Mari Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 Hi, I am a single Mom who has been dating this wonderful man for the last 4 months. We have gotten along great, share many interests in common, our kids are close in age, things couldn't have been better until this past weekend. We went out to lunch at a restaurant last friday and his Ex-girlfriend saw us and as a result called him. He told me about it on Saturday when we got together. I asked him how he felt, if he wanted to get back with her & he said no and told her that he had another date with me. She called him again & emailed him on Sunday after I had left wanting to get back. Its now Monday and he sends me an email wanting to know if we can get together for a drink after work. I said sure. He told me about the conversation with the Ex and said that as a result she had stirred up old emotions in him he thought were over, that he was wondering if I would give him some time to sort through his feelings and if I would wait for him. I said yes & have respected his space ever since (its been 3 days) but have my doubts. I know she will never respect his space and I am afraid that with me being out of sight / out of mind, she'll suck him back in. What do I do? Should I even send an email letting him know he is in my thoughts & that I miss us? Please help
Art_Critic Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 Boot him the heck out of your life.. What a loser Don't meet him anywhere for a drink and never speak to him.. consider yourself lucky.. this guy had the potential to hurt you real bad.. What an assclown... "Hey.. can you hang on while I go back and bang the ex for a week or so till I see if you are good enough for me? " Kick the clown to the curb...
Author Mari Posted June 27, 2007 Author Posted June 27, 2007 You made me smile and you are probably right. Better now than later. it hurts because I did open up & "let him in" emotionally. I thought I was "safe" with him...
annabelle75 Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 AC is right. You BF just got you to agree to let him hook up with his ex and then decide wether or not he would rather have her than you. What a jerk. You need to call him and tell him that you have decided you are not "OK" with this and end the relationship. You deserve more respect than that. You are good enough to not have to let a guy screw an ex-girlfriend to decide if he really wants to be with you. And if you have been thinking that he is just using this time to "consider" his options you would be wrong. He needs space away from you so he can reconnect with his ex with out feeling guilty. It doesn't matter how great he has been inthe past, right now he is showing the kind of man he really is. You deserve so much more.
Art_Critic Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 You made me smile and you are probably right. Better now than later. it hurts because I did open up & "let him in" emotionally. I thought I was "safe" with him... Guys like this shouldn't be in the dating pool.... No matter what he tells you he is going to going back for more of the ex for quite a while as he isn't even close to being over her.. and he will just hurt you along the way.. you are right.... better now than later..
Kwo-ne'-she Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 I agree with AC. If this guy cared about you enough, he wouldn't need to put you on hold, while he goes to explore his feelings with an ex. Apparently, he wasn't over her enough to even be dating someone else. Move on, and find someone who deserves you.
Lizzie60 Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 What do I do? Forget about the moron... How dare a guy put me 'on hold' until he can sort things out... yeah right... he's putting you on hold to see if he can go back with his ex...if he can, then you're out... if not...you're back until she wants him back again... What are you? a yo-yo? Should I even send an email letting him know he is in my thoughts & that I miss us? NO, don't be a doormat... come on... be strong.. forget about this jerk... be independant... I know it's hard..but with this guy, he will quickly take advantage of you, especially if you send him an email letting him know he is in your thoughts and you're missing him... after what he's done... WOW... I'm shaking my head in disbelief...
nittygritty Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 Art Critic is right this guy is a loser! If he calls to say that he has decided that he wants to continue seeing you then you need to reject him. No matter how much you liked him. Don't even try to be his friend. He will always throw you aside when there is somebody else he would like to try. Be glad that you only had invested 4 months in this relationship and that this guy is not your problem any longer. Have no contact with this guy whatsoever.
jcster Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 "Hey.. can you hang on while I go back and bang the ex for a week or so till I see if you are good enough for me? " Awesome! It's a really useful skill to be able to translate Assholian. I've started doing it myself - the guy says "you seem like a lot of fun, we should hang out sometime" translation: "you seem like an easy lay, I'll call you some night at 11:00 and we can screw." I'm getting really fluent. Seriously though, this guy is a jerk - you don't owe him any explanations.
freakygal78 Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 Haha! Crap - I really feel I should be worried now that my bf of 4 1/2 months' ex called him out of the blue on Sunday leaving a message which he just happened to play back really loud whilst we were still in bed. Oh gee how is that supposed to make me feel? All warm and fuzzy and secure in my relationship? I have no idea if he's followed her call up or met her for coffee - zilch! Men can be such asses can't they - I'd dump this one like a tonne of bricks - I started a 2 yr r'ship with the same scenario a few years back waiting for him to pick between me and a pithy nursing student / model - guess what? The r'ship ended the same way - him trying to hook up with the same lame girl as in the start - because he needed an ego boost when things went to pot. What a waste of time / space! Lose him like a bad rash!
Star Gazer Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 If this guy cared about you enough, he wouldn't need to put you on hold, while he goes to explore his feelings with an ex. Apparently, he wasn't over her enough to even be dating someone else. Move on, and find someone who deserves you. Agreed. If you allow this guy to come back, you run the risk of this cycle repeating itself. It's possible his ex only came back because she realized she really couldn't have him anymore bc he was with you. Once she wins him back, she won't want him anymore, he'll come crawling back, and then the cycle will repeat. That all having been said, there's a story or two on here (I believe DropDeadLegs is one of them) where waiting to allow the dude to sort out what was going on in his head worked to her benefit. I'm glad it worked out for her, but I know I wouldn't be willing to take that risk...
mental_traveller Posted June 29, 2007 Posted June 29, 2007 Boot him the heck out of your life.. What a loser Don't meet him anywhere for a drink and never speak to him.. consider yourself lucky.. this guy had the potential to hurt you real bad.. What an assclown... "Hey.. can you hang on while I go back and bang the ex for a week or so till I see if you are good enough for me? " Kick the clown to the curb... This is unusually harsh advice from you, AC. While I am sure that some guys who says this sort of thing are just lying, I am sure that there are others who are genuine and would rather be honest with someone they've been dating. You can't know that he is banging his ex, or intending to. Maybe he just wants to think about it for a few days, or talk to her a bit and see how he feels? I just don't see the evidence to be so harsh as your reply was. In any case, he is only dating, he has every right to be unsure and to change his mind (assuming he does - for all we know he may call back in a day or two and say he's over her and wants to go ahead with OP). To the OP, yeah he has left you a bit in the lurch, but he is being honest about his feelings. That makes me think he probably *isn't* being a player. Many guys would just not tell you about the ex, and either chat with her or even see her on the sly. However, there's no reason for you to wait around for him, now he's uncertain. I would give it a few days, then call him and say that given his uncertainty and lack of commitment, the best thing is for both of you to be free to date around. That way you can see how things go. Maybe in a month you both realise you want to be together; or maybe one or both of you realise it's not to be. At least this way, you can both be acting with a clear conscience and no one is getting their expectations too high. You're less likely to get hurt if you invest less in this guy at the moment. Of course you still have the option to just stop seeing him. That's not unreasonable, since after 4 months if he is keen then he'd probably just tell the ex he's not available. You just have to decide for yourself. I just think the other posters here are going a bit overboard, try to keep a more level head and make a considered decision.
Recommended Posts