Anyone doing NC right now? Need friends

[9Lives]

I'm on day... um, 3 now. Sort of. It's actually not that hard right now as he hasn't been online when I am, lol. He did send me a message the other night but I was out and didn't see it until I got home and he was offline. I ignored it. I did accidently call his house yesterday - but no one answered - He is still on my speed dial(#3), and my best friend is #2 - even when we were together I would FREQUENTLY hit 3 when I was trying to call her... thats what I did yesterday. Luckily he didn't answer and I hung up promptly when I figured it out.

 

I am still checking his facebook (oops) but at least I am not calling/texting him... small steps. I've limited myself to only being allowed to check once a day, which so far I've managed to stick to... LOL

 

However I do have a slight dilemma - I need his (or more accuratly, his mothers) help with something. I am moving for school in the fall, to an area his mom grew up in and the area is not so nice (ok, really really dangerous). I want to know what streets, neighbourhoods, etc are a little "nicer" and "safer" and I don't know ANYONE who knows the area except her (I've tried asking alot of people, trust me). Should I go through him to find out, or should I just call his house and ask to speak to his mom? We became very close the last year of my relationship, but I've never just called HER like that before or sought her out for something. Ahhhh

 

Call and ask about the info from mom but it might not be a good idea unless you are strong enough to handle it

[Tranzphasic0]

im not doing NC with anyone because im decidedly against it. in fact i didnt know what it was until a few days ago. i favor contact. i call it "C."

[IWALH]

I am. I never told him I was and he never told me he was, but that's the way it's going and that's how it's going to stay. The last time we spoke he actually acted like everything was the same and told me he loved me, etc. Then said he'd call the next day (which would have been last thursday) but never did, so neither have I. Now things are headed in the right direction and I am feeling so much better. Sure the first couple days were pretty hard and I could literally feel my heart breaking... but I actually haven't cried much and every day I feel better and more optimistic than ever!!!

 

Stay strong, NC is really the only way to go when it comes to a dead-end toxic relationship. If you need anyone to talk to, I'm here!! Though I will be changing my name later tonight, I just haven't been able to come up with a new one yet!!

[Chinook]

{sigh}

 

I've had a really bad weekend. I haven't stopped weeping. It's not feeling any better. I can't understand how someone a week ago loves you and then now won't even give you closure about what happened when you ask them for it.

 

[ClearFocus]

Been a difficult weekend for me as well.. Just when it felt like the pain was going, Loneliness set in!

 

7 days and still battling!

[9Lives]

Been a difficult weekend for me as well.. Just when it felt like the pain was going, Loneliness set in!

 

7 days and still battling!

 

Dont feel alone. Im at the 6th day of NC. Feel like s/hit. it is just that simple. My weekend was not too bad because I was made to keep busy but I am still hurting and longing for this man. I just have to TAKE THE LONG WALK. After all, there is a reason you are making this decision. YOU HAD TO. I love my man....i whole whole lot but ...I had do. There was no other choice. I was going to have to walk way and I did so I just have t deal with it. ...DEAL WITH IT..TIME TO BE A BIG GIRL!!

 

Trust me I am dying...but I m dealing with it.

[Chinook]

It's been 7 days now. It doesn't feel any better than it did 7 days ago. All my friends keep asking how I'm doing and I keep saying 50% crap and 50% sh**e. {sigh} I just don't know what I'm feeling from one moment to the next. I actually started to read the 'breakup' forum on Loveshack because it gives really good advice. But say what you like, advise as much as you want, it doesn't help with the feeling low. All day long today I've felt 'blank' that's the only way I can describe it. Emotions fluctuating from hope (for reconciliation somehow) to despair at the loss, pain at losing someone I cared so very much about but who doesn't seem to care about me and anger that this happened again... anger that he dumped me when he was the one who was pushing me away. I can't get to grips with feeling so many emotions and for them to be swinging so wildly from one extreme to the other all the time, from moment to moment. It's breaking me apart. I don't know how anyone can say such wonderful things to you and then suddenly they're angry with you when you didn't deserve it but you know their anger is a vessel which will keep them afloat. More to the point they stay angry and shut out everything else they felt. I feel pathetic and lost. I'm 37 years old, how the hell can I be feeling like a stupid teenager...?

[ClearFocus]

Back to day 1, starting........Now!

7 days in and my defences were broken.

She texted me to say 'hi' and like a mug i replied wivout even thinking, just pure habit I spose. Then it got into how u been etc.. she said she's been down and lonely. Then we spoke on the phone for a bit and it seemed she was missing me and then the convo switched and then, long story short.. im back at square 1 and all the same wounds are now well and truly Open!

