Melissa277 Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 wonder why they come back???? Have you heard it cheaper to keep her?? Ow only wonder why BS would take him back.... I could not imagine staying in a relationship just because. ..... OMG. LMAO!!!:laugh: Mino, did "your" MM tell you "it's cheaper to keep her" before or after he and his W had a baby ... even though he was soooooooo in love with you? You could not imagine staying in a relationship just because ... because what? Go back and read your own story. Man, that guy sounds like a real "keeper." After three years of crap aren't you still in the "R?" BTW, how's that workin' for ya? Sorry ... but I'm still laughing.
Melissa277 Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 Perhaps... Yep. Just wondering how you are? You were so upset the other day. Melissa
silktricks Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 Ow only wonder why BS would take him back.... I could not imagine staying in a relationship just because. ..... Let's see now. . . The OW takes on a man who goes home every night to another woman. They stay in that relationship sometimes for years - ever believing that the man is going to leave his wife "someday" and stay with her full time. So why is it that the OW are staying in their relationship with the MM? Is it "just because"?
Author IWALH Posted June 30, 2007 Author Posted June 30, 2007 Just wondering how you are? You were so upset the other day. Melissa I am actually very good. Thank you for asking. I am starting to see things as they really are and I am getting closure for myself since he won't give it to me. If it were up to him, he'd still be stringing me along, making me believe everything he has said to be true and making me feel like I just ruined his "plan." He is slowly but definitely surely losing the hold he had on me and I am starting to get a real sense of clarity. I'll make a big post shortly... then I will probably be changing my screen name. Not because he wants me to (he wanted me to stop posting here period) but because IWALH means I will always love him.... but how can you love something that was just a big facade? I don't hate him, of course. But I surely can't love someone who pulled the biggest hoax on me that anyone ever has or will. But yes, I am very good. Of course I am hurting, but I'll be fine. I am finally at peace for the first time in many months and that is a very good feeling.
Melissa277 Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 I am actually very good. Thank you for asking. I am starting to see things as they really are and I am getting closure for myself since he won't give it to me. If it were up to him, he'd still be stringing me along, making me believe everything he has said to be true and making me feel like I just ruined his "plan." He is slowly but definitely surely losing the hold he had on me and I am starting to get a real sense of clarity. I'll make a big post shortly... then I will probably be changing my screen name. Not because he wants me to (he wanted me to stop posting here period) but because IWALH means I will always love him.... but how can you love something that was just a big facade? I don't hate him, of course. But I surely can't love someone who pulled the biggest hoax on me that anyone ever has or will. But yes, I am very good. Of course I am hurting, but I'll be fine. I am finally at peace for the first time in many months and that is a very good feeling. Wow! You sound like a new person. Good for you! I knew what IWALH meant ... ... and I sincerely hope you find someone in the near future who respects you and truly deserves your unconditional love . Take care.
Trimmer Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 ....I will probably be changing my screen name. Not because he wants me to (he wanted me to stop posting here period) but because IWALH means I will always love him.... but how can you love something that was just a big facade? I don't hate him, of course. But I surely can't love someone who pulled the biggest hoax on me that anyone ever has or will. I've always wondered if people sometimes come to regret their situation-specific screen names, like yours, and especially references to their pain like all the "Hurting..." and "Confused..." variants. (Oh yeah, and "Burning4Revenge", although it seems like he continues to burn...) Once you move past that stage, it's kind of a reminder of a place you've already left behind. So my motto is pick a stupid screen name, like mine!
Trialbyfire Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 I've always wondered if people sometimes come to regret their situation-specific screen names, like yours, and especially references to their pain like all the "Hurting..." and "Confused..." variants. (Oh yeah, and "Burning4Revenge", although it seems like he continues to burn...) Once you move past that stage, it's kind of a reminder of a place you've already left behind. So my motto is pick a stupid screen name, like mine! No, some of us don't regret our handles. I like mine because there are a ton of connotations associated to it. It's sufficiently flexible enough to allow for the evolution of...me.... Sorry OW/OM, you are 50% responsible for any affair, unless you were unknowingly duped. To attempt not to take your fair share of responsibility is denial indeed. As for flaming OW/OM on LS, I highly recommend you ask the ex what real flaming feels like. Consider yourselves the dribble effect...
