quiet1one1 Posted June 29, 2007 Posted June 29, 2007 I've been fighting since January and it looks like I've lost the battle. My wife of 25 years (28 together) is moving out tomorrow. She's leaving me, her two kids, 2 pets who adore her, a beautiful home, and a life that wants for nothing. Left there will be a hole the size of Texas that we will not be able to fill. She says there is something missing, that "that love" she needs may not be here with me. She needs to find out who she really is/was/is to be. She's just so mixed-up - a complete 180 from where she was 3 years ago - she even had an affair with a man 11 years her junior (obviously I cannot compete with "that love"). He ran when she fell in love and got too close. So now she's left so low that I cannot help but feel sorry for her. I worry so much for her. I am her friend and I care and love her so all I can do is be there; I made a vow and I'm keeping it. I know that the strong, confident, gregarious woman with a heart of gold will never come back but at the end of this "break" I first want her to find the peace and satisfaction she needs and if we both realize we want each other in our lives, then that'll be perfect. I'm not sitting idly by, I've already met "someone" but she's just a diversion and friend for now, I know that and she knows that (she very understanding and cool about this). Call me a fool...I'm in the battle until I've lost the war. I have my whole life invested. Can I ever get by all that happened? I just want a chance to find out.
2sunny Posted June 29, 2007 Posted June 29, 2007 god - i just want to give you a hug... i too - was married for half my life (20 years) - and it is hard to pick yourself up when things seem so hopeless... it does get better - with time. but things certainly do change. you seem like a very nice man - i wish my husband was half as nice as you seem - then i may have been able to forgive him... unfortunately - he seemed to think he was "entitled" to any gal that moved. do something good for yourself each day - it seems to make things a bit more bearable. keep close friends and family around you - they will help - if you let them know what you need.
Author quiet1one1 Posted June 29, 2007 Author Posted June 29, 2007 god - i just want to give you a hug... ...you did. Thanks.
2sunny Posted June 29, 2007 Posted June 29, 2007 keep posting here honey! it has been my sanity for the past two years. i don't often reveal much about my situation easily because i live in a small community and come from a big family. but i have found alot of solice and friends and humor here that have helped me to move forward on a daily basis without dumping heavily on my friends and family. when i am with them - i really need it to just be happy times - so i don't like to "go there" with them. too many questions asking "are you okay - what is happening?" makes me just turn and walk away. we all need a few happy moments in each day. i just wish i could sleep. 3 hours a night doesn't do it for anyone - but - hey - that is how i found LS 2 years ago...
notspiritual Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 If you are a wonderful husband, a good provider and a nice guy, your wife will get bored and fall out of love for you sooner or later. So you need to treat her badly from time to time. It is sad but it is the way women want to be treated on a subconscious level. Read about dog training and you will learn how to handle women. Never reward the wife for bad behavior, instead punish her. Reward her for good behaviors. You must train her so she treats you kindly and with respect. Most wives only see their husband as a provider, so when the children can take care of themselves, the wife will get rid of her husband in search of the “Hollywood” love. I was thinking very low of some people who went to find their beautiful wife in a poor country to give her a better life. I was so foolish, I see now how these wives are so grateful and full of love. True they may not have the super education but these women are true jewels. Most western women have completely insane expectations from their husbands. So frankly, don’t waste your time with western women, there are so many gorgeous Eastern European or Asian girls who will treat you like a god.
Author quiet1one1 Posted July 3, 2007 Author Posted July 3, 2007 If you are a wonderful husband, a good provider and a nice guy, your wife will get bored and fall out of love for you sooner or later. So you need to treat her badly from time to time. It is sad but it is the way women want to be treated on a subconscious level. Read about dog training and you will learn how to handle women. Never reward the wife for bad behavior, instead punish her. Reward her for good behaviors. You must train her so she treats you kindly and with respect. Most wives only see their husband as a provider, so when the children can take care of themselves, the wife will get rid of her husband in search of the “Hollywood” love. I was thinking very low of some people who went to find their beautiful wife in a poor country to give her a better life. I was so foolish, I see now how these wives are so grateful and full of love. True they may not have the super education but these women are true jewels. Most western women have completely insane expectations from their husbands. So frankly, don’t waste your time with western women, there are so many gorgeous Eastern European or Asian girls who will treat you like a god. Not sure what to say to this... anyway, while I cannot even begin to absolve my W for the things she's done I do know I was far from the perfect husband and partner. I've learned a lot through all this and I look forward to continuing my transformation. Yes, I treat my wife well. It's what I do, it's me, and I'm not going to change. If she can't appreciate it someone will. She left as expected and my kids and I have adjusted quite well. I'm sure it hasn't set-in yet - we miss her but we are far from mourning her.
a4a Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 If you are a wonderful husband, a good provider and a nice guy, your wife will get bored and fall out of love for you sooner or later. So you need to treat her badly from time to time. It is sad but it is the way women want to be treated on a subconscious level. Read about dog training and you will learn how to handle women. Never reward the wife for bad behavior, instead punish her. Reward her for good behaviors. You must train her so she treats you kindly and with respect. Most wives only see their husband as a provider, so when the children can take care of themselves, the wife will get rid of her husband in search of the “Hollywood” love. I was thinking very low of some people who went to find their beautiful wife in a poor country to give her a better life. I was so foolish, I see now how these wives are so grateful and full of love. True they may not have the super education but these women are true jewels. Most western women have completely insane expectations from their husbands. So frankly, don’t waste your time with western women, there are so many gorgeous Eastern European or Asian girls who will treat you like a god. :rolleyes:
Ladyjane14 Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 Double :rolleyes: ... and a for good measure. I hope you've got better game than this NonSpiritual and that you're just venting... 'cause damn.
notspiritual Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 I hope you've got better game than this NonSpiritual. Quiet1one1 is an incredibly caring man, just as I was. And just as I lost my wife he is losing his wife. I know it is counter-intuitive but you need to add mistreatment and jealousy in your game and see how it will bring your wife back. Keeping doing the same things and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity. Women hate wonderful husbands. You need to show her you’re the boss. You must not fall into her reality. You must hang out with a beautiful woman from Eastern Europe. When she calls tell you are busy with your new girlfriend. Stop being nice. Stop caring for her. You are sad for her because her affair was not the “Hollywood” love she wanted? Man, how can she respect you now? Women hate over-sensitive men. Improve your game and start to treat her like a dog.
