9Lives Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 Hey I am doing the NC thing and it feels like death to me. I am working on 2 days....Yeah I know...go ahead laugh But pain is pain. The days are so long and I have no focus. It is like my xman acts like he is so strong and it dont bother him which makes it hurt even more. Feels like he dont care. We did not have a bad relationship. Just aint going to work like this so I had to bounce. I am for this NC thing but darn....It is breaking me down. Any thoughts?
Krytellan Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 Hey I am doing the NC thing and it feels like death to me. I am working on 2 days....Yeah I know...go ahead laugh But pain is pain. The days are so long and I have no focus. It is like my xman acts like he is so strong and it dont bother him which makes it hurt even more. Feels like he dont care. We did not have a bad relationship. Just aint going to work like this so I had to bounce. I am for this NC thing but darn....It is breaking me down. Any thoughts? yeah, I am, this is day 4. I sound like your guy. I got a little box from her in the mail that had some stuff I left at her house. It had a little note that said that she couldn't give me what I want and couldn't treat me like I needed to be treated and that she wasn't the "her" she knew. She said she will always love me and to please believe that. I read the note a couple of times and threw it out. Similar situation, she broke it off with me, too. Why do you care how he's handling it? When you leave someone, you forfeit the right to care how they act or feel. He's probably just doing what he knows he has to do. For many of us, we can't handle "lingering" contact. He must know that to be him and is acting as such. Don't worry and don't let it hurt. I'm sure he's hurting more than he's letting on... but he's focused on getting through it himself. So should you.
Author 9Lives Posted June 27, 2007 Author Posted June 27, 2007 Why do you care how he's handling it? When you leave someone, you forfeit the right to care how they act or feel. He's probably just doing what he knows he has to do. For many of us, we can't handle "lingering" contact. He must know that to be him and is acting as such. Don't worry and don't let it hurt. I'm sure he's hurting more than he's letting on... but he's focused on getting through it himself. So should you. Great post!! Why do I care how he is handling it? That is a good question. I dont know. It make you feel like they dont care about you. When someone you care about is gone, how do you act like...oh well. No biggie. I dont get that. I feel it. Everyday. How does he just be like fine? It cant be that simple. It is not like we did not really care for one another. I just dont understand. I told him I wish I could be like him and just be feel alright.
dr strangelove Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 Well I havent seen my ex, in person in almost 3 years. Seems like just yesterday. In any case the over those 3 years she has contacted me, sometimes very frequently, sometimes months in between. I think I did 2 or 3 months of any contact with her when we first broke up. Im not sure whats the longest period of time.. 4 months... I have been dating and doing other things in that time. Its best to find something to do.
frd150 Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 Well i will not bore you wit the whole long A** story but i stopped my attempts after she said that we did not mesh well and that after all the marrige discussions she all of a sudden was not into it. Just like that. After almost three years just like that. That was two months ago. I stopped calling. It only took about 4 days for her to contact me. Since then she makes it a habbit to call every few days just to check in.
Author 9Lives Posted June 27, 2007 Author Posted June 27, 2007 Well i will not bore you wit the whole long A** story but i stopped my attempts after she said that we did not mesh well and that after all the marrige discussions she all of a sudden was not into it. Just like that. After almost three years just like that. That was two months ago. I stopped calling. It only took about 4 days for her to contact me. Since then she makes it a habbit to call every few days just to check in. What is she saying to you when she calls? Why dont you answer
Teacher's Pet Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 Hey 9Lives... I'm at one year + 2 days NC... But... I was at the beginning stage, too..... I know how you feel.. It DOES get better with time..take it from me. -tp one year + 11 days celibate, too lol
child_of_isis Posted June 28, 2007 Posted June 28, 2007 I am supposed to be in NC mode. But the fingers start dialing after the booze stops flowing. Don't drink alcohol man...that's all I can tell ya.
Teacher's Pet Posted June 28, 2007 Posted June 28, 2007 have you seen her Teacher's pet? Last time I saw her was the day we broke up... last contact I had was 6 days later... It's like opening a window after a huge fart.... the fresh air feels great! -tp pull my finger!
