konfuzd Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 Kind of a crazy lust triangle going on here, not sure how to handle things. I developed a crush on a guy in my circle of friends a couple months ago, but never acted on it because he has a girlfriend. The two are completely polar opposites, not really sure why they are together because they run with different crowds and have such dissimilar tastes in music, hobbies etc... Despite this, I respect him enough to not get involved. I mentioned to my best friend about a month ago that if he didn't have a girlfriend, I would totally go for him, but really didn't make much of it, again respecting the boundaries of his relationship. So, last night, I went out with the intent of meeting my best friend after she got off work. I ended up running into this guy, and we were hanging out until my friend arrived. He and I were joking and flirting a bit, like we usually do. Things continued when my friend arrived, he and I were playfighting and having a blast together. I had to work early this morning, so I ended the evening short. Both of them had the day off, so they continued to hang out together. I just got a phone call from my best friend, she's totally excited and tells me she's developed a major crush on this guy, and she's pretty sure it's mutual, because they stayed up all night texting eachother even after the night ended, and that he had almost accepted her invitation to end the night at her place. I'm not sure how true this is, because he's not the cheating type at all. Anyhow, I reminded her that he has a girlfriend and to be careful, but was a bit in shock, and didn't really know what to say. My heart kinda sank in my chest because I don't want to let a guy get in between us, but at the same time, I feel like she's bursting a big bubble of mine because I always kind of had this fantasy in my head, and I feel as though she's ruined it.
lindya Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 Some guys just have that thing about them that makes them attractive to a lot of women. This one you're talking about is attractive to his girlfriend, you and your best friend. He sounds like the friendly, approachable, playful type -all of which can be pretty irresistible. The kind of guy who can really test a female friendship. You respect this guy and his relationship. Your friend doesn't seem to share that outlook. Never mind his relationship, never mind the fact that she knows you've been cheering yourself up with a nice little fantasy about him.....she's out for her own interests - and she's letting you know that getting f*cked by him is a higher priority interest than ensuring this situation doesn't drive a wedge between you is. I'd lay bets on her making all kinds of noises about not ever wanting a guy to spoil your friendship - but I'd keep my largest stake for the spot that says "you're the one who'll have to play nice and make all the necessary sacrifices to preserve the friendship whenever situations like this arise. I'll be the one who gets laid." You can go through life feeling some sort of sisterly/loyalty bond to other women. Then you get confronted with this evidence that another woman you thought was on your side would knock you flying into the ditch without a moment's hesitation in her eagerness to pursue a man you showed interest in. Friendships don't need to completely end in situations like that, but You might think about mentally demoting her into an "acquaintance who might be useful at times" category. Preserve true friendship for people who have a bit more in the way of class and depth.
JulieJ Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 From your description, it sounds like you didn't make a very big deal about your crush on this guy when you told your friend about it, so she probably doesn't understand how important it is to you. She can't read your mind, so she doesn't know how you really feel about him if all you've said was that you weren't going to make anything of it. I wouldn't be as concerned about the fact that she likes the same guy as you bother your friendship as much as I would be about her morals and the fact that she is more than willing to go after a guy who is in a relationship.
SK-banana-num2 Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 Well, your friend probably has no idea she's bursting your bubble. You were probably too subtle when you tried to tell her you liked this guy. Both of you like the same boy. It sounds to me like the boy likes your best friend. You should probably try to get over the guy. I'm pretty sure your best friend is more important that your might be-possibly-could be-maybe-chances are-boyfriend. You know?
Author konfuzd Posted July 5, 2007 Author Posted July 5, 2007 well, as it turns out, he's not the upstanding guy I thought he was, and the two of them ended up spending a night together on the weekend. She insists that nothing happened, but they shared a bed, which in my opinion is cheating big time, yet she doesn't see it that way. That's a quick way to get over a crush, find out he's a cheating scumbag! I'm still not sure what to do with my friend though. I told her she was making a really bad decision, setting herself up for heartache, and that I think he's an ********* and she shouldn't be surprised when he either goes back to his gf, or kicks her to the curb for someone else. Wow, you really think you know someone, but maybe you never really do. At least I still have my morals in tact. Sigh.
huh Posted July 8, 2007 Posted July 8, 2007 Well, I understand your disgust at your friend's behavior. But it's not as bad as his. He's the one who cheated on his girlfriend. Is the girlfriend a mutual friend of your's or your friends? If she is, then you're going to have to think about your loyalties. If she isn't, while your friend behaved badly, it's not necessarily a reason to end the friendship. But I would watch her around guys I'm interested in if I were you.
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