I am going insane!!

[IWALH]

I shouldn't be writing on here anymore but I CAN'T HELP IT!!! This place was my only place to talk about these problems and while I won't discuss what is currently going on with him I WILL discuss what is making me lose my mind.

 

She keeps writing me NASTY emails!!! I KNOW I have done some AWFUL things, but damn, give me a f*cking break!!! I finally wrote her back. I didn't say much, I did say to stop playing games with me. She was comparing me to a tigress just wanting to leave her scent on a lion!!! WTF?!?!?!

 

She said some really disgusting things about me last night and I am just not going to even go there with her.

 

While I KNOW I DID SOME DISGUSTING THINGS the things I have done DO NOT make me a disgusting PERSON!!!

 

Why did I fall in love with him!??!?! I still love him dearly, but she is just... UGGGHHHHH... I want to rip my eyeballs out!!!!

 

I UNDERSTAND why she is so upset and she has every reason to be BITTER. But hell....

 

Then towards the end of the letter she went on to brag about how she kicked him out but he is still in her bed.

 

Uh, okay?

 

I give up. Do you see me? I am waving my white f*cking flag. WTF do you want me to do?!?! I can't re-write the past and I can't change my feelings. If he TOLD ME he wanted nothing to do with me I would stop talking to him. Are you going to make him do that now? You seem to control most other things he does with his life... I wonder why he.... never mind.

 

This is just too much drama..... I can't take it..... I just want to curl in a ball and cry forever.....

 

Has my REMORSE been that hard to f*cking see?!?!?!!?! F*CK!!! I'M SORRY!!!!!

[whichwayisup]

I know you're in alot of pain IWALH...

 

You won't like what I'm going to say, but I'm saying it anyway because I care about what happens to you. You need to end it with him now. Take control and tell him it's over. Then work on getting over him, go to therapy, keep posting and PM'ing when you get that option. You are right, this is too much drama and it's not going to get any easier if you stick around. What's best for you and your child is to leave MM.

 

I guess I don't understand why you're letting him have complete control over you and your choices......

 

She may never forgive you, but right now she is directing all her anger and pain out on you because she's in a state of shock after reading more about the affair. She's finding out what a liar her husband is, and I bet he is still lying and denying, and downplaying what has happened to keep the peace at home.

 

I also wish you wouldn't trust him as much as you do. This guy has lied to you over and over again, actually he's lied to both you, big time, and right now his wife is choosing to stay with him. They haven't broken up, so please, get yourself OUT of this situation before it kills your heart more.

 

Again, I need to stress this for you, YOU end it and don't look back.

 

Hugs and I hope you got some sleep.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

AWAHL,

 

He is controlling a manipulating both of you to his own desires, IF he even knows what they are. People who do this are more capable of convincing themselves of their lies than they are other people. Its called self deception and it is a crazy kind of reality to try to live in. Will make YOU question your sanity. You and is W are BOTH going through hell right now and he's still trying to keep HIS little reality together, and you two aren't behaving so things are getting shaky. I'll bet he's stressed as hell right now. You are all at wits end because of your lack of control over the situation, and you and his wife over a lack of knowing what to believe. The nutso thing is, NOONE is making a decision, so this is just going to keep going round and round.

[Art_Critic]

If he TOLD ME he wanted nothing to do with me I would stop talking to him.

Has my REMORSE been that hard to f*cking see?!?!?!!?! F*CK!!! I'M SORRY!!!!!

 

These 2 statements in the same post contradict each other...

 

If you had any remorse then you would stop talking to him period.. not if he ask you too..

 

Your apology doesn't seem very genuine..

You in one hand are telling her that you are going to continue to see and have sex with her husband.. but then you tell her you are sorry and you are waving the white flag..

 

Which is it ? Are you going to do the right thing and dump his lying cheating ass or are you going to continue this lie ?

[Shades of Grey]

"These 2 statements in the same post contradict each other...

 

If you had any remorse then you would stop talking to him period.. not if he ask you too..

 

Your apology doesn't seem very genuine..

You in one hand are telling her that you are going to continue to see and have sex with her husband.. but then you tell her you are sorry and you are waving the white flag..

 

Which is it ? Are you going to do the right thing and dump his lying cheating ass or are you going to continue this lie ?"

