pregnant to MM need input from the wife and or husband your input

July 1, 2007

This has to be a troll. It's too unbelievable.

I was kind of thinking the same thing. This was her first post plus look at her screen name. I was in a slightly similar situation but it wasn't this weird and dramatic.

July 1, 2007

IWALH If you dont mind what was your situation and why does my situation seem so werid and dramatic,? These things happen everyday but most people sweep in under the rug and live the lies with their husbands and wives and never tell I bet the world would be in shock if everyone was to tell the truth about who the fathers are of there children. I am not trying to make it seem ok just saying thats all.

July 1, 2007

Oh c'mon....these things don't happen everyday! I am 47 years old and have never heard of such thing.

And trust me, I haven't lived my life under a rock. I've been around the block a time or two....or three. (okay, maybe four)

July 1, 2007

Ok, "everyday" was a matter of speaking. I dont know the exact statistics but I know they are high.You are a member of LS and you are all over these boards but have never not once heard of the OW having a child with the MM. Im not trying to be rude to you but, really now never heard of this come on......

July 1, 2007

IWALH yes it is my first post is'nt that the purpose of this website to get advice from other people? I clearly dont understand why you would say my situation is so werid and dramatic. Would'nt it be classified as weird and dramtic if MMs wife and my husband was ok with the situation, and was understanding about our son? Should we be having cookouts,and get togethers, quite frankly I dont understand your post at all. Who cares what my screen name is if a screen name is to judged whats the point of having one? I am the OW with questions and needed advice from other people but not one from those that care about your screen name or think its a troll I have read alot of crazy things on here and Have never thought to say that person was a troll(I didnt know the meaning of troll at first anyway) who cares where I am from or what my screen name is the fact of the matter is I needed input on my situation. What was my first post supposed to be? something like this. "Help I need advice MM and I have child anyone else have this issue?" I was being truthfull and looking for advice on my situation and my situation only. nothing more nothing less.

Sorry

July 1, 2007

This goes to NO I DIDNT and who ever else. Why would your grandfathers family hate him? It wasnt his fault. They dont hate our son they want to be there for our son. They love him, see him and treat him well. They also treat me well too. It could be because we have all MMs family and I have been friends for along long time.I dont know Im just guessing. As for changing our sons last name my attorney said he (MM) has that right am I being mislead by my attorney? As for letting my husband raise this child as his own, well I have had so many people tell me that would be wrong to that my son deserves to know his father and there are already thousands of men that want nothing to do with their children why would I dissallow a man that is willing to be his father and be in his life why would I do that. For the sake of my marriage? I already forsaked my marriage by allowing myself to have the affair in the first place right? I feel like your suggesting that the MM has no rights to his son. I cant be like that, two wrongs dont make a right ie meaning first the affair, and then the child make it right by stripping him of parental rights I dont know.

July 1, 2007

Oh c'mon....these things don't happen everyday! I am 47 years old and have never heard of such thing.

And trust me, I haven't lived my life under a rock. I've been around the block a time or two....or three. (okay, maybe four)

Perhaps you should get more acquainted with Jerry Springer or Maury Povich.

July 1, 2007

This is a completely messed up situation where someone has to make a compromise. The husband seems to have made some sort of a compromise; he accepted the child as his own and will support him, but he doesn't want him to have anything to do with his father. This will most likely make the child resent his guardian someday for preventing him to have a relationship with his biological father who wanted him.

The OM is trying to be responsible post hoc, but has no balls to oppose to his wife. At the same time, the wife has a right to be angry, but she has no legal right to deny her husband to be a father to his child.

finally, you could forget about the OM, move away and be a happy family with your husband and two kids. Another option is to divorce your husband and have the OM see the child and pay child support. Since the OM wants to be with you, he could leave his wife, too and you could all live together.

But none of you wants to leave. If this whole story is actually real (which I find slightly difficult to believe) then you could continue this way (be secretive about the OM's visits) or you could explain to your husband that the OM has a right to see the child. This may ruin your marriage though.

If your husband is a good father, I don't see why you wouldn't at least pretend to be happy with his request to be your son's only father. I assume the child is still very tiny so you can delay the OM's visits until some better times come.

