Sachsen78 Posted June 29, 2007 Posted June 29, 2007 Hi, In this first paragraph i will give the story in short. Please read the rest for more information. My giflriend cheated several times on her first boyfriend, she even had feelings for a couple of them she said. She also told me that one of them was by far the best lover she ever had... She also told me that her previous ex is the love of her life( not the one she cheated on ). They only got separated because he had to move for work ( to other side of the globe ). I love her so much, but i don't know if i can be with a girl that has cheated so many times and when i'm also no more than the number two love of her life.. if even that.. I am desperately in need for some help. I really don't know what to do. I have to decide to stay here or go back home (also around the globe). I would be here only for here if i stay... Help!! I have been together with this girl for just over 11months. We originally met about 17months ago, but after a few weeks I found out that she was in a relationship. Another two months after that she told me that they broke up. I was still interested ( nothing had happened between us till then ), but she was reluctant to meet or go on dates. After a while ( two weeks before we got together ) I came over to her place.. I stayed over. I wanted to be a couple and after talking abt that she said she wanted to be with me as a couple. Still there was something that worried me. Once in a while she seemed to be really upset, but she didn't want to talk about it. Finally, after almost two months she told me that she had got back together with her ex-boyfriend a week after they broke up and that the second time they broke up was because he had to leave the country for a job ( this was only two weeks before I stayed over the first time ). And the reason why she had felt so sad these times was because he was sending her love-emails. She then also said that they had an agreement to meet up again in a couple of years when their careers was started. Hearing all this made me think that this isn't good for me. Am I just a guy she is with to make time pass till she meets him again?? I would think that if she was serious about me she would have told him, not necessarily to cut contact with him, but so he would know she is taken and would stop sending the love letters that makes her confused and upset. Is that too much to ask for?? She refused to tell him about me, because she had an agreement with him not to tell each other about relationships or anything. This to keep their friendship... what is that??? If he can't handle that she sees another guy then he doesn't sound like much of a good friend, or am i wrong??? It doesn't end here.. this keeps going on for a while. After 5months she is pregnant with me. We didn't plan it, but after a while we accept it and are looking forward to it. The baby didn't make it.. Had an abortion late in the pregnancy. It was a very difficult time, but i did my best to take care of her. During the pregnancy and after she was very easily irritated, and kept telling me to change and be more responsible. I did everything and more for her, and if i forgot one insignificant thing she would give me a storm not even thanking me for everything else i did. She started using these small things as reasons we might not be good for each other. If i didn't change we would not work out.. I was thinking that the hormones from the pregnancy was adding to this, but i don't know if i can blame it all on that..? Next, she got a new e-mail from her ex.. he wanted to meet up with her in a few months. She had still not told him about us. She then told him and after some back and forth she managed to keep him as a friend ( what she told me anywyas ). She then comes to me and tells me that he's the love of her life. She even tells me that if she'd known that he wanted to meet her now she would have waited. Even if she knew how we'd turn out. As a good deed to me she adds on to that that if she met me first she would have wanted the same.. what?? how can she say something like that to me? Is she aware of how much it hurts to hear something like that? And when she now has said so many times how he's the love of her life, i find it hard to believe that she would think the same if we met first. Another thing that worries me a lot is the following.. Out of the blue she told me that in her first relationship ( lasted 6years ), she had cheated on the guy many times.. she wouldn't say how many. The only thing she told me was that she only had feelings for two of the guys she cheated with.. She even told me that one of those guys was the best guy ever that had made love to her..!!!?? and while saying this she looked away and had a smile on her face.. as if she was thinking back on the "good times".. She added on that both me and her ex before me were good though.. why did she have to mention her ex too?? and anyways, it doesn't exactly make me feel good any of this. I have already got very strong feelings about cheating. To put it simple I really hate the thought of it. If she had cheated on me I would most likely leave without hesitation! So I am thinking wheter or not she, having cheated many times on this guy, will be able to stay faithfull to me.. She also said that he was the only bf she had cheated on. She then said she could never have cheated on her love of her life ex, and added on that she couldn't and haven't cheated on me either.. Didn't sound to convincing when she told me this as an addition.. actually after i had to ask " what about cheating on me?". She said that she told me this so I would know she wasn't perfect, and she said that she did this when she was young and naive.. I appreciate that she told me this in a way, but at the same time i don't like knowing this.. The thing is, I LOVE HER SO MUCH, but i don't know if i can be with a girl that has done these things. And also when the love of her life is not me, but a guy out there. And the only reason why they are not together is a 30hour flight.. I also have to make up my mind on what to do.. stay here and se how it goes or go back home and try to forget about her.. I love her so much, she is definitively the love of my life, so i really don't want to give up on her just like that.. There's so many other things i could mention, but this is long enough as it is for now. If anybody has read through it all i really appreciate it! Maybe some of you think i'm stupid letting this affect me and that i should be happy for what i have now. Yes, that might be right, but i want to spend the rest of my life with someone i can trust and right now i am not sure.. which is a bad sign in itself me thinking that.. I don't expect to be saved by anyone here, but i just need to get this out somewhere. And it's not like i can talk to just about anybody about this.. Thank you and please tell me your true thoughts about this.