[prism23]

Bacccckkkk to day one. He called me randomly yesterday "just to talk" and I picked up the phone when it rang. Nothing heavy or anything though, hehe - was with my little sister at the time he called, which was good bc it kept me from saying anything stupid. And I am not practicing NO contact, but "no" contact - ie, I am not going to be contacting him (esp. not frequently) but I decided when I started this I wasn't going to ignore him, either - simply because I don't want us to end up hating each other.

 

And as a sidenote, it's been over a month and he STILL hasn't told his mother (& family).

[9Lives]

It's been 7 days now. It doesn't feel any better than it did 7 days ago. All my friends keep asking how I'm doing and I keep saying 50% crap and 50% sh**e. {sigh} I just don't know what I'm feeling from one moment to the next. I actually started to read the 'breakup' forum on Loveshack because it gives really good advice. But say what you like, advise as much as you want, it doesn't help with the feeling low. All day long today I've felt 'blank' that's the only way I can describe it. Emotions fluctuating from hope (for reconciliation somehow) to despair at the loss, pain at losing someone I cared so very much about but who doesn't seem to care about me and anger that this happened again... anger that he dumped me when he was the one who was pushing me away. I can't get to grips with feeling so many emotions and for them to be swinging so wildly from one extreme to the other all the time, from moment to moment. It's breaking me apart. I don't know how anyone can say such wonderful things to you and then suddenly they're angry with you when you didn't deserve it but you know their anger is a vessel which will keep them afloat. More to the point they stay angry and shut out everything else they felt. I feel pathetic and lost. I'm 37 years old, how the hell can I be feeling like a stupid teenager...?

 

day 8 of NC. I feel blank like you said. I read where you contacted him. That is a rule that we should not break because of what happen. My heart broke for you. It was wierd. That is why I won't do it. I cant take it. Well you have closure and now you can try to move on. Just hang in there. You will start to feel better. Take your time to get it out and it will get better

[madgun68]

It's been 7 days now. It doesn't feel any better than it did 7 days ago. All my friends keep asking how I'm doing and I keep saying 50% crap and 50% sh**e. {sigh} I just don't know what I'm feeling from one moment to the next. I actually started to read the 'breakup' forum on Loveshack because it gives really good advice. But say what you like, advise as much as you want, it doesn't help with the feeling low. All day long today I've felt 'blank' that's the only way I can describe it. Emotions fluctuating from hope (for reconciliation somehow) to despair at the loss, pain at losing someone I cared so very much about but who doesn't seem to care about me and anger that this happened again... anger that he dumped me when he was the one who was pushing me away. I can't get to grips with feeling so many emotions and for them to be swinging so wildly from one extreme to the other all the time, from moment to moment. It's breaking me apart. I don't know how anyone can say such wonderful things to you and then suddenly they're angry with you when you didn't deserve it but you know their anger is a vessel which will keep them afloat. More to the point they stay angry and shut out everything else they felt. I feel pathetic and lost. I'm 37 years old, how the hell can I be feeling like a stupid teenager...?

It's true. Doesn't matter how many people give you advice, there's never going to be a way to completely remove the pain caused by the loss of a relationship. It hurts like you-know-what and it's just something we all have to struggle through at some point or another, unless we choose a life of being single.

 

The ex and I both said things to each other that neither of us meant, but humans are prone to showing their frailty in moments of weekness. It's not my fault.. it's not hers. It's just the way we (as humans) are.

 

I had a lot to deal with. We broke up just before Thanksgiving, and I never really dealt with the death of my parents until last year. I felt so very alone. Many a sleepless nights, lots of outbursts of crying and a very bad depression. Was it her fault? No. Mine? No. Things just happened. It wasn't meant to be. Not at that point in our lives.

 

Thankfully, I didn't resort to bitterness to get over it. I still think very highly of her and wish her a very successful life and that her hopes and dreams come to fruition. She deserves it after what she's been through.

 

I wish I had an answer for everyone on coping with the pain. All any of us can really do is suggest strategies to help lessen the pain and lend and eyeball (if you will) when you need to let it out and talk about what you're going through.

[Chinook]

Well, I was proud of myself this afternoon when I got home. I had got through the day without any tears and without incessantly checking the inbox. I stood in front of a class and taught for two hours without breaking down. I didn't feel like it - but I did it. What's more, I got through the 45 min car journey home without weeping too. Normally, I do all my thinking in the car and usually this week, I've ended up in tears. Today, I drove home and didn't cry. I was near to it, but tears didn't fall.

 

Until I got in through the door.

