goodgirl26 Posted June 29, 2007 Posted June 29, 2007 This is the 3rd time I've tried to post so this is getting shorter- my boyfriend of 3 years (known him for six) has an 8 year old son. he is 30. We recently got back together after a 2 month separation due to my lack of trust in his "friendship" with another woman that he hid from me. I had no proof of anything phyisical and we were trying to work things out. Last weekend his son blurted out that the other woman had spent the night. my boyfriend claimed it was a few years ago. I broke up with him once again after he made a comment that hurt me. I decided enough is enough. Well people, I am here to tell you to trust your gut instincts. Even the little tiny twinges that tell you something is wrong when you think you are crazy for thinking anything is up. or that something is totally innocent. Chances are its not. I really didnt' have any clue. I never suspected much until the other woman was calling. my boyfriend was sweet to me , very attentive, called me the most beautiful woman he's ever dated, constantly praised my body, told me I was the most fun in bed he's ever had, talked to me for hours about everything! We could spend the day just cuddling and holding eachother and be perfectly content. We were best friends. We had some problems like any couple (he wanted to live together I wasn't ready, he wanted me to spend more time with him, I wanted him to be less possessive and paranoid (he thought I would cheat on him) Well last night (we had already broken up) he called to ask when I was going to get my stuff and he confessed everything he'd done during our relationship. during the 3 years we've been together he: slept with about 8 other women having unprotected sex with all but one. all were exes and this other woman I was suspicious of. he had sex with his son's mother and let her spend the night at his house even though he always talks about how much he hates her (with good reason) and she has gained 100 lbs since they were dating. had sex with an ex who nine months later gave birth- he said he might be the father but he doubts it because she sleeps around. The girl is a year old now and he said she might be his but the ex never pursued it so he doesn't care and has never seen the girl. He said I am the only person he's told about that. Said his son will be glad I'm gone and that he loved spending time with the other woman but hates me. That just broke my heart because I love his son like my own and my boyfriend has always told me no one has ever treated his son as well as I do. Also his son has NEVER acted like he doesn't like me. said its MY fault he cheated because I didn't pay enough attention to him and didn't have sex wtih him enough (his son was always around) said he only dated me for three years because he was using me for my body. Ok. honestly I am really hot compared to his exes that are overweight and don't take care of themselves but I'm no supermodel. I'm just cute girl with a tight little body. nothing special. So why not just tell me all you want is sex and spare the relationship drama? Most of the women he cheated on me with wanted relationships with him but he didn't want any of them. Most of the women were one night stands. Told me that whenever I'd say "I know you so well" to him (becasue I honestly thought I knew a lot about him and felt we had initmacy and were best friends) that he would laugh to himself or actually go somewhere and laugh out loud because he of how little I really did know about him (and his cheating) sick bastard. what I don't understand is if he had this secret life and did all this cheating then why drag me down with him? Why try so hard to win me back (when we broke up the first time) if he were single he can go do all of this and he's not hurting anyone! also if he was just using me then why was HE the one always asking me to spend more time with him? He says all I was to him was "eye candy" and that the only reason he spent time with me is because he loved looking at me?WTF. If that was true then why would he spend time with me when he knew we couldnt' have sex (his son was there) also why would he call me every single day and get mad when I didn't want to talk to him for hours. We talked or saw eachtoehr every single day. even after we came home from being together we would talk on the phone for at least an hour. Why would he just lie there and cuddle with me for hours. Why could we talk about anything and everything and never get bored? I'll never give him the time of day again and I"m glad I found out but it is so crushing because I didn't suspect any of this.
silktricks Posted June 29, 2007 Posted June 29, 2007 What an a$$. Think of how much better off you'll be now that you're out of THAT relationship. OK. That said. I'd bet that much of what he said were lies intended to hurt you. Not saying that he didn't cheat on you, probably many times, but what you've written here - that was mostly for the pain factor for you. Just keep telling yourself he is A class creep, and find a better one next time!!!
Lynna Posted June 29, 2007 Posted June 29, 2007 Oh honey, I am SO SORRY!!!! From what you say about your relationship, no, you are right, he must have enjoyed being with you!!! Some of these things he is just saying to hurt you. In fact because he wants to hurt you so bad, he probably loved you and wants to hurt you because you hurt him by leaving him. I would say that it is for sure that his son loved you because of the comment the son made. Clearly he did not want you to leave. Now, unfortauntely there probably is some truth behind some of this. You are well out of this situation. This guys is a looser. There is no call to treat someone like that. I am so sorry. Hang in there honey. There are better men out there. I know the hurt is unbelieable right now, but try to not believe all his lies. You can and WILL get through this!