alasia Posted June 28, 2007 Posted June 28, 2007 I haven't seen my ex since last Tuesday - and that was by accident; he's a bus driver, I thought he wasn't working that night but turns out he'd changed his shifts - I swear he does it on purpose just so he can get to say "get lost Kaz" everytime he sees me! Before that it was three weeks, the time before it was 2-3 weeks. I make an effort to avoid him but he keeps turning up on buses I don't expect him to be on every now and again. I'd llike it if we could at least be civil - ok I hurt him, just like he hurt me; but if I can forgive and forget, why can't he?! Why does he feel the need to completely cut me out and not only that, but tell me to f**k off everytime he sees me?! All I'm doing is getting on his bus and going to sit at the back, not like I try and talk to him or anything! Is it just male arrogance/having to have the last word or does he just really hate me? At the moment I'm trying to work oout whether to bother telling him when I go into labour - I'm 30 weeks pregnant at the moment and a few weeks ago he did say he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby - and didn't even want to know when he's born - but then again back in April he said he hated me for three weeks, then suddenly changed his mind and wanted to get back together! Apparently. Suppose I should just leave him and not tell him when I have the baby (he had his chance to be there and turned it down), but there's a part of me thinking he IS the dad after all, he's kind of got a right to be at the birth or know when his son is born? Whoops sorry, I'm rambling. If anyone fancies throwing a bit of advice my way feel free, otherwise ignore me
SweetOlive Posted June 28, 2007 Posted June 28, 2007 Hey I am doing the NC thing and it feels like death to me. I am working on 2 days....Yeah I know...go ahead laugh But pain is pain. The days are so long and I have no focus. It is like my xman acts like he is so strong and it dont bother him which makes it hurt even more. Feels like he dont care. We did not have a bad relationship. Just aint going to work like this so I had to bounce. I am for this NC thing but darn....It is breaking me down. Any thoughts? The hardest thing is NC I know from so much experience I've had. Basically I begin NC when he chooses not to talk to me and give in when he looks for me. One thing I can tell you is that the worst part is giving in and the next month you break up again and go through all the same emotions you once felt. The pain, crying, hating the person, sleepless night and depression. Each time I gave in I wish I could have stuck to NC because the pain we all go through is a form of torturing yourself. I am 12 hrs into this NC again, now thats something (for me atleast). Anytime you feel you'll break down come around here the people in this forum are really nice and understand you. NC is one of the most hardest and painful things you'll go through but its the right thing to do for you.
Author 9Lives Posted June 28, 2007 Author Posted June 28, 2007 The hardest thing is NC I know from so much experience I've had. Basically I begin NC when he chooses not to talk to me and give in when he looks for me. One thing I can tell you is that the worst part is giving in and the next month you break up again and go through all the same emotions you once felt. The pain, crying, hating the person, sleepless night and depression. Each time I gave in I wish I could have stuck to NC because the pain we all go through is a form of torturing yourself. I am 12 hrs into this NC again, now thats something (for me atleast). Anytime you feel you'll break down come around here the people in this forum are really nice and understand you. NC is one of the most hardest and painful things you'll go through but its the right thing to do for you. Yes you just sum the NC up to a tee. The depression, sleepless nights, pain, crying...all that stuff we go thru...sucks!! I wonder does the man suffer like that. I have been now at 3 days. I know I am still down because I dont feel like myself but I am not as bad as I was. Thank God. I still think about him and we could have worked it out but since we cant, I just want to walk away. He text me last night...it was pretty weak too. I just ignored it. It wasn't about nothing. I wish we could have been together so it is hard but I think NC is best. I dont want to be hurt anymore. I changed his name in my phone to Pain. So that reminds me that if I answer...here comes the pain. I wont do it.
SweetOlive Posted June 28, 2007 Posted June 28, 2007 I dont want to be hurt anymore. I changed his name in my phone to Pain. So that reminds me that if I answer...here comes the pain. I wont do it. My ex and I both changed our numbers for some reason. I decided not to memorize the number and never store it in my phone. This makes my urge of txt or calling a whole lot easier. Try to delete at least his number for now. Take gradual steps. If the urge becomes stronger to contact him think about how he's treated you before. How painful it will be time and time again. My ex and I both changed
prism23 Posted June 28, 2007 Posted June 28, 2007 I'm officially on Day 1, hahaha and it will probably really suck and be really hard. He broke it off with me about a month ago, because hes "not ready for commitment" and "needs to sort things out" (he has alot of ongoing issues) etc. Yet we both still are talking to each other almost daily, and he told me he missed "us" even though he stands by his decision (and so do i... which is why it REALLY sucks, because I know it's right right now) I'm having trouble moving on though... got this whole "timing" thing going on... basically we both agreed maybe in a year or two once he has his career started, I'm done school (second degree), etc we can try again bc we both still love and care about each other etc. Doesn't mean it doesn't suck now. Anyways talking to him is just too hard and I need to let it go for a bit... so we can actually be friends one day maybe without me hating it so much. Sooo... day 1. and I did SUPER by not messaging him when he signed in tonight... and he's offline now thank god lol
Hestia Posted June 29, 2007 Posted June 29, 2007 this is day 1 for me and its being torturing. i messaged him this afternoon and i've only stopped myself from doing it again because i found this site, i'll probably pester you guys regularly now, it could help. i think i can control myself and not contact him but i check my message box almost everyhour, waiting for him to talk first. i would give in if he messaged me. i wish he didnt have my email, i wish i could change my number right now. i cant. i know he will contact me again. but not knowing when kills.
Author 9Lives Posted June 29, 2007 Author Posted June 29, 2007 this is day 1 for me and its being torturing. i messaged him this afternoon and i've only stopped myself from doing it again because i found this site, i'll probably pester you guys regularly now, it could help. i think i can control myself and not contact him but i check my message box almost everyhour, waiting for him to talk first. i would give in if he messaged me. i wish he didnt have my email, i wish i could change my number right now. i cant. i know he will contact me again. but not knowing when kills. oh my goodness!!! I thought I was the only person who checked their email to see if he would send me a email. He has text on his phone now so I dont think he will email me anymore. It will be a text. It has been 3 days and I feel it still...not as bad but enough to make me breathe deeply at times. I'm still really disappointed but I will not be contacting him. I dont care if he contacts me.