You messed up so you have to deal with the consequences. This situation cannot be resolved 100% neatly for all parties involved. But you're lucky that both your men want to have a relationship with the child. So many women can't get their kids' fathers to get involved in their own sons' lives.

July 1, 2007

I am not using our son to keep the affair going.

I am not sleeping with him and remember I had no contact with MM for 5 months then bam he contacted me Yes I had my cell and home number changed how he got it I dont know. Idont care what he does in his life thats on him I never said My husband didnt know he sees our son I said he doesnt want him to.As far as MM's wife goes no she doesnt know he sees his son. That is not on me nor is his marraige on me anymore. He broke the no contact not me. HE has the right to see his son and I wont stop him from seeing him if he cant tell his wife thats his problem not mine. If I keep him from seeing his son what good does that do for the baby? Ummm, none. The wife forgave him and wants to save the marriage the MM told her she has to accept the baby to forgive and move on. I dont see that being easy as I know it wouldnt be but in the meantime I will not deny him his son. I just wont do that. It has nothing to do with keeping the affair going or using our son maybe MM is doing it that way but not me.

July 1, 2007

To RECORDPRODUCER thank you for the good advice and especially the fact that most women can not get the childs father to have anything to do with their children I dont want that for our son. And good god why is it so hard to believe my situation. If i could reveil my identity and let everyone know where I live and you all talk to people in my town then you would know this is so very true. I cant imagine someone making this up. Thats kinda twisted. As I said before I wanted advice not be made out to be a liar. Our son is 12 weeks old. If i could scan paternity papers for both men and put in on here to let you all know it is true I would. Good god I am asking for advice on a real situation. Thats all.

July 1, 2007

I will say you are correct but I will also say that we my husband and I have always kept our problems to ourselves not involving the children. We have never argued around them or made our personal business their business. It doesnt make the situation right but we have protected our children from our own pain. So as not to bring our children up to be unworthy parents,or spouses. They think that our marriage is perfect and we live in the perfect little home. I just wanted to make that clear about the children. And NO I do not think the answer is to be with the MM in the end.

Perfect little home, marriage? Alright, now I know she's got to be smoking something! Don't you give a crap how much you have hurt your husband? How much you have humiliated and disrepected him? He did nothing to merit all of this BULLCRAP! Yet His name and reputation is shot! I can't beleive that your husband hasn't gotten soooo pissed at you and dumped your sorry to the curb! Now I've seen everything! Pathetic! Hey, just one question, If your husband did all this to you, would you take this very same crap from him? I'd be very surprised if you answered that! I think I already know the answer, NO!

July 1, 2007

DARTH VADAR does your statement really need an answer? Since I am in the situation of course I would say yes I would deal with it. If i wasnt in this situation I dont know the answer to your statement I would assume I would try it goes to show how much you will put up with by how much you love someone.. And what about darth vadar gee, he didnt have anything to do with his son Luke. At least I am letting him have something to do with our son..

July 1, 2007

You messed up so you have to deal with the consequences. This situation cannot be resolved 100% neatly for all parties involved. But you're lucky that both your men want to have a relationship with the child. So many women can't get their kids' fathers to get involved in their own sons' lives.

Pretty much what I was trying to say.

To answer your question OW73, yes, my father's family hates him - to this day. They didn't even bother to tell him when his own father died. They loathed his existence because it hurt their mother. I know it wasn't his fault, and I am sure that they do too. But their mother's feelings come before my Dad's in their thinking.

I am not saying that they were right, just that your child may experience this too. But you say that you are friends with your OM's family. That may backfire on you. It may not, too. But you should be prepared for the potential for alliances to shift one day.

I don't think that OM has to abandon his son permanently. But you will need to get your M back on track. Do you want to stay M'd to your H? I don't recall you answering that (at least for yourself, not necessarily the board). I think you should respect your H's wishes until such a time as you and OM, your H, and his W can come together and agree/compromise on a couple of things that will keep the child's emotional well-being in mind.