Author goodgirl26 Posted June 29, 2007 Author Posted June 29, 2007 Thanks for your kind words- they made me cry but then everything makes me cry lately. Its weird, I've been thru break ups before but none with kids involved and the part that hurts the most is thinking that his son never liked me. I mean can children fake that? also most of my exes and I remained or became friends again after the split. With him I just think it would be too painful to try to be friends and no friend would ever treat you like that. I've been cheated on before but I always found out and this guy seems like it was a game to him to play me and then throw it in my face at the end. I understand he might not have gotten everything he wanted from me but why couldn't he just end it instead of running around putting my life at risk (stds)? our conversation last night was mostly him telling me everything he did behind my back and he also told me that his cousin (who I graduated with but wasn't friends with) told him not to date me because I was a slut and in high school I was dating two guys at once. Not true. So he kept rubbing it in my face that this girl I thought was my friend (no I didnt') thought I was a slut. he was like see you're not as good as friends as you thought huh. how am I a slut when my boyfriend was only the 4th guy I've slept with in 26 years!! HE is the one who slept with about 8 women in three years we've been dating. And ALL of those women slept with him when he had a girlfriend and didn't want to date them. so how can he call me that? He then went on to tell me that the latest OW (the one we broke up over in the first place) was very attractive and had a nice body and this is the total opposite information he told me before. I've seen pictures and she is ok but heavy set (she just had a kid when they started talking) and to most guys she wasn't anything to look at. Now he is saying that she is all that and I asked well why didn't you date her? I mean he would hang out at her house behind my back, was sleeping wtih her and supposedly his son was crazy about her, so why not break up with me (the girl he was using and apparently mad at all the time without telling me) and start dating her? His answer is that she isnt' his type and he didn't see anything working out with her. Does that make any sense? he also told me that he used to call me on his cell from her house and that once or twice he told me he loved me and he was lying in her bed after having sex with her. is that sick or what? And the kicker is he told me all of this (that I wish I'd never known because I had already left him anyway) he told me all of this after he got done telling me he was sorry for the comment he made (the reason I broke up with him is he was talking about the OW and said it was exciting to hurt me by talking to her. He told me he had only said this because HE was hurt and angry but right after he appologized for that he started telling me all this other stuff I wrote about. I was hurt too and said a few things (like he should go back to the OW) and that is when he told me that there were more than her. I also acted very cold toward him, was laughing at what he said and acted like I could care less. He would say things like It was MY fault because I didn't pay attention to him and if I had then he wouldnt have cheated and that I treated him like crap (not sure why he thinks that other than he wanted me to spend more time (as in the time I got home from work till midgnight every night) with him. When he was saying this I would just say whatever makes you be able to sleep at night, blame it all on me , I really don't care because I know its not my fault. I just acted really calm and never got emotional and maybe that made him madder I don't know. I guess I"ll never know but I wish I had some sort of warning,, somthing taht would have told me not to waste three years of my life with him. Every time I think of his son I cry. I want to see them both but I do know thats not a good idea.
Ladyjane14 Posted June 29, 2007 Posted June 29, 2007 If I were you, I would NEVER see or speak to that individual again... EVER. I think it's likely that he'll attempt to apologize at some point, that he'll claim to have said things that weren't true just to hurt you... but you know what? It doesn't matter how much is true and how much is a lie. Anybody that will go for your jugular while you're dating would only be exponentially worse as a lifetime mate. And even if you were just talking about friendship... that's not how friends treat each other. It's sad about the little boy, but really.... there's nothing you can do that would effectively make a difference in his eventually outcome. It's out of your hands. Better to make a clean break and set yourself on a path to a better life. Give some thought to changing all your contact information, and do get a restraining order if he becomes persistent. I think this guy is playing a game with you. The thrill is in the chase. I doubt he'll stop unless you insist he stop.
Author goodgirl26 Posted June 29, 2007 Author Posted June 29, 2007 I am hoping not everything he said is true- especially the part about his son loving the past OW and hating me. The rest- I think its true about the cheating and lying. Maybe not that many women but who knows. And teh weird part is that according to him this all happened (except for most recent OW) the first year we were dating (when things were really good!!) I dont' understand why he would do all this unless he is some kind of sex addict. Anyway even if he says he said it all to hurt me and that he was lying to hurt me, I'm done with him. nothing would ever make me go back to him. I'll be alone for 20 years if I have to, but I'll never date or let myself love him again. I just need to know how to get over this. Its so hard to let go of who I thought he was and realise that he's an unfeeling lying cheating d**K
Trimmer Posted June 29, 2007 Posted June 29, 2007 I am hoping not everything he said is true- especially the part about his son loving the past OW and hating me. The rest- I think its true about the cheating and lying. I agree with you that the cheating and lying stuff is probably based in fact, but his revelations are so clearly calculated to hurt you, I don't think you can count on the accuracy of any details... You know what? Kids are generally more emotionally honest and certainly not as conniving as this a**hole seems to be. I think you should take stock of what you know your relationship with the child to be - your memories and your experiences - separate from what his sleazy father says. I think you will find, in your heart, the truth of your relationship with this child.
Recommended Posts