Dealing With Stalkers : Share Your Stories Here!

[lino]

Well, if you've never dumped someone, then how would you know how difficult it is? I can tell you that I've dumped a good number of guys, and I usually didn't give them much of an explanation. Why? Because I don't owe them one! It either works or it doesn't. I've tried explaining my reasons to guys in the past, and all I get is the whiney "Why? I'm not like that! You're wrong! Why are you so mean? You're crazy" crap. If you're too difficult to talk to, you will be dumped and you will not know why.

 

I can't see how it can be that difficult, maybe only if you are not going to tell the truth to the person you're dumping it would be, because you have to lie. I wouldn't do that because I expect it from others and telling the truth is easier anyway. If I stopped liking a partner for a reason and felt I needed to break up with them I would simply tell them the reason, whats so hard about that? True that it either works or it doesn't, but there must be a reason and I feel the dumper should tell the dumpee that reason as an act of common decency. The only time I came close to dumping someone was when I told a girl I wanted to stop seeing her because she was sleeping with other guys as well as me. We weren't dating so I wouldn't call it a dumping but I told her the truth and thats it, not hard at all. She wasn't happy but she chose to sleep around and had to deal with it.

Possibly you've gotten those reactions in the past because you weren't telling the truth, or atleast not all of it when dumping those guys. I've never given that sort of reaction to the women that have dumped me, I've simply accepted it and moved on because I'm not so desperate to hang around and try to convince the truth out of someone who clearly doesn't care about me or my feelings, but I still do wonder about what the truth was and I think it's unfair to make someone feel this way, especially someone who treated you well and never did you wrong. It makes it alot easier for the dumpee to move on. It's not hard at all, sorry.

 

I'm not difficult to talk to at all infact I'm often told the extreme opposite, so this isn't an issue. Some people choose to treat others & their feelings with decency and respect and others don't.

[guenniverre]

None of you can begin to imagine how thankful I am that this topic was created. I have wanted to talk about what is going on for a couple of weeks now, but I am scared that someone will find it and then my cover is blown.

I have reason to suspect that my very close male friend is stalking me, or is exhibiting stalker-like behaviours. Either that or I am certifiable.

First of all, its difficult, because as I said, he is a very close friend. We are like two peas in a pod, but his behaviour has made me nervous. I also work with him, and we live relatively close by.

 

About him, he is a very good looking man, and is quite popular due to his line of work. He is a few years younger than me. He pretty much can take his pick of whatever lady he so chose for the night. Great personality and generous to a fault.

 

Things that sort of creep me out are that he seems to "copy" me....Examples of this, is that when I have something, he does his best to get it too, if not the same thing then pretty darn similiar. I got a certain phone and two weeks later, so did he, citing the reason was that he liked a certain thing about the phone. I smoke a certain brand of cigarettes (which is NOT his brand or even the same type) and soon, he switched over to mine. Then on to bigger and better things I guess because he wound up buying a certain vehicle because it was the same brand as mine. There is more, but I dont wish to mention it because it is rather detailed.

 

I know they say that copying is a form of flattery, but we are both in our late 20's and I thought we'd be past that stage by now.

 

Sometimes, I will be out and about and he will show up out of the blue if I dont answer my phone. One time we got into an altercation in front of a store because I refused his call when he called and was "caught" talking to another man on the phone (a friend of mine, who also is going screwey on me).

 

He reguarly accuses me of flirting with men when I am doing anything but. It seems making eye contact with men means flirting with them in his book.

 

The thing that has me on edge, and the real reason I am here explaining this, is that he is setting out to buy a house in the exact neighborhood (few houses down) that my Boyfriend and I live in. I dont like this idea at all because I am trying to get a breather from him in the first place and start a good life with the BF (and of course they both despise each other).How he found out where I lived (I gave him a general idea but not exact) is because he followed me home one day under the guise of wanting to check out a certain store in that area and once he saw the neighborhood he declared that the house down the street (that was for sale) was his perfect match.

 

I have not led him on, but he claims to be in love with me. I have told him repeatedly that we wont be together because I love my BF and have no intentions of leaving him. He continues to go through with buying the house because its a perfect match and he will be closer to me.

 

The worse part of all this is that our friendship is mostly my fault. My BF never approved of him but I would still hang out with him and call him. Now things have spiraled out of control in which my friend has intentions of engaging me into a psuedo-affair, meaning "demanding" that I visit him when he moves into his house "on the sly", (of course my BF doesnt even know that he has plans of moving into that house at all) which is going to lead to lying and sneaking around which if found out, looks worse then it actually is.

