number2 Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I’m sitting here in my bedroom, feeling the same pain I felt a little over a year ago. It hurts much less this time, but the feeling is all the same. I guess even human emotion can build up a callus. I look at all the mundane objects in my room; the lonely bed where we used to lay together, the buzzing TV we used to watch on a quiet Sunday night, a lightly humming fan that we found refuge from the summer heat. These silly objects seem so alive, and so alone. I think it’s funny (and sad) how we remember the good times and forget all the bad, even though the bad is what constitutes us sitting here all alone right now. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I’m in constant battle with myself. I sit here and wonder what she is doing right now, who she is with, if she is thinking of me, and so on – but I know deep down that I am just torturing myself with these useless thoughts. I’ve gone through this all before; you would think I could control it this time. The truth is I can’t. None of us can. That is why we are all on here. Even though I ended the relationship, it feels exactly the same as when I was dumped after a long term relationship a little over a year ago. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]We all search for a way to make the pain go away, but we are all living proof that even while we so desperately fight what we cannot control, we search for a key that does not exist. No matter what I do, whether it be going out with friends, keeping myself busy with work and school, trying new hobbies, the feeling still persists. Sure, time numbs the feeling, but it never quite goes away. I wish I could sugar coat the sad truth of it all, but when you love and lose, you lose a part of yourself. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]As a reasonable human being I have found that the only true way to be content with this hurt is to accept it. There is no way to rid the pain. Just accept it. I am not religious, but I can admit that this feeling of loss is beyond just a basic human emotion. Many of us can say that the feeling is almost spiritual. The pain is so deep and so real that it is completely unexplainable with words alone. Why do we even bother to fight it? I think if there is one thing I’ve learned from experiencing this before – it is that fighting what we cannot control only digs us into a deeper hole.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I have learned to accept it. It still hurts like hell, I don’t think accepting the pain will make things any better, but I know that it will not make this any worse.[/sIZE][/FONT]
lonelybird Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 I know what you talked about pain, like abyss of pain, without bottom, don't know where can land safely. Well, before I knew Lord, I dealed with pain like "water". Let the pain flow through your body, not try to shut down the pain, nor try to ignore, just let the pain flow naturally, this way pain will lessen. Pretty much like your "acceptance" And now I deal with pain with "talk to Lord". As long as I talk to Lord, HE will give me answers which solace the pain at the spot. Or just give every burden to Lord, and believe HE will deal with them. Peace in heart:)
Author number2 Posted June 30, 2007 Author Posted June 30, 2007 I'm very happy that you have found an outlet, I hope we all can one day.
SadForever Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 i have been struggling to reach acceptance too. i like your analogy...it does kind of feel like an emotional callus... if you peel off the hard layers you're left with a very tender spot.
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