Cioriel Posted June 28, 2007 Posted June 28, 2007 hi - I will really try to make this short as I really would like input on this because I am at a loss for what to do.. About 6 weeks ago my boyfriend broke up w/ me after a little over 2 years of being together. While together we had talked about marriage and had discussed getting engaged in the next year - both of us talked about it (not just me) and we talked about kids and everything....he even mentioned to a few of his friends that we had been talking about engagement. One afternoon after work (we work together) he broke up with me out of nowhere. We had a small argument at lunch that day, but I don't think that's what lead him to breaking up. At the time he told me that he didn't think he was the one for me and that he had realized he wasn't happy. He said that he couldn't say it was us making him unhappy but he also couldn't say it wasn't us. He said that he wouldn't rule us out as getting back together in the future but that there was a greater chance it wouldn't happen. He said he felt like he needed to change his life a lot, which included moving out of his parents place (which he will soon be doing), getting a full time job, finishing up w/ school, and breaking up w/ me. He said he needed time for us to get to be friends and be "normal" again before he would even know if he would change his mind. He did say, though, that if he ever changed his mind about breaking up he would tell me. He also has not been able to give me reasons as to why he thinks our relationship could have been making him unhappy. We both have said that we want to be friends, and I think he actually means it. A couple weeks ago I tried no contact for what was supposed to be a week (I stopped initiating contact but still briefly replied when he emailed me) and after two days, he asked if we could talk and ended up crying a little, saying that he missed me as a friend. We started talking again and I told him that I didn't know what to do b/c I wanted to be friends but that if I had feelings we wouldn't be able to. Last week I did no contact again the whole week and he left me alone as well. Then this week he walked to work w/ me and we got talking again..just general talking and a little bit about us being friends. I don't know what to do. I still really love him and I think we are great together. he told me that he had never considered breaking up w/ me before the day he did it and that it just struck him very strongly that he wasn't happy. I feel like we both really like and respect each other and we have fun together, and were even planning a life together - to me that says that we weren't the cause of his unhappiness and that maybe in the future after we both have a bit more perspective we could really last and be happy. I also don't want to pine for him because that's not fun. I am open to someone else coming in and being great for me, but my ex really makes me happy and I really honestly believe we are good together. I've thought about no contact, but that is virtually impossible because we work together and will see each other everyday no matter what, which really makes a huge difference. I also have wondered if we can just be friends since a bit of time has passed since the breakup. I just don't know what to do because I really want us to get back together (even if in the future and not right now) but if that's not going to happen I want to be friends b/c he is important to me and I really value his friendship. Thanks for reading all of this - please let me know what you think as I really need some outside opinions and I need to make a decision as to whether to try no contact again (and for how long) or whether to be friends and just accept that that is all we're going to be or if I have a shot or if there is anything I can say to him that will make him think (not change his mind b/c I know I can't do that). It is difficult b/c he is not talking to anyone about all of this - he's just stuck inside his own mind.
jerbear Posted June 28, 2007 Posted June 28, 2007 It is possible to be friends with ex's; just not that immediate. Feelings could not be there from either side. It was mentioned that your ex is in the process of getting a full time job, a new job, moving out, finishing school, is a transitional period in a person's life. I don't think it is a good idea to be friends right now due to the fact that he is wishy washy about friends first (again) before a relationships. You do not seem to be in the right state of mind to be friends due to feelings for him. If you maintain a friendship you might not find someone else who can make you happy. He can make you happy, spend time with you, then go home to another person. He made it apparent by breaking up with you. In my opinion, keep it a few steps below friendship, like aquiantances with the occasional hi. If something develops then by all means deal with it then. Right now just get on with life and keep it professional while at work.
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