What's the influence of "money issues" on relationships?

[Star Gazer]

This is nothing like CG's thread, don't worry.

 

I've had quite a few male friends, and even guys I've dated, say that one of the main reasons why they ended a serious relationship was because of the girl's perspective on money and/or finances. It seems that many guys - or at least the ones I know and/or date - don't want to date someone who (in their mind) isn't "financially responsible." Their definitions of financially responsible have varied though.

 

How does the way a woman handles her own money influence your opinion of her from a dating (and potential wife) perspective? How important is it that she avoids debt, spends wisely, has a 401k, no debt, a stellar credit history, etc.? If she's bad at these things, and wants to improve/change, is that a factor?

 

I guess this concerns me because I'm not the best saver. I don't live beyond my means, but I guess as a single girl my priorities tend to lean towards having things and going places and enjoying my life rather than saving for things I probably should (mortgage, future kiddos, etc.). I have a 401k, but I don't contribute a lot. Thanks to my student loans, I have a lot of debt (no credit card debt or anything like that though). I've also had some missed payments here and there out of procrastination/laziness, so my credit score could use some improvement.

 

In addition, although I'm as independent as they get, I guess I now worry about wanting to maybe someday kinda rely on (see how nervous I'm getting??) on my future-H's salary so that I can work less to really have the family that I long for. Is that bad? I feel like I can't admit that to men these days...

[Pyro]

A financially responsible woman is a big plus. A guy is a complete whacko if he wants a woman who is irresponsible in that manner.

 

I understand that no one is perfect, but if she has some troubles financially and is at least trying to improve on it, then its all good.

 

If a couple is preparing to start a family, then I think that it would be ok to rely on the husbands salary.

[Dumbledore]

Food and shelter are highest on my list, and nothing really comes close to those two. I am pretty good at cooking, so that just leaves the shelter part. And that means the only thing she needs is to be able to sustain my erection. Well, I suppose technically it's ours, because we will both make good use of it. Of course, there are any number of ways she can help keep it up. She should not feel restricted in any way.

[Star Gazer]

A financially responsible woman is a big plus. A guy is a complete whacko if he wants a woman who is irresponsible in that manner.

 

Okay, but what is financially irresponsible to YOU?

[Art_Critic]

I wouldn't date a woman who wasn't responsible with her finances and her credit history, debt..

It all figures into the kind of life that would be expected in our future together..

 

It was my experience form my marriage that if a woman has tons of debt.. no savings.. no ability to control her spending that the marriage will be full of those same issues and in the end it will help cause the demise of the relationship.

 

Your credit history can also affect things such as house purchases..cars.. even business loans can be affected by poor credit histories..

 

Debt also figures into it.. When I got married I didn't know she had any credit card debt unil about the 6 month mark.. she owed just under 75k...

She was able to keep it hidden from me..

 

She also owed income tax..and sales tax from her business..

That affected all assets we purchased or any investments as if it had her name on it then the IRS would've seized it.. including money that was mine before the marriage.

 

So.. it is very important to me..

 

Mine is excellant and I would expect hers to be also..

some burn marks are okay.. but all in all she needs to show a goal of looking into her future and not live day by day

[Dumbledore]

Okay, but what is financially irresponsible to YOU?

Spending money on herself.

[Pyro]

Okay, but what is financially irresponsible to YOU?

 

To me, it means:

 

-she has a difficult time saving money

-spends money on other things for herself when bills are due

-Doesn't keep her checking/savings account up to speed

-doesn't consider her retirement/kids future-meaning that she does not put any money aside for those

[Art_Critic]

To me, it means:

 

-she has a difficult time saving money

-spends money on other things for herself when bills are due

-Doesn't keep her checking/savings account up to speed

-doesn't consider her retirement/kids future-meaning that she does not put any money aside for those

 

 

I agree Riddler....

[Art_Critic]

Okay, but what is financially irresponsible to YOU?

 

do you own any clothes with price tags still on them ? or any clothes or shoes that have never been worn ?

[Star Gazer]

do you own any clothes with price tags still on them ?

 

Yes.

[Pyro]

Yes.

 

There is always room for improvement. Just stop buying stuff that you don't need. Obviously clothes with the tags still on them are some stuff that you don't need at the present time.

[Touche]

First of all, what's so bad about admitting that you want a family and a man whoi can support that family? I think it's sad that some women are afraid to admit that. I see nothing wrong with it. Not all men are users and losers you know. Many would want the same things that you want.

 

As to your debt.. I think as long as you show that you're responsible and earnest in paying it back and that you're generally on the same page about money as your intended, then you'll be fine.

 

When I met my H he still had debt from law school. I had no debt at all and some good savings. I helped him pay that off. But only because I saw that we were on the same page about financial things. Otherwise, no way would I have done that. No way would I have helped pay that off if I thought he was iresponsible with money.

 

Having said that though, I think it's a really good idea to get that all paid off and not burden a partner with that debt. It will only make you look even better to a potential mate.

[Art_Critic]

Yes.

