silent_cadence Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 I started working at my h's business this week. For the better part, I've been enjoying it, plus we get to spend our lunches together and it's been as if we met and are dating all over again, I've longed for that kind of feeling for so long now. He's been good to me, I know it hasn't been easy for him. He's asked some questions about my R with the mm that I've answered honestly and openly. I think it has helped that I'm no longer having to hide anything, I'm not as stressed out, wondering when H would find out about my affair. There is no longer anything to hide and I feel wonderfully free and capable of continuing the new growth and rebuilding of our marriage. ExMM has now moved back home to the W. I wrote a letter of no contact some days ago and showed it to my H and then he sent it off. MM's wife did live up to her threats and did call our house, it showed on caller id as my former MM so my husband answered it and it was her and she started telling him everything that I'd already told him the truth about. He told her he was aware of what had happened and that we were working on our marriage and that she wasn't telling him anything that I hadn't already. He then wished her well and told her that there was no need to call our home anymore and that she needs to now work on her life, marriage, or whatever it was that she was going to do and forget us, not to call anymore. He said it sounded like she got the wind knocked out of her sails. So hopefully it is truly over now and we can look forward without falling back too much. I hope MM's wife can someday forgive me, I'm currently learning to forgive myself and it hasn't been easy, when H is nice to me now, I feel this huge cloud of remorse and regret for having an affair in the first place. But, we are doing well and planning a cruise for early August to celebrate our anniversary, it will be nice to get away for awhile with my H and to be able to really connect without familiar surroundings. I don't know where life will take the MM, I don't know if he, like me, has learned his lesson or not, something tells me he was just a serial cheater who got caught bigtime and went back home simply because he had no other choice. I feel sorry for his wife, and I hope she is able to recover from this both for her own peace of mind and for the unborn child she is carrying. Lies never lead you to anything good, and I'm hoping that I'll be able to help out some others who are in the same situation as I was. Leading a double life can make you into someone you don't want to be, and in the end, can only bring pain and heartbreak to everyone involved.
VirtualInsanity Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 Leading a double life can make you into someone you don't want to be, and in the end, can only bring pain and heartbreak to everyone involved. Yes it does. Glad your both working things out. Good luck. .
Darth Vader Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 Remember, your husband hasn't hit the anger stage, yet. Some don't for awhile, but, it's coming! He may do good for weeks, or even months, then, WHAM! It'll hit him hard! Please be advised.
FavoriteHeadache Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 I started working at my h's business this week. For the better part, I've been enjoying it, plus we get to spend our lunches together and it's been as if we met and are dating all over again, I've longed for that kind of feeling for so long now. He's been good to me, I know it hasn't been easy for him. He's asked some questions about my R with the mm that I've answered honestly and openly. I think it has helped that I'm no longer having to hide anything, I'm not as stressed out, wondering when H would find out about my affair. There is no longer anything to hide and I feel wonderfully free and capable of continuing the new growth and rebuilding of our marriage. ExMM has now moved back home to the W. I wrote a letter of no contact some days ago and showed it to my H and then he sent it off. MM's wife did live up to her threats and did call our house, it showed on caller id as my former MM so my husband answered it and it was her and she started telling him everything that I'd already told him the truth about. He told her he was aware of what had happened and that we were working on our marriage and that she wasn't telling him anything that I hadn't already. He then wished her well and told her that there was no need to call our home anymore and that she needs to now work on her life, marriage, or whatever it was that she was going to do and forget us, not to call anymore. He said it sounded like she got the wind knocked out of her sails. So hopefully it is truly over now and we can look forward without falling back too much. I hope MM's wife can someday forgive me, I'm currently learning to forgive myself and it hasn't been easy, when H is nice to me now, I feel this huge cloud of remorse and regret for having an affair in the first place. But, we are doing well and planning a cruise for early August to celebrate our anniversary, it will be nice to get away for awhile with my H and to be able to really connect without familiar surroundings. I don't know where life will take the MM, I don't know if he, like me, has learned his lesson or not, something tells me he was just a serial cheater who got caught bigtime and went back home simply because he had no other choice. I feel sorry for his wife, and I hope she is able to recover from this both for her own peace of mind and for the unborn child she is carrying. Lies never lead you to anything good, and I'm hoping that I'll be able to help out some others who are in the same situation as I was. Leading a double life can make you into someone you don't want to be, and in the end, can only bring pain and heartbreak to everyone involved. Congratulations SC, keep it up! And keep your eyes wide open!
IWALH Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 Leading a double life can make you into someone you don't want to be, and in the end, can only bring pain and heartbreak to everyone involved. So true. Beyond true. Awfully true.... I am so happy for you and very proud. Congratulations on making it out of the darkness and web of lies and back out into the sunshine of the real world.
Tony T Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 ExMM has now moved back home to the W. I wrote a letter of no contact some days ago and showed it to my H and then he sent it off. MM's wife did live up to her threats and did call our house, it showed on caller id as my former MM so my husband answered it and it was her and she started telling him everything that I'd already told him the truth about. He told her he was aware of what had happened and that we were working on our marriage and that she wasn't telling him anything that I hadn't already. He then wished her well and told her that there was no need to call our home anymore and that she needs to now work on her life, marriage, or whatever it was that she was going to do and forget us, not to call anymore. He said it sounded like she got the wind knocked out of her sails. Sounds like you've got a complete SAINT for a husband. Why would you ever cheat on somebody like that in the first place? I guess it's pretty easy to get bored with someone who is kind, generous, thoughtful, forgiving, etc. That's got to be it.
bish Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 Congratulations SC, keep it up! And keep your eyes wide open! Why is it her that has to keep her eyes wide open? Her husband didn't cheat on her, it was the other way around. I'm glad they are able to salvage their marriage and she has the attitude of someone who really was remorseful for what she has done and will do what it takes to make amends. But it is her husband that will need to keep HIS eyes open and not be too trusting to the point that he will play the fool's role.
bish Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 Sounds like you've got a complete SAINT for a husband. Why would you ever cheat on somebody like that in the first place? I guess it's pretty easy to get bored with someone who is kind, generous, thoughtful, forgiving, etc. That's got to be it. Normally I'd agree with you and jump her about it as well. But she has the attitude of someone that is truly sorry and I hope they can carry forward with their lives. Except I do think she was a little hypocritical saying she felt sorry for his wife when she was doing the same thing.
Author silent_cadence Posted July 2, 2007 Author Posted July 2, 2007 Yes it does. Glad your both working things out. Good luck. . Thank you.
Cobra_X30 Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 I honestly believe that things are going to be alright for you. Best Wishes. There are alot of poeple on this board that could use your insight.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 Silent Cadence, There are a couple of good books out there about the aftermath of an affair. Men don't tend to express all of their feelings and I think I would behoove you to completely understand the DIFFERENT and conflicting feelings he has. There is usually atleast on chapter that deals with this and usually another that deals with your feelings. I agree with Darth Vader, the anger is coming, and with a little preparation on your part you may be able to defuse some of it. Good luck to you trying to rebuild your marraige and reearn his respect, trust and devotion.
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