 

He sent my house key back through recorded delivery. I was expecting it. But I'd kinda assumed that it would just be the key in the envelope. But it wasn't. With it, was a typed-written note which said:

 

"Hi

Please find your key enclosed. Pity you don't want to be friends and it had to end this way. If you want your flowerpots, you can come and collect them any time you want to".

 

which to me said: "I'm not the one cutting contact and here's a reason for you to come crawling to me and drive the 160 miles to do so".

 

I wasn't going to reply and I guess I could have walked away from the pain there and then. But the fact that he did write that note said to me that he is still bothered and he's also not willing to just let it go. But he's not willing to do anything about it. If he really didn't give a crap, he wouldn't have bothered even thinking about a note, he'd have just put the key in the envelope and sent it. I know I would.

 

So I emailed a reply.

 

I don't expect a response and I really wasn't looking for one. But basically I said 'thanks' for sending the key back... and I don't want the flowerpots because when I give something, I don't take it back (he was using them to grow stuff with his kids). I also said I didn't want to be a friend, I never had. He's told me it's over and he can't go back, I'm accepting that. Basically I explained that I would not reach out and I would not chase. If he needed a friend, he knows where I am. I put the ball into his court because I know full well he won't make the effort, it's over now.

 

Then I broke down and sobbed my heart out. He dumped me, he walked away and now, he has me complicit with it!

[9Lives]

Well, I was proud of myself this afternoon when I got home. I had got through the day without any tears and without incessantly checking the inbox. I stood in front of a class and taught for two hours without breaking down. I didn't feel like it - but I did it. What's more, I got through the 45 min car journey home without weeping too. Normally, I do all my thinking in the car and usually this week, I've ended up in tears. Today, I drove home and didn't cry. I was near to it, but tears didn't fall.

 

Until I got in through the door.

 

He sent my house key back through recorded delivery. I was expecting it. But I'd kinda assumed that it would just be the key in the envelope. But it wasn't. With it, was a typed-written note which said:

 

"Hi

Please find your key enclosed. Pity you don't want to be friends and it had to end this way. If you want your flowerpots, you can come and collect them any time you want to".

 

which to me said: "I'm not the one cutting contact and here's a reason for you to come crawling to me and drive the 160 miles to do so".

 

I wasn't going to reply and I guess I could have walked away from the pain there and then. But the fact that he did write that note said to me that he is still bothered and he's also not willing to just let it go. But he's not willing to do anything about it. If he really didn't give a crap, he wouldn't have bothered even thinking about a note, he'd have just put the key in the envelope and sent it. I know I would.

 

So I emailed a reply.

 

I don't expect a response and I really wasn't looking for one. But basically I said 'thanks' for sending the key back... and I don't want the flowerpots because when I give something, I don't take it back (he was using them to grow stuff with his kids). I also said I didn't want to be a friend, I never had. He's told me it's over and he can't go back, I'm accepting that. Basically I explained that I would not reach out and I would not chase. If he needed a friend, he knows where I am. I put the ball into his court because I know full well he won't make the effort, it's over now.

 

Then I broke down and sobbed my heart out. He dumped me, he walked away and now, he has me complicit with it!

 

Well I am very sorry. I wish I could say shomething to make you feel much better. You did offer your friendship and that is all you can do right now. If it makes you feel any better, I am suffering too but as I have been told..time is your friend. So be thankful for that

[Chinook]

hey lady. I hope your day has been easier. Today was pretty hard for me. I put myself through the 'well, he should have seen it and read it by now' thing and then this evening, I realised a response isn't coming. I've just advised another poster on this very thing. I really wish I'd had the sense not to bother replying to the note. It upset me enough that he still can play games with my emotions. I think that's lesson enough that things are still way too raw and hard to allow any form of contact. I know with 'NC' time will make it better and I'm using my friends right now to talk it through and work it out in my own head how I feel as I go through things. Loveshack is helping too though.

[9Lives]

I'm starting to feel like he did not love me anymore even before we broke up. I dont know. I feel so ugly today. I just want to ball up and cry. I will be glad when all this mourning and stuff is over cause I am sick of it.

[Chinook]

I know how you feel. I feel like crap today too. I've looked at another thread and worked out that my ex could probably have been cheating on me or at least he has had someone waiting in the wings. He lives 160 miles away from me so of course, I will never know.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=122973&page=2

[9Lives]

I know how you feel. I feel like crap today too. I've looked at another thread and worked out that my ex could probably have been cheating on me or at least he has had someone waiting in the wings. He lives 160 miles away from me so of course, I will never know.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=122973&page=2

 

He was very guarded about his phone. That was wierd. Anyway, I am sitting here withering away and he is probably somewhere with his heels kicked up relaxing or whatever. I just need to move on.

