Leadnfllw Posted June 28, 2007 Posted June 28, 2007 I have been going out with this girl for like a year and I like her very much. Unfortunately I just can't get over her past behavior. Before she met me she was actively involved in this online cam website where she would basically just send nude pictures to guys and just talk dirty with a bunch of them. Anyway she had told me she stopped doing this since she met me, but I was still suspicious. Anyway I looked through her computer and found like a million chat logs of her talking sexually with a bunch of random men. When I first met her she also would have guys texting her stuff like 'hey I'm going to get a ticket to come see you.' etc. etc. Since then I believe the texting has stopped but I have suspicions that she just deletes them now and is more careful. A few weeks ago I confronted her about this and I basically flipped out on her. I told her that I'm not putting up with her bull**** behavior and that she has to either choose between whoring herself out online or me. I also said that I'd fight fire with fire and I would start macking girls online. Of course she got upset and began crying but I wouldn't stand for her emotional manipulation and told her to go f herself. Her past is also riddled with lies and half-truths, she told me she had only slept with 10 guys but then later on she told me the # was like 20+ she just doesn't know that I have a damn good memory and I remember everything. She also still talks with her exs who she admitted to banging even after they broke up, so it's like wtf? I only know of 4 other boyfriend so who were these guys just random hookups. Honestly I don't care but why lie about things to begin with? But honestly my question to you guys is this, am I being unreasonable here? I have a growing suspicion that this girl is just sneaky. I put my foot down but honestly can she change? She says she loves me and all this stuff but come on. I know she hides stuff from me just so I won't get mad but I sometimes question why I am with a girl like this. On her behalf I must say that she is putting a lot of effort in this relationship, she is caring and does a lot for me, but I just feel as if she 'molded herself' to fit what I wanted her to be and this isn't truly who she is.
doiask42much Posted June 28, 2007 Posted June 28, 2007 As a girl who has done almost exactly what you described above, I would say you can't trust her and it's going to be a while before she stops, if she stops at all. She may care for you, but she has a deep-seated need to be sexually desired by multiple guys at once and it's probably tied to self-esteem issues that aren't easily fixed. It's a kind of addiction (attention wh*re) that she depends on to feel good about herself, beautiful, sexy, whatever. One guy's attention, even if he's a great guy, just isn't enough. You could try to weather the storm if you care for her deeply, but it's going to be a lot of work, hurt, and suspicion on your part. It will make you crazy. How old is she, btw? I'd say that the younger she is, the longer it will take for her to grow out of it (if she does), because she won't be forced into retirement for a while.
Author Leadnfllw Posted June 30, 2007 Author Posted June 30, 2007 Thats what gets me too because she is in her late twenties. Like I said in my post I told her what the deal is and she now claims she isn't doing anything, but only time will tell. I have no qualms of ending the relationship if she continues to act this way. And as for the psychology behind your post you are right on. Yet I don't understand why women have to behave like this. I actually asked her if her self-image was so negative that she had to get an ego boost by desperate losers online and the response was silence. I don't get it, as a man I can really careless about people opinions because I know who I am.
daphne Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 I don't get it, as a man I can really careless about people opinions because I know who I am. You're stronger than she is. Although I wouldn't do the things she's done, I like getting male attention as well. I try to be cool about it in front of anyone I'm dating and it never goes past superficial flirting (well, being friendly). I'm not so insecure though that I can't do without it if it bothers someone. The person I'm in the relationship comes before anyone else in that respect. But your gf sounds pretty insecure and I don't think she's going to change her stripes, even though she's trying to. I'm sorry, I don't think she's going \to be the good girl you need her to be.
TheSilentType Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 I would leave this relationship immediately. I don't even know why you stuck it out for so long.
jcster Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 There's definitely some sort of sex addiction going on. She won't stop until she really wants to stop and gets some sort of help. I don't think it's going to be so simple as just deciding not to do it anymore - therefore, it's highly likely she's still doing it and hiding it from you (like an addict). You should save yourself and get out.
Tranzphasic0 Posted July 1, 2007 Posted July 1, 2007 When I first met her she also would have guys texting her stuff like 'hey I'm going to get a ticket to come see you.' etc. etc. Since then I believe the texting has stopped but I have suspicions that she just deletes them now and is more careful. my gf had guys from south america fly here to visit her and they talked about it on myspace comments. openly..top that well. i dont mind the stuff you describe..but if you do then you should just break up with her, or wait to see if she grows out of it, break up with her if she doesnt. you just cant change people.
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