 

I really don't think she needs to hear that. Despite what you think of the situation IWALH is clearly in a very distressed and vulnerable state at the moment. She needs support. Of course your opinion is as valid as anyone else's but I think you should bear this in mind.

 

I think that she is genuinely sorry for her part in the situation but this man's indecisivness is tearing her apart. She is unable to move on with her life because he refuses to make a decision and stick to it - so she doesn't know where she stands. Of course she wants this whole mess to be over but its not that easy.

[scaredinlove]

Block her e-mail and don't answer the phone, don't bother with her, she has no right to contact you.She should be dealing with her husbandnot you.And he should have protect you from her...

 

 

I had my MM family on my neck but I send them back to their places, and they never contact me again.My MM didn't protecyt me either but he knows how I feel about it.

 

Don't bother with her!!!!Don't feel bad either, he made himself available to you, he told you his marriage sucks, HE said he was leaving her,HE LEFT HER!!! You love him and believed that he was sincere, if he told you all that it is not fault.Your only mistake was to believe him...

 

Anyway ,whatever you did ,dosen't give her the right to treat you like that.She should direct her anger to her "Dear" Husband.

 

I know how you feel, been there myself.Things will get better.

 

Good Luck!

[child_of_isis]

You need to step back for a moment and get a different perspective.

 

Think of the pain that you are feeling.

 

Now triple that, oh, several times or so.....that is what the wife is going through. She is feeling your pain several times over.

 

Scary stuff huh?

[scaredinlove]

You need to step back for a moment and get a different perspective.

 

Think of the pain that you are feeling.

 

Now triple that, oh, several times or so.....that is what the wife is going through. She is feeling your pain several times over.

 

Scary stuff huh?

 

 

guilty trip won't help.the wife is sufering but she shoulb be dealing with the H,noe with IW!

[child_of_isis]

It has nothing to do with "guilt trip"...but empathy.

[Shades of Grey]

The wife does not always have the monopoly on pain. Why must we differentiate between levels of pain that OW and BS feel. Why does it matter? I can empathise sincerely with the wife but I don't see IWALH's pain being any easier. They have both been decieved and betrayed by this man.

[whichwayisup]

Problem is SIL, she and his wife became quite friendly...So yes, she does have to deal with this. They all went away together and stayed in the same hotel room.

 

I can empathise sincerely with the wife but I don't see IWALH's pain being any easier. They have both been decieved and betrayed by this man.

Ofcourse IWALH's in so much pain, and as much as I like her and am willing to help her through this, she made the choice to have an affair with a MM. Yes, he has deceived and lied to her, but his wife is the one who's whole life has been turned upside down NOT BY CHOICE. That's the difference.

 

IWALH, call your Dr to get a referral to talk to a therapist, I really think you need someone professional to help you cope with this. All of us here can help as much as possible, but a therapist can definately get you through to the otherside, so you heal.

[child_of_isis]

Wait a minute...you are putting words in my mouth here, for whatever reason. My whole point was your last sentence. We don't really need to read more into my words than what is there. Contrary to popular belief...not everyone is out to "bash" the OW. The poster is clearly in pain. My point was..."she's not alone". The wife is not the enemy.

 

The wife does not always have the monopoly on pain. Why must we differentiate between levels of pain that OW and BS feel. Why does it matter? I can empathise sincerely with the wife but I don't see IWALH's pain being any easier. They have both been decieved and betrayed by this man.

[scaredinlove]

Problem is SIL, she and his wife became quite friendly...So yes, she does have to deal with this. They all went away together and stayed in the same hotel room.

 

 

Ofcourse IWALH's in so much pain, and as much as I like her and am willing to help her through this, she made the choice to have an affair with a MM. Yes, he has deceived and lied to her, but his wife is the one who's whole life has been turned upside down NOT BY CHOICE. That's the difference.

 

IWALH, call your Dr to get a referral to talk to a therapist, I really think you need someone professional to help you cope with this. All of us here can help as much as possible, but a therapist can definately get you through to the otherside, so you heal.

 

 

OK! I didn't know her and the wife were friends....ooops.

 

Still the wife should be dealing with him.IW I know it is hard ,believe me I know, but you should step back and don't bther with him anymore ....

 

Good luck.

[scaredinlove]

The OW suffer a lot too and the worse she suffers without support.

 

Couple of months ago MM was telling me how his W was home crying all night and how he sat by her side and hold her hand. I felt sorry for her but he was there.