[funkybassplayer]

You have to know its over, realise that they dont give a crap about us anymore, and then you have to start letting go of the relationship (grive) and no contact. Thats the way to move forward. Nothing matters but how you feel. if hes planning his next hol or whatever, it doesn't matter. One day you will too. Be strong, life is too short to worry about a failed relationship for too long. Many more decent people out there who will be right for you.

[Chinook]

Ha! Guys this will make you guys laugh... such a small thing but boy did it make me feel good! XPB (ex partner B) used to come shopping with me at the supermarket. Due to the fact that he has two kids (by different mothers I might add) he pays out alot of money and so has to be careful. Going to the supermarket is a long drawn out fiasco of looking at labels and offers and checking reward points etc etc.

 

Today I went to the supermarket by myself. For the first time in 8 months I bought anything I wanted (a new toilet seat which he broke for a start). I also bought all the actual stuff I wanted (like Heinz soup instead of own brand labels) and I didn't buy anything on fcking 2-4-1 offers because I didn't NEED it!

 

In addition to that XPB is quite hyper all the time. I had to remove coffee from my house. I love filter coffee and I have one cup in the morning. When he has coffee he's like Tigger on speed..!!! This afternoon, I bought filter coffee and I actually have the filter machine on right now.

 

The joys of being single again.

 

(funky, I'm assuming these increase more as the days go on! As I say, small things but really good things for me too!)

[funkybassplayer]

Well from how iv been, sure they do, you'll get better,but then you will get moments of bad too and when they come, ride them out. but you know they will pass. I dont know how i managed to start getting back to normal so fast, and what has been good for me may not be for someone else, all i can say is whats worked for me. Maybe its got something to do with 6 years ago i lost my dad, long tern g/f and mum got cancer in the space of 6 months, i dont know, maybe that helped me to cope with heavy emotions.

Funny i still think about the ex lots, but with no internal emotion. Like no butterflys sadness or anything really! Sundays are the worst day, i wonder how ill be this sunday? but looking forward to the wimbeldon finale! It was long distance too, in telford, not that far from you i guess. Im in Essex. (no jokes please)

[Chinook]

Maybe its got something to do with 6 years ago i lost my dad, long tern g/f and mum got cancer in the space of 6 months, i dont know, maybe that helped me to cope with heavy emotions.

 

Oh. I so wish I didn't know what you mean. If you go into my profile and go right back to the first post I ever made on Loveshack, it details all the heartache I went through in the last 4 years. That's why I know as much as this is painful, I will get through it and although I feel sad and quite lonely at times, I'm still glad I took the risk to go there with him. I will learn from this.

[funkybassplayer]

Me too, Me n ex had some lovely times, and maybe if she stayed single for a year after her hubby moved out, sorted out her issues and found herself, it may have worked out.

 

As rocky said in his latest film (rocky balboa) ''wining is not about how hard you can hit, but its how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward''. I think its a great saying.

[9Lives]

Oh. I so wish I didn't know what you mean. If you go into my profile and go right back to the first post I ever made on Loveshack, it details all the heartache I went through in the last 4 years. That's why I know as much as this is painful, I will get through it and although I feel sad and quite lonely at times, I'm still glad I took the risk to go there with him. I will learn from this.

 

Hey Chinook,

 

i broke NC today....I just couldnt take it anymore. I was in the shower ballin like a baby and totally melting down so......I called. He was pleasant. I just told him I called to say hi. He said that he was going to call me yesterday. I asked him why he did not...he said he did not know.

 

I have to admit I felt a little better. I was just going nuts so I just needed to hear his voice. Nothing deep. (sigh)

[Chinook]

Awh ((hugs))

 

Hope you're okay. It's not so bad if it made you feel a little better. NC is a cruel harsh task master. If you're not ready to accept it's over, it makes it harder. It has for me anyhow and at least your ex was pleasant. My ex hasn't even responded to a measly email saying thanks for the key.

[9Lives]

Awh ((hugs))

 

Hope you're okay. It's not so bad if it made you feel a little better. NC is a cruel harsh task master. If you're not ready to accept it's over, it makes it harder. It has for me anyhow and at least your ex was pleasant. My ex hasn't even responded to a measly email saying thanks for the key.

 

Your "awww" is too much. :)

 

Yeah I needed it. Man!! NC is horrible. I think it is good though too. I am still going to work really hard on myself. I want to be a better person. I decided to be more selective too. Thanks for being there for me