SweetOlive Posted June 28, 2007 Posted June 28, 2007 So Im back here again, as sad and depressed as the first time I found this site. I finally realize why this website is here for, to greve of your lost love. For the love you can never have with your ex again. I see how powerful and important NC is. And I cant do this alone. Last night was the last night I would to a man that I tried re building a relationship with. This guy told me how much he loved me, how much he cared, and how much I was his world. I should have known I would get screwed over again. I have found out he has kept on lying and trying to get with 3 different women in the past 5 months. All of this happen while he begged me to be with him, to trust him and to be in a relationship. I have been such an idiot to fall for him again. And I know I cant do this anymore. Im so scared of finally trying to let him go and begin no contact. It hurts to imagine him with someone else and never know if he "ll be okay. I don't seem to realize that he will never love me the way I love him. I don't know how everyone else here deals with the loneliness at night and the thoughts of your ex pouring back into your mind. Its hard to cry each night and feel anxious about him. I gave him his last chance to tell me the truth last night, I told him how things he tells me and what he does doesn't add up. He never confess to what I know. He took me for a fool and I feel like I have been emotionally abused time and time again. I want to not give a ***** but I cant, he was my life for the past few years. I know having NC is the best thing, I don't know how to maintain it. I don't know how to be strong enough and let him see that I am not staying here, stuck to a man that has never really loved me. He doesn't know of me trying to begin NC, when I tell him he acts like a big jerk. I just cant see how he can be talking to me and sending an msg to his friend to help him out with this "cute girl." That killed me. I just need support from anyone. Thanks.
alasia Posted June 28, 2007 Posted June 28, 2007 Im so scared of finally trying to let him go and begin no contact. It hurts to imagine him with someone else and never know if he "ll be okay. I don't seem to realize that he will never love me the way I love him. I don't know how everyone else here deals with the loneliness at night and the thoughts of your ex pouring back into your mind. Its hard to cry each night and feel anxious about him. Can't help much because I'm not quite 'there' yet - I still care about my ex, but lately I've realised I am moving on, albeit veeery slowly! I had to reply when I read the part of your post I've quoted above though - I was reluctant/unable to do the NC thing because a part of me didn't really want to get over my ex. I knew I probably should, but there was always a little nagging voice at the back of my mind saying "what if?" "What if" he changed his mind in a few weeks, months or years time and wanted to try again? If I was over him, I'd miss the chance. Now I realise that's stupid - I still get the "what if" once in a while, but I now know that I have to try and move on, get on with my life and if he ever did want me back, I'd be in a much better frame of mind to work out if that's what I really, truly want. And chances are, it wouldn't be - because I'd be able to see him for what he is and see that the relationship could never work; instead of looking through the rose-tinted glasses I'm currently wearing! I feel much better now than I did three weeks ago (and three weeks ago I was reading posts similar to the one I've just written, saying "yeah right...that would never work for me, I'll never get over him!") - like I said I'm ot quite there yet, but it honestly is getting better. I still hold out hope that we'll start talking again one day, but I'm looking forward to the day when we can be 'just friends', instead of wishing we could be back together. I'm even starting to find other men attractive again, although the thought of doing anything with them is still weird to me. As for sticking to NC, I'm the world's worst at that! I'm unbelievably impulsive; the type of person that will be sitting there watching tv one minute, suddenly think about my ex and go running out of the door to catch the bus into town, so I can speak to him. Everytime I've done that it's worked out badly and he's hated me more than ever, so I've learnt to control the impulse. I've come close sometimes - last night for example, I even got as far as getting my coat on; but I just told myself I WASN'T going to go out and after a couple of minutes, I was 'normal' again It's hard (excruciating sometimes), but NC really does work. Everytime I've seen my ex lately I've felt better for a second, then that dies and I just know I've set myself back again. And I know everyone says it, but it really does get easier. Honest.
JulieJ Posted June 29, 2007 Posted June 29, 2007 I agree, NC is excruciatingly hard. Every time you want to call, just ask yourself if calling will get you what you want (ie. to get the person back). The answer is usually no. Also, ask yourself how you'll feel in the morning if you call. Will you regret it? This helps me get through the NC.
deko Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 JulieJ is absolutely right, 3 months after my ex left me, I contacted her out of weakness, I just wanted to talk to her. She was very callous and seemed very angry at me for not just acting the way that she wanted - go in the friends box and be happy for her now that she found someone 'better', but stay close in case I need you back. I felt like such a schmuck after that, I showed her how vulnerable I was, how much pain I was in and she took complete advantage of it to hurt me and manipulate me again. I just got the anger that came out of her guilt. So I have maintained NC for over a year now (although she has tried numerous times to contact me) and although it is sometimes excruciatingly difficult and does not make the pain go away, slowly it makes it hurt less....
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