 

I had cryed many nights and there was no one there to hold my hand...I told him that.

 

The thing is most H will tryed to calm the W down and be supportive but they will tell the OW to get lost. Or be mean to the OW like she has no feelings or right to have feelings.

 

In the end everybody suffer a lot, the W the H and the OW too.

[NoIDidn't]

I agree with Art and WWIU. IWALH needs to make her own decisions, not wait for him to make one for her. Why should he have so much power over her?

 

But whatever you decide, make sure its YOUR decision made with your own thoughts and not his (or even mine for that matter).

 

Please block her email address. Or just delete them without reading them. Or put them aside for a time when you are more stable emotionally and can handle reading them. Or print them out (without reading them) and burn them or put in a folder to share with a therapist. But JUST STOP READING THEM!!!!!

 

I know you are hurting, so please take care of yourself so you can take care of your little one. Let's not forget about the little people that are watching their parents in this turmoil.

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

If MM's W is still reading this board, please find another place on the web to vent your pain. There are many. Google "infidelity" "surviving" "betrayal". Someone out there knows how you feel. Its not going to help you to keep emailing IW. You have probably already said things that you regret in those emails. It probably felt good at the moment, but it doesn't make the pain go away.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Sorry everyone if this seems insensitive to IWALH. Sorry MODs if a rule was broken with this posting.

[child_of_isis]

I think sometimes the difference is the OW is aware that the MM is a liar and a cheat. He is afterall, lying and cheating on his wife. The original poster was even aware of the MM having multiple affairs.

 

Sometimes the wife is not aware of any of this. And it is a huge blow when she finds out. Blind sided. Curved balled!

 

I have to disagree with everyone sufferring. I believe the OW and wife to suffer the most. H knows that he has the option to sweet talk and lie to one or the other and to have at least one of the women still in his bed. Of course he wants them both, and will gravitate in that direction when he has whomever he is living with comfy and under control.

 

If this were me (the original poster)...I would talk to the wife. I would be her friend....no, make that her best friend. I would become her rock and she would become mine. So both of us could leave him.

 

I believe the poster is getting support here. But not support to stay in a relationship that is not healthy for her. Who would do that anyway? Encourage a person to stay in an environment that is mentally destroying her?

 

Some call it bashing the OW...some call it support. I apolgize if I am coming across strongly. But my god man, the pain in some of these posts are enough to rip the heart right out of a body.

 

The OW suffer a lot too and the worse she suffers without support.

 

Couple of months ago MM was telling me how his W was home crying all night and how he sat by her side and hold her hand. I felt sorry for her but he was there.

 

I had cryed many nights and there was no one there to hold my hand...I told him that.

 

The thing is most H will tryed to calm the W down and be supportive but they will tell the OW to get lost. Or be mean to the OW like she has no feelings or right to have feelings.

 

In the end everybody suffer a lot, the W the H and the OW too.

[IWALH]

Problem is SIL, she and his wife became quite friendly...So yes, she does have to deal with this. They all went away together and stayed in the same hotel room.

 

 

Ofcourse IWALH's in so much pain, and as much as I like her and am willing to help her through this, she made the choice to have an affair with a MM. Yes, he has deceived and lied to her, but his wife is the one who's whole life has been turned upside down NOT BY CHOICE. That's the difference.

 

IWALH, call your Dr to get a referral to talk to a therapist, I really think you need someone professional to help you cope with this. All of us here can help as much as possible, but a therapist can definately get you through to the otherside, so you heal.

 

 

We didn't exactly "go away together." We did become "friendly," maybe that was my mistake.

 

I did see a therapist a month or so ago. Wanna know what he said? He told me that "everyone" goes through this kind of stuff. He told me I needed to do what was going to make me happy and if that meant continuing the relationship with MM then that is what I needed to do. He was supportive. He thought it was weird they were all coming down for my daughter's birthday... I haven't seen him since that incident.

 

What I'm trying to say is the therapist didn't do much but encourage the relationship, I have a friend down here who I tell EVERYTHING to and she has been very supportive as well. What do you expect me to do when my heart says one thing and the therapist and good friend encourage my heart?

 

Regardless of the remorse I feel for HER I CANNOT stop until he tells me he doesn't want anymore to do with me and will be happier without me. I JUST WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY!!!!