Author IWALH Posted June 30, 2007 Author Posted June 30, 2007 I've always wondered if people sometimes come to regret their situation-specific screen names, like yours, and especially references to their pain like all the "Hurting..." and "Confused..." variants. (Oh yeah, and "Burning4Revenge", although it seems like he continues to burn...) Once you move past that stage, it's kind of a reminder of a place you've already left behind. So my motto is pick a stupid screen name, like mine! Well, you see, when I re-joined this site back in February I was already "under his spell" again. I never really truly got over him in the first place so I felt that I had always "loved" him and that I would always "love" him. But I was in love with the illusion he was showing me. When I came up with that name I thought my feelings were real because I thought he was real and I truly thought it was MY fault things didn't work out in the first place. But I am just now waking up and realizing that's not so. When I was first on this site in 2005 I used the screen name I used to have for EVERYTHING. My old acting director found me under that name and read my whole story and it was pretty embarrassing... so when I re-joined I needed a new one. This one I have now I thought would stick... but for the aforementioned reasons, it won't.
Author IWALH Posted June 30, 2007 Author Posted June 30, 2007 No, some of us don't regret our handles. I like mine because there are a ton of connotations associated to it. It's sufficiently flexible enough to allow for the evolution of...me.... Sorry OW/OM, you are 50% responsible for any affair, unless you were unknowingly duped. To attempt not to take your fair share of responsibility is denial indeed. As for flaming OW/OM on LS, I highly recommend you ask the ex what real flaming feels like. Consider yourselves the dribble effect... I was never talking about flaming OW/OM on LS... have you been reading subsequent posts on this thread? My exMM's wife was sending me very nasty emails. Though I DON'T blame her. I just want to know why she was making him out to be a victim and why she said he was my "prey." I do take 50% blame now.... well, no, in my situation, I take 40%. I was taken serious advantage of. But I am not in denial. I certainly take responsibility for a large chunk of the "affair." ETA: Now that I have thought about it some more, I do take 50% of the blame. I chose to listen to him and believe him. I set myself up for everything that happened. I am not a victim. But neither is he. He chose to lie to me (and everyone else) and I chose to listen to/believe those lies and consequently I made some really bad bad choices.... We are both equally at fault.
Trialbyfire Posted July 1, 2007 Posted July 1, 2007 I was never talking about flaming OW/OM on LS... have you been reading subsequent posts on this thread? My exMM's wife was sending me very nasty emails. Though I DON'T blame her. I just want to know why she was making him out to be a victim and why she said he was my "prey." I do take 50% blame now.... well, no, in my situation, I take 40%. I was taken serious advantage of. But I am not in denial. I certainly take responsibility for a large chunk of the "affair." ETA: Now that I have thought about it some more, I do take 50% of the blame. I chose to listen to him and believe him. I set myself up for everything that happened. I am not a victim. But neither is he. He chose to lie to me (and everyone else) and I chose to listen to/believe those lies and consequently I made some really bad bad choices.... We are both equally at fault. Nope. I was too lazy to read through everything. *disclaimer - I may be repeating things already said but I didn't read everything* I still say that you probably experienced a tiny portion of her wrath. In her communications with you, I suspect she took whatever tact would press your buttons. After all, you were banging her husband.
Chubbi Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 I think the percentages of the blame changes with each relationship. I personally think the blame is definitely leaning more on the cheating spouse in most cases. His family is his resposibility. 60-40.If he wagers it for some hidden "relationship" it's his fault. You can't blame the employee for doing what the employer wants.