Author Sachsen78 Posted June 30, 2007 Author Posted June 30, 2007 Anybody have comments? would be greatly appreciated
lonelybird Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 I think she is VERY unstable. Seems she loves drama, and could not help to do so; a person changing their charactors take time unless Lord changes her by supernature power. Cheating is a bad habbit hard to break. But you said you love her VERY MUCH, see if you are willing to forgive her if she cheats on you, and many other drama's negative sides. If you want to stay with her, you will exercise your strongness if you can come out of it. Leave her will save you lots of trouble. but this just my two cents
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 If she had cheated on me I would most likely leave without hesitation! No you wouldn't, and she knows that. That is how she gets away with so much. You overlook the most glaringly obvious red flags because you love her, and she uses that to her advantage. Eventually you'll tire of this, and begin to see things for how they are and not just how you want them to be. It might take a while, though. Hope your heart can handle a lot more heartbreak, because that is all you'll ever have with this girl.
Walk Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 This girl doesn't love you.. she's using you as filler. Sounds like you're just someone to have around so she won't be alone. Please drop this girl. I know you love her, and you think you can make this work out, but you can't do it alone. She has to want to help create a good relationship. But she's definitely NOT doing that by emphasising that you aren't the love of her life. Listen, I hate to break it to you, but this girl has some serious phsychological problems. She probably played the same mind games on the other guy, and that's why he didn't have any problem with moving across the world. Think back to the beginning of the relationship... she wasn't even broken up with him and she had you lined up as bf number 2. after a few weeks I found out that she was in a relationship. Another two months after that she told me that they broke up. Not only are you less then the love of her life, but this other guy was nothing more then a fill in too. He was replaced before they'd even broken up. I'd be surprised if she knows what love is. You're being blinded by your love for her. Open your eyes. If he was the "love of her life" then why the hell was she scouting out the next BF TWO (2) months before the current was even out the door?? MOST women aren't like this, ok? There's someone out there that will make you feel like you're number one in her eyes... not some second class citizen who can't do anything right. Stand up for yourself. SHe doesn't love you. She's using you. Even if what you're feeling for her is love... well, you aren't showing that you even mildly like yourself the way you're letting her stomp all over you.
bish Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 Hi, In this first paragraph i will give the story in short. Please read the rest for more information. My giflriend cheated several times on her first boyfriend, she even had feelings for a couple of them she said. She also told me that one of them was by far the best lover she ever had... She also told me that her previous ex is the love of her life( not the one she cheated on ). So basically she felt the need to tell you another guy was the best lover she ever had, why would she tell you that? She trying to piss you off? And then she tells you this other guy is the love of her life.....so really, why are still with her? I love her so much, but i don't know if i can be with a girl that has cheated so many times And you shouldn't. If she cheated on the love of her life, with no misgivings tells you another guy is the best she ever had, you really should not have anything to do with her. She WILL cheat on you as well. and when i'm also no more than the number two love of her life.. if even that.. I am desperately in need for some help. I really don't know what to do. I have to decide to stay here or go back home (also around the globe). I would be here only for here if i stay... Help!! If you are young and have the opportunity to see the globe, then don't waste your time with this serial cheater. See the world. Find someone worthy of your affections. Am I just a guy she is with to make time pass till she meets him again?? I'm afraid so. Either that or you are someone to pass the time until she cheats again. It doesn't end here.. this keeps going on for a while. After 5months she is pregnant with me. We didn't plan it, but after a while we accept it and are looking forward to it. The baby didn't make it.. Had an abortion late in the pregnancy. I'm sorry to hear that. I love kids and hate it when something bad happens to them. Next, she got a new e-mail from her ex.. he wanted to meet up with her in a few months. She had still not told him about us. She then told him and after some back and forth she managed to keep him as a friend ( what she told me anywyas ). She then comes to me and tells me that he's the love of her life. Right then and there you should have kicked her out. She even tells me that if she'd known that he wanted to meet her now she would have waited. god dude, there really isn't anything else to say. Her heart does not belong to you. I believe by keeping in contact with this guy is major disrespect. You really should kick her to the curb. Another thing that worries me a lot is the following.. Out of the blue she told me that in her first relationship ( lasted 6years ), she had cheated on the guy many times.. she wouldn't say how many. The only thing she told me was that she only had feelings for two of the guys she cheated with.. She even told me that one of those guys was the best guy ever that had made love to her..!!!?? and while saying this she looked away and had a smile on her face.. Ok, the rest of this post doesn't matter. I've heard enough. You have one selfish little slut here. Not only is she selfish, she is one cold-hearted b!tch. Let her be someone elses problem and put her out like the trash that she is.
Author Sachsen78 Posted July 18, 2007 Author Posted July 18, 2007 Thank you for your replies. I really appreciate it! We are still together and Its kinda going well. No big issues since i made the post, but Im still spending TOO much time thinking about what she told me.. I'm still not sure how to deal with this. I'm thinking there's a few options. I can just see what happens and take it from there or try to force me to move on.... but still.. i'm really not sure if i can be with a girl for the long run that doesn't consider me the to be the love of her life. I have this feeling that when she has cheated before and when she doesn't consider me the love of her life, that is a "perfect" recipe for it to happen again.. and this time to me. If she doesn't cheat on me, then i have this feeling that since i already know i'm not THE one, she might find someone that she thinks is better than me sooner or later... ARGH!!! I love her so much, but at the same time i don't know what to do.. If i didn't love her as much as i do I would not even consider staying around..... *sigh*.. Thank you again for your comments
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