[IWALH]

I agree with Art and WWIU. IWALH needs to make her own decisions, not wait for him to make one for her. Why should he have so much power over her?

 

But whatever you decide, make sure its YOUR decision made with your own thoughts and not his (or even mine for that matter).

 

Please block her email address. Or just delete them without reading them. Or put them aside for a time when you are more stable emotionally and can handle reading them. Or print them out (without reading them) and burn them or put in a folder to share with a therapist. But JUST STOP READING THEM!!!!!

 

I know you are hurting, so please take care of yourself so you can take care of your little one. Let's not forget about the little people that are watching their parents in this turmoil.

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

If MM's W is still reading this board, please find another place on the web to vent your pain. There are many. Google "infidelity" "surviving" "betrayal". Someone out there knows how you feel. Its not going to help you to keep emailing IW. You have probably already said things that you regret in those emails. It probably felt good at the moment, but it doesn't make the pain go away.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Sorry everyone if this seems insensitive to IWALH. Sorry MODs if a rule was broken with this posting.

 

 

My decision is.... well, I am still in love with him and I still believe everything he has said to ME. So my decision is to keep trusting him until he TELLS ME he has been lying to me, his feelings are ingenuine and he would be happier without me. Until then I am REALLY going to try to stop posting on these boards. Because as nice as it is to get advice and insight from objective people, I don't like my deepest thoughts being known by his wife, his mother and their family. Goodbye.

[child_of_isis]

Did MM tell you that W is reading the board or did the W tell you? I recall reading about it but forget who told who what.

[FavoriteHeadache]

I shouldn't be writing on here anymore but I CAN'T HELP IT!!! This place was my only place to talk about these problems and while I won't discuss what is currently going on with him I WILL discuss what is making me lose my mind.

 

She keeps writing me NASTY emails!!! I KNOW I have done some AWFUL things, but damn, give me a f*cking break!!! I finally wrote her back. I didn't say much, I did say to stop playing games with me. She was comparing me to a tigress just wanting to leave her scent on a lion!!! WTF?!?!?!

 

She said some really disgusting things about me last night and I am just not going to even go there with her.

 

While I KNOW I DID SOME DISGUSTING THINGS the things I have done DO NOT make me a disgusting PERSON!!!

 

Why did I fall in love with him!??!?! I still love him dearly, but she is just... UGGGHHHHH... I want to rip my eyeballs out!!!!

 

I UNDERSTAND why she is so upset and she has every reason to be BITTER. But hell....

 

Then towards the end of the letter she went on to brag about how she kicked him out but he is still in her bed.

 

Uh, okay?

 

I give up. Do you see me? I am waving my white f*cking flag. WTF do you want me to do?!?! I can't re-write the past and I can't change my feelings. If he TOLD ME he wanted nothing to do with me I would stop talking to him. Are you going to make him do that now? You seem to control most other things he does with his life... I wonder why he.... never mind.

 

This is just too much drama..... I can't take it..... I just want to curl in a ball and cry forever.....

 

Has my REMORSE been that hard to f*cking see?!?!?!!?! F*CK!!! I'M SORRY!!!!!

 

You absolutely need to end it and move on. I know how easy that is to say but I think you have to do it. You can't allow yourself to obsess.

I'm sorry I haven't read your FULL story and know nothing really but don't you have other things in your life that would keep you busy and distracted from this? Messing around with married people is never a good idea (AS YOU AND ME BOTH KNOW). Move on.

[IWALH]

 

If this were me (the original poster)...I would talk to the wife. I would be her friend....no, make that her best friend. I would become her rock and she would become mine. So both of us could leave him.

 

Right. Become best friends with the woman who just called me a "tigress trying to leave my scent on the lion?"

 

Become best friends with the woman who told me to "enjoy my kill?" The kill that I "preyed upon?" Because yeah, I've just been hunting him this whole time and finally leaped in for the kill. IT'S ALL MY FAULT, ISN'T IT???? I'm just a regular f*cking siren luring married men in, aren't I???

 

Oh and that's NOTHING compared to the things she said/insinuated about me the night before. Not even close.....

[IWALH]

Did MM tell you that W is reading the board or did the W tell you? I recall reading about it but forget who told who what.

 

He then she. And she now signs her emails "BW" after reading these f*cking boards.

