needs to be said

[lost0604]

ok i hope this works i have been trying for weeks but i posted a while back "ouch" and i feel it important i get my reply out there even if it will be my last post on here..

 

[FONT=Arial]am shaking right now I am so upset...where to start...[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]pureinheart - yea its tough working together and the constant reminders of your status in reality...we do pretty good at keeping our secret there we definitely keep a cover to the best of our ability[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]kymberann - i don't feel you were rubbing it in our faces..it is uplifting to hear your story but i guess i am just not there yet you know? as i'm sure at one point you weren't either. guess like addicts we need to hit rock bottom and it's different for all of us. thank you for your story. [/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]whichwayisup - you are right i am def. doing more harm to myself by allowing the bubble moments..but i guess sometimes i need that to get through the tough stuff..but i know deep down that is all it is...it buys another day sometimes just another minute...[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]bish - i appreciate your opinion but as i said before i disagree...for the amount of times we have done it...as i said...for us it's the equivalent of your child meeting a new friend at the park and it being nothing more...A or not we'd have done it the same...they are young and had a one day playmate...end of story...[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]NOW...for the reason I am shaking in aggravation...BEENTHEREDONETHAT - where do i start? first off you have no right to comment that people shouldn't reply to me...you should have stayed lurking and kept to yourself...i did not disappear after that post...and how do you even know i am on another board, and so what if i am? you do not know me or know what i am looking to hear from anyone.[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]I posted that to vent not to get judged..and i'd be fine if no one replied but i am thankful to MOST of you that did...it was a vent...nothing more...i realize he could not say anything else as i have clarified severaltimes. it was not the secretary that upset me so much but just hearing the truth that did. obviously it IS the truth but i am not stone cold and it hurts...regardless if i have that right or not.[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]you said you've been there but briefly so you cannot know what it feels like 3 or 4 or even 5years into it...how deep you get...how hard it becomes...and yes even so walking away is even harder it seems....i was not devastated and tried to hang myself over the secretary comment...so you have no right to say well if you can't handle it you shouldn't be in this R. i am well aware of what comes with this type of R...and never would have walked in this with open arms but it happened....[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]your posts have angered me and your judgement is unwanted...and being reffered to 'THIS CHICK' is ridiculous and childish as are your arguments. and if you even took the time to read other posts you would know that the BIG PICTURE is exactly what is upsetting to me...so educate yourself on my situation before making any comments in the future...[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]norajane & sadbuttrue - a special thanks to the two of you for understanding and standing up for me so to speak when i wasn't around to do it myself...for knowing to the best of your knowledge my situation and speaking up...i am thankful for the two of you and the rest of you on here that can post without anger, judegment and bitterness...thank you[/FONT]

[Shades of Grey]

Dear Lost,

 

I'm sorry that you received such disgustingly negative comments on your post. I missed that thread but have just read through and can understand why you feel the way you do. I'm sure it was the last thing you needed to hear.

 

I hope however that it won't be your last post because there are many people on this forum who do have the capacity to empathise in a none judgemental manner. People who have experienced the things that you are and who can help to support you. And also people who haven't but genuinely want to give advice and to help you. I for one do understand completely why you were hurt by that comment and it wouldn't have mattered what he had called you that wasn't the point.

 

Please keep posting, ignore those who feel they have the right to be judgemental and spiteful. They are the ones who should not be here not you!

 

xx

[TogetherForever]

Lost,

What made you so angry?

Do you have pm'g yet?

I'd like to talk.

(((((((((Hugs to you)))))))))))

TF

[TogetherForever]

Lost,

I read thru & can see why you are upset.

Please keep posting & just ignore what you don't like.

Ok?!

[annabelle75]

Pleased don't leave. There really are some of us that are here to actually listen and give advice with out passing judgement. Even if you don't feel comfortable posting about your life here inthe forum, perhaps you could stick around and talk privately with those that want to help through pm.

[lost0604]

thanks guys i was unsure the kind of responses i would get to that but i am happy to find understanding. I will continue to post but i have such a hard time getting through on here for some reason...always telling me i am not logged on etc...but i will keep trying...and what is pm'g?

[Shades of Grey]

Private messaging.

 

Don't know whether you can see but your post did come out here quite odd with the font types described. Might be related to the technical problems you've been experiencing.

[TogetherForever]

thanks guys i was unsure the kind of responses i would get to that but i am happy to find understanding. I will continue to post but i have such a hard time getting through on here for some reason...always telling me i am not logged on etc...but i will keep trying...and what is pm'g?