 

I have been trying to slowly pull back, but he somehow wheedles, cajoles and manipulates me into hanging out with him, sometimes out and out blackmails me.

 

Thing is, he is such a great friend, that most of the time he is very normal, and has always been there for me. I am confused and not certain whether any of you thinks that this is stalking......please help me...I have been on edge ever since this disclosure over buying house.

 

IS this STALKING?

[my body is a cage]

Here is a doozey,

 

Had a friend who would take in foster kids. She had our yearbook out and was chatting with me on the phone. Her foster brother of 2 months wanted to know who she was talking with so she showed him my old highschool photo. Fast forward 2 months, I receive phone call from said foster kid, who claims to be watching me and is going to break down my backdoor and have his way with me. Needless to say, after running through my house locking my doors, I call my friend to tell her and find out how the heck he has my digits. Keep in mind I have never met this kid, nor seen a picture of him. She then tells me, foster-kid had left 1.5 months ago and to call his probation officer. Now in freak out mode, I ring the prob officer who then proceeds to tell me that she has not heard from foster-kid in 1 month and does not know his whereabouts. I sat for hours in the dark (so I would see him first) waiting to hear footsteps. I don't think I had clentched a dagger that tight in my life. I was ready to put it through his heart if he broke in. Nothing came about, and no further word from the chap ever. I will never forget that night!

 

OMG that is soooo scary....

[oppath]

My ex probably thinks I'm a psycho stalker. I did not handle the break up well. I received a ton of false hope -- "if I wanted a relationship with anyone it would be with you; it has nothing to do with a lack of feelings; all the chemistry, romance, and passion are there; I'm giving up the most amazing relationship of my life" -- and I did not know what was going on. I politely told her 3 times: please, do not contact me for a couple months, it's what I need to heal, maybe friendship will be possible later but I can not do it right away.

 

I had to assert myself a 4th time within 2 weeks when she invited me to a friends birthday; I was polite, saying it was too soon to be friends, and to let me have my space, it was for me, not because of her. Her response was asking me to be friends with benefits. I crassly told her no, and her response was "I was just joking." This set me off on her, sending a lengthy, "you are selfish" and the reasons for the breakup are BS and you should have just said "I don't feel we are right for each other, it's not working out" email. I apologized for it. A week later I'm told her ex of 5 years proposed to her before the break up. she didn't tell me about it. Still reeling from the FWB request and no apology from her, I fired off another angry email threatening to tell her ex about me if she wouldn't tell me the truth.

 

No wonder she dumped me! I lost control, and spent the next 6 weeks apologizing every 2 weeks to no response.

 

Had she accepted an initial apology, I would have stopped. The further rejection fueled more, not anger, but embarrassment and shame.

 

I'm open about it: I have a problem with rejection. I went too far. I did not know how to let go. In her mind, I probably became a big stalker, a psycho. Considering I bought a christmas gift from her from her amazon wish list, one she didn't tell me about, I'm sure she jumped to this conclusion. It horrifies me. I've had problems letting go before, but I've never called, expressed anger, or stayed in someone's life. All I can do is learn from this experience and cope better next time. Had she been honest with me, and had she not belittled me, true, none of the drama would have happened. I was put into a bad place by it and reacted poorly as a result.

 

Honestly, I'm scared how I reacted. If I put myself in her shoes -- wow, this guy is psycho and he can't let go -- but I can't put myself in her shoes because I'd never dump someone and ask them to be FWB by email if they told me to give them time and space to heal, and if I were to somehow ask it, and they were to express anger about it or act out of character, I wouldn't say "I was just joking," I would apologize. What I need to realize is that only I control how I react, no matter how much I am provoked, and that her treatment of me means we are not compatible and she doesn't deserve me in her life, and to move on and walk away. Powerful lessons learned.

[Steveto]

None of you can begin to imagine how thankful I am that this topic was created. I have wanted to talk about what is going on for a couple of weeks now, but I am scared that someone will find it and then my cover is blown.

I have reason to suspect that my very close male friend is stalking me, or is exhibiting stalker-like behaviours. Either that or I am certifiable.

First of all, its difficult, because as I said, he is a very close friend. We are like two peas in a pod, but his behaviour has made me nervous. I also work with him, and we live relatively close by.

 

About him, he is a very good looking man, and is quite popular due to his line of work. He is a few years younger than me. He pretty much can take his pick of whatever lady he so chose for the night. Great personality and generous to a fault.

 

Things that sort of creep me out are that he seems to "copy" me....Examples of this, is that when I have something, he does his best to get it too, if not the same thing then pretty darn similiar. I got a certain phone and two weeks later, so did he, citing the reason was that he liked a certain thing about the phone. I smoke a certain brand of cigarettes (which is NOT his brand or even the same type) and soon, he switched over to mine. Then on to bigger and better things I guess because he wound up buying a certain vehicle because it was the same brand as mine. There is more, but I dont wish to mention it because it is rather detailed.

