goodgirl26 Posted June 28, 2007 Posted June 28, 2007 so I posted before about my boyfriend of 3 years (I've known him for 6) and I breaking up a few months ago because he lied to me about his "friendship" with another woman. I had suspected there was more than just friends to the story because he totally hid the fact that he even knew her from me adn he usually very open about everything. So I had no proof of anything physical going on but I still left him. We ended up working things out several months later and were back together. Still with a lot of work to do.I posted recently about going out of town and coming back and his son telling me not to get mad because his dad was talking to his aunt, like when I got mad when his dad told me (the other woman) spent the night. First of all I NEVEr was told she spent the ngiht. THe story was that they were friends end of story. Now he said he slept with her and she spent the night but it was all before we ever dated. Well his son has been gone all week (away at camp) and we've had lots of quality time together,. He's been fighting with me about lack of sex (we've only been back together for a little over a month and I've only had actual sex with him once. I guess in the back of my mind I was hurt by the betrayal and just am not ready for the intimacy. But we have done other sexual things about once or twice a week so he is not deprived or anything. And I do enjoy that but am with holding sex until I totally trust him again. During one of our arguments (I JUST found out about this woman spending the night with him and was hurt by that and suspicious that it wasn't BEFORE we were dating as he claimed but rather WHILE we were dating in the last 3 years.) He hasn't really expressed remorse for lying to me just dismising it saying he FORGOT she spent the night and it was before me anyway and he FORGOT he slept with her back then. So we've been arguing over lack of sex and I finally told him to buy condoms if he ever wants to have sex with me again. THe back story is when were were dating the last 3 years we'd both been tested (me regularly, him when we started dating) so we didn't use them anymore after awhile. Well now that I'm not positive he didnt' sleep with her behind my back I want to make sure I"m protected. Well he is insulted by this and comes up with every excuse. He siad he is not buying them unless I promise we will get to use them soon. Because he WANTS to have sex instead of the other stuff we're doing. He asked if I did this with past relationships and I told him past boyfriends didnt lie to me. Anyhow we were arguing last night over the lack of sex thing and I told him the more he pushes for it and doesn't understand that I am hurt (just found out this girl spent the night on sunday I think) and though she may have spent the night years ago my boyfriend had told me he barely knows her and that she'd NEVER been to his house. So last night he admitted he had sex with her while we were broken up (recently) and thats not when she spent the night but they did hook up and he didnt' want to date her. Well I am hurt that once again he lied to me and even though it occurred while we were broken up it still bothered me because she is the whole reason we broke up and he put so much effort into trying to win me back why would he have slept with her while trying to win me back? So I am really upset now and he doens't even care. He just goes on and on about how he bets I never denied past lovers and that he is tired of no sex. He refuses to buy condoms (even though he just admitted he had unprotected sex with someone while we were apart) unless I guarantee we will sleep together and soon. (the whole arguement started because we saw eacother on tuesday and messed around and on wed. we saw eachotehr and I wasn't in the mood) So we are arguing and I'm trying to explain that I am hurt by this new information and that the whole situation with this woman is what is/has affected our sex life. THat I need time to heal from the betrayal and he needs to be understanding of that. HE is the one who hurt me and while I dont' expect him to appologize all the time we just got back together about two months ago and I still need time to heal. Plus the wound was ripped back open when I'd found out she had spent the night. So what does my boyfriend say to me? He says well I don't care (about sleeping with the woman and hurting me) it was exciting. I heard those words and hung up on him. If he finds it exciting to hurt me, to sleep with some woman who weighs at least 100 lbs more than I do (and we are the same height!! 5ft 2 ) than more power to him. I hung up on him and had no intention of ever speaking to him again. It hurt that bad. He kept calling and calling me and I turned the phone off. He kept leaving mesages saying he'll just call me at work until I talk to him. So the next time he called I answered the phone, told him to throw my stuff away (that I left at his house, just some clothes and movies) because I don't want any of it (I dont' want to have to see him to get my stuff back) and to never call me again. And I meant it. he tried calling again, texting me, etc and I ignored it all. I am glad his son isn't here to see this. (he's gone for the week) It is so strange because in the past when I've had a big arguement or a breakup with anyone I've always been sad, numb, angry, hurt, I can't eat, sleep etc. But with this, I'm just over it. Yeah I'm sure I"ll cry and I really will miss the person I THOUGHT he was. But anyone who can sit there and say something like that to me just isn't worth my time. I feel terrible for his son because we are very close and now I"m just another woman who left him (his son) but its not my fault. its my ex boyfriend's fault and though I would like to continue a relationship with his son I think its best that I just have no contact with anyone. Is it odd that I can walk away so easily? I mean, before I would have tried to work it out but what he said there just pushed the wrong button and I will never allow anyone to treat me that way!! he left me messages saying he is truly sorry and that he knows he is an *******. He said he knows it is over but he doesnt' want to lose me from his life. (too late). I did love him and I will miss the person I thought he was. I'll miss our fun times together but quite honestly I don't ever want to see or him from him again. Am I heartless?
FireandIce Posted June 28, 2007 Posted June 28, 2007 No you're not heartless. You can't be with someone who shows no compassion for your feelings. Sex between most couples is to show their love and trust towards one another and when someone has broken that trust it's going to affect what goes on in the bedroom. If he is too immature to understand that then he's better off alone. Stay strong because this is probably the best thing for you.
Lynna Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 No, you are doing the right thing. Leave this guy for good. Sure, feel sorry for the son but remember, he is NOT your resposibility. Walk away and don't feel bad about it. Change your phone number at home and ask if you can get it changed at work even. Tell them you are being harassed. Move on! You have made the right choice.
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