Questions: How do you feel about your son's stepmother? Can OM take the child to his own home without you for his visits so his W can meet her stepson? Do the children know the circumstances of your son's birth? (It will matter one day, maybe not much, but it will). Why would you change your child's last name? Do you know what your other children will think if you change this child's last name?

Your other children WILL ask hard questions one day. Like "why does baby brother have a different last name than ours?" or "Why does baby brother not have the same father as us?" or "Why do the neighbors seem so interested in baby brother?" or the worst "Why do my friends at school say _____ about my baby brother?". Are you prepared for this. Prepared to tell the truth or to continue to perpetuate the lie of the "perfect" family.

As for OW73 being a troll. No, I don't think so. I see this on a regular basis, unfortunately. And this is really not that dramatic. It is very common 'round these parts. (spoken with my best southern drawl, LOL)

July 1, 2007

I think it can work both ways. BH wants child. MM wants child. OW wants child. BW doesn't want child.

I think it can be bargain days in the family court. Two divorces for the price of one!

I agree! They all need a divorce! What happens when this husband of hers "wakes up" in a few months and doesn't want to take care of OM's baby? Has this woman even though of all the mockery and ridicule that her husband and her children WILL GO THROUGH? How their lives will be complete HELL for what she and OM did to them? How much money they will have to now spend for counseling, and for a baby that's not even her husbands, this woman here is just too selfish!

July 1, 2007

DARTH VADAR does your statement really need an answer? Since I am in the situation of course I would say yes I would deal with it. If i wasnt in this situation I dont know the answer to your statement I would assume I would try it goes to show how much you will put up with by how much you love someone.. And what about darth vadar gee, he didnt have anything to do with his son Luke. At least I am letting him have something to do with our son..

First off lady, if you remember Darth Vader didn't even know he had children until later in life, so watch the movies and get right! You're letting you husband have something to do with your son, ok, lady, like you have any rights to dictate in this situation! People here are telling you in so many words that you're lucky not to be thrown out of the house! You have no place to make any demands on your husband! I have to wonder what the laws state in your state, if they're all twisted against him, or if he could get out from under unscythed. Your answer about dealing with it is quite the easy one, I mean, your husband wasn't the one who had the fun and sex from an A, got a lady pregnant, now you have to deal, it's all your husband that has to suffer, why don't you think about that one, about how much he's really hurting inside, even how much he really hates you? As far as this happening, as someone else posted in these forums, people who cheat, do it to intentionally hurt their spouse! Congratulations, you've completed that one to a T! I mean an A!

July 1, 2007

I'm gonna make my final point about this, at least until tomorrow. Do you realize that as long as OM is in the picture, your marriage cannot heal, your husband will continue to be disrepected by you and OM. Unless there's total NC (No Contact) between you and OM, your marriage cannot survive, it will DIE! Either way, your husband will never be able to forget what you have done to him.

July 1, 2007

No kidding but that was my husbands choice from the start. HE could have went down the road but he choose to stay before the baby was born. So whatever his intentions are he choose to stay. I am not holding him here or twisting his arm to stay I told him that It would be better for him and I to get divorced HE choose to stay......

July 1, 2007

No kidding but that was my husbands choice from the start. HE could have went down the road but he choose to stay before the baby was born. So whatever his intentions are he choose to stay. I am not holding him here or twisting his arm to stay I told him that It would be better for him and I to get divorced HE choose to stay......

Well, at least you sound honest saying that you aren't twisting his arm. However, if he should change his mind, even years later, would you let him go without screwing him over in court for either your baby, or your own children that are both of yours? What I'm asking is simple, would you make your husband pay for you mistakes by paying child support for a child that's not his? That also goes for getting sole custody of your girls, and making him pay support for them?

You did do one honorable thing though, you told about the child not being his, however, with your husband being "fixed", what choice had you?

July 1, 2007

No kidding but that was my husbands choice from the start. HE could have went down the road but he choose to stay before the baby was born. So whatever his intentions are he choose to stay. I am not holding him here or twisting his arm to stay I told him that It would be better for him and I to get divorced HE choose to stay......

And you're definitely abusing his choice. It might return to you as a boomerang when you least expect it. Even if he owes you for whatever reason to be good to you, nobody likes to be a victim eternally.

