I need to overcome jealousy, but can't figure it out...

[PeterJames]

So... A lot of people seem to struggle with jealousy because of past relationships... And that's my situation. I was cheated on twice, but you know, I was ok with that, and it didn't really affect me, because I realized I shouldn't be with them anyway. The girl of my dreams came back into my life, and I love her. We've been together for a year, and everything has been wonderful. I trust her completely, and it isn't really about that in the first place. I really should just stop looking at her facebook profile haha. But for example... she'll say 'I miss you' to a guy, but I can tell how she's saying it, and it's not anything to worry about. It's normal to miss friends you haven't seen for a while. But still it hurts. Or when a guy will say 'remember when...' and I didn't know what was going on. And what hurts most is that it's not fair to her for me to have these feelings. I read somewhere, someone said the best thing to do is realize that if something DID happen, you could find someone else, and move on. Just get over worrying about being alone the rest of your life if she left, and you'll be fine. But that's the thing. I know I probably could move on. I probably could find someone else. But I don't want to. I wouldn't want to. There isn't anyone else like her. She has zero bad qualities... I want to spend life with her, and she feels the same... And yet, feelings of jealousy can kill. It can hurt so badly, and I can't figure out how to overcome those emotions, when emotions are one of the strongest forces out there. I apologize for my rambling, I hope it made sense.

 

PeteJames

[lonelybird]

Song of Solomon

8:6 Close your heart to every love but mine; hold no one in your arms but me. Love is as powerful as death; passion is as strong as death itself. It bursts into flame and burns like a raging fire.

8:7 Water cannot put it out; no flood can drown it. But if any tried to buy love with their wealth, contempt is all they would get.

 

Seems ancient people have same issue with us, you are not alone:)

 

I guess pray, prayer works:bunny:

[knaveman]

Women suck, and being in love with them sucks most of all. When I get in a tough spot with a woman I take time away from everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, and sort my thoughts out. Try to look at everything from outside yourself.

 

No one can effect your happiness, you can only let them effect it.

[halfarock]

Jealousy comes about because of insecurities. If you are jealous, you probably fear losing your girlfriend; after all she is the girl of your dreams.

 

By your post it’s like you can’t stand that your girlfriend talks to other guys. I see this all the time and don’t understand it. It seems that it comes from guys that only see women as lovers or potential lovers. Well women are people too and they are allowed to have free association. Maybe it would help if you had a few friends, just friends, that are women.

[ahah2322]

like Halfarock, i also feel that jealousy stems from insecurity. this can degenerate into feelings unhealthy for this relationship. maybe you should reflect upon your past relationships? try believing in yourself... for yourself and for this current relationship.

 

getting cheated on will not cause self-doubt and insecurity only if you don't let it. in short, jealousy is pretty unhealthy and i hope you will work it out.

 

goodluck

 

debbiegirl

[mockeryjones]

She has zero bad qualities... I want to spend life with her, and she feels the same...

 

 

 

isn't that the answer to your issue right there? focus on that when it gets bad. when it's easier (ie a time you are not feeling jealous) remind yourself that whatever happens you will get through it. that way when you sense yourself getting jealous you'll have prepped yourself to look at things in w way that makes it eaier to live with.

[mental_traveller]

I don't think you are totally unjustified. I wouldn't want a girlfriend to say "I miss you" to any guy except her close relatives. You should call her on it and say it upsets you, ask her why she does it IMO.