Loz22 Posted June 28, 2007 Posted June 28, 2007 I don't know what anyone else will think but a little bit of advise or just general comments might help. I was engaged to my fiance for 3 years we were together for 4 and a half years, 4 months ago we broke up, his call. I didn't want to break up at all but I knew we were having problems.we had 1 week of not seeing each other only texting to say hello. Anyway after that week we had a friends going away party that we both went to. We talked and got on well, then on the sunday he texted me asking if I wanted to catch up I got all excited so I went to his house we talked and laughed and then ended up sleeping together. But we were still broken up after this and I went home. The next morning (monday) I got a text from him saying that he was sorry and he had been a f***en dick head and that he did still love me so much and he wanted to try and make it work between us because he didn't want to be without me. So from then we have been doing the as you call it "dating thing". No one knows because we didn't want anyone to interfer (if you know some of our friends you'd understand) well it has been good we see eachother a few times a week but I live at my mums for the time being. We set a time of 6 months to see how its going then tell people. It has been 4 months. I thought things were good. Last night I went to visit him and I noticed that the photos that we had in our lounge of us had gone, i jumped straight to the worst and accused him of having someone (another girl) there and thats why all the photos were gone. All except one photo frame on the lounge wall with 2 photos of us in it, and in the kitchen & the hall there is one. I can't help but think the worst, i accused him and he got very angry at me. He said "did you ever think I was doing something for you with them" (because I don't have any copies). I said sorry. But i can't get the thought out of my head there is something more to it. I have very low self esteem and i think thats where my inscurcurites are coming from. But he also did a bit of a clean up around the house so i can't help think the worst would you? But in the bedroom there is still a couple of things that are mine, a vase of flowers, a jewerly box and photos of me mum and me and my sister, if he had soemone there surly he would move those personal things and they haven't been moved i know this (i already checked). The reason it hurts so much is because we said in the beginning when we decided to make a go of our relationship we said that we would not see anyone else, but i can't help but think maybe he is. But surly i would notice if he was feeling guilty i know him when he has told lies before (about minimal things nothing big) i know he can't lie he always shows it in his face. What the hell do i do? How do i stop myself thinking the worst? There could be a logical explanation for it maybe he is doing something nice for me. Please what does anyone think? Sorry for it being so long.
tommycapnpants Posted June 28, 2007 Posted June 28, 2007 I know it is hard to get those kind of thoughts out of your mind, but you must try. If you really want to give your relationship a go again I believe you must be willing to take a risk. Try to find it in yourself to trust him again. Because, if you want to have a healthy relationship you must, under it all, trust one another.
Author Loz22 Posted June 28, 2007 Author Posted June 28, 2007 I know it is hard to get those kind of thoughts out of your mind, but you must try. If you really want to give your relationship a go again I believe you must be willing to take a risk. Try to find it in yourself to trust him again. Because, if you want to have a healthy relationship you must, under it all, trust one another. But honesley does anyone know how you can learn to trust agin when you feel like your heart has already been broken. If this was you would you feel the same as me? I know that everynight now that I am not with him spending time with him I will be thinking the worst. Do you believe that you can tell when someone is lying??
tommycapnpants Posted June 28, 2007 Posted June 28, 2007 Those images playing in your head, of the worst, are so debilitating for a relationship. I am not saying if I were in your situation it would be easier for me. Hell, I think sometimes our minds are our worst enemies. If the trust has been broken in the past it may be next to impossible to rebuild it. Yet, if this man is important enough to you then you will find that trust. I think sometimes accusations of infidelity may eventually lead the other person to do exactly that. When you see those images form in your mind try some breathing/meditation. Because, ultimately you will need to be comfortable within yourself and then you may be able to find that stillness you're seeking in your mind. I hope it all plays out that he is not hiding anything. Please, keep us posted.
Author Loz22 Posted June 28, 2007 Author Posted June 28, 2007 Those images playing in your head, of the worst, are so debilitating for a relationship. I am not saying if I were in your situation it would be easier for me. Hell, I think sometimes our minds are our worst enemies. If the trust has been broken in the past it may be next to impossible to rebuild it. Yet, if this man is important enough to you then you will find that trust. I think sometimes accusations of infidelity may eventually lead the other person to do exactly that. When you see those images form in your mind try some breathing/meditation. Because, ultimately you will need to be comfortable within yourself and then you may be able to find that stillness you're seeking in your mind. I hope it all plays out that he is not hiding anything. Please, keep us posted. Thats the thing I don't know where the mis trust comes from he hasn't done anything in the past, just over the years I have got more jelous and thought the worst, its my fault its my self esteem or no self esteem, i just love him ans want to know the truth. I want to believe him but I can't stop the thoughts. I cryed myself to sleep last night as a i lay next to him because i couldn't get those horrible images and thoughts out of my head. And because no one knows were "dating" i can't talk to anyone about it. I just don't know what to think why were the photos gone, why did he clean up who was he trying to impress. I kow its my fault that i'm pushing him away i just want some more comitment from him, i think my problem is now I want people to know were trying to fix our relationship. I just don't know how to play hard to get because i want to spend time with him because i miss him because I still love him.
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