July 1, 2007

I think I am finally getting it. Because H and MM's W decided not end the marriages....you and MM have the right to do as you please?

After all, they CHOSE to stay...knowing that both you and MM are liars and cheaters. So they get what they deserve.

I can understand you wanting BB to know his father. What I am not understanding is why you would sacrifice the emotional and mental health of the 2 little girls in the process. (read my previous post about them asking questions).

Whether you want to admit it or not...this is all about you, MM. Nobody else matters. Not your children, your H, MM's W and children. It is okay to destroy the lives of so many people just so BB gets to know his dad.

I am not believing that this is your true motive. Not consciously anyway. This is about you getting MM, even if it means sacrificing all 3 children. Because H has you over a barrell the likes you will never know. A good lawyer, some strategic maneuvers, and he could easily end up with all 3 children, the house, marital assests, blah blah. At the very least, he could financially (and emotionally) bankrupt both you and MM with a long drawn out court battle. At the very least, all he will lose is BB.

It is a Mother's instinct to protect ALL children. It is clear that you don't have this instinct. If the people on this board can see it, think how easily a well seasoned judge will be able to see it.

And if this is a true story, I believe that this will be the end result. And believe it or not, MM will not be in the picture when all is said and done. He will not trust a woman who will sacrifice her children. He will assume that you won't have a problem sacrificing his either. If you and he were to get together, he would get visitation of his other children.

Think of it this way...if you and his children are in the car and are stuck in rising water, he knows that you will swim to safety and leave the children to drown.

No kidding but that was my husbands choice from the start. HE could have went down the road but he choose to stay before the baby was born. So whatever his intentions are he choose to stay. I am not holding him here or twisting his arm to stay I told him that It would be better for him and I to get divorced HE choose to stay......

July 1, 2007

I agree with those folks, like NID, who have told you to 'prioritize the marriage'... that is, if you want to stay married.

The marriage is the foundation upon which the family rests. Now, if you don't want to be married to your current husband, or if you're only staying in it for the sake of expediency, I think you need to spend some time evaluating the meaning of that. It's not right to tie this man down if you don't have the right feelings for him.

If you'll type into your browser the words, "pregnant with a lover's child #2" , you'll find a question and answer article there which can give you some guidance.

July 1, 2007

As for changing our sons last name my attorney said he (MM) has that right am I being mislead by my attorney?

I don't really know the laws, but this doesn't really sound right.

Who is named as the father on the birth certificate? If it's your husband, then MM would probably first need to sue to legally establish his parental rights. But I'm not sure he can sue to force you to change the child's name. I could be wrong, but single women can give their kids her name and don't have to give the baby the father's last name. Since your Husband's name is legally your name now, then I don't see how he can make you change the child's name.

Is your lawyer experienced with family law and custody cases? If not, get a new lawyer.

I feel like your suggesting that the MM has no rights to his son. I cant be like that, two wrongs dont make a right ie meaning first the affair, and then the child make it right by stripping him of parental rights I dont know.

There's nothing you can do to strip him of his parental rights if he takes you to court. If his wife lets him take it to court. I don't see him doing it on his own.

If i could reveil my identity and let everyone know where I live and you all talk to people in my town then you would know this is so very true.

Since you ignored my previous post in this thread, I will say it again: since everyone in your town knows, it will not be long before your daughters hear the truth from someone. And that's when the sh*t will hit the fan because they will not understand what's going on and will be afraid and confused. Please tell them the truth so they don't hear if from other people first, and please, put your daughters first right now and start taking them to family counseling with your husband.

I am not using our son to keep the affair going.

I never said My husband didnt know he sees our son I said he doesnt want him to.As far as MM's wife goes no she doesnt know he sees his son. HE has the right to see his son and I wont stop him from seeing him if he cant tell his wife thats his problem not mine.

It has nothing to do with keeping the affair going or using our son maybe MM is doing it that way but not me.

If it has nothing to do with keeping the affair going, then you can compromise to ease your Husband's pain. You can take the child to your parents' house and MM can go there to see his son without you around. That way, your H won't have to be angry that you are still seeing MM, and the MM will still get a chance to see his son.

