 (1 year older than my son in law). Or is it that they truley are seeking a person that they desire in many way's to grow old with? No, I think in most cases, they don't want to leave their marriage (or common-law) they have too much invested in the relation..plus kids, family, friends... too much to lose... They mainly want sex and a 'confidente'.
Freedom Now Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 I respectfully disagree, Lizzie. I don't think that all men are just out for a piece of *ss. Some truly have just evolved and changed and their "old life" doesn't reflect what they are today. It happened to me, and I certainly DID leave my marriage, so I know that I must happen for men, too. But, as always, there is no black and white. All MM are not made the same.
bish Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 I respectfully disagree, Lizzie. I don't think that all men are just out for a piece of *ss. In Lizzie's case they are.
Babybird Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 I agree with the others that a mid-life crisis is between 40 and fifty. Around there anyways. Do they only want sex?? Hmmm...I think that for a lot of them thats the way it starts out. I also think that some of these men are pretty lonely in other areas. You figure if he is in his forties and married than by the time they cheat they've been married around 20 years and people change. Some grow together and some grow apart. Maybe she doesn't want as much sex, the kids are grown, they have nothing to talk about, nothing in common and then the mistress fills this void. With the mistress he isn't just a parent(like so many couples become), he is only a man/lover in her eyes. I'm sure that is a pretty good feeling for a man or a woman. To be identified as who they are outside of being a parent. So what might start out as sex could very easily evolve into something with feelings. So as far as younger women go..maybe they are the ones that are willing to have an A and the older, and typically wiser women usually aren't. They could be more adventurous in bed. But the biggest thing is that they are new to him. Age doesn't necessarily matter.
child_of_isis Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 During mid life crisis, men are at the age when they are dealing with emotional mature women. These women approach men as being their equal. With emotionally mature women, he may get respect, but not adoration. She is not impressed that he has his own company, hell, she has her own also. Equals do not flatter and stroke the ego....so he may turn to the younger woman who will be impressed.
GreenEyedLady Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 These women approach men as being their equal. With emotionally mature women, he may get respect, but not adoration. She is not impressed that he has his own company, hell, she has her own also. Equals do not flatter and stroke the ego....so he may turn to the younger woman who will be impressed. Hmm...well he may get respect, she may get cheated on...Respect in a R should be a given...Or why stay in the R...it shouldn't be a matter of MAY... Also, younger women can be equals also...we're just younger...
child_of_isis Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 I wasn't talking about in an R, but in general. Say for instance, guy meets woman in bar. He has his own business, she will be able to sit and chat on that level. Over the course of the conversation, he may gain her respect if he stays on the up and up. But she will be able to notice trash talk in an instant and will remove herself from the situation. She will also notice if he projects the need for ego stroking or flattery. This will cause her to lose respect and she will move on. I think this is one of the reasons that men gravitate toward younger women. Some cannot hold their own with a sucessful and confident emotionally mature woman. She cannot be manipulated into making him feel like he is something more than he is. The older men that young women are scooping up are throwaways. Hmm...well he may get respect, she may get cheated on...Respect in a R should be a given...Or why stay in the R...it shouldn't be a matter of MAY... Also, younger women can be equals also...we're just younger...
Author Meaplus3 Posted July 3, 2007 Author Posted July 3, 2007 I wasn't talking about in an R, but in general. Say for instance, guy meets woman in bar. He has his own business, she will be able to sit and chat on that level. Over the course of the conversation, he may gain her respect if he stays on the up and up. But she will be able to notice trash talk in an instant and will remove herself from the situation. She will also notice if he projects the need for ego stroking or flattery. This will cause her to lose respect and she will move on. I think this is one of the reasons that men gravitate toward younger women. Some cannot hold their own with a sucessful and confident emotionally mature woman. She cannot be manipulated into making him feel like he is something more than he is. The older men that young women are scooping up are throwaways. Well now wait a minute here! I am 37 Xmm is 43, that's just a 6 year diff so I would not consider myself a "Younger" woman so to speak. I was very manipulated by him making himself out to be somthing he's not. I don't think age has much to do with it. I think in general it's the emotional maturity of the two people involved. I know plenty of woman who are much older than me and are very successful but are very emotionally imature. Just my thought's. AP
woe_is_me Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 i guess my x mm was just plain greedy he was 33 when we met (i was 31) and he's calling me back at age 38 (im now 36) i don't get the whole falling for men 20 years older ...yuk
GreenEyedLady Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 I wasn't talking about in an R, but in general. Say for instance, guy meets woman in bar. He has his own business, she will be able to sit and chat on that level. Over the course of the conversation, he may gain her respect if he stays on the up and up. But she will be able to notice trash talk in an instant and will remove herself from the situation. She will also notice if he projects the need for ego stroking or flattery. This will cause her to lose respect and she will move on. I think this is one of the reasons that men gravitate toward younger women. Some cannot hold their own with a sucessful and confident emotionally mature woman. She cannot be manipulated into making him feel like he is something more than he is. The older men that young women are scooping up are throwaways. Sorry, I'm not buying it...age does not equal emotional maturity, experience does...and there are plenty of older women who have spent their lives raising children as opposed to having a career... I don't think men tend to gravitate toward younger women per se, but they gravitate toward what they find desirable or sexy...and youth is promoted as desirable in society... And I think it just becomes a point of do you want to be happy, or do you want to be right? In any R, especially M, if you want it to be healthy it needs to meet the needs of both partners...It's not about making someone feel like they're something they're not, it's about appreciating them for who they are...and that goes both ways...
