blairsy Posted June 29, 2007 Posted June 29, 2007 Well as I know most of you posting on here in this category are people who have been cheated on. Well in this case im the cheater unfortunately. First before you make judgement let me explain. Well Me and my husband have been together 3 1/2 years and married for 6 months. We have one child and I have another chidl of myown. He has been away for 15 months now so we have had a phone relationship. Well throughout our whole course being together I have taken care of him. I have paid for everything, everything in my name, i had the car, apartment, took care of the kids, so on and so fourth. He also went out every night with his friends and spent what money he did make. Your probably wondering why i didn't leave him way before this affair happened btu i love him dearly and he has been my best friend for a long time. well last year he joined the military and i thought that may straighten him out and maybe he would WANT to take care of the kids and me for a change. He continued to party and not send me any money. Well regardless i still married him in jan. but a month after i said i wanted a divorce i was sick of being the only one taking care of our family when he gets extra money just for us. Well i pretty much was bound and determined it was over. One night I went out with so co-workers, drank a little, and got a ride home froma guy friend. well we stopped at his house to drink a little more and one thing lead to another. Well a few days later me and my husband reconcilled but i didnt tell him what happened, he's always been very jealous. well we had a few more spats so i flew out to washington to patch things over and talk face to face. Everything went great and me and the kids were set to move up there in a couple weeks. Well then he found out about my one night stand. So i flew back out there and we smoothed things over again. i love him very much and he has promised to work on his issues and is going in a good direction and i really want this to work. My question to all you people who have been cheated on is... Can he ever forgive me and us have a normal healthy marriage? Is it worth us trying to fix this? I just have no idea where to go from here. This is something completely out of character for me to do and i am willing to do anything to turn this around. please some advice!!
Crimson107 Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 He might forgive you but you will be facing some hard times. It only happened once? What has the OM done since you and him were together? You can't have both. Timing will be a big issue. In my studies of affair, it seems that the men are less forgiving than woman. It will probably take some counselling. Counselling only gives you what you put into it. He my say it's not working if he's not got his heart in it. Telling him is the right thing. What about H partying? will he have a similar experience? This could go so many ways. Things are tough now and they might get tougher. You will both have to ask if it will make you stronger together or stronger apart. . . I pray your marriage get strength.
Author blairsy Posted June 30, 2007 Author Posted June 30, 2007 he had my facebook password and there was a message from the other guys ex saying she knew and i wrote back that i made a mistake and stuff. so he saw all that.
Author blairsy Posted June 30, 2007 Author Posted June 30, 2007 yes it only happened once and the other man and i discussed it was a mistake the following day and we never really acknowledged it after that. we did still work together after for a couple months but he got a new job.
Darth Vader Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 I don't see how your husband is still with you after this, on the exception of the possibility of your hubby doing this to you for a long time when he was out partying. I mean, most men would be very hostile to find out their wife had banged some other guy. Have you ever thought that he has/had other women on the side?
bish Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 My question to all you people who have been cheated on is... Can he ever forgive me and us have a normal healthy marriage? Short answer, no, he can never forgive you completely. He can say he forgives you, and think he forgives you, but deep down he will always be haunted by what you did to him. You may gain some trust back with him, but it will never be 100%. And really, he'd be a fool to trust you 100% again. What I mean by that is he can try to forget about you getting it from another guy, but if you ever went anywhere with friends, like to clubs or a bar, whether he shows it or not, it won't be ok with him. He'll wonder what guy you will be trying to flog while you are gone. Is there anything you can do to fix it? Well you talked about him changing his ways. But since you are the one that cheated and dealt him the ultimate betrayal, it is YOU that needs to change and take every opportunity to SHOW him you have changed, not just say it. How? By acting like a wife and not going off and partying. Yes, I know that is what he did, but did he cheat on you? Anyway, if you are going to fix it you have to bust your ass to show him it won't happen again. By the way, how did he find out?
bish Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 yes it only happened once and the other man and i discussed it was a mistake. Well lets make one thing perfectly clear. Cheating is NEVER a mistake. It was a conscious decision on both you and the OM's part and the both of you wanted to do it. It reminds me of the following line with Bruce Willis in The Last Boy Scout. http://new.wavlist.com/movies/137/lbs-accident.wav
LakesideDream Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 Good job blairsy, your husband is deployed, fighting the evil meanies, and you are home giving test rides. If the man has any sense, he will use your guilt ridden (ha!) body, riding hard, leaving you to dry at the rail until he finds something better.
bullhunter Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 He may be able to forgive you, but if he does it will be a long slow road. I can tell you that my wife cheated on me (before we were married) a very long time ago. I believe that it still hung around with me, and I mentally excused what I did partly because of what she did so long ago. It wasn't right, but I think it did have something to do with my problem.
Author blairsy Posted July 2, 2007 Author Posted July 2, 2007 Good job blairsy, your husband is deployed, fighting the evil meanies, and you are home giving test rides. If the man has any sense, he will use your guilt ridden (ha!) body, riding hard, leaving you to dry at the rail until he finds something better. to make one thing clear to the comment about him off fighting wars while i did that... he's not been in war and wont be and he was out partying it up every night, so i'm just saying im not one of those wives that is out ****in while he's in iraq. not that it means much but in my defense, it happened once and it was after we decided we were getting our marriage annulled. i do realize that doesn't excuse it but i see alot of situations where people are in a happy long relationship not knowing anything is wrong and the other person has been having a full out affair that lasts a long time and to make it worse they tell their spouse they can't choose. well thats not anywhere close to my situation and i really with everything do feel guilty and remorseful.
Author blairsy Posted July 2, 2007 Author Posted July 2, 2007 I don't see how your husband is still with you after this, on the exception of the possibility of your hubby doing this to you for a long time when he was out partying. I mean, most men would be very hostile to find out their wife had banged some other guy. Have you ever thought that he has/had other women on the side? i've had suspicions but nothing i can ever back up
Melissa277 Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 Well lets make one thing perfectly clear. Cheating is NEVER a mistake. It was a conscious decision on both you and the OM's part and the both of you wanted to do it. Yeah, really Bish. That's one of the things that kills me about cheaters. As soon as they get caught, the first thing out of their lying mouths is "it was a mistake." Jeepers creepers ... doesn't anyone think with their head instead of their crotch anymore?
Recommended Posts