Author quiet1one1 Posted July 3, 2007 Author Posted July 3, 2007 You may be right but that's not improving "my game". I'll keep playing the only way I know how. If I lose, I lose - I'll walk away a better player because of it.
dgiirl Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 You may be right but that's not improving "my game". I'll keep playing the only way I know how. If I lose, I lose - I'll walk away a better player because of it. Stay true to yourself! I dont know how treating someone like a dog will get you anywhere good. Playing devil's advocate here, even IF women "like" to be treated like a dog (omg, i cant believe i'm even writing that bs), how could you live with yourself? You'd have to have a lot of hate and absolutely no respect for yourself, let alone other people, to think and treat people like dogs. Q1, I'm sorry you're going through this, but keep posting. It does help!
notspiritual Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 I'll keep playing the only way I know how. If I lose, I lose. Since you are unwilling to learn a few new skills (dog training, how to make her jealous), winning your wife back is not that important for you after all. Good for you, it is a healthy sign that you are starting to move on. I dont know how treating someone like a dog will get you anywhere good. If he starts to treat her like a dog, the way she deserves to be treated, he will show her that she has no power over him. Most women love to be dominated by a stronger man. He shows he is not going to accept her bull**** anymore. Most women love a man who can stand for himself. He shows he must not be taken for granted. He shows that he is attractive to other women. Most women value their husband only when there is a possibility that she will lose him forever. See the good effects? Playing devil's advocate here, even IF women "like" to be treated like a dog (omg, i cant believe i'm even writing that bs), how could you live with yourself? You'd have to have a lot of hate and absolutely no respect for yourself, let alone other people, to think and treat people like dogs.There is no hate, on the contrary there is so much love from a man who is willing to use all the possible legal tools available to win back his wife despite the fact that she treated him even worse than a dog. His intention is good, his intention is to bring back love. There is no disrespect to oneself. Most dogs treats the husband with more respect than most wives do, at least dogs are grateful and affectionate. On the contrary, learning how to tame your wife is to bring back respect for yourself. There is no disrespect for others. I am not saying he has to treat other people like dogs, just his wife. It does not mean disrespect for her. On the contrary, it is to recognize the animalistic nature of women and respecting it by not trying to change it but by learning to deal with it.
Darth Vader Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 I advise that you protect yourself legally, contact a lawyer, find about your rights. Your wife left you? Ask about abandondment, and get sole custody of your children, the house, the cars, and the assets, money, 401K. Because if you don't, she will, and she'll take you to the cleaners for her affair, and leaving you and your children. Protect yourself, chances are, there's someone else, and no, you didn't do a bad job of being a husband, even if you did, that doesn't give her the right to cheat on you, so stop blaming yourself for her actions!
Curmudgeon Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 I advise that you protect yourself legally, contact a lawyer, find about your rights. Your wife left you? Ask about abandondment, and get sole custody of your children, the house, the cars, and the assets, money, 401K. Because if you don't, she will, and she'll take you to the cleaners for her affair, and leaving you and your children. Protect yourself, chances are, there's someone else, and no, you didn't do a bad job of being a husband, even if you did, that doesn't give her the right to cheat on you, so stop blaming yourself for her actions! Woggle need to enter into a committed relationship with one another. You both appear to share the same problem with women. Kindred souls!
Author quiet1one1 Posted July 4, 2007 Author Posted July 4, 2007 I advise that you protect yourself legally, contact a lawyer, find about your rights. Your wife left you? Ask about abandondment, and get sole custody of your children, the house, the cars, and the assets, money, 401K. Because if you don't, she will, and she'll take you to the cleaners for her affair, and leaving you and your children. Protect yourself, chances are, there's someone else, I have all the legal bases covered, thank you. We live in a no fault state, our kids are adults, and our incomes are similar so there's nothing to be taken to the cleaners over. She's not doing this for money or leverage or anything else, that much I know. There was someone else. That is out in the open. I know this makes no sense to most people but it makes sense to me. She asked me to give her some time - I trust her enough to do that for her. I have some big issues to work through anyway. To nonspiritual, your use of the phrase "treat her like a dog" is sensational but I see your points. I am not sitting idly by - I actually have been seeing someone I was fixed-up with and my W knows this. At this point, it is companionship and nothing more. The woman knows my situation and is very understanding and kind. I don't have to be a jerk, my wife knows VERY WELL that this mid-40's man is a catch and would not be available long. She is my partner of 28 years and she will always be special to me so I will treat her as such. If she kicks me in the ba**s it will hurt for a moment but I will know I was true to myself and my vows.
Darth Vader Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 Woggle need to enter into a committed relationship with one another. You both appear to share the same problem with women. Kindred souls! I'm only stating the truth, so quiet doesn't get screwed. As far as me, and him? I don't swing that way! Ha Ha! Anywho, I didn't mean the affair that she already had, I'm just stating that there may be someone new, after all, she did say she wanted her space in so many words........
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