Trimmer Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 [rant] I don't think it's useful to try to take some imaginary total amount of "blame" and try to divide it up like a sack of flour, and hand it out to the different people involved. Each person should take 100% of the responsibility for his or her own decisions, behavior, and - if you believe in it - moral choices (some don't.) I don't believe either the MP or the OP should either "get off free" nor can be assigned a certain percentage of "the blame" for an affair. An OM/OW is completely responsible for his or her own choices and behaviors, and if he or she bears any responsibility to the community in terms of what marriage means to society, then he or she should feel responsibility for knowingly ignoring that. Within the marriage, each party bears responsibility for the state of the marriage and his or her part in it. I've always said, I take complete responsibility for my actions, behaviors, contributions and faults within our marriage, as I think my wife should take responsibility for hers. And beyond that, I place 100% of the responsibility for my wife's choices and behavior to go outside our marriage upon her. Her responsibility for cheating is not mitigated by the participation of an OM, nor by any perceived faults of mine. And the OP's responsibility to be an honorable member of society and not screw around with a marriage made before our community is not mitigated by the fact that our vows were "just between us." It's a waste of time thinking that there is some fixed pool of responsibility for an affair that gets divided up and passed around, and spending time agonizing over what percentage goes to whom. Each spouse in a marriage is fully responsible for his/her behavior within the marriage. And participants knowingly involved in an affair are 100% responsible for their choices and behaviors. [/rant]
enoughisenough Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 Why is it that when finding out details of an A so many BW's lash out on the OW and completely try to tear her apart when their husband is the one to put most of the blame on? Most OW are not as malicious as the BW's make them out to be. They might not have made the best choices but it was their husbands who stepped out of the marriage!!! So why put so much of the blame on the OW when the H is at least 80% responsible for everything, most of the time? I just don't get it.... On a semi-related note, why do the MM get so angry at the OW when the W finds out details of an A?? If they really wanted out of the M and were going to get a D anyway, then WTF does it MATTER?!?!!?! OW always get the short end of the stick.... always..... YOU HAD SEX WITH HER HUSBAND IN THE SAME ROOM OF THEIR SLEEPING CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!! And from what I remember, she was in the room too!!! THAT'S WHY!
East of Jupiter Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 Honestly, I see this question on these boards a lot, but I think it’s a distortion of what most BS feel. It’s true, many BS have anger at the OW, and there are some – some, but by no means all – that hurl cruel invectives at OW. Similarly, there are a few OW who say that the BS is only with her husband for her money, neglects him, doesn’t care about him, pays attention only to the children, is a royal bxtch – also quite cruel and quite far from the truth, it should be pointed out. My point is, nearly all BS that I’ve seen post here do not only blame the OW, or even place the lion’s share of the blame there. Yes, they do place some blame there – which, as you’ve acknowledged, is actually fair – but because even a little of that emotion is still going to be intense, that intensity of feeling is read by OW on the receiving end as them getting all the blame. But no. There’s plenty of intensity and hurt and anger to go around, and believe me, most OW aren’t getting the half of it. BS know to blame their husbands. Yes, they do. Yes, you're going to get the spillover. That doesn't mean he isn't getting reamed out ten times more. You see? I agree with you, IWALH, that you are getting the short end of the stick – for the MM to blame you is really too much. He is not assuming proper responsibility and is therefore shoving it off onto you. But don’t you see how posting a thread of anger at BS is really you misplacing your anger, too?? Why aren’t you angry at him? Why not rail against him, the one who’s really at fault here??? Excellent post. The OW is just as likely to blame the wrong person for the situation. In this case, it seems that the MM may be reading here?
East of Jupiter Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 YOU HAD SEX WITH HER HUSBAND IN THE SAME ROOM OF THEIR SLEEPING CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!! And from what I remember, she was in the room too!!! THAT'S WHY! Really? Yikes! What an an incredible violation and lack of respect. I could see going postal over that one. But honestly, I'm sure it was a mistake this lady would take back. I doubt that in hindsight, she would do that again? My husband did some hurtful things that I know he wishes he could taken back. People in the throws of cheating are NOT THINKING .. well, other than with their genetalia. The only way I could see this scenario. Nobody in their right mind would risk exposing their children.
