Chinook Posted June 29, 2007 Posted June 29, 2007 I know it's a process. Been here before. But jeez post-break-up-no-contact sucks.
JulieJ Posted June 29, 2007 Posted June 29, 2007 It is so hard when you know that only time will make it better and there is absolutely nothing you can do to make it go by faster.
Author Chinook Posted July 2, 2007 Author Posted July 2, 2007 {sigh} It's been 5 days now. I feel so unbearably sad. I can't stop weeping and asking any higher power that will listen to just turn the feelings off now. I find myself weeping in the shower, in the car and almost at any given moment. Isn't enough pain enough...? Plus, I broke NC on Saturday and asked him for closure. We've been through this several times and he broke up with me by email. I think to extinguish the hope that it isn't just another one of those instances, I need him to tell me we can't go back ever and there is no hope. I guess I'm kinda getting that from his silence. I just can't work out how a week ago someone could tell you they love you and then now a week later they can't extend compassion to put me out of my incessant misery. I don't think I have felt this miserable in a long time. How long does this stage last...? I'm really hurting here.
funkybassplayer Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 If hes not giving you the chance, then thats the closure you seek. my ex got into a new relationship as soon as we broke up, and she said she will contact me, but i cant her, so i sent back her stuff and walked away. that was closure for me. I felt she didnt even have the guts to say to me, lets leave things altogether, even wen i said its ok if she wants to do that! Some people have no guts, and are selfish. they wont give you that last time, as they dont have the guts to do it, or they belive they can stroll back into a live when it suits them. Dont look for closure, it will only come from you, and your belife that its over, he doent have to tell you this, and you dont need it spelt out. Just be strong, you'll get there.
Author Chinook Posted July 2, 2007 Author Posted July 2, 2007 Well, to give credit where it is due and I sincerely did not expect it. I tried to call him this evening to discuss another issue connected with a mutual friend. He replied with this.. ""If a person doesn't pick up the phone on the second ring, it normally means they don't want to speak to you as I have not got the strength. You asked yesterday if it was over, yes it is. I cannot go back from this. B" Two things about that statement - he doesn't want to talk to me, so obviously I can't push for it now. He's tired and worn out with the way he feels too - which implies that he hasn't gone breezily on his way and is kinda hurting also. The second thing is - it's over. There really is nothing more to say. It's over and there's no going back. It hurts quite a lot. But the certainty and finality of that statement is also the closure that I needed to let go. Hard as that is.
AriaIncognito Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 I'm sorry you're having a tough time Chinook. I don't remember your exact scenario but it sounds like you were in an on again off again thing like I was. This is extremely hard. Because well, it's easy to assume "we'll be on again". I'm finally to the point now where I think I'm finally fed up enough to know that we will indeed never be ON again because I deserve better. If you were in an on again off again, you have to ask yourself why you were willing to keep settling for that kind of relationship. I still don't know why I settled for it. I think I thought he was a better person than he was, and that he would one day realize how perfect we fit together. Problem was, we only fit in my mind. And even now, I wonder if that was true, since well how can I truly fit with someone who pushes me away. I broke up with mine 4 times over the course of about a year and a few months. (well more like he broke up or I left because he was about to leave). We got back 3 times and each time it never changed. Keep trying to remind yourself that it wasn't working out. That the relationship wasn't healthy if it ended. Eventually, you'll start to feel better. It takes any amount of time. I'm still hoping for the day that i feel "better" but I at least have been getting out and making new friends, which is probably more than he's done. he's probably just holed up with his next victim who he'll then leave because she'll be the reason he didn't make friends. Vicious cycle. It's those of us that see the cycle and work to correct it, that will be better off.
Author Chinook Posted July 3, 2007 Author Posted July 3, 2007 Yes, it was pretty much the same scenario but over a shorter period of time. On/off stop/go and always with him pushing me away. I was always made to feel like I shouldn't really expect that - see when I'm involved with someone I expect them to give like I give... and he knew that - plus, he did it at the beginning. Then the pushing away started - so he would push and initially I'd panic and worry and ask alot of questions. Eventually I was made to feel that everything was about me and my needs. So in the end I gave up. You see each time, it was me who pulled us back together. It was me who drew the line in the sand and reached out my hand. He never did. This time he pushed me so far away I felt different just before the split (I still can't wrap my mind around that phrase). In the end I couldn't reach back towards him and instead I fought his fire with my own... resulting in him dumping me. In the end, I probably pushed the situation to the point of breaking but I had already gone past that point of being broken. But like you say, it had been so on/off I expected (and still hope for it) it to get sorted out and for us to be able to reach out towards each other again. But it's never going to happen. His ego and his pride won't let him. He says he can't come back from this - but the fact is, he doesn't want to - no matter how he feels. See, as human beings we see the light and potential in others and we expect and hope for them to exceed our expectations... but the hard fact is, they rarely do.
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