lost0604 Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 I read your previous post and tried to reply but i have a lot of issues on here for some reason so i will try and start a new thread but i did want to ask you what made you decide you were gonna leave for her? i ask cause a males perspective is something i could use. i mean...you had kids..and in my experience and many others i know of the kids are what keep them staying...just curious your train of thought that got you to the point of choosing happiness over obligation... also i have to say im' sorry for what you are going through and i too work with the op and it is very hard to keep nc and stay on the straight and narrow lots of luck to you and thank you in advance for any insight you can offer
NeverLate Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 Lost, Well I have to be honest that if push would have come to shove I really dont know what I would have done. I did and still do love the xOW so much; we had what I thought was such a deep connection nearly to the point of telepathic connection. I would have probably left for her because I thought with the OW I could have been my true self without fear of the critisim or bearrating or the mental abuse I have received in my marriage. Also, I felt that if I could have been truly happy with someone and shown my kids what true love is about then maybe they would learn something before it was too late. Yea there was a lot of guilt involved and fear but in the end I thought my OW and I could have weathered the storm. Well I could not have been more wrong! She liked the attention of a very attractive, intelligent, successful man and when the going got tough, the tough took off for the hills. She showed me her true colors claiming that she was married to her obligations as opposed to being so in love with her H. And that she just couldnt leave him. I guess guilt and fear are very powerful emotions. She decided she wanted to be "friends" and when I told her she didnt deserve my friendship and that I was going to sever all ties with her she snapped. I think it was truly a blow that her ego couldnt stand that a man would dump her so suddenly and completely like that and then stick to it. At one point she even returned all the sentimental things to me at work (while I was out of the office of course) and then called to tell me she did it. She got absolutely no reaction from me at all. Now if I had left my W and moved into a place of my own while she was going through all of that the results may have been different. Who knows. All I know is I want to forget her and move on with my life. I truly hope I never see her again. NL
Author lost0604 Posted July 3, 2007 Author Posted July 3, 2007 awe well i am sorry it went down for you like that. i can't imagine. I am a Married OW also and I know when push came to shove I'd definitely leave for my MM...only he isn't leaving...he claims he wants to but has his children and financial issues holding him back..which i completely understand so my argument to him is always then you have to let me go you know? you can't have both. only thing is i hold onto how much i believe he does want this and feel like i might walk away too soon but i know in my heart if it's real he won't let me walk away when it comes down to it and if he does then i truly have my answer. the whole situation is hard...and i hope for you it gets better..lots of luck to you and i am sorry to hear your M has so much abuse in it...i too have verbal abuse to deal with and being put down...i feel your pain
NeverLate Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 Well lost the only thing I can suggest is to not do ANYTHING based on him. If you leave your H, do it because your M is over not because you think it might be better with OM. I went NC with my xOW because I wanted to send her a message that she cant have it both ways. She cant have me when she wants and then be the dutiful wife when she wants. She either takes me completely or nothing at all. Well, I got my answer and I have to say I knew it all along. NL
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