No kidding but that was my husbands choice from the start. HE could have went down the road but he choose to stay before the baby was born. So whatever his intentions are he choose to stay. I am not holding him here or twisting his arm to stay I told him that It would be better for him and I to get divorced HE choose to stay......

If you believe a divorce is better, why don't YOU file? What exactly is the purpose of staying in this marriage?

What I am not understanding is why you would sacrifice the emotional and mental health of the 2 little girls in the process. (read my previous post about them asking questions).

Whether you want to admit it or not...this is all about you, MM. Nobody else matters. Not your children, your H, MM's W and children. It is okay to destroy the lives of so many people just so BB gets to know his dad.

I am not believing that this is your true motive. Not consciously anyway. This is about you getting MM, even if it means sacrificing all 3 children.

It is a Mother's instinct to protect ALL children. It is clear that you don't have this instinct. If the people on this board can see it, think how easily a well seasoned judge will be able to see it.

I, too, am questioning why her daughters seem to be after-thoughts in all of this. She hasn't expressed any concern about what to do when they find out the truth, or how to deal with it. Perhaps it has something to do with this:

Did I mention this is my only son other children to my husband 2 girls.

You didn't answer my question: why is it important that he's a boy and your husband's children are girls? Does that make some kind of difference? Why did you feel the need to point this out?

July 1, 2007

If it's any help, I think this is real and you're sincere. That makes it all the more upsetting. You're in a lose-lose situation that for the life of me I can see no graceful exit from.

Since you and your husband no longer love one another and since the two children you have together WILL figure this out, perhaps it would be best to simply cut your losses as best you can.

It would likely be better for the children all around for you and your husband to divorce. You can retain custody of all the children, both fathers can have visitation with their respective progeny and it will be up to MM and to work things out with his wife, or not. That shouldn't be your concern. That's the only "graceful" conclusion to all this I can see. The children will be taken care of, the fathers will have time with them and you will be free to pursue whatever relationships you want.

July 1, 2007

I think I am finally getting it. Because H and MM's W decided not end the marriages....you and MM have the right to do as you please?

After all, they CHOSE to stay...knowing that both you and MM are liars and cheaters. So they get what they deserve.

I can understand you wanting BB to know his father. What I am not understanding is why you would sacrifice the emotional and mental health of the 2 little girls in the process. (read my previous post about them asking questions).

Whether you want to admit it or not...this is all about you, MM. Nobody else matters. Not your children, your H, MM's W and children. It is okay to destroy the lives of so many people just so BB gets to know his dad.

I am not believing that this is your true motive. Not consciously anyway. This is about you getting MM, even if it means sacrificing all 3 children. Because H has you over a barrell the likes you will never know. A good lawyer, some strategic maneuvers, and he could easily end up with all 3 children, the house, marital assests, blah blah. At the very least, he could financially (and emotionally) bankrupt both you and MM with a long drawn out court battle. At the very least, all he will lose is BB.

It is a Mother's instinct to protect ALL children. It is clear that you don't have this instinct. If the people on this board can see it, think how easily a well seasoned judge will be able to see it.

And if this is a true story, I believe that this will be the end result. And believe it or not, MM will not be in the picture when all is said and done. He will not trust a woman who will sacrifice her children. He will assume that you won't have a problem sacrificing his either. If you and he were to get together, he would get visitation of his other children.

Think of it this way...if you and his children are in the car and are stuck in rising water, he knows that you will swim to safety and leave the children to drown.

I agree with all of this except:! What you said about the BS's getting what they deserve by staying with them, I know where you are coming from though, but , I still have to disagree on that one point. As far as their spouses having them over a barrel? They have them over several barrels! They just can't see it, because of their affair fog, like it's been said, It's a drug, they gotta have it, and they'll never understand just how much destruction and pain they have caused to their families until they come out of this fog! When they do, they may want to divorce their spouses themselves, because it will hurt so bad to just realize what they did.

July 1, 2007

When I said "they get what they deserve", I am not thinking that. I think the op is thinking that.

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