 

If you follow the rule of 72 in investing and apply that to your clothes that never get used you will find out that most likely you are wasting huge amounts of tomorrows future money..

 

In otherwards..

 

If you spend lets say 1k on clothes per year that you don't wear.. that money if you had invested it and got a 8% interest on your money would double every 9 years..

 

If you are 30 today then that 1k would be worth 16k when you retire..

 

So your clothes are really pretty expensive

[Star Gazer]

Most of my money isn't spent on "stuff," but doing stuff. Particularly traveling and outdoor activities (that cost money - equipment and such).

 

I know I should be saving for my future, but sometimes I think,"Jeez, at this rate I'll never get married and have children, so who's education would I be saving for??" and spend the money instead on a trip to Ireland, or something.

 

The clothes in my closet with tags still on them all end up being given the charity or a woman's shelter.

[Star Gazer]

I'm feeling an overwhelming sense of panic over this all of a sudden.

[Art_Critic]

I'm feeling an overwhelming sense of panic over this all of a sudden.

 

Relax.. I'm a obsessive about this kind of stuff from the baggage of my marriage..

I have a habit of spending too much time looking at my future sometimes..

 

Why not just brighten everything up some ?.. take a year and put more effort into savings

[allina]

I don't think a man will look at your situation and see it as negative, it's rare for someone young to be flawless with their savings and money management. I thin "money issues" would only be a large problem if the woman had a hard time holding a job, had massive debt, things in collections and couldn't aford anything on her own.

[Pyro]

Most of my money isn't spent on "stuff," but doing stuff. Particularly traveling and outdoor activities (that cost money - equipment and such).

 

I know I should be saving for my future, but sometimes I think,"Jeez, at this rate I'll never get married and have children, so who's education would I be saving for??" and spend the money instead on a trip to Ireland, or something.

 

The clothes in my closet with tags still on them all end up being given the charity or a woman's shelter.

 

I'd say just make sure you have a plan B, meaning have a chunk of change put aside at all times and then spend the rest on whatever you choose.

[Touche]

I'm feeling an overwhelming sense of panic over this all of a sudden.

 

Why? How old are you anyway? (Don't say if you don't want to, of course.) What exactly are you panicked about?

[Trialbyfire]

You're only 29 SG so there's no need for panic. I would start a financial plan for yourself very soon. You're never too young to get solvent.

[Storyrider]

Another important issue is finding a mate who shares your basic values about what to spend on.

 

You mentioned travel and clothes. People can have varying expectations about what is appropriate to spend when it comes to those things. If you match up values with your SO, chances are better that you won't fight.

 

In my experience, it is not that common for a single woman to have saved money specifically for kids, but having a 401K is good, and having a buffer in case of a financial emergency is also good, although many, many people survive without it. (We don't really have it. I don't think we could make it beyond a month without help if all our earnings suddenly ceased.)

 

I think a guy would see your earning potential and salary as a big plus.

[Star Gazer]

Why? How old are you anyway? (Don't say if you don't want to, of course.) What exactly are you panicked about?

 

As TBF said, I'm 29 - turned last month.

 

I feel...behind. Behind in everything except my professional life.

[Art_Critic]

As TBF said, I'm 29 - turned last month.

 

I feel...behind. Behind in everything except my professional life.

 

No time like the present.. you have time..

 

Why not go to a planner and pay him to do you up a plan so you can see how your whole picture looks ?

 

You don't have to follow it.. but it would be helpful just to know what it really takes to save for your goals..

They would help you set goals and achieve them.. they don't even have to be retirement goals.. it could be that you want to own a home by the age 32 and they can show you how to make it happen while taking into account your debt and bills and income and lifestyle

[Touche]

As TBF said, I'm 29 - turned last month.

 

I feel...behind. Behind in everything except my professional life.

 

You're not. You really aren't. Look at how many of us meet our mates and have kids later in life (including me.) You're still young. There's time. Learn from past mistakes and stop wasting time with men who are not right for you. Keep a positive outlook. And remember, that the chances of your staying single are slim. They really are.

 

Gosh, a lot of us can relate to the thing about being "behind." I know I did when I was 33 and divorced. I had no family of my own, no prospects for love and a family. You just can't give up.

 

In fact, I think in a way, it's better to be a "late-bloomer" that way. You'll have a better shot at finding and keeping the real thing. (And I'm by no means saying that those who found love earlier in life don't have a shot at it being long-lasting.) but I do believe that the odds are for you and not against you.

[Trialbyfire]

No time like the present.. you have time..

 

Why not go to a planner and pay him to do you up a plan so you can see how your whole picture looks ?

 

You don't have to follow it.. but it would be helpful just to know what it really takes to save for your goals..

They would help you set goals and achieve them.. they don't even have to be retirement goals.. it could be that you want to own a home by the age 32 and they can show you how to make it happen while taking into account your debt and bills and income and lifestyle

Absolutely, go see a professional. Also, if you have credit card debt, consider some form of consolidation loan that will lower your debit interest rates so you can get out from under sooner. It will also help your monthly cash flow so you can start to put money away/investing immediately.