bish Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 And just for sh*ts and giggles I am compelled to ask, why the freak do you care what the BW thinks about you? I mean you didn't care when you were sleeping with her husband. Exactly what kind of behavior would be acceptable to you? Now I just don't get it ... . whhoooooaaa.....BOOM SHAKALAKA!!!! Well said.
fisherfool Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 The BS feels that we chased after their husbands when it is really quite the opposite. It isn't really necessarily always the opposite.
fisherfool Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 [rant] I don't think it's useful to try to take some imaginary total amount of "blame" and try to divide it up like a sack of flour, and hand it out to the different people involved. Each person should take 100% of the responsibility for his or her own decisions, behavior, and - if you believe in it - moral choices (some don't.) Each spouse in a marriage is fully responsible for his/her behavior within the marriage. And participants knowingly involved in an affair are 100% responsible for their choices and behaviors. Very well said.
fisherfool Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 Why do you think the anger of a betrayed spouse is misplaced when directed at the person who has been mucking about their spouse? It seem pretty well placed to me. The spouse will for sure get a big share of anger directed at them too.
East of Jupiter Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 It isn't really necessarily always the opposite. It certainly was the our case. But lets me honest, at some point, the CS stopped running. LOL (it's been long enough forme that I can laugh at the image) But then the OW started chasing me! I think in the end, she wanted to BE ME, to have my life more than to HAVE HIM. Man, I wish my life were as glamorous as she thought.
NoIDidn't Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 Man, I wish my life were as glamorous as she thought. Isn't it funny how they always think that we must be living on easy street all the while making our H's miserable? Those beautiful kids that she saw pictures of, who arranged for their haircuts and hairstyles for those pictures? Who went out and bought those nice clothes for the picture? Who dressed the kids for the picture? Hell, who called and scheduled the pictures? Most OP seem to believe the lies that the CS actually does these things because they *said* so. LMAO!!! I do look glamorous in the pictures, though.
East of Jupiter Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 Isn't it funny how they always think that we must be living on easy street all the while making our H's miserable? Those beautiful kids that she saw pictures of, who arranged for their haircuts and hairstyles for those pictures? Who went out and bought those nice clothes for the picture? Who dressed the kids for the picture? Hell, who called and scheduled the pictures? Most OP seem to believe the lies that the CS actually does these things because they *said* so. LMAO!!! I do look glamorous in the pictures, though. LOL! I literally dress my husband! Not because I want to, but because I have to bd seen in public with him! Not a control issue, a fashion issue. He has the worst sense of fashion. We are not talking Gucci here. We are talking not wearing plaid with polka dots. On a serious note, he has always been a little insure about us. He has always felt that he married above himself which is NOT TRUE. He is the one who has been afraid I will one day find someone better. I've given him no reason to think that. I am extremely affectionate and adored him. I am also very positive and have worked to build his ego up. I did such a great job. It is my love that gave him the confidence to go out and try to bed another woman. <shaking head> Crazy I tell ya!
East of Jupiter Posted August 1, 2007 Posted August 1, 2007 The ow thought that I didn't deserve where I lived or the clothes in my closet( yes, he brought her to our home) She thought that my hubby got that engineering degree on his own. I'm the one who worked 2 jobs to help him finish college. All those lovely clothes in my closet that she envied, she too could have if she shopped yard sales and thrift stores:lmao: The professionally decorated house she admired, thrift stores and yard sales. That manicured lawn with lovely flower beds, I spend about 5 hours a week out there taking care of everything,(he's a city boy) She admires the way he dresses, that would be the clothes that I buy. He is a engineer, he dresses like Opie Taylor. Never mind I am an A student who has tested on genius level, but she believes I'm a lazy stupid woman who lives off her husband. I'm 5' 1" 118lbs. and she about 5' 4" about 190. So who's the idiot. Hey, I think we may share the same OW! Since I have an Opie of my own maybe she's into that. It wasn't for looks that is for sure. And that is not by coincidence. Not all women are insecure but MM tend to look for the needy types. Not always! I have known some fantastic women who have gotten trapped in a situation. But, there is simply a shortage of attractive, smart, sharp and well adjusted women in the cheating market. Operative word being "well-adjusted." JMO
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