Hestia Posted June 29, 2007 Posted June 29, 2007 oh my goodness!!! I thought I was the only person who checked their email to see if he would send me a email. He has text on his phone now so I dont think he will email me anymore. It will be a text. It has been 3 days and I feel it still...not as bad but enough to make me breathe deeply at times. I'm still really disappointed but I will not be contacting him. I dont care if he contacts me. im checking my email right now again. no messages. god i hate this so much. but im not going to email. its been almost 20hours since i emailed him last time, i can reach the 24hour damnit. NC is just like trying to give up smoking.
Author 9Lives Posted June 29, 2007 Author Posted June 29, 2007 im checking my email right now again. no messages. god i hate this so much. but im not going to email. its been almost 20hours since i emailed him last time, i can reach the 24hour damnit. NC is just like trying to give up smoking. Well do what you have to do. I am really sick right now. Going on 4 days and I really miss him. I still aint gonna call. Im not going to do nothing. Just walking away.
Chinook Posted June 29, 2007 Posted June 29, 2007 I'm back to day 1. {sigh} You guys recall I said I had a blog. He accessed it 5 times yesterday and 3 times the day before. So I figured that me checking the site meter and him checking the site, completely invalidates 'no contact' and isn't allowing either of us to move on. So, I emailed him and told him politely that I would prefer he didn't read but if he felt the need to do so, then would he please have the decency to use a proxy server (there are plenty free ones on the 'net) to shield who he is when he reads. I caved. I sent the mail. That was the first thing which upset me. The second was the fact that he was the one who ditched me. He was the one who took the decision to actually walk away - even though he said he still cares about me. So now, I couldn't tell he was checking the site (cos I sent the mail) and I'd violated my own 'no contact' rule. When I woke up this morning I was angry. Really angry. I had violated my own rule for him - to allow him a way to still check I was okay. Then I asked myself 'are you crazy..?' This guy rips your heart right out of your chest and you want to let him see you heal too...? No. Sorry. Not a chance. Thing is, you walk away from a relationship, you forfeit the chance to know how your ex is doing... you forfeit the chance to sit watching their pain. That's what really REALLY upset me. The logs for the blog were logging multiple visits lasting 20-30 mins, so he was having a good old catch-up read. So I moved the blog site. I also removed the site tracker. No contact is exactly that - no contact. At all. Period. If I'm gonna heal - I have to do this and it's hurting like hell again. Day 1. Sheet.
madgun68 Posted June 29, 2007 Posted June 29, 2007 Yes you just sum the NC up to a tee. The depression, sleepless nights, pain, crying...all that stuff we go thru...sucks!! I wonder does the man suffer like that.I can't speak for every guy, but I know that I've gone through all of that.
Chinook Posted June 29, 2007 Posted June 29, 2007 I can't speak for every guy, but I know that I've gone through all of that. Thankyou. That's a small comfort. You know, sometimes it isn't true the person who did the dumping hurts less. I think maybe we need to remember that. Also, what we need to remember is that the situations which lead to breakups are the ones which define us, not the breakup itself. For my part, my situation was god-awful and taking it's toll. That's why I know that it's over because we just can't go back to that.
Author 9Lives Posted June 29, 2007 Author Posted June 29, 2007 Thankyou. That's a small comfort. You know, sometimes it isn't true the person who did the dumping hurts less. I think maybe we need to remember that. Also, what we need to remember is that the situations which lead to breakups are the ones which define us, not the breakup itself. For my part, my situation was god-awful and taking it's toll. That's why I know that it's over because we just can't go back to that. yeah my R is over too for good. I am really having a hard time wrapping my mind around that. I dont really think I believe it. But I cant go back to what we were going thru. sigh...But truthful I am okay. I really dont have the really bad meltdowns anymore. I am happy about that.
prism23 Posted July 1, 2007 Posted July 1, 2007 I'm on day... um, 3 now. Sort of. It's actually not that hard right now as he hasn't been online when I am, lol. He did send me a message the other night but I was out and didn't see it until I got home and he was offline. I ignored it. I did accidently call his house yesterday - but no one answered - He is still on my speed dial(#3), and my best friend is #2 - even when we were together I would FREQUENTLY hit 3 when I was trying to call her... thats what I did yesterday. Luckily he didn't answer and I hung up promptly when I figured it out. I am still checking his facebook (oops) but at least I am not calling/texting him... small steps. I've limited myself to only being allowed to check once a day, which so far I've managed to stick to... LOL However I do have a slight dilemma - I need his (or more accuratly, his mothers) help with something. I am moving for school in the fall, to an area his mom grew up in and the area is not so nice (ok, really really dangerous). I want to know what streets, neighbourhoods, etc are a little "nicer" and "safer" and I don't know ANYONE who knows the area except her (I've tried asking alot of people, trust me). Should I go through him to find out, or should I just call his house and ask to speak to his mom? We became very close the last year of my relationship, but I've never just called HER like that before or sought her out for something. Ahhhh
Recommended Posts