[Art_Critic]

Regardless of the remorse I feel for HER I CANNOT stop until he tells me he doesn't want anymore to do with me and will be happier without me. I JUST WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY!!!!

 

Why not ?.. Are you not in control of your own life ? Are you to say that he decides your happiness past, present and in the future ?

Your decisions are exactly that.. YOUR decisions.. he isn't part of those since he has built and is living a life with another.

 

I think WWIU was right when she said you could use someone to talk to like a therapist..

Right now and possibly in the last 2 years you aren't/haven't been thinking with a clear head and you have seemingly messed up your life.

 

I saw in an earlier post that someone wanted me to comfort you instead of reminding you that there are consequences of living and breathing and making decisions and when you sleep with a MM then there will no doubt be consequences to pay

 

I happen to be a straight shooter and tell it like it is without any bull..

I see things thru my own rose colored glasses from my own experiences and give advice accordingly and most certainly will not hold back my opinion when I feel it could help.

 

Good Luck..

If I were you I would think about dumping this LS username and start posting under another...

Just don't post about this exact scenario so the BS that is reading these post doesn't go read your other username

[IWALH]

Right now and possibly in the last 2 years you aren't/haven't been thinking with a clear head and you have seemingly messed up your life.

 

 

Whoa whoa whoa. I was done posting on here (for real) until I read this. Let me make ONE THING CLEAR. I have in NO WAY messed up my life. The outcome of our intial affair 2 years ago led to the BEST THING that EVER happened to me, my beautiful little girl. She is my WORLD. I do NOT know how I lived on this Earth without her in it. And while there is currently some drama going on with MM, I am still okay because of her. I would be LOST without her. When I get off these boards, I go play with her or feed her or just BE with her and I am happy. I had a meltdown the other night but came back to reality fairly quickly and she has been keeping me grounded. I am all she has or knows in this world.

 

This situation sucks and I do not know what lies ahead, but as long as I have my beautiful little girl my life is in no way "messed up." And how dare you suggest I have messed up my life?!

[whichwayisup]

I would just continue posting under this name. Atleast ALL the truth will come out and at best, as upset and pissed off as his wife is, she will get to read what he has been telling you. Either way it will force her (and him) to make a choice, fix the marriage, go to counselling together, or divorce.

 

You need to leave him alone. I know you don't want to hear that, and I know you want HIM to choose, to tell you "yes it's over, or yes, we're still together" but I honestly don't believe right now he is capable of doing either which is why you've not heard from him. His silence right now IS your goodbye...If I were in your shoes, that is how I would take it.

 

We didn't exactly "go away together." We did become "friendly," maybe that was my mistake.

 

Okay, so you were to casual aquaintances (spelling, I think?)...

 

I did see a therapist a month or so ago. Wanna know what he said? He told me that "everyone" goes through this kind of stuff. He told me I needed to do what was going to make me happy and if that meant continuing the relationship with MM then that is what I needed to do. He was supportive. He thought it was weird they were all coming down for my daughter's birthday... I haven't seen him since that incident.

 

Then you haven't found the right therapist. That one you talked to SUCKED and was so wrong. Go find another one, there are tons of great therapists out there.

 

What I'm trying to say is the therapist didn't do much but encourage the relationship, I have a friend down here who I tell EVERYTHING to and she has been very supportive as well. What do you expect me to do when my heart says one thing and the therapist and good friend encourage my heart?

 

Find another therapist. And your friend shouldn't be encouraging you to "go for it." Maybe IF they divorce, THAT is the time you re-think going for it, but until then, you gotta leave him alone...If you don't, this drama will get worse, more pain will be spread around, and we all know from the recent news stories on TV, how emotions and people pushed past their limit can do nutty things...Would just HATE to read something awful, crime of passion........ I'm just sayin'........

 

You gotta do this for your daughter. Remove yourself from the rollercoaster ride you're on and FOCUS on YOU and your daughter. End of story...If you can't do that, well, buckle up because it will only get worse than it is now.

 

Regardless of the remorse I feel for HER I CANNOT stop until he tells me he doesn't want anymore to do with me and will be happier without me. I JUST WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY!!!!

 

If you want him to decide and be happy, then you need to give him space and time. Things have to settle down...EVERYONE needs to calm down before something bad happens. Sorry, I know you're in so much pain here, but if you pursue this, you'll only be hurting yourself more....