 

Private Messages. You have to have a certain # of posts before you're set up with private messaging.

Let us know if you have it.

[lost0604]

not sure i do...how do i know if i do have it? lol sorry kinda lost...and yes i noticed my original post came out odd and yes think it does have a lot to do with my difficulties...sorry about that

[Shades of Grey]

TF do you know how many posts it is?

[TogetherForever]

TF do you know how many posts it is?

 

I'm pretty sure my pm's were turned on near 80 posts.

[lost0604]

wow ok...well i can wait i guess...if i make it up to that much...does anyone else have trouble getting posts through? sometimes i can quick reply no problem other times it says to log in then it will say i'm already logged in...that is what took me sooo long to reply and I had to and not just let that be left as it was...thank you all for your support and i'll take any advice on my posting issues...

[whichwayisup]

whichwayisup - you are right i am def. doing more harm to myself by allowing the bubble moments..but i guess sometimes i need that to get through the tough stuff..but i know deep down that is all it is...it buys another day sometimes just another minute.

 

Think of this like a bandaid...Gotta rip it off fast, because doing it slowly hurts more. Meaning, the more those little moments add up, even if they do make you feel good at those times, the pain afterwards will only get more. UNLESS you're able to not react to it at all. By prolonging things, it's only going to hurt you more......

[lost0604]

whichwayisup - yes i totally understand...you are right...got to just shove through it...i'm on the edge right now and confused what to to but for the most part i don't think he will do it and it kills me...

[mystic_pizza]

Darn! I just finished typing a great reply (or I thought it was) and lost all of it! So, here is the short version.

 

Lost, don't stop posting, afterall this is a forum for OW's and OM's. When you see a post that is judgemental and not supportive...scroll right on by. That is what I do.

 

I read "Ouch" and gosh, I said Ouch! First of all, his comment about you being a secretary was insulting. Not that I am bashing secretaries here, I think the comment lends itself to an old cliche and times are different now. I completely understand where you are coming from and that comment was out of line. My work world collides from time to time with my MM and he is nothing but complimentary to me, especially if people think we are a couple (which happens a lot). Sometimes I think he is way too open about us. So, in reality, he should be respectful of your feelings because it is not just you in the R, he is involved too! Would he expect any less from you if he were in your shoes? If I were you, I would tell him that you felt insulted by his comment (if you haven't already). There is nothing wrong with being honest about your feelings.

 

You have probably heard this a million times over, but the person you need to take care of is you. Do you really want to rattle his cage? You sound like a strong independant woman, show it and show him that you can be happy outside of him. Make interesting plans with your friends and family and most importantly, laugh and have fun at work (no matter how hard it is). I am not suggesting manipulation, just keep yourself incredibly busy with fun and interesting things to do outside of your relationship with him. This may be a little too much TMI, but in the R with my MM, I hate facing the weekends...they are a freakin killer! So, I take short trips, have lunch or dinner with friends and family, explore my creative side and come up with projects that enhance where I live. It makes him respect me all the more. It is incredibly liberating and in a funny sort of way makes me feel a lot better about who I am. It shows on the outside too, people have told me that I have never looked better and they ask what is my secret. I know, it's a "Catch 22." I just say, it is an old secret family recipe and can't tell.

 

Sorry for the long post (guess I didn't give the short of it afterall), I hope this helps and best of luck to you in this situation. And remember, USE that scroll function! ((hugs))

[bish]

bish - i appreciate your opinion but as i said before i disagree...for the amount of times we have done it...as i said...for us it's the equivalent of your child meeting a new friend at the park and it being nothing more...A or not we'd have done it the same...they are young and had a one day playmate...end of story..

 

Wrong. You want to have your little affair, then you do that. But you NEVER involve the kids in it. You want to meet with your side-sex partner, then do what you want, but leave the kids at home.

 

I don't care if it was just one day. You NEVER subject your kids knowingly or unknowingly to your affair date. Its disrespectful to them and the family as a whole...as if the affair wasn't doing that enough already

[mystic_pizza]

I also meant to say, I have my weak moments and at times feel weepy, insecure and alone too (pms being the biggest...LOL!). When that happens I jump into action and start planning other things to do even more. I have never done more things for myself in my whole life as I have in the short time I have been with my MM. In a wierd sense this relationship is helping me even though it is quite a roller coaster ride.

 

One more thing, I noticed in the "Ouch" thread that your relationship was causing you a lot of pain. I really feel for you and hope that you find a way to work through all of that pain. It can be a very tough road, so try to be good to yourself. Again (((big hugs)))!