child_of_isis Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 I agree with you there. It is not just about younger women, they are only part of the equation. Truthfully, I don't think it is about sex, intimacy (or lack thereof) or anything of that nature. Some men need to feel "big" is someone's eyes. Anyone's...be it a W, an OW or just his drinking buddies (which is my case). They need the flattery and ego stroking and will give up whatever to get it. An emotionally mature person does not feel the need to stroke an ego, nor to have their ego stroked. Now in my case, and this is getting way off the OW topic...my XSO does not impress me by throwing around huge amounts of money at the bar. I find it foolish and other words that I won't go into right now. But, it definitely impresses his buddies and the frequent bar hoppers (who gets drinks out of it of course). So...who do you think the XSO chose to be around 99% of the time ? ;-) This is emotional manipulation. You give me what I want (attention/flattery) and I give you what you want (alcohol and good times). Same with the MM who cheats....'I'll give you what you want" always comes with an attachment. Payment of "give me what I want" must be recieved in full first. Concerning this type of man, getting what he "wants" is ALWAYS the motivating factor.Well now wait a minute here! I am 37 Xmm is 43, that's just a 6 year diff so I would not consider myself a "Younger" woman so to speak. I was very manipulated by him making himself out to be somthing he's not. I don't think age has much to do with it. I think in general it's the emotional maturity of the two people involved. I know plenty of woman who are much older than me and are very successful but are very emotionally imature. Just my thought's. AP
Author Meaplus3 Posted July 3, 2007 Author Posted July 3, 2007 Sorry, I'm not buying it...age does not equal emotional maturity, experience does...and there are plenty of older women who have spent their lives raising children as opposed to having a career... I don't think men tend to gravitate toward younger women per se, but they gravitate toward what they find desirable or sexy...and youth is promoted as desirable in society... And I think it just becomes a point of do you want to be happy, or do you want to be right? In any R, especially M, if you want it to be healthy it needs to meet the needs of both partners...It's not about making someone feel like they're something they're not, it's about appreciating them for who they are...and that goes both ways... Very well said GEL!
Zoomarch Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 There are many different reasons mm get involved with ow. It is not always for sex....alot of times that just goes with the territory as time goes on. In my case, he THOUGHT he really wanted to leave, put the house on the market, sent me to Real estate school,, and did a couple other things but ....in the end...he is still living at home. I just walked away after 2 1/2 years. Never wanted to be involved this long. Now I'm hurt and missing him. Only God know what he is doing right now. I dont want to talk to him because I think I will be even more hurt. I just have to suffer. And I am. Ya know, you are the one who asked me why I told my H. I like seeing a part of your story and I could probably see more if I had the time to search this forum but I don't (unfortunately! wish I did) Maybe if your OM had had the guts to tell his wife, he and she could have moved on truthfully up to this point. No matter how much hurt is involved. A relationship without truth is no relationship at all. That said, there is still an untruth to my relationship given that my H doesn't know that I still love this OM. So not sure I have room to talk. When you say "only God knows what he's doing right now" - that says it all. Because if he wanted you to know, he would make contact. An affair is just wrong. It just leaves behind so many demons. But yet, we hold on to them. Why? It just is, what it is. There is really no answer - just the hope that you have support. And you do here.
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