 

I know they say that copying is a form of flattery, but we are both in our late 20's and I thought we'd be past that stage by now.

 

Sometimes, I will be out and about and he will show up out of the blue if I dont answer my phone. One time we got into an altercation in front of a store because I refused his call when he called and was "caught" talking to another man on the phone (a friend of mine, who also is going screwey on me).

 

He reguarly accuses me of flirting with men when I am doing anything but. It seems making eye contact with men means flirting with them in his book.

 

The thing that has me on edge, and the real reason I am here explaining this, is that he is setting out to buy a house in the exact neighborhood (few houses down) that my Boyfriend and I live in. I dont like this idea at all because I am trying to get a breather from him in the first place and start a good life with the BF (and of course they both despise each other).How he found out where I lived (I gave him a general idea but not exact) is because he followed me home one day under the guise of wanting to check out a certain store in that area and once he saw the neighborhood he declared that the house down the street (that was for sale) was his perfect match.

 

I have not led him on, but he claims to be in love with me. I have told him repeatedly that we wont be together because I love my BF and have no intentions of leaving him. He continues to go through with buying the house because its a perfect match and he will be closer to me.

 

The worse part of all this is that our friendship is mostly my fault. My BF never approved of him but I would still hang out with him and call him. Now things have spiraled out of control in which my friend has intentions of engaging me into a psuedo-affair, meaning "demanding" that I visit him when he moves into his house "on the sly", (of course my BF doesnt even know that he has plans of moving into that house at all) which is going to lead to lying and sneaking around which if found out, looks worse then it actually is.

 

I have been trying to slowly pull back, but he somehow wheedles, cajoles and manipulates me into hanging out with him, sometimes out and out blackmails me.

 

Thing is, he is such a great friend, that most of the time he is very normal, and has always been there for me. I am confused and not certain whether any of you thinks that this is stalking......please help me...I have been on edge ever since this disclosure over buying house.

 

IS this STALKING?

 

 

 

Well..I think you are unintentionally giving him false hope by hanging out with him. Sure he might be a nice guy blah blah blah, but HE LIKE LIKES YOU..not just as a friend if you knwo what I mean. He is obviously not giving a damn that you have a BF and for some reason he thinks he can sway you into liking him THAT way.

 

He is not going to stop unless you stop and just give him a reason and go..not to communicate with him again. He won't change and it is just gonna get worse and cause problems with your current BF. Then your problems just got worse. This is beyond friendship..he's got a nasty crush on you that can only get worse.

[mental_traveller]

My first girlfriend was stalked, after we broke up. She started dating some new guy, who turned out to be a bit of a nutcase - he wasn't gainfully employed, took drugs, once did a hit & run, and was very controlling with her. Eventually they broke up, and he went into psycho stalker mode. He said he needed to come round and pick up some stuff, and then when he got there he persuaded her to get into his car. He then drove her to the desert and basically kidnapped her and kept her in an isolated shack miles from anywhere. For about 6 months he forced her to cook, clean, and have sex with him. At one point she saw an old couple driving and managed to get their attention, and started saying her story - however the psycho and his sidekick friend noticed, came over, and explained she was mentally ill and suffered paranoia. The old couple said ok and drove off, but reported it to the police just in case. Anyway, she had a missing person report out from her friends & parents, so the police went there and finally found her. If it wasn't for that, who knows how long she would have been stuck there?

 

The second case involves someone I know - he was contacted by a middle-aged woman asking him to design a website for her. After quick communication they decided not to go ahead. She then started a campaign of online stalking/harrassment, putting up pages accusing him of stalking her, sexually assaulting her, using child pornography, and setting other people to stalk her and harrass her. He went to the police and it turns out this woman has a history of stalking people, has been jailed once before because of it, and so the police took it seriously and raided her house, seizing her computer. The psycho bitch then went on the run and started posting from internet cafes, saying that the police were in some big conspiracy to cover up this sex-stalking/harrassment ring, and were out to get her. She didn't turn up to her court hearing, and was classified as a fugitive - finally she got caught in London at a net cafe, and is currently in jail after being given a 6 month sentence. My acquintance was lucky because she also stalked someone who happened to be well connected in the media, so the story showed up on almost all the main national newspapers after this other person worked their contacts to publicise the case.

 

Does anyone have any experiences where the stalker eventually just gave up?

[Steveto]

my god..that almost sounds hollywood..Those are horrible experiences..